# You Beat Another Person? How Yoooooooooooooooou Doin? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 1, 2004, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049 "2004-07-01T14:26:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/141 "2004-07-01T21:42:53Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > I better watch out, here comes my ass kicking courtesy of Saint jarbaby! Here’s a project for children like you, age 4-7: cut and paste where I started this thread cut and paste where I said she was a whore cut and paste where I’m a housewife Here’s a hint for your project: you won’t find it, not any of it! It’s like a wild goose chase! Make a game out of it. Talk about flaming out! I thought you were supposed to be all calm and brilliant and reserved. Why don’t you run along and try and make maternity leave illegal…it suits you better. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/142 "2004-07-01T21:43:03Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > Jesus. This is like watching a feeding frenzy. A little sniff of blood and the thin veneer of civilization falls. I wonder if you cackling hens realize how ugly you are being right now. That’s exactly how I see it too. My initial reaction to that other thread was that the flirting stuff was lame (but then again I’m kind of a sourpuss and find many flirting threads lame). I also felt that “beating up” in **torie** ’s case very likely meant some ineffectual little flailing of **torie** ’s fragile, petite arms, hitting this big guy, causing no bruises or damage. And it seems like I was pretty much right about that. But you know, damn. Hitting ain’t cool. It’s not a good sign. Don’t want to go down that path. **astro** is right—it’s not a habit you want to get into. But hey! **torie** is alarmed by her pitiful flailing attempt on her boyfriend too, and is getting counseling. Never hit anyone before, knows it’s not cool, don’t want to do that again. So as far as I am concerned, that aspect of issue is resolved. She didn’t really hurt him (and probably knew that going in—she knows her strength, knows his size—did she _seriously_ believe that she’d put him in the emergency room? Was that her hope or intent? Doubtful). She’s seeking counseling for behavior that she _knows_ is unacceptable. So I feel no need to rip her a new one over that. As far as the flirting thing goes, it’s lame anyway. (I’m a sourpuss, remember?) So her facetous quest for flirting was taken seriously, and that was lame too. But does it deserve this big, nasty thread over it? I don’t think so. This is awful. Yikes. I hope I’m never on the receiving end of this kind of feeding frenzy. My sympathies go out to **torie**. Honey, what you did was somewhat screwed up, but you _never_ deserved this. Yikes. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/143 "2004-07-01T21:45:28Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > I prefer to defend the downtrodden and troubled, not attack them. > > If you were having problems and people attacked you unfairly, I’d defend you. I don’t hold any grudges. I prefer to show the downtrodden the error of their ways and how they can not be so downtrodden than to cuddle and hold them and tell them they’re SEXXAY. I already said to torie: **Get over your dependence on men to make you complete. STAT.** As to your second part, nyctea, I’ll believe it when I see it. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/144 "2004-07-01T21:47:15Z")
> [@](#): > > She didn’t really hurt him Yosemite: cite please? And her saying that it didn’t hurt him doesn’t count. ---
**Author:** ![Gundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b782af/32.png) [@Gundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gundy)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/145 "2004-07-01T21:48:27Z")
> [@](#): > > “No baby, come on, you’re hot, lets do it…I SUPPORT YOU, can I put it in your butt?” I’m going to try this one out TODAY! And let’s see…the “feeding frenzy” and “high-school bitch clique” cliches have been trotted out, which is always nice to see. It’s impossible that different people could come to the same conclusion independently, right? I mean, in order to disagree with you and your unassailable logic, it’d \*have \* to be the result of groupthink? ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/146 "2004-07-01T21:50:19Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > But if it was me or Diane being torn down, you’d be right there at the forefront, no doubt :rolleyes: That is a fair question. I cannot say that I honestly know the answer to that. I can say that I have been around long enough to see you take abuse from other posters that I felt that you didn’t deserve and said nothing at the time. I like to think that some of that was that I was more of a low post count noob at the time, and that I have my sea legs now. I guess that I would aspire to defend anyone that I thought was being mistreated, and I can tell you that I don’t really know or have a relationship with **torie** as a poster (and so have no interpersonal motivation to stand up for her). Make of that what you will. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/147 "2004-07-01T21:51:40Z")
When a woman comes up to you, Binary and says “my husband is so mean and awful and he hurts my feelings” Do you say: “Here’s how to get out of that situation” or do you say “Man, you’re hot” that is the basis of this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/148 "2004-07-01T21:52:09Z")
**Hitting in the other thread.** I’ve just read through the whole thing again. No-one praised Torrie or flirted with her for hitting him. Several posts praised her for realising it was wrong. Many people criticized her for it. Many posts said it was wrong but understandable. Don’t say anyone condoned it. **Flirting.** Your experience might differ, but on this board in particular, and other similar boards, my experience has been that online flirting means pretty much nothing. IME it’s just fun, jokey, an expression of liking someone, but not suggestive of anything more. If she’d gone into a bar and flirted, I’d say she had a problem. I assumed that on here, she wasn’t serious about flirting. (If you think she was, please correct me.) **Definition of hit.** No, a dictionary definition isn’t enough IMHO. We’re using the word because it’s handy, not because it automatically sums up the situation. For a poll you’d need options like “slapped causing little pain” and “raised bruises on non-critical areas” and “until he backed off” and “until he begged for mercy” and some in between. Also “In response to deliberate emotional abuse”, “In response to innapropriate but non-violent contact”, “In response to painful but non-dangerous assault”, “In response to thoughtless comments”, etc. **Domestic violence.** It was probably me talking about this. Yes, it can be from both genders, no, it doesn’t have to leave any bruises. Yes, it can be awful. OK, I’m not sure now. OT1H, yes, we should all avoid any physical force except in defence. OTOH, if it’s not dangerous, not ongoing, and apparently widely condoned, and accepted by the attacked, what are you going to do? If I were a jerk (and I can be occasionally), and a girlfriend hit me, neither as part of a patten of ongoing abuse, nor dangerously, I would just shrug it off. **astro** Hey, voice of reason. Good post. **Good thoughts for.** Also, sypathies extended to anyone who went through worse situations and responded better, and didn’t share with a message board. I don’t think less of torrie for sharing, but I know (though related to nothing anywhere near as bad) when someone who doesn’t deserve it more gets all the sympathy because they were more public, how agonising it can be. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/149 "2004-07-01T21:53:43Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > Yosemite: cite please? And her saying that it didn’t hurt him doesn’t count. The only cite we have is _her own posts._ That’s what this whole frigging train wreck feeding frenzy of a thread is based on: her posts. So if you don’t want to believe what she wrote, why are we even discussing this? I don’t doubt that she “hurt” his feelings and upset him very much, but if she says she didn’t leave any bruises, then that’s all the information I have to go on. Unless you want to track down the boyfriend and ask him to give a detailed description of the event? ---
**Author:** ![torie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@torie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/torie)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/150 "2004-07-01T21:56:07Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > I wonder if torie realized how ugly she was when she beat the hell out of another human. Yes. That’s why I am in counseling. And no, I am not backpeddling. I really did mean the whole flirting thing as a joke. When people flirted with me, I just blew it off and thanked them for giving me kind words, whatever they were. I took the whole thing as some silliness to take my mind off the trauma. For the record. Was Marc emotionally abusive? A little, yes. But so was I. We flung horrible words at each other on a regular basis. I would challenge him on every stupid little thing. Marc cannot stand being challenged, and would respond with hostility. I would take his hostility as a Carte Blanche to respond with my own. Did I lose my job because of Marc? No. I lost my job because we had lost the company money. It would be too expensive to retrain us, so they cut thier losses. Am I homeless? No, at the moment I am staying with my mom. My mother has a documented mental illness and does not pay the bills. At the moment, the water is cut off. When I first moved in a few days ago, the power was off. At the moment the ONLY thing I have is a roof over my head. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/151 "2004-07-01T21:58:46Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > When a woman comes up to you, Binary and says “my husband is so mean and awful and he hurts my feelings” > > Do you say: > > “Here’s how to get out of that situation” > > or do you say > > “Man, you’re hot” > > that is the basis of this thread. Wait a minute, so are you flaming the people who flirted with **torie** , or **torie** for eliciting (although facetiously) flirting? Or both? Who exactly is on the receiving end of the witch hunt? And is it REALLY SO BAD that it deserved three pages of flaming, name calling and self-righteousness? > [@jarbaby](#): > > I prefer to show the downtrodden the error of their ways and how they can not be so downtrodden than to cuddle and hold them and tell them they’re SEXXAY. Oh wise and brilliant **jarbaby** , thanks for bestowing your wisdom upon silly misguided torie. I am sure she had learned her lesson after hearing your lecture about how utterly wrong she is. ---
**Author:** ![torie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@torie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/torie)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/152 "2004-07-01T22:02:45Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > Yosemite: cite please? And her saying that it didn’t hurt him doesn’t count. I am NOT lying to you. Unless you can prove that I am, you need to shut your mouth. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/153 "2004-07-01T22:03:57Z")
**jarbabyj** , If an acquaintance of mine approached me IRL and told me the things that **torie** posted about in the referenced thread, I would indeed encourage the counseling and I might further offer words of encouragement that might, indeed, include the affirmation that she is attractive. This is not to say that I would be hitting on her, you understand. On an anonymous message board, those human and comforting impulses can be magnified. This sort of thing, for the most part, is not to my taste but I see nothing sinister it. The only point, out of this whole ugly thread, that I have seen that seems worth talking about is the gender bias that still surrounds the issue of violence. Even that is more worthy of a great debate. My objection is more of a generic one. This thread is adding nothing but ugliness to the world. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/154 "2004-07-01T22:05:28Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > Oh wait, I found this, (please don’t hurt me!) \[I know he loves me, he just isn’t showing it well today.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=248233) Where she says her “boyfriend has managed to make an entire day out of hurting my feelings.” Well, if you didn’t want me to hurt you, you shouldn’t have posted this in the pit. Let’s look at the “abuse” in that thread. > [@torie](#): > > My laundry is at the Laundromat. I ask him to pick it up for me on his way back from work. “C’mon babe, this is becoming a habit. You always do this. You put it in on your way to work. You put it in the dryer on your way back. Then I go get it in the morning. Or, you could just manage your time better and get it yourself.” What a monster. How dare he hint that she take care of her own laundry. Even if it is his birthday (and on the day in question, it was), he has no right to grumble about doing chores for her. None I say! Please. If this is the type of thing she meant by “he hurt my feelings everyday”, then I don’t think we can count those hurt feelings as emotional abuse. Remember, we are only getting one side of those hurt feelings, and the side we are getting is prone to exageration. Look, I have no desire to bash **Torie**. She sounds like she has had a bad couple of weeks and I have sympathy for her. But please people, those bad weeks do not excuse the kangaroo court condemnation of her ex boyfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/155 "2004-07-01T22:08:00Z")
The fact that he kicked her out with no notice, that speaks volumes to me about what type of guy he is. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/156 "2004-07-01T22:10:02Z")
> [@torie](#): > > I am NOT lying to you. Unless you can prove that I am, you need to shut your mouth. Now you soud threatening. You need to work on this. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/157 "2004-07-01T22:15:08Z")
> [@vanilla](#): > > Now you soud threatening. > You need to work on this. :eek: Yeah, you better watch out jarbaby! That girl just can’t control her violence, you may be her next victim if you’re not careful! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![torie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@torie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/torie)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/158 "2004-07-01T22:16:42Z")
> [@vanilla](#): > > Now you soud threatening. > You need to work on this. :eek: _Deep breath_ I’m not being threatening. I understand how that statement could be construed as me implying some kind of consequence if she doesn’t. For that, I apologize. But I am not a liar. I have been very truthful with everyone about all this. In order for me to get better, I have to be. Let someone repeatedly call you a liar with no damn proof and see how nice YOU are. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/159 "2004-07-01T22:21:02Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > This thread is adding nothing but ugliness to the world. Amen, brother! **vanilla** , I saw nothing “threatening” about torie’s post (unless you were being facetous?). I saw frustration. If jarbabyj is going to accuse torie of lying, why is she (jarbaby) even believing _anything_ torie is saying? If she is a liar, then perhaps she made up the whole thing about having a boyfriend who dumped her. How are we to know? Why are we even discussing this whole damned thing, then? ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/160 "2004-07-01T22:23:18Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > The fact that he kicked her out with no notice, that speaks volumes to me about what type of guy he is. We only have one side to this. Knowing **tories’s** propensity for exageration, was it _really_ without notice? Which is almost beside the point, as all she had to do was move back in with her mother for a few days. Which shows me a thing about you, **nyctea**. That’s one furious backpedal you got there. Earlier, he was an emotional abuser that caused her to lose her job, kicked her to the curb to become homeless, and forbids she steps foot in her only shelter. Now he’s bad because he didn’t give her enough notice before sending her home to live with her mother. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049.md?page=9)