# You find a million dollars in a bag.. you are keeping it. How? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 11, 2010, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788 "2010-06-11T13:03:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/61 "2010-06-11T20:58:13Z")
> [@boytyperanma](#): > > You can shuffle it out faster with new currency. Cash every legitimate paycheck you get for newer bills then take an equivalent amount of the older bills and deposit them. Financially nothing suspicious but your keeping the older bills up to date. You’re kind of on to something but the OP posited that you work in a sandwich shop so your paychecks aren’t going to be that big. You could always pay with the largest bills and not use the change until you run through the first set of money. ---
**Author:** ![yorick73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5a626/32.png) [@yorick73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yorick73)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/62 "2010-06-11T21:35:12Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Because it’s unlikely your $100 bills are from 1990. > > And because the point of gold is that it appreciated greatly in value. You can claim to have paid $350 per ounce for gold in 1990. Today you can sell that gold for $1220 per ounce. > > If you claim to have stuck a $100 bill in your mattress in 1990, today it’s worth… $100. > > See the advantage now? Whoops…I completely missed the appreciation angle. ---
**Author:** ![ChrisBooth12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@ChrisBooth12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChrisBooth12)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/63 "2010-06-11T22:44:38Z")
Just use Cash for EVERYTHING that you do not get a bill for, gamble a good deal you have some to play around with if you loose you loose if you win you have a legit money claim right there ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/64 "2010-06-11T23:11:28Z")
> [@cosmosdan](#): > > I think a small business is a good way. I made my living playing music for years which was almost always cash transactions. Bars close and you could create work from closed establishments. > Become a consultant, a private computer repair guy, a DJ, whatever, and create business to explain a decent income for yourself. Have a legit business and just use the found money to supplement. resist the temptation to show off. > > There was a bartender in Maine that was robbing her employer blind and not reporting her tips for years. She bought a house and nice cars and when the IRS finally got around to looking at her she had no explaination. You can’t claim a 20,000 dollar a year income and be spending 50,000. Her spending habits became a huge red flag that got her into trouble. The problem with a small business as a front to launder money is highlighted in your last paragraph. Even a cash-only business is going to have documented or expected expenses and income, and if you are substantially outside of that someone will likely ask questions sooner or later. (The IRS offers a bounty for reporting tax cheating that is some percentage of the money recovered.) Stranger ---
**Author:** ![tomcar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tomcar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomcar)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/65 "2010-06-11T23:50:19Z")
You certainly would need to find out if the serial numbers on the cash were a concern or if this was marked money in any way. How could you do that? That would greatly effect your plans as well as it should. I am sure there are some shady people who can do this but your average Subway worker doesn’t know them. Maybe a Quizmo guy or even a Potbelly chump, but certainly not a Subway schmoe ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/66 "2010-06-11T23:55:06Z")
Can’t you put whatever you want into a bank vault? They don’t check that do they? ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/67 "2010-06-11T23:55:34Z")
You could try it legally. Every state has lost and found rules. Here, you make a bunch of signs or take out an ad in the paper. After 30 days or so, it’s legally yours. ---
**Author:** ![Oregon\_sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/50afbb/32.png) [@Oregon\_sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oregon_sunshine)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2010, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/68 "2010-06-12T00:01:44Z")
If you have a mom and pop landlord, you can generally pay in cash, and indeed all of your bills that are paid locally can be paid with cash. If you set things up correctly, you can pay for your entire lifestyle with it, including like everyone else has said, pocket money for luxuries etc. Never worry about being homeless, ever, and Subway is a perfect cover. Just whistle, smile at the boss and be happy that you will never have the worries that s/he has, and enjoy your free time… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Gruntled](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@Gruntled](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gruntled)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2010, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/69 "2010-06-12T03:13:34Z")
> [@ChrisBooth12](#): > > Just use Cash for EVERYTHING that you do not get a bill for, gamble a good deal you have some to play around with if you **loose you loose** if you win you have a legit money claim right there Lose :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2010, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/70 "2010-06-12T03:14:55Z")
I’d spend a few years finishing up college, finding a decent job, etc. Of course, use the money in small amounts as a lifestyle supplement, but don’t buy anything big. I need a good explanation for where I got the startup funds for the business I’m about to create. After I have a reasonable amount of legit money, I’d start an importing business. Specifically, I’d start a high-end curio store that sells quality furniture, statuary, etc. from around the world. Then I’d go on buying trip. Legally you can take out up to 10,000 USD without declaring it. I think it’s smarter to go out with like $6,000. If nobody notices, stick it in your Swiss bank account. If you get questioned, you have a good reason for wanting to be taking large amounts of cash out. Spend a couple months scouring the country for cool stuff, fill up a container, ship it back to America and sell it. Keep your first round pretty much legit. Start making it seem legit that your business would have lots of cash laying around. Perhaps people start buying a few expensive pieces here and there with cash. On subsequent trips, as you’ve developed relationships with your sources, convince them to report you paying a bit less than you actually do. You can find village craftsmen who will sell you a statue for $100 that you can sell for $300 and you can both report as buying for $50. You are going to just look like you are really good at getting deals when you are actually getting slightly screwed. If you stay in countries that are corrupt and starved for hard currency, nobody is going to be looking at you too hard, and if they are you can pay them off. Corruption can work for you if you are rich. Meanwhile, you can start taking out larger amounts of cash and declaring it properly. Village craftsmen don’t take Mastercard, after all. Sock as much of it away in your Swiss bank account as you can get away with. Since your business requires a lot of cash and a lot of travel, you should be able to pull off quite a bit. After you’ve got a good nest egg, retire comfortably in a beautiful but not-too-nosy third world nation. Third-world doesn’t matter when you’ve got servants, a house on the beach, etc. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2010, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/71 "2010-06-12T03:29:15Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > I’d keep it in a carefully hidden location and just use it in small chunks to supplement my life style. One million dollars isn’t “live like a king for the rest of your life money” anyway. Instead, what you have is a stash of cash that you can dip into for unexpected expenses, nice dinners out, pocket money for vacation, and so forth. I’ve thought about this solution myself. By using the illict cash to replace most of your low-cost transactions you can vastly improve your lifestyle. Buy your groceries with the illicit cash, get your haircuts with the cash, pay for every small purchase with cash. Make small deposits in the bank that are just enough to pay things like cable, heat, stuff like that. Nobody would ever know. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2010, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/72 "2010-06-12T04:24:39Z")
Know people with lots of money in the bank? People who know how to keep their mouths shut? “Ok Frank, here’s how it goes. You give me a “gift” of $10,000. I give you $12,000 in cash. You can’t deposit back in your bank without arousing suspicion, so just use it like I do, for everyday purchases like gas and groceries. But this will give me a legitimate 10 grand in the bank that I can use for something else.” Try it too many times, and you not only arouse suspicion as to why all these people are giving you these gifts, but one of them is bound to squeel. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2010, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/73 "2010-06-12T05:04:11Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > Can’t you put whatever you want into a bank vault? They don’t check that do they? Sure, you can put it in a safety deposit box. But it’s no good to you in a safety deposit box, you can’t spend it. But yes, if you’re worried about your house being broken into, this is a good way to store your cash. As for moving to another country, again the problem is how you move the cash. When you get off the plane in the other country, you’ll go through customs, and you’ll have to explain why you have a million dollars in cash. Customs officials can be bribed, but they don’t always stay bribed. You’ll be a prime target for theft as you spend your inexhaustible bucket of cash. This is a serious problem for drug trafficers, terrorists, and other criminals. Selling the drugs is only half the problem, the other half is turning the worthless cash into legitimate electronic money. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2010, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/74 "2010-06-12T07:35:50Z")
> [@joebuck20](#): > > Same here. I’d keep my job, and use the money to eat at nice restaurants a couple of times a week, get massages, treat my wife to spa outings. I’d also use to pay for things that I regularly use cash for like groceries, gas, etc. This is the only idea here that will work. (Well, Una’s idea will also work) A modest increase in your lifestyle will never get noticed. As far as bringing back from a foreign casino, you must declare more than $10000 in cash when bringing it over the border. Dudes, I have the letters “CAMS” after my name. Let me tell you this- never, _ever,_ attempt to structure cash. Yes, the bank will report a cash deposit of over $10000 on a CTR. So? So many of those are filed a year, that unless the amount and frequency is extraordinary, no one pays attention (but yes, in the OP’s case, $1million would get attention). But let us say you won $12,000.00 in a semi-legal poker game, and you wanted to put in the bank. Then _just do so_. If you deposit $9000 one day and $3000 the next, the bank may well file a SAR (Suspicious Activity Report)- _that_, they _do_ pay attention to, as the ex-governor of NY can tell you. Unless you get audited for other reasons, no one will ever see that CTR. A “Swiss” or other type _secret_ bank account is also a very bad idea. _Trust me._ Buying a few gold or silver coins once in a while at a show setting isn’t a bad idea. But hundreds of them might get noticed too. Of course, just about every idea other than Una’s is likely illegal to some extent. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2010, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/75 "2010-06-12T11:17:52Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > Sure, you can put it in a safety deposit box. But it’s no good to you in a safety deposit box, you can’t spend it. But yes, if you’re worried about your house being broken into, this is a good way to store your cash. > > As for moving to another country, again the problem is how you move the cash. When you get off the plane in the other country, you’ll go through customs, and you’ll have to explain why you have a million dollars in cash. Customs officials can be bribed, but they don’t always stay bribed. You’ll be a prime target for theft as you spend your inexhaustible bucket of cash. > > This is a serious problem for drug trafficers, terrorists, and other criminals. Selling the drugs is only half the problem, the other half is turning the worthless cash into legitimate electronic money. There are ways to get out of the country without going through customs - boats. You can get a sailboat and bop around to your hearts content. You will hit customs coming back through, but no pesky TSA inspection to get on your boar and slope off. Just toss in an extra seabag, and spend some quality time at sea making little stashes all over the boat. You can take a sailboat all over the place, and skip along the shore of the US until you hit the mexican border, east or west coast and unpack, and pick up a plane to anywhere, or continue passage on a bigger ship, or move into a little shack on the beach in Rio. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2010, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/76 "2010-06-12T12:18:02Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Know people with lots of money in the bank? People who know how to keep their mouths shut? No criminal mastermind I, but from what reading I’ve done I’m pretty sure that if I were considering anything illegal, my first rule would be TELL NO ONE! > [@](#): > > Just use Cash for EVERYTHING that you do not get a bill for… As someone else has observed, you’ll want to make that ALMOST everything. I remember when one of my state’s felonious ex-govs was on trial, one piece of evidence was that he NEVER paid for ANYTHING other than with cash. So yeah - accept the windfall for what it is and be patient. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2010, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/77 "2010-06-12T12:36:50Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > As someone else has observed, you’ll want to make that ALMOST everything. I remember when one of my state’s felonious ex-govs was on trial, one piece of evidence was that he NEVER paid for ANYTHING other than with cash. So yeah - accept the windfall for what it is and be patient. In fact, it might be worthwhile to spend some of your Sub Shop paycheck on very thrifty bulk buys that have a good paper trail. That way, part of your public persona is “thrifty guy who buys the necessities cheap, so his money goes further”. This will help throw off suspicion that you are living way above your means. This is a fun thread. It’s like fantasizing about winning the lottery, combined with the tangy taste of living outside the law. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2010, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/78 "2010-06-12T13:04:31Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > The problem with a small business as a front to launder money is highlighted in your last paragraph. Even a cash-only business is going to have documented or expected expenses and income, and if you are substantially outside of that someone will likely ask questions sooner or later. (The IRS offers a bounty for reporting tax cheating that is some percentage of the money recovered.) > > Stranger I’m saying that in the right business which is traditionally cash you can file a very convincing claim and as long as your spending isn’t far more extravagant than your business shows on the books you should be okay. I dealt with this as a working musician. The IRS is generally happy with offical documents that are filled out correctly. It’s possible to get audited and it’s not fool proof. I’m not saying don’t work and create a bogus business. I’m saying create a real business. As a musician or a self employed computer tech or something like that you could claim a slightly higher income than you actually had without much suspicion. On certain jobs such as musician you could claim tips that were higher than they were in reality. Got $50 in the tip jar. Claim $150. Chances are , as long as your books look good, no questions will be asked. Not fool proof, I know. I just think as long as you’re not to extravagant you’ll be okay. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2010, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/79 "2010-06-12T13:05:46Z")
I’ve always kind of wondered how much it would cost to buy a politician, and whether it would be worth it. A lot of politicians are lawyers, and know their way around the various legal loopholes. Of course, a lot of pols only THINK they know their way around the loopholes… ---
**Author:** ![Cyros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@Cyros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyros)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2010, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/80 "2010-06-12T13:48:07Z")
> [@ChrisBooth12](#): > > if you loose you loose When you’re tight, you’re tight. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788.md?page=5)