# You Beat Another Person? How Yoooooooooooooooou Doin? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 1, 2004, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049 "2004-07-01T14:26:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/161 "2004-07-01T22:27:46Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > We only have one side to this. Knowing **tories’s** propensity for exageration, was it _really_ without notice? Which is almost beside the point, as all she had to do was move back in with her mother for a few days. > > Which shows me a thing about you, **nyctea**. That’s one furious backpedal you got there. Earlier, he was an emotional abuser that caused her to lose her job, kicked her to the curb to become homeless, and forbids she steps foot in her only shelter. Now he’s bad because he didn’t give her enough notice before sending her home to live with her mother. I guess you’re joining with others in calling torie a liar, huh? Well regardless of what you might think, I think her ex-boyfriend sounds like a dick. For all of the reasons I gave. Her mom has no water, and last week, no electricity. Not ideal circumstances, I say. But beyond all that, the only reason I am even in this thread because I think y’all are unfairly attacking torie. Stomp all over me if you will, but that’s why I am here. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/162 "2004-07-01T22:34:33Z")
**A Monkey With a Gun** , May I suggest that you take one step further back? The bottom line is that one of our own (i.e. torie) is in pain. Further, this thread and the henpecking are adding to that pain. Even further, and perhaps this makes me naive, my default setting is that I am going to believe what a poster here says until proven false. As I have stated, I don’t have an on or off board relationship with torie and so didn’t realize that she has, as you claim, some reputation for exaggeration. More to the point, I don’t think that reputation matters. She was in an unhappy relationship, that relationship ended and she hurts right now. I see no point in adding to that pain. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/163 "2004-07-01T23:03:13Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > I guess you’re joining with others in calling torie a liar, huh? No, dumbass. I believe her. All I said was she exagerates. See, there’s this post by her: > [@torie](#): > > For the record, “Beat the hell out of him” was an exaggeration. I didn’t even leave bruises for christ’s sake. I believe her here. I also suspect that it’s not the only thing she has exagerated about. You, **nyctea** , and to a lesser extent **nocturnal tick** are the ones I’m having a problem with here. I simply see no excuse for the villification of the boyfriend. None at all. **Binarydrone** , “one of our own” is not a free ride, but that’s irrelevant. What’s more important is that what **nyctea** has been posting about her ex-boyfriend is not the truth, and I am damn sure going to speak up on that. False accusations of abuse have never gone over well with me. I believe that attitude is understandable. However, though taking **Torie** to task was never my intention, I realize this endless rehashing of her words is not going to help her much. I think my points have been made, so I’ll bow out. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/164 "2004-07-01T23:15:58Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > …I got the impression that “beating the hell out of him” was an exaggeration. In my mind, I picured a small girl pounding away on the chest of her bigger ex-boyfriend out of frustration and anguish. In my mind, I doubt she caused him any injury whatsoever… > > Then I put myself in her shoes. What would happen if I hit my boyfriend about the chest and arms? Well judging by my ex-boyfriend, it wouldn’t hurt him in the least, he’d probably laugh at me. I grew up with a big brother who used to beat me up all the time. Sure, I tried to fight back, hitting, punching, slapping and scratching, and I never caused him any injury, pain or discomfort at all, despite my best efforts. He actually did laugh in my face. The fact is, I am no match for most men, and hitting a man in the arms and chest repeatedly wouldn’t do anything at all. > . **nyctea scandiaca** : I’m very sorry that you suffered abuse at the hands of your brother. Your parents did you a grave disservice by neither defending you nor teaching you to defend yourself. As a result, you consider yourself weak and ineffectual. I feel very sorry for you. It must be dreadful to go through life feeling so vulnerable. But please remember–this is YOUR personal reality. You can not take your feelings of weakness, ineptness, and vulnerability and extrapolate them to the population at large. You may be quite incorrect about yourself, and be perfectly capable of injuring a man. And even if you are, in fact, physically weak and ineffectual, that has no bearing on whether _other_ women are physically weak and ineffectual. When you heard of a woman “beating the hell” out of a man, you pictured “a small girl pounding away on the chest of her bigger ex-boyfriend out of frustration and anguish.” Well, when I think of a woman “beating the hell” out of a man, I imagine a woman using physical force with intent to harm. Even if the woman was smaller and weaker than the man, and didn’t know how to throw a punch, she could use techniques such as kicking, stomping, targeting sensitive areas, scratching, gouging, etc. She could also increase her power by wielding a weapon, such as a frying pan. Imagine the proverbial old lady foiling a would-be mugger by whacking him with her handbag. There’s no reason to think that a given woman couldn’t cause significant injury if she wished. Please know that you don’t have to continue to feel so weak and vulnerable. It seems that you are suffering from a severe lack of confidence in your physical abilities combined with a lack of knowledge of fighting and self-defense techniques. Perhaps this is exacerbated by genuine lack of muscular strength and athletic prowess. Barring health problems, you CAN change your situation. Perhaps counseling would be useful to address the source of your problem. But more importantly, you can learn how to use your body. Martial arts, self-defense classes, weight lifting, sports, or even a highly physical hobby such as gardening can all help you get stronger, learn techniques, and gain confidence in your physical self. I wish you luck. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/165 "2004-07-01T23:30:06Z")
> [@Green Bean](#): > > When you heard of a woman “beating the hell” out of a man, you pictured “a small girl pounding away on the chest of her bigger ex-boyfriend out of frustration and anguish.” Well, when I think of a woman “beating the hell” out of a man, I imagine a woman using physical force with intent to harm. Even if the woman was smaller and weaker than the man, and didn’t know how to throw a punch, she could use techniques such as kicking, stomping, targeting sensitive areas, scratching, gouging, etc. She could also increase her power by wielding a weapon, such as a frying pan. Imagine the proverbial old lady foiling a would-be mugger by whacking him with her handbag. There’s no reason to think that a given woman couldn’t cause significant injury if she wished. Yes, she _could_ have done, but note she said she _didn’t_. nyctea scandiaca didn’t say she’d _always_ think that was what was meant by “beating the hell out of someone” just that that was the image in her mind here. I don’t know what she thought, but I can tell you what I thought, which jibes with what she said. torrie said “I went over there and beat the hell out of him. I was so angry at him for what he has done to my self esteem. I hit him repeatedly in the chest and arms.” From the first sentance alone, I would have assumed the normal meaning of “beat the hell out of him.” But the third seemed more specific, and conjured the image nyctea described. I assumed the more specific sentance was accurate, and the other described the intensity of her intentions. How else can you read this? Am I insane here? ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/166 "2004-07-01T23:37:22Z")
thanks for the clarification on what your life situation is torie. I hope this will cause nyctea to look back over her posts. torie, you fucked up. AND you were in a bad situation AND both of you were at fault. The only one who can change is you. I’m glad you’re in counseling. I was in a relationship where I was emotionally and sexually abused for four years and it was finally me that had to walk away and resist responding physically. I hope that in the future you find a man that loves you and will treat you nicely. For now, learn a little about yourself before jumping into the arms of another man. I did so after my ‘bad boyfriend’ and it did a world of good. **nyctea** , your halo is in the mail :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/167 "2004-07-01T23:40:13Z")
> [@](#): > > And is it REALLY SO BAD that it deserved three pages of flaming, name calling and self-righteousness? Holy jumping Gundy! I hope you’re asking this question to a mirror, **teabag**. I can only post with something to respond to. ---
**Author:** ![rkts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c4cdca/32.png) [@rkts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rkts)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/168 "2004-07-01T23:48:53Z")
This thread has been alternately repulsive and hilarious, and I’m not going to take sides, but since so many posters seem to have the mental image of a powerless petite girl swinging at a big monster man, I think it is necessary to point out that [this was not the case](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=4969850&postcount=193). ---
**Author:** ![Ryle\_Dup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Ryle\_Dup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryle_Dup)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/169 "2004-07-01T23:50:53Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > I guess you’re joining with others in calling torie a liar, huh? > > Well regardless of what you might think, I think her ex-boyfriend sounds like a dick. For all of the reasons I gave. Her mom has no water, and last week, no electricity. Not ideal circumstances, I say. > > But beyond all that, the only reason I am even in this thread because I think y’all are unfairly attacking torie. Stomp all over me if you will, but that’s why I am here. Ex-boyfriend sounds like a normal, sane person to me. Crazy girlfriend who goes off the handle every time he is remotely critical, even on his own birthday? He should distance himself from her ASAP. If the guy were here posting I bet you would get a chorus of “don’t walk, run” and “get her out quickly!”. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2004, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/170 "2004-07-01T23:59:07Z")
> [@rkts](#): > > This thread has been alternately repulsive and hilarious, and I’m not going to take sides, but since so many posters seem to have the mental image of a powerless petite girl swinging at a big monster man, I think it is necessary to point out that [this was not the case](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=4969850&postcount=193). So? Does she look like an extremely fit, strong bodybuilder in those pictures? Nope. I’m a big girl and while I may be a bit stronger than some of my more fragile and petite counterparts, I certainly doubt that I could seriously “beat the hell out of” many men I know (unless I sat on them 😉 ). > [@Shade](#): > > I don’t know what she thought, but I can tell you what I thought, which jibes with what she said. torrie said “I went over there and beat the hell out of him. I was so angry at him for what he has done to my self esteem. I hit him repeatedly in the chest and arms.” From the first sentance alone, I would have assumed the normal meaning of “beat the hell out of him.” But the third seemed more specific, and conjured the image nyctea described. I assumed the more specific sentance was accurate, and the other described the intensity of her intentions. No, you aren’t the only one who saw it this way. I saw it as a relatively ineffectual hitting. Not causing any significant physical damage (which torie claims as well). I remember my sister hitting me in such a way when we were both teenagers. She punched me around the stomach and chest. It did zero, and I mean _zero_, damage. She was really pissed at me, too. She was taller than me and a little bigger than me (an older sister). By the way, we were both ample girls at the time (not really big, but not frail and tiny). But her punches were just nothin’. Nothing. Didn’t make a dent. It didn’t mean that it was _nothing_ on an emotional level, but physically, it was insignificant. ---
**Author:** ![rkts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c4cdca/32.png) [@rkts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rkts)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/171 "2004-07-02T00:07:00Z")
> [@yosemite](#): > > So? Does she look like an extremely fit, strong bodybuilder in those pictures? Nope. > > I’m a big girl and while I may be a bit stronger than some of my more fragile and petite counterparts, I certainly doubt that I could seriously “beat the hell out of” many men I know (unless I sat on them 😉 ). You may be right. I still wouldn’t want her throwing punches at me, though. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/172 "2004-07-02T00:15:42Z")
> [@rkts](#): > > You may be right. I still wouldn’t want her throwing punches at me, though. Well, of _course_ not. I would assume that you wouldn’t want anyone, regardless of build or gender, throwing punches at you. Punching is bad. But those weren’t pictures of a formidable body-builder type of person. Just a voluptuous young woman. A young woman who claims that she didn’t even leave bruises on the guy. So unless you are accusing her of lying, I guess it’s safe to assume that her physical strength (or at least how she used it on this guy) was _not_ formidable. ---
**Author:** ![rkts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c4cdca/32.png) [@rkts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rkts)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/173 "2004-07-02T00:25:15Z")
Good god, the way you people can manipulate others’ statements is just amazing. "I wouldn’t want him/her . . . " is a figure of speech, and you know what it means. Futhermore, as I said, I’m not taking sides. I’m not even sure I know what the sides are. I was simply correcting those who were assuming that **torie** was probably a small, fragile girl who couldn’t do any harm. She could beat _me_ up. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/174 "2004-07-02T00:29:50Z")
I almost can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ve been agreeing with **jarbabyj** through this entire thread. I felt oogy when I read the other thread, with **torie** being so bland about having committed criminal assault against her boyfriend. It almost seemed like she threw the counseling thing in there not because she believed she really needed it, but because people would be expecting her to get counseling. I tried to get the sense that she was really and truly sorry for what she did, but I didn’t. Then she started asking (even jokingly as she says now) for flirting. My eyeballs were buggin out, but MPSIMS is not the place to say that stuff. So the link to the other thread was posted, in which she says her boyfriend is basically emotionally abusing her because he refused to pick up her laundry at the laundromat after she made a habit of doing it, and it was his birthday. Pardon me if I’m a little skeptical when it comes to taking her side as the ‘victim’ of an emotionally abusive asshole male who threw her out with no notice when even she says she didn’t love him anymore. And the calling on the anniversary of their first date to say happy anniversary _after_ breaking up? Yow does that sound like rubbing his nose in things, especially after she’d assaulted him. As for what **nyctea** has been saying, I’m amazed to see it. I usually have more agreement with her than with **jarbabyj** , but not this time. It’s almost like **nyctea** ’s gone totally off the deep end to demonize the guy in this situation when all we’ve got here are the words of a self-admitted exaggerator who doesn’t come out looking like a victim even in her ‘He spends all day making me feel shitty’ thread. I’m baffled. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/175 "2004-07-02T01:10:49Z")
Is It The Apocolypse? ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/176 "2004-07-02T01:25:51Z")
It could be. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/177 "2004-07-02T01:37:49Z")
> [@Shade](#): > > I don’t know what she thought, but I can tell you what I thought, which jibes with what she said. torrie said “I went over there and beat the hell out of him. I was so angry at him for what he has done to my self esteem. I hit him repeatedly in the chest and arms.” From the first sentance alone, I would have assumed the normal meaning of “beat the hell out of him.” But the third seemed more specific, and conjured the image nyctea described. I assumed the more specific sentance was accurate, and the other described the intensity of her intentions. > > How else can you read this? Am I insane here? I’d say that you are less insane than sexist. I’m sure you don’t _mean_ to be sexist, but to assume that a woman “beating the hell” out of a man is just some useless flailing is indeed a sexist assumption. You say yourself that you took the specific sentence “hit him repeatedly in the chest and arms” as the most accurate description of what she did, and that the other sentences spoke to the intensity of her intentions. So, she hit him repeatedly with the intent to beat the hell out of him because she was very angry. I can’t imagine how you assume anything _other_ than that it was an attack with intent to harm. Unless you subscribe to the sexist notion that women are weak and wimpy. I do understand how the “chest and arms” thing might have conjured up a particular image, but to dismiss the rest of her statements based on that one detail shows that you are looking for excuses to minimize the attack. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/178 "2004-07-02T01:43:04Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > Is It The Apocolypse? Hooray! Redemption for everyone! ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/179 "2004-07-02T01:48:47Z")
Holy Schmoley! I finally took a look at **Torie** ’s photos. Beautiful girl, but she ain’t no petite li’l flower! Have any of you people who are so stubbornly clinging to the notion that a weak little female couldn’t possibly hurt a BIG STRONG MAN actually seen her picture? She looks plenty strong to me. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2004, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049/180 "2004-07-02T02:06:30Z")
> [@Green Bean](#): > > Holy Schmoley! I finally took a look at **Torie** ’s photos. Beautiful girl, but she ain’t no petite li’l flower! Have any of you people who are so stubbornly clinging to the notion that a weak little female couldn’t possibly hurt a BIG STRONG MAN actually seen her picture? She looks plenty strong to me. Good grief. You have no idea how “strong” she is, and neither do I. I am a plenty big girl, and as I stated before, I am not _that_ strong—I don’t think I could do serious damage to a guy by merely hitting him on the chest and arms. If you looked at me, you might think I look “plenty strong” but you wouldn’t know jack shit. Because you don’t know me, you don’t know torie (and neither do I). For all we know torie lifts weights and can snap this guy’s arms like toothpicks. Or, she could be not all that fit at all (despite her less-than-fragile appearance) and not much stronger than a more petite girl. All we have to go on is her own words, and she says that she didn’t even bruise him. So what are you gonna do? Accuse her of lying? Well, that’s been done already, and she staunchly insists that she’s telling the truth. She claims she didn’t even bruise him. So either she’s lying or she didn’t really hurt him (physically). There’s nothing else we’ve got to go on here. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-beat-another-person-how-yoooooooooooooooou-doin/253049.md?page=10)