# You are not my lawyer. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 15, 2013, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-not-my-lawyer/650373 "2013-02-15T05:19:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-not-my-lawyer/650373/21 "2013-02-16T01:21:45Z")
Cite? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-not-my-lawyer/650373/22 "2013-02-16T08:09:05Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > This is my lawyer. There are many like him, but this one is mine. > > My lawyer is my best friend. He is my life. I must master him as I must master my life. > > My lawyer, without me, is useless. Without my lawyer, I am useless. I must instruct my lawyer to sue. I must sue faster than my enemy who is trying to sue me. I must sue him before he sues me. I will… > > My lawyer and I know that what counts in this litigation is not the motions we file, the noise of our arguments, or the hours we bill. We know that it is the wins that count. We will win… > > My lawyer is human, even as I, because he is my life. Thus, I will learn him as a brother. I will learn his weaknesses, his strength, his parts and his accessories. I will keep my lawyer clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will… > > Before God, I swear this creed. My lawyer and I are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life. > > So be it, until victory is America’s and there is no enemy but peace! You don’t win a case by getting your client a verdict. You win a case by making a bigger fee than the opposing lawyer. - Les Cheatum of Boyd, Dewey, Cheatum & Howe. ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-not-my-lawyer/650373/23 "2013-02-16T12:15:49Z")
> [@astro](#): > > In my youth, I took to the law, In my youth, the law took to me. ---
**Author:** ![kjckjc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e36b37/32.png) [@kjckjc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kjckjc)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-not-my-lawyer/650373/24 "2013-02-16T12:30:46Z")
Ike Clanton: Listen, Mr. Rhode Island Law Dog. Law don’t go around here. Savvy? Not TriPolar’s Lawyer: I’m not TriPolar’s lawyer. Curly Bill: Good. That’s real good. Ike Clanton: Yeah, that’s good, Mr. Law Dog, 'cause law don’t go around here. ---
**Author:** ![JLRogers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ce73a5/32.png) [@JLRogers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JLRogers)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-not-my-lawyer/650373/25 "2013-02-16T13:07:10Z")
I’m not your lawyer, but I may be your prosecutor! ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-not-my-lawyer/650373/26 "2013-02-16T14:15:00Z")
With lawyers like you, who needs enemas… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-not-my-lawyer/650373.md?page=1)