# You can't fix stupid **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 18, 2013, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265 "2013-06-18T13:22:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2013, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/21 "2013-06-18T20:24:50Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > The wife & I were watching Branagh’s _Much Ado About Nothing._ We were about two-thirds of the way through it, and people were running around, challenging people to duels and hiding in closets and fainting and such. > > Wife: They sure are getting upset about things that don’t matter… > Me: That’s the name of the play. Awww. For some reason, that one strikes me as really cute. ---
**Author:** ![evasgram](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ec9cab/32.png) [@evasgram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evasgram)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2013, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/22 "2013-06-18T21:04:54Z")
A coworker once said, “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse…and I don’t even like venison”! ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2013, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/23 "2013-06-18T22:24:48Z")
My son has a first name that is obviously a first name and a last name that is obviously a last name. I just got a confirmation call for his doctor’s appointment tomorrow that was the equivalent of “Hi, Mrs. Bob, I’m calling to confirm Smith’s appointment for tomorrow.” :dubious: :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2013, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/24 "2013-06-18T23:13:23Z")
I was on a 10 day camp in central NSW with a bunch of kids when one of the boys who was setting up a gas stove came over looking perplexed and said he could’nt get the hose from the stove to screw onto the gas bottle. I was very :dubious: as we test everything before we go out there. So I walk over, inspect the gas bottle and then reach down and flip the little red plastic safety cover off the attachment point. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2013, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/25 "2013-06-18T23:19:20Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > My last employer used to work in renovating buildings. On one day, near the end of the project, they were laying down a new lawn. As the foreman passed by a couple of workers with a roll of grass, he shook his head and told them, “Green side up, boys, green side up.” Yeah, that was hysterical… in 5th grade… 45 years ago! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![by-tor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/by-tor/32/266_2.png) [@by-tor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/by-tor)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2013, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/26 "2013-06-18T23:36:53Z")
My friend was watching The Phantom Menace with a girl at work. There was a space scene of a planet and she asked him if they “filmed it on Saturn.” ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2013, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/27 "2013-06-19T01:16:43Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Were they somehow unrolling it to put the green side down? That would be pretty hard to do. But they’d just think of it as hard, not wrong. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2013, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/28 "2013-06-19T01:29:57Z")
Many years ago, I had a friend who thought time zones were actually zones that existed at different times. He lived in New York, and was about to call someone in California. He thought his call would get there 3 hours after he called, but the other person’s response would get to him 3 hours earlier, canceling out the other 3 hours . . . creating the illusion that they were having a normal conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Bookkeeper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bookkeeper/32/281_2.png) [@Bookkeeper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bookkeeper)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2013, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/29 "2013-06-19T01:42:07Z")
> [@Stana\_Claus](#): > > It is possible to purchase a pallet of sod cut into rectangular pieces instead of rolled. The pallet is stacked with the “green side” up, but I suppose it would still be possible to mess up the installation. Always remember - anyone who thinks they have made something fool-proof has failed to account for the ingenuity of fools. When you create a new and improved fool-proof product, Nature quickly evolves a new and improved fool. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2013, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/30 "2013-06-19T02:01:36Z")
I’ll go ahead and out myself: I’m sitting at a stoplight. The guy in front of me has a bumper sticker that read: '[GOARMY.COM](http://GOARMY.COM)" For some reason, my brain is reading it as ‘Goar My’. I’m thinking to myself, ‘What in the hell is _Goar My_?’ It took me a good full minute before it registered GO ARMY! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2013, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/31 "2013-06-19T02:22:37Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > Yeah, that was hysterical… in 5th grade… 45 years ago! 😃 Try doing some type of repetitive manual labor for a living, you would be amazed what becomes funny. Like the carpenter that tells his helper that he needs a 2X4, and the helper asks how long? The response? Quite a while I’m building a house with it. ---
**Author:** ![turtlescanfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@turtlescanfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/turtlescanfly)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2013, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/32 "2013-06-19T02:51:05Z")
A customer was having trouble using the ATM in the convenience store I used to work. I asked her if I could help. She insisted the machine was not working properly as it wouldn’t recognize her card (wouldn’t change from the welcome screen). I politely asked to see her card so I could swipe it (anyone who’s dealt with these knows sometimes they can be touchy). She hands me the card. I look at her at ask if she’s sure this the one she swiped. She’s sure. She had handed me her driver’s license. Wait, it gets better…after nicely pointing that out (hey, anyone can make a mistake), she rather indignantly stated that she KNEW that, but she wanted to use her license since she wasn’t at her own bank’s machine and was afraid of identity theft. Since her license had her picture, you see… ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2013, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/33 "2013-06-19T03:07:19Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > My son has a first name that is obviously a first name and a last name that is obviously a last name. I just got a confirmation call for his doctor’s appointment tomorrow that was the equivalent of “Hi, Mrs. Bob, I’m calling to confirm Smith’s appointment for tomorrow.” > > :dubious: > :smack: Looking over the list of sixth-graders coming in next year, I have one who has a last name that’s a very common first name and a first name that I’ve never seen before but that would make a perfectly cromulent last name. I know I’m going to be spending the first few months of the school year doing this to her and her family. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2013, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/34 "2013-06-19T10:14:20Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > I saw this post from someone I don’t know. > > > [@](#): > > > > Something to make you want to smack your head: My daughter works in Mojave at the Ford Dealer. Someone she works with said it would be a good idea to remove the wind turbines so the wind would stop blowing. > > 😛 OTOH, there are those deranged people ( **Senegoid** included) who enjoy making idiotic statements like that, just to whoosh people and mess with their heads. For example, when coffee-shop waitresses ask me how I want my eggs, I often say “Medium rare.” Goes right over their heads. Every time. See [this post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=15543664#post15543664) for example, from last October. (Post #91 in the thread, in case your browser doesn’t position right, as happens sometimes with my browser.) Then see the follow-up posts #94, #95, and #96. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2013, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/35 "2013-06-19T10:35:31Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > Yeah, that was hysterical… in 5th grade… 45 years ago! 😃 This is, word-for-word, what I was planning on posting before I read the entire thread and stumbled upon this post. Yep, even the 5th grade part. > [@Rick](#): > > Try doing some type of repetitive manual labor for a living, you would be amazed what becomes funny. > Like the carpenter that tells his helper that he needs a 2X4, and the helper asks how long? > The response? > Quite a while I’m building a house with it. Another ethnic joke from back in the day. We’re not stupid, people. 🙂 mmm ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2013, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/36 "2013-06-19T10:52:20Z")
Stop the wind by removing wind turbines … makes sense to me. I just hope they don’t remove the solar panels or we’re all screwed. Maybe they could just remove some of them and reduce global warming? ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2013, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/37 "2013-06-19T11:36:18Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I’ll go ahead and out myself: > > I’m sitting at a stoplight. The guy in front of me has a bumper sticker that read: '[GOARMY.COM](http://GOARMY.COM)" > > For some reason, my brain is reading it as ‘Goar My’. I’m thinking to myself, ‘What in the hell is _Goar My_?’ > > It took me a good full minute before it registered GO ARMY! :smack: I’ll out myself as well. I used to be a printer and one of the things I used to make were the Pathmark Smart coupons. But I had just gotten off a run of K-Mart tags, so all the time I’m running the job, I’m thinking “I wonder why I’ve never heard of S-Mart?” :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2013, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/38 "2013-06-19T11:49:51Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > This is, word-for-word, what I was planning on posting before I read the entire thread and stumbled upon this post. Yep, even the 5th grade part. > > Another ethnic joke from back in the day. We’re not stupid, people. 🙂 > mmm OK I’ll bite. How is that ethnic? Where did I mention ethnicity? Once again these are what I call location jokes. You have to be there. Try working construction or laying sod for a living and after awhile stuff that isn’t terribly funny here becomes a great mood lighter. ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2013, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/39 "2013-06-19T12:16:00Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I’ll go ahead and out myself: > > I’m sitting at a stoplight. The guy in front of me has a bumper sticker that read: '[GOARMY.COM](http://GOARMY.COM)" > > For some reason, my brain is reading it as ‘Goar My’. I’m thinking to myself, ‘What in the hell is _Goar My_?’ > > It took me a good full minute before it registered GO ARMY! :smack: Yeah, I got one for myself too. When I was 17 I was riding in the car with a friend of mine, and we waiting to pay the toll on a toll road. One of the signs said, “If exciting here, tell attendant.” After I said it to myself several times trying to make sense of it, I finally asked my friend about it. He thought I was joking. When he finally realized I was serious, he rolled his eyes then said, “It says 'If EXITING here, tell attendant.” I swear, I know the difference between the two words, I just went blank for a moment. I still picture someone telling the poor, bored attendant, “It sure is exciting here,” brightening up his otherwise mundane existence. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2013, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265/40 "2013-06-19T16:44:01Z")
Couple of years ago in January, I commented to a coworker how the daylight hours were getting a little longer. “Must be that global warming,” she responded. And then there was the one who cautioned us not to look at a lunar eclipse. When I asked her what she thought caused a lunar eclipse, she thought hard for a minute and responded, “Isn’t that when the sun gets between the earth and the moon and casts a shadow?” True story. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-cant-fix-stupid/661265.md?page=3)