# You don't know how to do my job, so quit telling me how to do it! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 1, 2005, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443 "2005-06-01T20:37:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/1 "2005-06-01T20:37:40Z")
There’s this woman in my office who is not technically savvy but she thinks she is, because I’ve written her a bunch of SQL scripts where all she does is click on it, fill in the prompt, and export it to Excel. So now she thinks she is an SQL programmer and the resident computer expert. If I’m under someone’s desk, she’ll pop her head in to tell me, “Maybe the monitor’s broken.” Probably not, since I’m only replacing the network cable. If I’m at someone’s computer trying to figure out why they can’t open a file, she’ll offer, “Maybe they don’t have the proper drive mapped.” Probably not, since the file is on their Windows desktop. Today she came into my office and asked me to do something that I tried to do a year ago. It wasn’t possible then and isn’t possible now. So I told her that. “Well, it seems that you’ve gotten it to do it here.” I tried to explain to her that the report she’s pointing to as proof that I’m lying is completely different, and is not a good comparison. “Well, I just don’t get why you can do it there but not here.” I spent at least 20 minutes trying to reason with her until I told her to put in a helpdesk ticket and I would try again, just so she would get out of my office. So listen to me, you ignorant pile of cockroach excrement, and listen good. You only got this job because you’re fucking my vice president, and she was able to manipulate the system so that you would be under her chain of command. That way nobody would notice that you are woefully underqualified for your job. You don’t know SQL, you don’t know Citrix, you can barely open your email, so shut the fuck up. You’d think a computer expert such as yourself wouldn’t need to come to me begging to help you fix your computer because you clicked on another “Click here!!! You are a winner!!!” banner ad and have infested your computer with spyware. Then again, since you’re so technically savvy, I can just tell you to go download Ad-Aware and Spybot and you can run them yourself, saving us both time. But no, you’d rather I come do it. Why? Because you’re a worthless douchebag, so shut the fuck up. Another thing. Just because you’re fucking my boss, you don’t get to come marching into my office with orders for me. You can follow the same procedures as everyone else. You can send in an email to the support wizard and get a trouble ticket opened just like every other employee in this company. Otherwise, your “urgent task” might just slip into the abyss that is my desk and get forgotten, until you come marching back in with my boss to ask me why I never did it. You’re not my boss, so shut the fuck up. One of these days, I may just happen to find myself at one of our company’s social gatherings talking to a person from HR. I may “accidentally” let it slip that you and my boss live together, which is a violation of our HR policies. Of course, that would get my boss fired as well, which I’d really rather not happen any time soon. But if I’ve had a few beers, my tongue just may be looser than we would like. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/2 "2005-06-01T20:43:45Z")
Please tell me that this clueless wonder does not actually have permissions to write SQL scripts. ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/3 "2005-06-01T21:50:52Z")
There comes a time with end-users when you’re wasting your time explaining why they’re wrong, or you can’t do what they’re asking, or why what they’re saying is impossible. They. just. don’t. understand. and will never. understand. You’re best just nodding, agreeing, and going about what you were doing the way you were doing it. Because you are techie, and your path leads where others know not. … 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/4 "2005-06-01T22:11:42Z")
Let me get this straight…or not straight… > [@](#): > > There’s this woman in my office who is not technically savvy but she thinks she is… and > [@](#): > > You only got this job because you’re fucking my vice president, and she was able to manipulate the system so that you would be under her chain of command. Who’s got the strap-on to do the fucking, and who’s on the receiving end? Are they just roomies? Must have details. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/5 "2005-06-01T22:13:58Z")
Wow, you figured it out! If the cow-orker is a woman, and she’s fucking the VP, and the VP is a woman, _they must be lesbians!_ And now, back to the actual thread. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/6 "2005-06-01T22:23:59Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Please tell me that this clueless wonder does not actually have permissions to write SQL scripts. Worry not, as she is set to read-only. No damage will she be wreaking on our financial data. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/7 "2005-06-01T22:24:18Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > And now, back to the actual thread. Ha! Well put. **Lord Ashtar** , I like this rant. It has a calm fury to it. Like something you can almost picture yourself really saying, which isn’t really true with the elaborate cussfests one often finds in the Pit. My new favorite IT story is when our own IT guy came to install & network a new PC in an adjacent office. He was trying to set up the printer for it, but then said, “This won’t work with the new PC. It’s a local printer; it’ll only work with the computer next to it.” “Er, actually, it’s linked to all the computers my co-workers uses. She prints from the next office over regularly, an occasionally prints to this by accident from her office in another building.” “No, she can’t, the printer’s not set up for it.” “… Fine.” ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/8 "2005-06-01T22:29:28Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > Wow, you figured it out! If the cow-orker is a woman, and she’s fucking the VP, and the VP is a woman, _they must be lesbians!_ [Baseball announcer from _Naked Gun_] How about that? [BAF_NG_] ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/9 "2005-06-01T22:59:13Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > Wow, you figured it out! If the cow-orker is a woman, and she’s fucking the VP, and the VP is a woman, _they must be lesbians!_ > > And now, back to the actual thread. I figured nothing out. When I see the words “fucking my vice-president”, I _wrongly_ assumed that someone had a penis and was ensuing use of it. If anything, I stumbled on the wording of the OP, and just wanted clarification on it. I really could care less if they were lesbians, bisexual, transgendered, or poor wording on the OP’s part. But hey, keep on enlightening me. :rolleyes: As for another reason why I asked is that the OP claims that HR policy is being violated, which IMHO would be harder to prove if two women were living together instead of a man and a woman and having sexual relations. I have no other issues with the OP…I have several employees of mine who acts just like the OP, and I politely tell them that I got it under control. Next time, I’ll just assume everyone is perfect around here and not bother about asking for clarifications. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/10 "2005-06-01T23:05:38Z")
> [@Yeticus Rex](#): > > As for another reason why I asked is that the OP claims that HR policy is being violated, which IMHO would be harder to prove if two women were living together instead of a man and a woman and having sexual relations. How do you figure that? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/11 "2005-06-01T23:06:57Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > Wow, you figured it out! If the cow-orker is a woman, and she’s fucking the VP, and the VP is a woman, _they must be lesbians!_ Well, no offense, I find contemplating that more interesting than wondering why the OP is frequently under people’s desks. Heh. I’d suggest approaching the Veep directly but discretely. Or discreetly. Either one. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/12 "2005-06-01T23:09:42Z")
> [@Yeticus Rex](#): > > When I see the words “fucking my vice-president”, I _wrongly_ assumed that someone had a penis and was ensuing use of it. If anything, I stumbled on the wording of the OP, and just wanted clarification on it. Well, yeah, I assumed the same, but once I realized that both parties are female, there’s not much clarification to be had, and being the SDMB, you were bound to get an answer like **matt** ’s. Not a big deal, but it just seemed like a silly question, when it was actually pretty clear in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/13 "2005-06-01T23:44:49Z")
> [@Troy McClure SF](#): > > Well, yeah, I assumed the same, but once I realized that both parties are female, there’s not much clarification to be had, and being the SDMB, you were bound to get an answer like **matt** ’s. > > Not a big deal, but it just seemed like a silly question, when it was actually pretty clear in the OP. It’s very easy to accidentally type “she/her” instead of “he/him” and vice versa. My wife does that all the time when I proofread over some of her reports at work…it’s a habit of mine to correct or verify the pronouns (I usually have her change them to “Ms. A”, “Ms. B”, Mr. “C”, etc. for clarity sakes - especially with governmental forms), and my habit of pointing it out has found it’s way on here. My apologies to everyone. > [@Miller](#): > > How do you figure that? Does it not follow that two female (or male) roommates would raise _less_ suspicion of sexual relations between each other rather than a man and a woman living together as roommates? When I was single, that was usually the case…not 100% true though, just more likely. How did you find out anyways, **Ashtar**? ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/14 "2005-06-01T23:57:18Z")
> [@Bryan Ekers](#): > > Well, no offense, I find contemplating that more interesting than wondering why the OP is frequently under people’s desks. Sounds like he does computer desktop support, among other things. People often keep their computers under their desks, so the support techs have to crawl under the desks to do things like replace network cables. Something a desktop support tech who is under your desk really does NOT want you to say: “Do you know if we have black widow spiders here?” (actual quote from a user) ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/15 "2005-06-02T00:08:29Z")
> [@Yeticus Rex](#): > > Does it not follow that two female (or male) roommates would raise _less_ suspicion of sexual relations between each other rather than a man and a woman living together as roommates? I’d lay good odds that the company policy is against an employee living with someone in his or her chain of command, regardless of what might be going on behind closed doors. ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/16 "2005-06-02T00:10:19Z")
**Yeticus** , saying something like, “Wait, what? Are the co-worker and your boss both female, or am I getting confused about pronouns?” would have been a perfectly sane and sensible request for clarification. But asking “Who’s got the strap-on to do the fucking, and who’s on the receiving end?” is really out there. Good lord! Let’s look at that again and try to imagine a world in which that question is appropriate: “Who’s got the strap-on to do the fucking, and who’s on the receiving end?” Do you always ask questions like this when you find out people are canoodling on the job, or only when the people are the same sex? There are a lot of people who think that the mere knowledge that someone is gay/bi/lesbian entitles them to find out who is inserting what into what orifice, and how often. Don’t be one of those people. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/17 "2005-06-02T00:16:11Z")
> [@ultrafilter](#): > > I’d **lay** good odds that the company policy is against an employee living with someone in his or her chain of command, regardless of what might be going on behind closed doors. (Bolding mine) Nice choice of words. 😉 Yes, but that spares us the salacious details of who is the doer and who is the doee. Inquiring minds and all of that. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/18 "2005-06-02T00:17:04Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > Something a desktop support tech who is under your desk really does NOT want you to say: > > “Do you know if we have black widow spiders here?” (actual quote from a user) But sometimes, the spiders are the better alternative. They don’t talk your ear off, and you can flick them across the room or squash them. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/19 "2005-06-02T00:56:59Z")
> [@Yeticus Rex](#): > > I figured nothing out. When I see the words “fucking my vice-president”, I _wrongly_ assumed that someone had a penis and was ensuing use of it. If anything, I stumbled on the wording of the OP, and just wanted clarification on it. I really could care less if they were lesbians, bisexual, transgendered, or poor wording on the OP’s part. But hey, keep on enlightening me. :rolleyes: No problem. Anytime. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443/20 "2005-06-02T00:59:17Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > Sounds like he does computer desktop support, among other things. People often keep their computers under their desks, so the support techs have to crawl under the desks to do things like replace network cables. Hah, I call whoosh on you. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-dont-know-how-to-do-my-job-so-quit-telling-me-how-to-do-it/306443.md?page=2)