A solid gold toilet, so people will stop shitting in my tuba all the time.
Pick your tuba up off the floor!
pffft. The only way that’s going to happen is if I get some diva to do it.
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I would buy the most kick ass stereo in the world, along with the most kick ass headphones. And I’d wire it all together with those thousand dollar a foot cables.
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I’d buy a copy of every single piece of recorded music in history, except for Billy, Don’t Be a Hero and Achy Breaky Heart. Those two, I would buy every single copy of, and the total rights to, and eradicate them like smallpox. That would make me a beloved historical figure,
I’d do pretty much exactly what I do now*. I’d just do it on a much grander scale.
*Ms Hook and I are retired. We travel a lot. Just today we returned home from a 42 day drive up to Alaska. And I’m already planning next summers long trip. We’ll probably hook the 5th wheel up and drive across Canada and do the Atlantic coast provinces and states.
My own cigar store Indian, and damn political correctness.
Also I would like to have a totem pole to put in my front yard to alarm the locals. I actually asked someone at the totem pole center in Haines, Alaska, where they teach the carving and maintenance of totem poles. The price I was quoted was $2000 per foot, and I would have to supply the yellow pine tree.
An airplane and pilot. Every day for lunch he brings me some ice cold beer and brisket from Smitty’s Market.
I could drive there for lunch every day if I wanted 
Might be cheaper over time to buy Smitty’s Market.
But we’re not TALKING cheaper…besides, if Smitty feels he’s master of his own ship, he’ll keep making good brisket…if he feels he’s just another pawn, owned by somebody else, his quality might suffer.
If you only use it on the ship, not the crew - take out the rudder and prop, glue bombs to foul the harpoons, drill into the hull for that slow leak “man the lifeboats!” kind of impetus, that sort of thing. I’m just fine with blowing the everlivingshit out of structures and stuff, I’m only a pacifist to people.
You seem more confident of your ability to avoid collateral damage than I would be.
Well we ARE firmly in the realm of fantasy…perhaps your millions can be spent in laser targeting systems, or he can disable the boats with fuzzy teddybears…
I would build an enchanted forest with a lake and a mountain and a babbling brook and all the colors in the Thomas Kincaid paintings. Or like Tedrassil in WoW. Without the mobs to constantly kill and loot . . .
They’re not fans. They’re air multipliers.
The first time I saw an ad for those, I was very sleep-deprived and I could not figure out what the hell they were talking about.
As for my purchases:
A Chanel bag
a house with a gym
A trip to the Playmobil theme park
jewelry
laser surgery to get rid of scars
Well, I did specify things that actually exist on page 3 or so.
For the whaling thing, the money might be better spent commissioning Miyazaki to produce a masterpiece animated film about lovable cetaceans…who, three quarters of the way through, in a twist ending, are gruesomely massacred (onscreen) by Japanese whalers—maybe they could have Katsuhiro Otomo guest-direct that part. Get a staff of psychologists and/or veteran Psyops operators in on the writing staff to maximize the impact on the audience—say, “Old Yeller” times fifty. Any result less than shooting the financial bottom out of the Japanese fishing industry would be considered a failure.
That or you could buy a tramp steamer and some Chinese Exocet knockoffs and go whaler-ing. An old diesel electric boat with a deck gun would be pricier, if more chivalrous, I suppose—and you’d have a hell of a lot more right to fly the Jolly Roger than the Sea Shepherds.
I am intrigued. Which 12 of Heinlein’s works do you consider to be juveniles? I think there are at least thirteen and some short stories too…
I’ll let you know in an hour after I win the 52 Mil Powerball.
Plastic surgery. I’d shoot the works!