# Yogurt, warn me next time! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 2, 2003, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184 "2003-06-02T18:50:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/1 "2003-06-02T18:50:50Z")
Here we are deep in the heart of the 21st centruy, technologically advanced, eyes on the stars, reaching new heights of culinary sophistication. What better way to commune with the universe than by reveling in the plethora of scintillating yogurt possibilities before me… Apricot Mango. You’ve spoken to me. I listen, I love, I devour… …First few bites, a bit sour, yet with a delightful hint of tropical carefree sunshine dappled with morning dew. Ahh yogurt, I caress thee. But then, evil deceitful yogurt, you bitch-slap me back to 1973 as all of a sudden I find in my mouth slimy, runny, gelatinous, quivering, tendrils of Apricot/Mango viscera. Right when I’m deep in the bowels of the latest TMI thread, something about self-aware-vaginal-effusions. Fruit-at-the-fucking-bottom! That is so goddamn hippie 1970 crap, “Unmixed for your spiritual pleasure, soul brother. Peace.” Fuck! Who the hell do you think you are, does anybody buy this shit anymore? Really, how hard is it to give the tub a little shake and stir before inflicting it upon the unwary populace? Oh, I see it now, squeezed down on the bottom in tiny 3-point type in between “No Refined Sugar” and “Does not contain growth hormone.” Someone intern at the yogurt-container-typesetter’s-guild must have forgotton to also leave space for “Texturally equivalent to ropy strands of boiled tripe stewed with cat vomit.” That’s it. I’m going out to club a baby seal to mix in with my tuna salad tonight. Revenge is sweet. Fucking hippies… ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/2 "2003-06-02T18:56:19Z")
Uh-huh. And would that tuna be in water or vegetable oil? ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/3 "2003-06-02T19:08:15Z")
Let me see if I’ve got this straight: You were eating Apricot-Mango Yog(h)urt, and you are now posting to tell us you are angry about finding pieces of apricot (or, possibly, mango) in your Apricot-Mango Yog(h)urt. Huh. However, I must say that this: > [@](#): > > Texturally equivalent to ropy strands of boiled tripe stewed with cat vomit. was quite funny. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_great_unwashed/32/4791_2.png) [@The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/4 "2003-06-02T19:08:31Z")
You didn’t give a link to the thread about _self-aware-vaginal-effusions_. That’s got to be freaky! _Hi! I’m Billy-Bob, I think therefore I am_. Eek! ---
**Author:** ![pencilpusher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d6d6ee/32.png) [@pencilpusher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pencilpusher)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/5 "2003-06-02T19:22:16Z")
All I have to say is DAMN… LMAO ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_great_unwashed/32/4791_2.png) [@The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/6 "2003-06-02T19:23:14Z")
Come on, really, where is it? I looked in **MPSIMS** the nearest _hopefuls_ were: _I want Spiderman gloves!!!_ Nah… _Bow before my Tool!_ Nah… _Something Funny Happened at the Theatre_ Maybe… Nah… _How Slugs Make Babies_ Probably not… Or perhaps in **IMHO** … _(Very)Small scale fish farming_ Hmmm… Nah… It’s gotta to be _Is it tacky to grow tomatoes in the front yard?_ Tell me where, dammit! ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/7 "2003-06-02T19:25:04Z")
Make sure to bring that baby harp seal it’s favorite drink: Canadian club on the rocks! ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/8 "2003-06-02T20:24:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Great Unwashed \* > Tell me where, dammit! If I had to guess, I think it’s the one from last week or so where one woman talked about something very odd that popped out when she removed her tampon… (TMI to follow) An approximately 3"-long, reddish-iridescent, rather disturbingly solid blob that reminded her of an egg sac of some kind :eek: ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/9 "2003-06-02T20:46:16Z")
That’s the one. I dare you to read that thread while slowly sluicing gelatinous hunks of Mango-Apricot through the gaps of your teeths. ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/10 "2003-06-02T22:45:31Z")
Um, I almost hate to say it, but, er, um, … Link? ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/11 "2003-06-02T23:04:45Z")
[Here you go.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=186959) And he _did_ warn you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/12 "2003-06-03T00:24:39Z")
Why, oh WHY in hell did I ask for the link? Gahhhhh!!! ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/13 "2003-06-03T01:15:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GargoyleWB \* > \*\* Fruit-at-the-fucking-bottom! That is so goddamn hippie 1970 crap, “Unmixed for your spiritual pleasure, soul brother. Peace.” Fuck! > > Who the hell do you think you are, does anybody buy this shit anymore? Really, how hard is it to give the tub a little shake and stir before inflicting it upon the unwary populace? Oh, I see it now, squeezed down on the bottom in tiny 3-point type in between “No Refined Sugar” and “Does not contain growth hormone.” Someone intern at the yogurt-container-typesetter’s-guild must have forgotton to also leave space for “Texturally equivalent to ropy strands of boiled tripe stewed with cat vomit.” > > That’s it. I’m going out to club a baby seal to mix in with my tuna salad tonight. Revenge is sweet. Fucking hippies… \*\* Some of us _like_ fruit at the bottom yogurt. What is up with wanting your yogurt mixed? Eww! Now excuse me while I ride my bike to the co-op to get some unsweetened granola, carob and soymilk. ---
**Author:** ![SnoopyFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d07c76/32.png) [@SnoopyFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnoopyFan)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/14 "2003-06-03T03:46:56Z")
Get yourself some Breyer’s Cream Savers swirled yogurt. I recommend starting with the Orange & Cream flavor. Yum. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/15 "2003-06-03T05:20:47Z")
This is the Clue Fairy: you have a drop-off. When you are eating yogurt that says that there is fruit in it, if the top part of the yogurt hasn’t got the fruit thoroughly stirred into it already, _the fruit is probably at the bottom._ Solution: insert spoon, all the way to the bottom, and stir firmly but carefully, using up-and-down motion to evenly distribute the fruit. Tomorrow: If the bog roll has vanished and there is nothing but a cardboard tube in its place, it is time to get a new bog roll. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_great_unwashed/32/4791_2.png) [@The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/16 "2003-06-03T08:24:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Great Unwashed \* > _ **How Slugs Make Babies** _ Wasn’t a bad guess at all. Er, “thanks” for the link. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/17 "2003-06-03T15:39:58Z")
A proper container of yogurt contains yogurt. Not apricots. Not sugar. Not gooey fruit syrups. Not vanilla flavorings. Not dill pickles. Yogurt. MMmmmmm. There is only one decent commercial yogurt, btw, and its name is [Stonyfield Farms](http://www.stonyfield.com/HealthyFood/OrganicWholeMilkYogurt.shtml). None of that no-fat low-fat pale-blue washed out tasteless stuff. Yogurt! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2003, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yogurt-warn-me-next-time/179184/18 "2003-06-04T01:44:39Z")
Mmmm…yogurt! Cream Savers yogurt=wonderful. I like custard style. Although a few weeks ago my mother bought the generic stuff-the lemon yogurt had actual pieces of lemon in it. Soooo nasty! BTW, was I the only one who thought this would be about _Spaceballs_?