# You Can Join the Undead. Which kind? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 13, 2011, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793 "2011-05-13T16:47:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/61 "2011-05-15T00:13:40Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > If I’m a lich can I use the Stanley Cup as my Phylactery? Cause that would just be awesome. > > (There would of course be an end to Babies peeing in it) If you have the power to become a lich, I don’t see how anyone can tell you what your phylactery is going to be–the only limit is if some other lich uses it for themselves first. Speaking of which, yeah, the SDMB is apparently going to create quite a battalion of liches and vampires. Where are you lot going to get the skeleton, mummy, and zombie minions you need? ---
**Author:** ![Bartman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@Bartman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bartman)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/62 "2011-05-15T00:15:06Z")
An Anne Rice mummy. Hyper-Cognition (ie gain total mastery of a language in 24-hours)? - Check Inhumanly Strong? - Check Inhumanly Fast? - Check Immortal (unaging)? - Check Indestructible (at least nearly)? - Check Regeneration (for when the limits of the previous two are exceeded)? - Check (requires sunlight though) Perfect Physique? - Check Super Pheromones to attract the opposite sex? - Check No Kryptonite or Garlic or other special vulnerability? - Check Smarter, faster, stronger, highly resistant to harm, and irresistible to women… yeah sign me up for that one. ---
**Author:** ![Tixenfleaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9a140/32.png) [@Tixenfleaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tixenfleaz)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/63 "2011-05-15T03:10:37Z")
Zombies are the lazy slackers of the Undead set, so that would be a pretty good fit for me. My family probably wouldn’t even notice til’ I bit my nephew or something. (Great kid, but slow.) ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/64 "2011-05-15T05:21:00Z")
> [@Knorf](#): > > Where are you lot going to get the skeleton, mummy, and zombie minions you need? I’ve never really seen why a lich would need minions, let alone undead minions (who tend to be inadequate flunkies, and messy besides). An immortal who can look like anything he wants, can’t be killed without destroying a particular magical widget, and wields a vast and changeable array of useful powers has so many options other than undead legions. Whether he’s after wealth, temporal power, or both, the right form and right approach will result in people _giving_ it to him, and thanking him for the privilege. As far as I can tell, the only reason liches don’t rule every fantasy world they exist in is that they always use charisma as their dump stat. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/65 "2011-05-15T07:08:10Z")
I dunno. Seems like a lich has plans. Evil beings have things to do. Schemes to plot. Power to seize. Dark fortresses to erect. What lich wants to do all the drudge work itself? And Og knows you can’t trust humans: they might be heroes trying to infiltrate your stronghold, or worse yet, be as evil as you and plotting to take your place. Zombies, skeletons, mummies, ghouls: face it, you’re gonna need 'em. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/66 "2011-05-15T07:17:16Z")
> [@Balance](#): > > As far as I can tell, the only reason liches don’t rule every fantasy world they exist in is that they always use charisma as their dump stat. I always pictured them as generally being too much “magic geeks” to conquer well. Much too prone to getting caught up experimenting and researching, and losing track of or just plain forgetting about any Master Plans they intended to try (“What? It’s the twelfth century _already?!_”). Or just not interested. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/67 "2011-05-15T07:24:28Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > …I don’t want to be undead, a vampire, or immortal. I want to die when I die and stay dead. Well, see the thing is, we’re not gonna let that happen. No staying dead for you. My suggestion is become a skeleton or zombie so you don’t have to think about your unlife and how much you don’t want your soul around anymore. Yes, in the Knorf-verse, the mind and soul are separate things. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/68 "2011-05-15T07:36:45Z")
> [@Knorf](#): > > I dunno. > > Seems like a lich has plans. Evil beings have things to do. Schemes to plot. Power to seize. Dark fortresses to erect. What lich wants to do all the drudge work itself? And Og knows you can’t trust humans: they might be heroes trying to infiltrate your stronghold, or worse yet, be as evil as you and plotting to take your place. > > Zombies, skeletons, mummies, ghouls: face it, you’re gonna need 'em. And yet, liches who rely on them invariably get their clocks cleaned by some bunch of heroes so brain-dead _they_ ought to count as zombies. Nope, one of a lich’s biggest assets, right up there with phenomenal magical power, is _time_. A fifty-year plan could be a short-term thing for a lich. He might not _like_ the drudge work, but doing it doesn’t really cost him anything, and he can multitask drudging and plotting, since drudging–by definition–doesn’t require much thought. And which stronghold are you talking about? The apartment in L.A.? The mansion in Carmel? The Embassy in ? The White House? > [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > I always pictured them as generally being too much “magic geeks” to conquer well. Much too prone to getting caught up experimenting and researching, and losing track of or just plain forgetting about any Master Plans they intended to try (“What? It’s the twelfth century _already?!_”). Or just not interested. Well, if they don’t want to conquer stuff, that’s their business. All the more reason not to bother with armies of undead minions, since you don’t need an assault force. They would just get under foot, and the smell would draw attention from the Board of Health. If the lich _really_ needs an extra pair of hands around, and doesn’t want to just hire a living flunky, he could make a golem or two–steadier than a zombie, and generally less flammable (just watch out for the flesh golems). ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/69 "2011-05-15T08:11:51Z")
> [@Balance](#): > > As far as I can tell, the only reason liches don’t rule every fantasy world they exist in is that they always use charisma as their dump stat. Unless they’re 3rd edition sorcerers, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/70 "2011-05-15T08:59:09Z")
Pfff. None of the above. I want to be a Frankenstein (yeah, I know, that was the name of the creator, not the creature yaddayadda shut up). Not a Karloff flathead Frankenstein, an original Mary Shelley - cool and articulate Frankenstein. ---
**Author:** ![awldune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@awldune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/awldune)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/71 "2011-05-16T17:23:21Z")
A lich is the most powerful option obviously, without the constant hunger that vamps, zombies, and ghouls have to deal with. OTOH, it would be amusing to be a “clacking skeleton” if only for the **Army of Darkness** references. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/72 "2011-05-16T17:27:38Z")
I was one of the ten people who actually played White Wolf’s “Wraith: the Oblivion” RPG from the World of Darkness line. So shout-outs to my fellow wraithly selves. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/73 "2011-05-16T18:29:32Z")
On Easter I was teasing my dad, the elderly minister, that he had to pick one type of undead for Jesus to be: Zombie or Vampire. While he holds on for dear life to the concept that Jesus wasn’t undead, but alive, my sister reminded me that He could also have been a ghost, which, she also reminded me, is the only “real” undead. Since she reminded me of that, I have to say I’d be a ghost. In addition to being the only real option it would also be awesome to go through walls and stuff and haunt people. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/74 "2011-05-16T18:39:54Z")
> [@Caricci](#): > > While he holds on for dear life to the concept that Jesus wasn’t undead, but alive In RPG (or MMORPG, I guess) terms, it’s obvious that he was alive. Otherwise, everyone who ever got a resurrection/raise dead spell would be a zombie. ---
**Author:** ![Staggerlee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/staggerlee/32/3134_2.png) [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/75 "2011-05-17T12:08:20Z")
I voted Zombie - the easy way out. By the time of my demise I’ll want to give my mind a rest. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/76 "2011-05-17T12:39:45Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > In RPG (or MMORPG, I guess) terms, it’s obvious that he was alive. Otherwise, everyone who ever got a resurrection/raise dead spell would be a zombie. And wouldn’t that be a fun and evil twist to throw at a PC group? ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/77 "2011-05-17T14:04:43Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Undead are usually evil, and definitely unnatural. Aren’t you already a lawyer?\* I’m just saying… 🆒 \*Honestly, I can’t remember if you are one of the board lawyers. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/78 "2011-05-17T14:18:59Z")
> [@Caricci](#): > > I have to say I’d be a ghost. In addition to being the only real option it would also be awesome to go through walls and stuff and haunt people. From _Being Human_: > [@](#): > > Annie: I’m a ghost actually. > Seth: Get out! Can you, like, move things about and… walk from one room to another? > George: Yeah, I’m pretty sure everyone can do that. > Seth: Shut it, Digby! The only reason why I haven’t torn your bastard face off yet… is because I’ve just done the hoovering in here. I’d prefer the non-existent “dead is dead” option but if I have to pick an undead I’d go with ghost. ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_of_the_Lake)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/79 "2011-05-17T17:19:06Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > In many mythos, vampires can’t get it up. But I guess feeding gives them such ecstasy. Or something. But…this is not what Anita Blake taught me about the vampire penis. 😉 I’d be a vampire, or a lich. (Or maybe a vampire lich! You don’t age, but also have awesome evil magic powers!) I’d worry too much about losing myself/my personality as the years pass as any sort of ghost, specter or wraith. And I’ve no interest in actually in eating the chunky meat of a human body so zombie/ghoul are dead out. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793/80 "2011-05-17T17:48:16Z")
I’d take a white court vamp in the Dresden style. I can pass as human and don’t have that messy daylight restriction. Not to mention feeding through sex. Lich was my second thought but ingeneral while I’m sure they can pass for human they don’t tend to in the stories. I’ve seen what beinging an outcast for 4 years did to kids in high school I can’t immaging what 400 years would be like. So passing as human is the most important thing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-can-join-the-undead-which-kind/581793.md?page=5)