# You despicable, wretched, thieving cum-stain... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 5, 2006, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947 "2006-12-05T15:53:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![XaMcQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/f9ae1b/32.png) [@XaMcQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XaMcQ)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/1 "2006-12-05T15:53:02Z")
Thank you so much for breaking into my rolling trash heap and stealing something of absolutely no value to you: my prescription sunglasses. :mad: I see you were too good to take the scattering of spare change, or the jumper cables that might have netted you $5.00, or my pathetically outdated stereo, with cassette player. By now I’m sure you’ve tried my sunglasses on and found they are a strong prescription and will give you a headache, so you’ve tossed them in the nearest ditch. They are only going to cost me about $150.00 to replace. You scum. I hope the next person you try to steal from catches you in the act. I hope this person is huge and psychotic. I hope he breaks your face and every single one of your lousy teeth. And all ten of your fingers, both your ankles, dislocates both shoulders and knees, ruptures your spleen, rapes you with a garden spade and puts you in a hospital for no less than six months, where I hope you contract a hideous flesh-eating virus that eats your face and gentitals. May misery and ill-luck dog you till your dying day, you fucktard. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/2 "2006-12-05T16:49:27Z")
A bit harsh, don’t you think? Why wouldn’t you settle for temporarily blinded so that he walks into the path of a speeding bus. Not that it should kill him, mind you. Just banged up enough that he gets a few gun-shaped metal plates sewn into his body, then gets arrested at airport security, and spends the rest of his life at Gitmo, eating rat soup. Sheesh, must I always be the voice of reason at the Dope? ---
**Author:** ![Firebringer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f04885/32.png) [@Firebringer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Firebringer)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/3 "2006-12-05T16:55:27Z")
Could have been worse; he could have thrown an egg at your car ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/4 "2006-12-05T17:42:48Z")
Seriously, though – That sucks ass. Why is it that thieves seem to cause destruction and loss that far exceeds what they have to gain? A few years ago some fuckbomb stole a Xmas gift from my GF’s car. It was a wok for me. I’m pretty sure that said fuckbomb wasn’t going to going to be cooking up any beef and broccoli in it anytime soon. On top of that, he destroyed the driver’s side lock and kicked in one of the headlights. For what? Something he’d never use. A fitting punishment would be to get a new wok, heat some peanut oil in it, add a pinch of salt and a slice of ginger, and then push the fucker’s face into it until his complexion is a golden brown. Then feed him to a hungry panda. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/5 "2006-12-05T17:48:37Z")
**XaMcQ** and **tdn** , I’m sorry. This sucks. **tdn** , as an aside, if I ever get ripped off, could you kinda get my back? You are truly a master at revenge… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/6 "2006-12-05T17:57:17Z")
I wonder if it’s a marketable skill. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/7 "2006-12-05T18:09:19Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Then feed him to a hungry panda. [/QUOTE] I’d suggest gonig Hannibal Lecter and feeding the miscreant’s face to the miscreant. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/8 "2006-12-05T18:12:36Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] A fitting punishment would be to get a new wok, heat some peanut oil in it, add a pinch of salt and a slice of ginger, and then push the fucker’s face into it until his complexion is a golden brown. Then feed him to a hungry panda. [/QUOTE] Aren’t pandas allergic to ginger? What did the pandas ever do to you? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/9 "2006-12-05T18:16:02Z")
[QUOTE=D\_Odds] Aren’t pandas allergic to ginger? What did the pandas ever do to you? [/QUOTE] Sorry, I don’t like to discuss “the incident.” _shudder_ On the bright side, some of that hair may eventually grow back, and I have a new appreciation for Slinkys. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/10 "2006-12-05T19:16:26Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] A fitting punishment would be to get a new wok, heat some peanut oil in it, add a pinch of salt and a slice of ginger, and then push the fucker’s face into it until his complexion is a golden brown. Then feed him to a hungry panda. [/QUOTE] I don’t think a panda would eat him, though it might give him a pretty good bite. A polar bear might be better. If I ever find the dogfucker who broke into my car two years ago, or the one who stole my purse in 1999, I’m sending them over to **tdn** , as long as I get to watch what happens. If it makes me sick, I promise to be sick quietly, in a bag. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/11 "2006-12-05T19:20:51Z")
One of my ads at the bottom is “Facelift without surgery”. Looks like tdn’s making money on the side. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/12 "2006-12-05T19:40:21Z")
I think the villain described in the OP is the same guy who stole my friend’s laptop. That thing had _every_thing on it (as many people’s laptops do): unrecoverable or hard-to-recover personal information **far** in excess of its new retail value, and **vastly** in excess of the $100 the thief probably got for it at the pawn shop. :mad: You may not agree with everything Ayn Rand says (or almost _any_thing she says, in the cases of some of you), but she draws a neat logical line from thief to murderer. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/13 "2006-12-05T19:47:45Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] You may not agree with everything Ayn Rand says (or almost _any_thing she says, in the cases of some of you), but she draws a neat logical line from thief to murderer. [/QUOTE] Interesting. Can you provide us with the Rdr’s Dgst version? ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/14 "2006-12-05T20:09:57Z")
Person steals -\> victim gets urges to kill? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/15 "2006-12-05T20:13:43Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Interesting. Can you provide us with the Rdr’s Dgst version? [/QUOTE] It was basically that stealing from someone (taking their production), enslaving them (taking their time/work directly) and killing them (taking their life) were all points on a continuum, that continuum being “I’m feeding on your life.” Example: if I steal a car whose value represents 8 months of your working life, I’m in effect stealing part of your life. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/16 "2006-12-05T20:14:57Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Seriously, though – That sucks ass. Why is it that thieves seem to cause destruction and loss that far exceeds what they have to gain? [/QUOTE] I do appreciate a neat and considerate thief. About six months ago my apartment was broken into. They took a few things that meant a lot to me, but worse than that, they trashed the place. Broke my son’s TV while ripping the Nintendo out. That bothered me much much more than the time the thief broke my car window, swept the glass off the seat, removed the light bulb (instead of smashing it) and removed my car stereo with surgical precision. I at least like my criminals to show some professionalism. Sorry about your sunglasses dude. I feel your blind pain. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/17 "2006-12-05T20:34:56Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Interesting. Can you provide us with the Rdr’s Dgst version? [/QUOTE] Whatever it is, it can’t compare to [Mama Sampiro’s](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6405641&postcount=209) > [@](#): > > “Anybody… who would steal… would kill. And anybody who would kill would do anything… a thief is WORSE THAN A KILLER!” (No more Brando now, just pure pissed-off Mama.) “Killers usually act in an instant, a moment of passion, a moment of desperation, but thieves… they don’t CAH-YUH! THEY’LL LET YOU GO OUT AND WORK, AND GO WITHOUT THINGS YOU WANT, THINGS YOU NEEEEEEED… just so you can put a little something on the table, and have some clothes for your back… and then the thief will come in and just TAKE IT! HE’LL TAKE IT AND SAY ‘YOU GET NOTHING BUT SCREWED! YOU ARE LESS THAN DIRT TO ME! I DON’T CARE FOR YOUR FEELINGS FOR YOUR NEEDS FOR YOUR WANTS FOR MINE ARE MORE IMPORTANT! A THIEF IS LAUGHING AT THE MISFORTUNE OF OTHERS, AND HE REJOICES IN THEIR MISERY, BECAUSE TO A THIEF ALL THAT IS IMPORTANT IS WHAT THEY WANTTTTT! HOW COULD YOU HAVE DONE THIS! ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/18 "2006-12-06T05:14:32Z")
[QUOTE=XaMcQ] I hope he breaks your face and every single one of your lousy teeth. [/QUOTE] You must have meant to say “I hope he breaks your snaggly tooth” You are over estimating the scumball by using the pural. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/19 "2006-12-06T06:11:15Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Seriously, though – That sucks ass. Why is it that thieves seem to cause destruction and loss that far exceeds what they have to gain? A few years ago some fuckbomb stole a Xmas gift from my GF’s car. It was a wok for me. I’m pretty sure that said fuckbomb wasn’t going to going to be cooking up any beef and broccoli in it anytime soon. On top of that, he destroyed the driver’s side lock and kicked in one of the headlights. For what? Something he’d never use. A fitting punishment would be to get a new wok, heat some peanut oil in it, add a pinch of salt and a slice of ginger, and then push the fucker’s face into it until his complexion is a golden brown. Then feed him to a hungry panda. [/QUOTE] I find your ideas fascinating and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947/20 "2006-12-06T06:50:26Z")
\ All the Google ads are about how to clear a criminal record! Like this thread is all about forgiveness 😃 . [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-despicable-wretched-thieving-cum-stain/382947.md?page=2)