# You are transported through time to prehistory... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 18, 2012, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-transported-through-time-to-prehistory/625538 "2012-06-18T16:46:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-transported-through-time-to-prehistory/625538/41 "2012-06-21T17:54:46Z")
> [@Sister\_Vigilante](#): > > Nice work Capt. šŸ™‚ But werenā€™t the proto Germans the only ones the Romans DIDNā€™T defeat? Iā€™m not up on my history for that period. I donā€™t want to defeat the Romans I want to destroy them :eek: (Q)ā€œWhat is the best in life?ā€ (A)ā€œTo crush your enemiesā€ ā€œSee them driven before youā€ ā€œAnd hear the lamentations of their Womenā€ **CAPT** ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-transported-through-time-to-prehistory/625538/42 "2012-06-21T18:21:26Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Remember, itā€™s my contention that too much magical ability will end up with you failing the witch test, so youā€™ll need some real talent to become the head honcho where you end up. Why do you think there would be a witch test? That would presumably be more of a problem in the Dark Ages. Assuming some sort of nature based religion, I donā€™t know why an ability to do magic would drop you into some sort of evil category; heck, from what I remember of the Greek myths, all of the gods were capriciously evil at times - no reason to expect something different in pre-history. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-transported-through-time-to-prehistory/625538/43 "2012-06-21T18:51:46Z")
What about ordinary clothing? Iā€™d guess that modern, everyday clothing is going to get rather worn and torn rather fast in the wilderness. Perhaps something like a [belted plaid](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belted_plaid) might be very useful and servicable? ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-transported-through-time-to-prehistory/625538/44 "2012-06-21T19:49:21Z")
> [@The\_Hamster\_King](#): > > Teutoburgerwald ā€¦ was that your doing? You sly dog! Heā€™s going to go back in time to open a German Burger World? That might work, actually; defeat the Romans with obesity. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-transported-through-time-to-prehistory/625538/45 "2012-06-21T20:34:20Z")
> [@Capt\_Kirk](#): > > I donā€™t want to defeat the Romans I want to destroy them :eek: > > (Q)ā€œWhat is the best in life?ā€ > > (A)ā€œTo crush your enemiesā€ > ā€œSee them driven before youā€ > ā€œAnd hear the lamentations of their Womenā€ > > **CAPT** (A) ā€œHot water, good dentishtry, and shoft lavatory paperā€ šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-transported-through-time-to-prehistory/625538/46 "2012-06-21T20:39:29Z")
> [@Capt\_Kirk](#): > > The plan > I will teach my proto Germanic hosts Iron working in the early bronze age so they have a technical leg up when they meet the Romans in 2000 years time, they can crush them with Steel. My hoped for result Roman Christianity never dominates Europe and an age of reason will be born, I doubt it will work > > That is all > > **CAPT** The technical leg up is a possibility, the defeat of the Romans isnā€™t out of the question, but I think youā€™re over-optimistic as to the age of reason, as once the barbarians had finished trashing Rome and ushering in a few centuries of violent and stupid warlords, the Graeco-Roman era was a lost golden age of architecture and learning, and the despised Christians, or the monks anyway, were almost the only people who set any store by sitting around writing stuff down. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-transported-through-time-to-prehistory/625538/47 "2012-06-21T20:52:36Z")
> [@Folacin](#): > > Why do you think there would be a witch test? That would presumably be more of a problem in the Dark Ages. Assuming some sort of nature based religion, I donā€™t know why an ability to do magic would drop you into some sort of evil category; heck, from what I remember of the Greek myths, all of the gods were capriciously evil at times - no reason to expect something different in pre-history. I didnā€™t mean a witch test literally. The appearance of a magical person is going to diminish someone elseā€™s power, and heā€™s not going to like it. Itā€™s very easy to demonstrate that someone doesnā€™t have magical powers by sticking a pointy thing in him and watching him die. I want to offer goods and technology that someone in charge will want to use. I want to be the friend of the big man and the shaman, not a rival. ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-transported-through-time-to-prehistory/625538/48 "2012-06-21T21:26:47Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > The technical leg up is a possibility, the defeat of the Romans isnā€™t out of the question, but I think youā€™re over-optimistic as to the age of reason, as once the barbarians had finished trashing Rome and ushering in a few centuries of violent and stupid warlords, the Graeco-Roman era was a lost golden age of architecture and learning, and the despised Christians, or the monks anyway, were almost the only people who set any store by sitting around writing stuff down. Oh I am just stirring the pot of history. I donā€™t actually expect much good to come of what I would do. Itā€™s a bad thing to put me in charge of the worlds coolest version of Travian, I am not even looking out for my people. I am teaching them how to make advanced weapons and giving them war dogs. I know they will be forced out of their homes in a few generations and I basically am giving them the tools to trample the Earth, if they learn to read and write cool it is a bonus. **CAPT** ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-transported-through-time-to-prehistory/625538/49 "2012-06-22T09:33:57Z")
ƇatalhƶyĆ¼k, ~6000 BCE, with small trade items (beads, iron knives), lots of painkillers and antiseptics, and a solar-powered camera and laptop, to do anthropological investigation just like with any uncontacted culture. I donā€™t anticipate being killed or even viewed as all _that_ strange - ƇatalhƶyĆ¼k participated in trade networks and seemed relatively peaceful and egalitarian. Iā€™m assuming I get to come back. If not, Iā€™d take the means to leave my data cached somewhere too. ---
**Author:** ![oreally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7ab992/32.png) [@oreally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oreally)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-transported-through-time-to-prehistory/625538/50 "2012-06-22T11:39:51Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > I didnā€™t mean a witch test literally. The appearance of a magical person is going to diminish someone elseā€™s power, and heā€™s not going to like it. Itā€™s very easy to demonstrate that someone doesnā€™t have magical powers by sticking a pointy thing in him and watching him die. Which youā€™re very unlikely to do if that someone is clearly about a billion times more powerful than you and clearly a god. Which is what I think they would be likely to conclude if you do it right. That said, not sure Iā€™d take that chance anyway. People have been loony since the beginning of time and some kind of slip-up is always possible. I think Iā€™d go low-key and since I probably wonā€™t be able to learn the lingo, pretend Iā€™m mute or something and pass off as a friendly trader from somewhere else who just moved in. But live ā€œon the outskirtsā€ so as to avoid people seeing my modern stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-transported-through-time-to-prehistory/625538/51 "2012-06-22T13:54:58Z")
adding kindle fire and solar charger to my list with about 3 dozen 32 gb sd cards with lots of movies and every how-to book I can find. At the least you would be in demand as a story teller, maybe include a bunch of silent films until you learn their language. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-transported-through-time-to-prehistory/625538/52 "2012-06-22T19:01:51Z")
I could go for a little place near what is now Kelso, Washington call it 7500 years ago. The Columbia River would have fairly predictable (and bountiful) salmon runs, the weather is predictable with little variation in temperature year round. Itā€™s got decent dirt and precipitation for subsistence farming, there would be plenty of critters running around that could feed/clothe me, and plenty of wood for fires & shelter. Stuff to bring would include a few dozen bic lighters, several yearsā€™ worth of garden crop seeds (renewable varieties, of course) couple axes with synthetic handles, hand drill with bits, sharpening files, couple good knives, 65# recurve bow with several spare strings, dozen aluminum shafts and 50 or so broadheads. Like 4 pairs of heavy denim pants, a couple wool shirts and a wool cape. If thereā€™s some room left in my bag: a 10x10 tarp, cooking pot, frying pan, 400 feet of nylon string, 200 feet of hemp rope, a Playboy, books on PacNW flora & natives. And a bucket. Iā€™ll be the dwarf sasquatch that doesnā€™t seek contact with the other people. I have no interest in being a god. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-are-transported-through-time-to-prehistory/625538.md?page=2)