# You Beat Another Person? How Yoooooooooooooooou Doin? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 1, 2004, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049 "2004-07-01T14:26:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/61 "2004-07-01T18:44:45Z")
> [@Aries28](#): > > I am confused. So…I can hit someone out of frustration or trauma as long as I don’t cause them any injury? If that were the case then why is it considered assault by most law enforcers? > > She threw a hissy fit…I’ll go with that…but she was still wrong and what she did was still unacceptable. > > You don’t hit people. It’s simple really. It’s not that simple to me. In my world, nice people occasionally do nasty things. Particularly if they seem society sanctioned. Is _any_ wrong retaliation unacceptable? If she’d smashed something of his, would she forfeit sympathy? If she’d walked off with a joint bank account? If she’d deliberately said something really hurtful? If she’d screamed “You fuck!” at him in a public place? Is there a line? Please, tell me. Or are you saying something physical is always wrong because it can escalate? Well, maybe. But make that argument, don’t just say “always unnacceptable.” Or is everyone else assuming she put him in hospital, and refusing to tell me that? If I’m working on false assumptions, tell me, don’t just say I’m wrong! ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/62 "2004-07-01T18:46:50Z")
Shade, in my world, nice people do nasty things too, but they don’t run around and make it public and ask for big cyber hugs after they do it. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/63 "2004-07-01T18:46:59Z")
> [@torie](#): > > Ok, Fine. Everyone thinks I’m icky, ok. > > How the fuck do you know I just wrote that unlovable line to be manipulative, **Jarbaby**? Are you a mind reader now? I know what I did was wrong. I have never ever hit anyone before in my life. This was the first time, ever. I got myself into couseling to stop the cycle before it has a chance to develop. > > The asking for flirting was a joke. Hence the 😃 after the statement. I didn’t particulary expect anyone to flirt, nor did I really take it seriously when it happened. > > I’m sorry for everyone I have offended. **torie** , not _everyone_ thinks you’re icky, just the high-and-mighty more-peaceful-than-thou types. I feel sorry for you. Yeah, you sound like you’re pretty fucked up right now. You’d have to be in order to go off like that. Sounds like your ex was an emotional abuser, and he pushed you to your breaking point. Everyone has a breaking point, _everyone_. You beat an dog down over and over again, eventually he’s going to snap at you. Your ex kicked you out on your ass with no notice for chrissakes. You have been through the wringer here, and you made a mistake, admitted to it and sought help. Good for you. Maybe it was, um, tacky? to ask for flirting (whether it was joking or not) but in your time of trouble, I don’t think it is helping to have people pile up on you like the morality police. Was your ex injured? Did he bleed or break any bones? Did he run away, or try to defend himself? Sounds like you didn’t do too much damage, thankfully…it sounds like he did a lot more damage to you than you did to him. Hang in there, girl. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/64 "2004-07-01T18:53:08Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > Yeah, because only people who think they’re saints think beating up others is wrong. Um, that’s the point…I don’t think that she “beat” him up by any means. I’d like to see what you’d do if you walked in on your husband having sex with another woman in your bed, or if kicked you out with no warning, or anything like that. You may say, with a rational mind, that you wouldn’t dare strike out at him, but when you go through an emotional trauma, it’s a whole other ballgame. You don’t know what you’d do because it’s never happened. Some people have gotten off on murder charges because the crime happened “in the heat of passion.” ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/65 "2004-07-01T18:54:47Z")
> [@Shade](#): > > Is _any_ wrong retaliation unacceptable? If she’d smashed something of his, would she forfeit sympathy? If she’d walked off with a joint bank account? If she’d deliberately said something really hurtful? If she’d screamed “You fuck!” at him in a public place? Is there a line? Smashing something of his while childish does not have the potential to cause him any physical harm. Walking off with a joint bank account can be considered stealing in some cases but again, no physical harm. Hurting his feelings…ditto. Calling him a name…same deal. To me, putting your hands on someone is never called for other than maybe in disciplining a child or self defense or because they want your hands on them. 😉 I don’t think Torie is icky and I hope it all works out for her. However, if she doesn’t take from this instance that hitting someone is wrong (which I think she gets) then what about the next boyfriend that might not work out? What if she hits him and he decides to haul off and hit her back? So, yes…things can escalate…Torie could be the one in danger if given the wrong boyfriend and the wrong situation. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/66 "2004-07-01T18:55:25Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > Shade, in my world, nice people do nasty things too, but they don’t run around and make it public and ask for big cyber hugs after they do it. Fair enough. But she said straight after “I’m lucky he didn’t call the cops. Needless to say, I went straight to my local mental health center and am now in some counseling.” Maybe I’m reading it wrong. But to me it sounds like she genuinely regrets it. She didn’t sound like she was boasting, she sounded like she wanted to post the complete situation. ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/67 "2004-07-01T18:58:53Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > **torie** , not _everyone_ thinks you’re icky, just the high-and-mighty more-peaceful-than-thou types. Nobody thinks that _she_ is icky, just that her behavior was. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/68 "2004-07-01T18:59:05Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > Yeah, because only people who think they’re saints think beating up others is wrong. Ya know, to be quite honest, _some people just deserve to get their ass beat._ For example if I was walking down the street and saw a guy smacking his wife around, trying to kidnap a child, raping someone, etc. I’d beat his motherfucking ass (well, if I was a big burly guy).So there you go, call me evil or whatever, but I bet if someone was molesting your child or smacking your daughter or whatever, you’d be throwing some punches too. **torie’s** ex-bf sounds like a first-class asshole to me. He definetly was an emotional abuser. Emotional abuse can affect someone so much that they might do something they wouldn’t normally do, such as in torie’s case. ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/69 "2004-07-01T19:04:25Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > Ya know, to be quite honest, _some people just deserve to get their ass beat._ For example if I was walking down the street and saw a guy smacking his wife around, trying to kidnap a child, raping someone, etc. I’d beat his motherfucking ass (well, if I was a big burly guy).So there you go, call me evil or whatever, but I bet if someone was molesting your child or smacking your daughter or whatever, you’d be throwing some punches too. > > **torie’s** ex-bf sounds like a first-class asshole to me. He definetly was an emotional abuser. Emotional abuse can affect someone so much that they might do something they wouldn’t normally do, such as in torie’s case. You are actually comparing a boyfriend breaking up with his girlfriend and kicking her out to a rapist, wife beater, child molester or kidnapper? WOW. They are young kids. Break ups happen. Was he an ass about it? Probably so. Is Torie right to feel hurt and sad and upset? Definitely. Was she right to hit him? Nope…even SHE says that. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/70 "2004-07-01T19:05:01Z")
Yes, nyctea, because a man raping a woman is an exactly perfect analogy to a guy breaking up with his girlfriend. Kudos. There’s a difference between hitting someone in self defense and going to someone’s house and beating them up to make YOURSELF FEEL BETTER. And as for me walking in on my husband or whatever, I HAVE been in some wicked ass situations like that (not that particular one) and guess what? I refrained from hitting the person. I’ve never punched a person in my life. EVER. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/71 "2004-07-01T19:08:05Z")
> [@Aries28](#): > > You are actually comparing a boyfriend breaking up with his girlfriend and kicking her out to a rapist, wife beater, child molester or kidnapper? WOW. > > They are young kids. Break ups happen. > > Was he an ass about it? Probably so. > > Is Torie right to feel hurt and sad and upset? Definitely. > > Was she right to hit him? Nope…even SHE says that. No I wasn’t comparing the ex-bf to a rapist. I was just responding to the unequivocal statements here that “beating up others is wrong” and “putting your hands on someone is never called for,” etc., etc. There are some exceptions out there. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/72 "2004-07-01T19:09:22Z")
and apparently to YOU, having a boyfriend break up with you is one of them. To people of earth, it is not ---
**Author:** ![Shaolinrabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Shaolinrabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shaolinrabbit)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/73 "2004-07-01T19:13:12Z")
> [@Diane](#): > > Shaolinrabbit - I might take your point a little more seriously except for the fact that YOU are the one who came stomping in like a rabid, hysterical, flaming asshole. That must have been right after you flamed me _in the OP_, right **Diane**? > [@jarbabyj](#): > > Good think you called a stop to it then when froggy started a courtin’. Color me weird here, but after I beat the shit out of someone the last thing I would have thought of doing was going and yukking it up on a message board with jokes. Most likely I’d be fetal with shame. I think what we’re looking for here is _hypothetical_ sainthood. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/74 "2004-07-01T19:14:08Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > and apparently to YOU, having a boyfriend break up with you is one of them. > > To people of earth, it is not Please re-read my posts. I never ever said that. For the record, it was not OK for her to lash out at her ex physically. Please read my words and don’t create in your head opinions I never had. My main point he is that **torie** is not the monster you all are making her out to be. The girl has been emotionally abused and was pushed to her breaking point by a traumatic situation. She “lost a boyfriend, a home, and a job,” and she lost her composure for a moment there, but she did the right thing and is seeking help. Cut the girl a break, geeez. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/75 "2004-07-01T19:15:46Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > and apparently to YOU, having a boyfriend break up with you is one of them. > > To people of earth, it is not _Does_ everyone feel that way? I’ve said I would expect a large proportion, maybe most, of people to find it “acceptable” for a woman to hit a man in a non-permanently-damaging way when her provocation is significant but non-physical. You disagree. Well, at least this is a matter of fact, not opinion. Is there any way of finding out what proportion thinks what? Straw poll? Am I being overly cynical and oldfasioned? Are you being overly optimistic about people? ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/76 "2004-07-01T19:15:54Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > No I wasn’t comparing the ex-bf to a rapist. I was just responding to the unequivocal statements here that “beating up others is wrong” and “putting your hands on someone is never called for,” etc., etc. There are some exceptions out there. Oh…okay…gotcha. Some pervert molesting my son= I can hit him. Biff not asking me to the prom and hurting my feelings and making me cry= I can hit him. Crystal clear. ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/77 "2004-07-01T19:18:12Z")
> [@Shade](#): > > _Does_ everyone feel that way? I’ve said I would expect a large proportion, maybe most, of people to find it “acceptable” for a woman to hit a man in a non-permanently-damaging way when her provocation is significant but non-physical. You disagree. > > Well, at least this is a matter of fact, not opinion. Is there any way of finding out what proportion thinks what? Straw poll? Am I being overly cynical and oldfasioned? Are you being overly optimistic about people? Interesting. Let’s post a poll in IMHO and see what the masses here think… Not to reference this thread or Torie’s other one…just to ask people at the Dope if a woman hitting a man is acceptable and so on. What do you think? ---
**Author:** ![Chairman\_Pow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Chairman\_Pow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chairman_Pow)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/78 "2004-07-01T19:21:29Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Well, I pretty much just chalked it up to her obvious youth. This has come up a few times, both in terms of age and some ephemeral “wisdom.” If you check her profile, she’s 22. I don’t think that you can hold someone like that to the same standards as say a 14 year old. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/79 "2004-07-01T19:24:16Z")
> [@Aries28](#): > > Oh…okay…gotcha. > > Some pervert molesting my son= I can hit him. > > Biff not asking me to the prom and hurting my feelings and making me cry= I can hit him. > > Crystal clear. Uh, Aries, are you even reading this thread? I never said that, silly girl. Please read my posts again if you are somehow confused. I will repeat: > [@](#): > > I was just responding to the unequivocal statements here that “beating up others is wrong” and “putting your hands on someone is never called for,” etc., etc. There are some exceptions out there. Please show me where I ever said that one of those exception was Biff at the prom or an ex-boyfriend…waiting…waiting…I thought not. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/80 "2004-07-01T19:25:48Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > Cut the girl a break, geeez. There is a glaring difference between cutting a gal a break and creating a giant blinking smilie heart that says how sexy she is in a thread about beating up her boyfriend. Do you not agree? My reaction in that thread is “good thing you’re in counseling, because you’re WHACK” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049.md?page=5)