# You Beat Another Person? How Yoooooooooooooooou Doin? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 1, 2004, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049 "2004-07-01T14:26:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/81 "2004-07-01T19:27:34Z")
> [@Aries28](#): > > Interesting. Let’s post a poll in IMHO and see what the masses here think… > > Not to reference this thread or Torie’s other one…just to ask people at the Dope if a woman hitting a man is acceptable and so on. > > What do you think? Yeah, the “masses” here at the SDMB are so representative of society as a whole. That would be such a scientific and accurate poll, yeah right. :rolleyes: By the way, the poll should read: Is a woman hitting a man is acceptable in the following circumstances: A B C D . . . And “hitting” would have to be defined. ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/82 "2004-07-01T19:28:32Z")
You clearly said some people needed to get their ass beat. You then went on to say that there were exceptions to “never putting your hands on anyone.” In your infantile analogy if someone hurts me or causes me “trauma” then I can be justified in hitting them due to the extreme stress I was put under. Someone molesting my child or smacking my daughter is not the same as a boy breaking up with a girl. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/83 "2004-07-01T19:29:10Z")
Pssst, nyctea, before you get so condescending that your head explodes, I’ll offer your own quote: > [@nyctea](#): > > Ya know, to be quite honest, some people just deserve to get their ass beat. and later, in the VERY SAME POST: > [@](#): > > Emotional abuse can affect someone so much that they might do something they wouldn’t normally do, such as in torie’s case. Read: the guy was an asshole so he deserved to get his ass beat ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/84 "2004-07-01T19:30:23Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > By the way, the poll should read: > > Is a woman hitting a man is acceptable in the following circumstances: > > A > B > C > D And make sure that one option is “When your boyfriend breaks up with you” ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/85 "2004-07-01T19:31:43Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > There is a glaring difference between cutting a gal a break and creating a giant blinking smilie heart that says how sexy she is in a thread about beating up her boyfriend. > > Do you not agree? > > My reaction in that thread is “good thing you’re in counseling, because you’re WHACK” DUDE. I think we have established that she didn’t _“beat”_ up her boyfriend. And we have also established that she has lost her home and job because of this guy. And we’ve established that this guy has emotionally abused her for a while now. So, do any of these factors play into your judgement? Or shall we just ignore them? I don’t think she’s “WHACK.” I think she is a woman in the midst of an enormous life crisis who is seeking help. Guess nothing bad has ever happened to you, huh? I guess you’ve never ever made a mistake, huh? Must be nice to have such a perfect life… ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/86 "2004-07-01T19:32:15Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > And “hitting” would have to be defined. Hitting… To come into contact with forcefully; strike: The car hit the guardrail. To reach with or as if with a blow: The bullet hit the police officer in the shoulder. To cause to come into contact: She hit her hand against the wall. To deal a blow to. To strike with a missile: fired and hit the target. How in the world else do you define hitting? It’s not a word that is hard to understand. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/87 "2004-07-01T19:32:50Z")
Diane does have a very strong point re the huge double standard between men and women beating on each other, and how this is viewed by many professing to be against domestic violence, but making exceptions for this sort of thing. From a practical aspect, in most cases, a medium to small women flailing at a reasonably muscular medium to large man’s chest and arms is going to do relatively little damage in most cases, unless were talking an exceptionally strong women or frail man. Having said this, it really is a very bad idea to do this stuff, because it’s exceptionally dangerous. I’m a fairly large guy and I been on the receiving end of a chest, arm beatings by a powerful 6 foot tall woman (my ex) with relatively little damage and not much anger (on my part). Things changed immediately when she started to kick me, because that shit _hurt_, and things degenerated into restraining wrestling match where I pinned her to keep her from kicking me and she started yelling that I was hurting her by restraining her. In the end I was the bad guy because, although I didn’t start it. I ended it, and the laying of hands on her regardless of her behavior was verboten. Many otherwise progressive women have this exact same attitude. It’s the same outraged, “How DARE you!” look you often see when protesting college women are being restrained or led away in handcuffs by police for public disturbance. The bottom line is that this stuff can easily get out of hand with the potential for real injury when people start escalating violence. Some people may think Diane is being overly pissy about this, but she’s right. Trivializing female on male violence is a dangerous road to travel, and can easily lead to domestic abuse. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/88 "2004-07-01T19:34:27Z")
My life is so fucked up it would make your pretty perfect head spin. According to TORIE she didn’t beat him up. According to TORIE it didn’t hurt. According to TORIE she lost everything because of him. And to be clear, st. joan, I’ve done some awful fucking shit in my life: **BUT I DIDN"T PUT IT ON A MESSAGE BOARD AND ASK FOR PEOPLE TO HIT ON ME AS A RESULT OF IT** and no, still, twenty minutes later, I’ve never felt the need to beat up anyone. Resorting to physical violence IS whack. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/89 "2004-07-01T19:36:10Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > And make sure that one option is “When your boyfriend breaks up with you” No, it should read “When your emotionally abusive boyfriend kicks you out of your home at a moment’s notice, causing you to become homeless and jobless for no apparent reason.” My answer to this question would be, no. My answer would be, call the cops and tell them that your boyfriend is denying you access to your home. Someone earlier in this thread mentioned something about how even if you’re not married, you cannot be forced to leave your home at a moment’s notice. ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/90 "2004-07-01T19:37:55Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > No, it should read “When your emotionally abusive boyfriend kicks you out of your home at a moment’s notice, causing you to become homeless and jobless for no apparent reason.” > > My answer to this question would be, no. > > My answer would be, call the cops and tell them that your boyfriend is denying you access to your home. Someone earlier in this thread mentioned something about how even if you’re not married, you cannot be forced to leave your home at a moment’s notice. I must have missed yet another thing…where did Torie say this guy caused her to lose her job? How is he responsible for her getting a new job… ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/91 "2004-07-01T19:39:49Z")
Thanks Astro! ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/92 "2004-07-01T19:44:39Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > Pssst, nyctea, before you get so condescending that your head explodes, I’ll offer your own quote: > > and later, in the VERY SAME POST: > > Read: the guy was an asshole so he deserved to get his ass beat Sorry, but you read it wrong. That is not what was meant at all. > [@](#): > > In your infantile analogy if someone hurts me or causes me “trauma” then I can be justified in hitting them due to the extreme stress I was put under. I never made any such analogy. You were wrong in interpreting that as an analogy. You guys need to work on your reading comprehension 😉 Did you miss this post? > [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > For the record, it was not OK for her to lash out at her ex physically. Please read my words and don’t create in your head opinions I never had. Or this one? > [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > Not that I think that is right, but feaking out is sometimes a common response to trauma. ---
**Author:** ![Stephi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stephi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephi)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/93 "2004-07-01T19:47:11Z")
It’s one thing to ask for emotional support after a breakup. It’s quite another to ask people to flirt with you, as if you just can’t _live_ without a man’s attention. As if you need it to feel valued or something. And I’m curious too **Torie** , how did your ex cause you to lose your job?!? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/94 "2004-07-01T19:48:10Z")
> [@Aries28](#): > > I must have missed yet another thing…where did Torie say this guy caused her to lose her job? How is he responsible for her getting a new job… Here: > [@torie](#): > > In four days, I have lost a boyfriend, a home, and a job. If you suddenly were homeless with no notice, and perhaps had to stay with someone who lived elsewhere, you might lose your job too. I guess she should have found the homeless shelter closest to her job and stayed there? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/95 "2004-07-01T19:50:08Z")
> [@astro](#): > > The bottom line is that this stuff can easily get out of hand with the potential for real injury when people start escalating violence. Some people may think Diane is being overly pissy about this, but she’s right. Trivializing female on male violence is a dangerous road to travel, and can easily lead to domestic abuse. Dingdingdingdingdingdingding! We have a winner! And yes **Astro** , I know where you’re coming from all to well. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/96 "2004-07-01T19:52:31Z")
> [@Stephi](#): > > It’s one thing to ask for emotional support after a breakup. It’s quite another to ask people to flirt with you, as if you just can’t _live_ without a man’s attention. As if you need it to feel valued or something. Ya know, many many women feel this way. It’s something to pity, not something to belittle. Growing up in a society where in our mother’s generation, a woman was considered to be NOTHING without a man, people still think that way, believe it or not. Unmarried men are BACHELORS while unmarried women are SPINSTERS or OLD MAIDS. ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/97 "2004-07-01T19:53:34Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > Here: > > If you suddenly were homeless with no notice, and perhaps had to stay with someone who lived elsewhere, you might lose your job too. > > I guess she should have found the homeless shelter closest to her job and stayed there? If you took even a second to actually fucking read what the girl HERSELF posted rather than try to stick to your guns on telling all of us how downtrodden she is you would know that her boyfriend hadn’t fuck all the do with her job. > **[I didn't get the job :(](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=259926)** > > This job. The backround checks FINALLY came back. The check was clean, but they had concerns about my experience. Her exact words were, “They’re not saying no, just they want me to interview other people too see if I can’t find someone with more... She didn’t get the stupid job because of some other reason. It had not a damn thing to do with the asshole boyfriend. But…whatever…keep adding to her plight with things that aren’t true. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/98 "2004-07-01T19:53:40Z")
> [@Stephi](#): > > It’s one thing to ask for emotional support after a breakup. It’s quite another to ask people to flirt with you, as if you just can’t _live_ without a man’s attention. As if you need it to feel valued or something. Ya know, many many women feel this way. It’s something to pity, not something to belittle. Growing up in a society where in our mother’s generation, a woman was considered to be NOTHING without a man, people still think that way, believe it or not. Unmarried men are BACHELORS while unmarried women are SPINSTERS or OLD MAIDS. Torie stated several times that this guy obliterated her self-esteem and put her down and made her feel bad about herself every day. Is it so surprising that the poor girl was reaching out for compliments to feel good about herself? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/99 "2004-07-01T19:55:09Z")
Sorry for the double post, the first one wasn’t finished when I accidentally posted it. ---
**Author:** ![Stephi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stephi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephi)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/100 "2004-07-01T20:00:59Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > Ya know, many many women feel this way. It’s something to pity, not something to belittle. Growing up in a society where in our mother’s generation, a woman was considered to be NOTHING without a man, people still think that way, believe it or not. Unmarried men are BACHELORS while unmarried women are SPINSTERS or OLD MAIDS. Uh…that’s because it **is** something to belittle. Because she’s devaluing herself. Just because many women feel this way, doesn’t make it right! We don’t live in the ninteenth century anymore. I’m also very disturbed by her sig “SDMB’s resident ditz”. What kind of way is that to think of yourself? I think I’d rather be known as an intelligent, capable woman, thank you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049.md?page=6)