# You and your explosive cloaca can just fuck right off. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 13, 2014, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976 "2014-07-13T04:37:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/1 "2014-07-13T04:37:57Z")
So something is shitting like a mad thing at my place at the moment. Started last week when I had my sheets and doona covers hanging on the line to dry…and found two _huge_ nasty brown stains on the 1000 count WHITE Egyptian cotton sheet. Normally bird shit is quite discreet…most times, if a bird has crapped on my clothes on the line, I only notice when I’m folding to put it away, or even when I go to wear said piece of clothing next time. And mostly, a quick flick to remove the solid bit, and a damp sponge will deal with the rest. But there’s something flying around here at the moment that takes it’s shitting very seriously, and has made it into an avian artform. As I said, it was my sheets last week, a few days ago it was the shade sail…and today, it’s two separate **_vertical_ walls of the house**. :eek: Now these walls are protected by eaves. This wasn’t just some budgie sitting on the roof and letting fly…this evil, exploding cloaca shot out copious volumes of nasty brown crap _on the wing_…right at my walls. So there’s some bird who desperately needs to see a gastroenterologist 'round here. Oh, and needs to learn a few fucking manners as well. This is some nasty shit happening. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/2 "2014-07-13T04:40:23Z")
if they eat things like berries the color will stick with it. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/3 "2014-07-13T04:47:32Z")
Winter here…no berries around except for some _cotoneasters_. And the only birds that eat those are some corellas who invade the trees for a few hours, strip them clean, then piss off somewhere else. This shit didn’t come from a corella. I’d swear there were flying emus or vultures around… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/4 "2014-07-13T04:48:12Z")
Clearly a drop bear. Maybe two. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/5 "2014-07-13T04:51:40Z")
> [@susan](#): > > Clearly a drop bear. Maybe two. Damn. Forgot about them. :smack: It’s been a year since I did an extermination of those nasty little fuckers. Might be time to call dropthedropbear.com.au again. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/6 "2014-07-13T04:52:44Z")
That, or spread vegemite on the sheets. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/7 "2014-07-13T04:57:02Z")
Also: Fruit bats? ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/8 "2014-07-13T05:27:11Z")
> [@susan](#): > > Also: Fruit bats? Possibly, but still the concern remains now that they are managing to leave their crap on **walls that are protected by eaves**! In fact one ‘deposit’ is not only on a vertical wall, but behind some stair rails as well. Whatever shat there needed to sit on the stair rail, and stick it’s arse a good 12" out to make sure the crap landed and dribbled right down my wall. And there’s no reason for Flying Foxes or Fruit Bats to be in my backyard at the moment. As I mentioned, it’s winter here, and naff all is happening horticulturally. Oh, except my _daphne_ has flowered! YAY for _daphnes_!! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/9 "2014-07-13T05:37:37Z")
So at least your yard smells nice. Any evidence that it’s humans doing this? With or without launching feces? ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/10 "2014-07-13T05:51:39Z")
> [@susan](#): > > So at least your yard smells nice. Any evidence that it’s humans doing this? With or without launching feces? Unless a human can hover _above_ a Hills Hoist, or aim 2m+ **UP** a wall, I’m thinking not. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/11 "2014-07-13T08:45:19Z")
LOL. I’m picturing the meme now. A pic of a Hills Hoist and a dude squatting on it, dropping trou with “Have you ever been THAT pissed that you…” 😃 Hope you find your mystery-shitter ---
**Author:** ![chronometer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@chronometer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chronometer)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/12 "2014-07-13T11:05:21Z")
Have you seen any White Ibis around lately? They’ve moved into my suburb and now there’s a giant skidmark on one of my walls, under the eaves. If the damn birds are voiding in flight the stuff is not going drop straight down – there’s going to be some sideways movement as well. The result? Shitffiti. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/13 "2014-07-13T14:37:29Z")
How would they like to be surrounded by potatoes? ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/14 "2014-07-13T15:15:26Z")
Man, I had to google three things from this thread, starting with cloaca. Drop bears are not for real, yes? ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/15 "2014-07-13T16:32:53Z")
I’ll let an Australian explain about drop bears, as my knowledge is all book learning. > [@](#): > > Unless a human can hover above a Hills Hoist, or aim 2m+ UP a wall, I’m thinking not. I was wondering about flinging. Fun fact: Although Google Images gives me a good handful\* of photos of fruit bat scat, it doesn’t return white ibis feces in the first sent of images. \*(ick) ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/16 "2014-07-13T16:52:19Z")
Well, this thread wins the title of “my favorite thread title ever”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![vontsira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/51bf81/32.png) [@vontsira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vontsira)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/17 "2014-07-13T17:23:12Z")
The thread heading has me thinking irresistibly, of Harry Turtledove’s alternative-history “Worldwar” series – World War II interrupted in 1942, by an invasion of Earth on the part of aliens from a distant planet, who are physically lizard-like. The novel series has for me, the charm of being about an invasion by aliens who are technologically superior to us (though not hugely much so), and – as alien invaders wanting to subjugate and enslave Earth and humanity, go – relatively sweet and kind and ethical; and not all that very alien, whereby humans and Lizards are – with some difficulty – able to communicate with each other, and get some idea of where the other is coming from. One of the various points of difference seen and expanded on in the novels, is that the Lizards – being reptilian – have just one all-purpose nether hole, the cloaca. Also – the novels have the Lizards being part of a highly-disciplined, very-proper-to-the-point-of-prissiness, society: whereby they – and the individualist / undisciplined / unrestrained / prone-to-foul-mouthedness humans – have trouble “getting” each other. Dialogue imagined – Human: You and your explosive cloaca can just fuck right off. Lizard: Mouth off however you will, Earthling – we are the stronger, we will win, if you’re sensible you will come to terms with us – otherwise, you will suffer the consequences. Human: Fuck you and whatever unknown creature from your world, you rode in on – we’ll fight you to the last. Lizard: That is not logical… And on and on – much sci-fi material overall, revolves round highly-logical aliens, and magnificently-illogical-and-irrational humans. In the end of Turtledove’s novel series, the most technically-advanced nations on Earth – by a combination of highish-tech, stubbornness, insane self-sacrifice, and greater and quicker adaptability – manage to fight the Lizards to a draw, and the planet is divided. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/18 "2014-07-13T17:44:17Z")
> [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](#): > > Well, this thread wins the title of “my favorite thread title ever”. 😃 Explosive Cloaca should be the opening band for Prehensile Rectum. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/19 "2014-07-13T18:09:59Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > So there’s some bird who desperately needs to see a gastroenterologist 'round here. Oh, and needs to learn a few fucking manners as well. This is some nasty shit happening. Birdshit is typically green and white. Sometimes berry colored, exact shade depending on the berry eaten. Brown usually indicates a mammal. Do you have bats shitting on your sheets and walls? ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976/20 "2014-07-13T18:19:49Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Explosive Cloaca should be the opening band for Prehensile Rectum. XKCD quipped a while back that .tumblr.com had become the new “that’d be an awesome band name”. But in this case… _shudders_ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-and-your-explosive-cloaca-can-just-fuck-right-off/692976.md?page=2)