# "You can be right or be happy"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 2, 2014, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637 "2014-08-02T12:40:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/1 "2014-08-02T12:40:11Z")
What do you think about this saying? Sometimes I get people to agree with me if I nag them enough but I’m starting to think that nagging is a bad idea. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/2 "2014-08-02T13:09:06Z")
Douglas Adams says: [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/cPWnitDyIOw/hqdefault.jpg "Slartibartfast on life") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPWnitDyIOw) ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/3 "2014-08-02T13:14:31Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > What do you think about this saying? Sometimes I get people to agree with me if I nag them enough but I’m starting to think that nagging is a bad idea. Everybody hates a nag. It’s one of the most annoying things you can do. A lot of people give in to nagging simply because they don’t care enough about you or the topic at hand to put up with your obnoxious behavior. However, all of them resent you for it, and the pettier ones will eventually passive aggressively be a dick to you in revenge. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/4 "2014-08-02T13:50:57Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Sometimes I get people to agree with me if I nag them enough You don’t get them to agree with you, you get them to go along with you so you’ll shut the hell up. There’s a totally unsubtle and very important difference. And yes, everybody hates that shit. Knock it off. I think the quote in the title is more generally understood to be about arguing than nagging, but overall I think it probably applies about as well. Everything in life is a trade-off–you can nag until people at least pretend to agree with you and you get your way, but the price is that people think you’re an obnoxious pain in the ass. Alternatively, you can never nag and people will think you’re a lovely person, but you’ll rarely get your way. Most of us choose the middle path–we have a few things we’re willing to be obnoxious pains in the ass about, so we get our way about the stuff that truly matters to us, but we’re not obnoxious so much of the time that our relationships with other people suffer overall. To sum up, the “happy or right” thing is just another way of saying you gotta pick your battles. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/5 "2014-08-02T13:58:45Z")
Why not be both, like the late Earl Warren? ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/6 "2014-08-02T13:59:15Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > Why not be both, like the late Earl Warren? Earl Warren was _not_ happy! ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/7 "2014-08-02T22:11:55Z")
I wouldn’t say that, exactly. Sometimes it is possible to be both right and happy. However, on those occasions where one must choose, it is better for one’s long-term health to be happy than to be right. In my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/8 "2014-08-02T22:34:07Z")
> [@Elwood P. Dowd](#): > > Years ago my mother used to say to me, she’d say, “In this world, Elwood, you must be” - she always called me Elwood - “In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.” Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me. Sometimes it’s just not worth the struggle. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/9 "2014-08-02T23:28:12Z")
Talkin’ with the ole ball n chain again, **JC**? ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/10 "2014-08-02T23:59:02Z")
> [@suranyi](#): > > I wouldn’t say that, exactly. Sometimes it is possible to be both right and happy. However, on those occasions where one must choose, it is better for one’s long-term health to be happy than to be right. In my opinion. The point is: it’s a decision you can make each time. Weigh the value of the content against the value of the relationship before you decide your course. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Mondegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/91b2a8/32.png) [@Lord\_Mondegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Mondegreen)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/11 "2014-08-03T00:02:32Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > Earl Warren was _not_ happy! _Now_ who’s being naive? ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/12 "2014-08-03T00:37:21Z")
Why do you think you have to be right? ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/13 "2014-08-03T00:42:52Z")
My mom always insisted on being right. She was never happy. I can admit when I’m wrong and being right all the time isn’t important to me. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/14 "2014-08-03T02:05:27Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > Why do you think you have to be right? I don’t have to be right. I just am. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/15 "2014-08-03T03:38:58Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Talkin’ with the ole ball n chain again, **JC**? Follow-up thread: “Happy wife, happy life”? ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/16 "2014-08-03T03:57:18Z")
Decide to make your happiness independent of any one person’s opinion. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/17 "2014-08-03T05:55:39Z")
> [@chacoguy](#): > > Decide to make your happiness independent of any one person’s opinion. I think that’s dangerous because it can lead to strange behavior since there isn’t much pressure to be “normal”. I’ve personally experienced this sometimes in my life. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/18 "2014-08-03T13:08:42Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I think that’s dangerous because it can lead to strange behavior since there isn’t much pressure to be “normal”. I’ve personally experienced this sometimes in my life. He said “happiness”, not “behavior”. I care a lot about what other people think of my behavior because I rely on my fellow humans to keep me in check. I don’t expect other people to make me happy. Expecting other people to make you happy is like expecting to find some odd-sized tool at your local hardware store. Sure, you may get lucky and find it, and you may even decide to buy it, but you can’t rely on that happening. It’s usually something you have to actually look for. That being said, the best question you can ask yourself is “How important is it?” If it’s that important that I be right, I’ll make a case for it to convince the other person that I’m right. If it’s not that important, it’s better for my overall mental health to just let it go. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/19 "2014-08-03T13:15:38Z")
The way I’ve always heard it is, “You can be right, or you can be smart.” ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637/20 "2014-08-03T14:04:03Z")
I don’t see the connection. Being right makes me an awfully lot happier than being wrong, with respect to life decisions large and small. It would be nice if I could persuade other people that good choices can lead to happiness, too. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-be-right-or-be-happy/694637.md?page=2)