# Yet Aother Evangelical Christian Leader Bites The ... Dust **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 3, 2006, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963 "2006-11-03T12:58:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 19
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2007, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/361 "2007-02-06T17:22:11Z")
[QUOTE=Rev. Tim Ralph] “He is completely heterosexual,” Ralph said. “That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn’t a constant thing.” [/QUOTE] So, the only time he had gay sex was when he was having gay sex. And when he wasn’t actively engaged in gay sex, he was straight. Right now, since my husband is at work, I guess I’m a lesbian! ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2007, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/362 "2007-02-06T17:24:14Z")
[QUOTE=Unauthorized Cinnamon] So, the only time he had gay sex was when he was having gay sex. And when he wasn’t actively engaged in gay sex, he was straight. Right now, since my husband is at work, I guess I’m a lesbian! [/QUOTE] How YOU doin’? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2007, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/363 "2007-02-06T17:26:55Z")
Perhaps they put him into a room him floral print wallpaper clashing horribly with plaid curtains, and observed through a one-way mirror to see if he flinched? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2007, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/364 "2007-02-06T20:24:17Z")
They jump out behind him and shout, “Clang! Clang! Clang!” When he stops responding, “Went the trolley!” they know he’d cured. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2007, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/365 "2007-02-06T20:55:21Z")
Funniest news story I’ve read in months - and this comes on a day where that astronaunt went bonkers, so that’s saying something. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2007, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/366 "2007-02-06T20:58:15Z")
Because [Andrew Sullivan](http://dailydish.typepad.com/) put things better than I could: > [@](#): > > He previously said he’d struggled with his sexual orientation his entire life; now, he’s “completely heterosexual.” He is now claiming his sole sexual outlet was the one prostitute, Mike Jones. And yet he is being treated for “sexual addiction.” Er: adultery with one other partner is not sexual addiction. Let’s put it this way: even the quacks behind reparative therapy for homosexuals do not believe a few weeks of therapy will do the trick. (A few years and you can function heterosexually without wanting to kill yourself.) And so the psychological and spiritual abuse that Haggard has imposed on others and is now imposing on himself continues for another cycle of denial and pathology. And that is what, sadly, a great deal of Christian fundamentalism is caught up in: a vortex of denial of reality and rigid psychological resistance to self-acceptance. It is, in my view, a fear-gripped rejection of the beneficence and compassion of God, not an openness toward the divine. It’s a therapy that is actually an illness. And Haggard is getting sicker ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2007, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/367 "2007-02-06T22:55:06Z")
His two chief therapists weren’t by any chance named Adam and Steve, were they? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2007, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/368 "2007-02-06T23:14:11Z")
Hallelujah, he’s cured! Praise the Lord and pass the vaginas! ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2007, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/369 "2007-02-06T23:23:52Z")
Y’know, this is pretty pathetic. Even the reparative therapy assholes that pretend to be able to “cure” homosexuality realize it’s harder than just a few weeks of watching “God Hates Fags” videos. I don’t understand how these guys can apparently belive that the sinful temptations of the flesh are so easily overcome, and that living a wholesome lifestyle is so easy that anyone should be able to do it. It doesn’t match with their supposed theology of a sinful degraded humanity that can only be saved from God’s Judgement (with the wrath and the smiting and the HEY LADY) by the unearned grace of Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2007, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/370 "2007-02-06T23:48:21Z")
[QUOTE=Lemur866] I don’t understand how these guys can apparently belive that the sinful temptations of the flesh are so easily overcome, and that living a wholesome lifestyle is so easy that anyone should be able to do it. [/QUOTE] Who says they actually do? Seems to me that this is a more likely version of what happened behind closed doors: “Dude, can you just chill a minute? Do you want to upset the gravy train? All these people are _begging_ to give you their money if you’ll just keep pretending to have the Good News. Are you crazy? You just have to be a little more, y’know, _circumspect._” “I already had that done.” “Ha ha. I mean careful. Here, let me give you a couple of phone numbers. They’ll scratch you where you itch, and you don’t have to sweat through a call to a random gigolo. Okay? Good. Now let’s just hang tight for a few weeks, and we can get back to business.” Nobody ever went broke underestimating the gullibility of the sheeplike masses, y’know. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2007, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/371 "2007-02-06T23:50:11Z")
[Rodney Carrington] You’re only gay if you’re on the bottom ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2007, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/372 "2007-02-07T02:03:43Z")
Y’know Cervaise, I’d be really surprised if that was the sort of thing that actually happened. I’ve never been a high-level televangelist, but I imagine that these people never break kayfabe, even in private. Even if they’ve lost any religion (if they had any to begin with) the act goes on 24/7. Except in the actual “acting out situations”, of course. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2007, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/373 "2007-02-07T02:37:52Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] They jump out behind him and shout, “Clang! Clang! Clang!” When he stops responding, “Went the trolley!” they know he’d cured. [/QUOTE] OMG…I’m _dying_ here… ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2007, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/374 "2007-02-07T03:29:53Z")
[QUOTE=Lemur866] Y’know Cervaise, I’d be really surprised if that was the sort of thing that actually happened. I’ve never been a high-level televangelist, but I imagine that these people never break kayfabe, even in private. Even if they’ve lost any religion (if they had any to begin with) the act goes on 24/7. Except in the actual “acting out situations”, of course. [/QUOTE] I don’t know that you can generalise. I suspect (without real evidence) that you are right, at least for the most part. But there are straight out frauds out there. For example, there’s that guy Randi busted “Reverend Peter Popoff”. If you read the transcripts of what was going on ([see here](http://www.bible.ca/tongues-popoff-39-17Mhz.htm)) Popoff and his wife and followers were being pretty damn cynical. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2007, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/375 "2007-02-07T05:35:27Z")
Haggard’s announcement of his cure was in the news Monday. If any of you saw **Boston Legal** tonight you will understand why I say that he has to have the worst timing _ever_. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2007, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/376 "2007-02-07T06:22:36Z")
So, if the guy was gay, but now he’s not, does that mean that the folks who were saved by him while he was gay are going to hell? Should they come in and be saved again just to be sure? Do they get a refund? Theology is a tough subject. Tris ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2007, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/377 "2007-02-07T08:43:14Z")
[QUOTE=Princhester] I don’t know that you can generalise. I suspect (without real evidence) that you are right, at least for the most part. But there are straight out frauds out there. For example, there’s that guy Randi busted “Reverend Peter Popoff”. If you read the transcripts of what was going on ([see here](http://www.bible.ca/tongues-popoff-39-17Mhz.htm)) Popoff and his wife and followers were being pretty damn cynical. [/QUOTE] An ex-GF of mine worked for [TBN](http://www.tbn.org/) (before I met her, BTW) and while it didn’t “cure” her of religion, she quit after she realized that all the TBN folks gave a damn about was the mo_nay_. (She got “cured” of religion when she found that the folks running her regular church were the same way.) ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2007, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/378 "2007-02-07T12:07:15Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] Who says they actually do? Seems to me that this is a more likely version of what happened behind closed doors: “Dude, can you just chill a minute? Do you want to upset the gravy train? All these people are _begging_ to give you their money if you’ll just keep pretending to have the Good News. Are you crazy? You just have to be a little more, y’know, _circumspect._” “I already had that done.” “Ha ha. I mean careful. Here, let me give you a couple of phone numbers. They’ll scratch you where you itch, and you don’t have to sweat through a call to a random gigolo. Okay? Good. Now let’s just hang tight for a few weeks, and we can get back to business.” Nobody ever went broke underestimating the gullibility of the sheeplike masses, y’know. [/QUOTE] That’s entirely possible. Government, of course, does a similar thing, placating the masses with pep rally speechs about the important and patriotic duty of paying taxes while fattening their own purses behind closed doors. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2007, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/379 "2007-02-07T13:22:40Z")
[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip] What sort of tests do you suppose they run to confirm that no traces of his former gayness remain? [/QUOTE] Regular audits; by, say, putting his cock in the mouth of a male prostitute and timing how long it takes until ejaculation occurs. Repeat this every couple of weeks to be absolutely sure you’re still not turning slightly gay again. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2007, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963/380 "2007-02-07T15:41:00Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] Regular audits; by, say, putting his cock in the mouth of a male prostitute and timing how long it takes until ejaculation occurs. Repeat this every couple of weeks to be absolutely sure you’re still not turning slightly gay again. [/QUOTE] Hmm, no, most guys will respond to any kind of wangal stimulation – otherwise, how would one masturbate? No, I’d say he’d have to fail to be aroused by being genitally stimulated by a young man who reeked of Drakkar Noir. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963.md?page=18) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-aother-evangelical-christian-leader-bites-the-dust/378963.md?page=20)