# You find a million dollars in a bag.. you are keeping it. How? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 11, 2010, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788 "2010-06-11T13:03:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2010, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/121 "2010-06-14T21:28:13Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > If I get called on it, I will tell the government that I am being “kept” by a big name person with a family image. I will describe in great graphic detail the bizarre sexual things he makes me do… If you need help practicing your story by telling someone about bizarre sexual things you are made to do, be sure to let me know…😉 ---
**Author:** ![lobstermobster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobstermobster/32/10033_2.png) [@lobstermobster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobstermobster)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2010, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/122 "2010-06-14T22:09:37Z")
I fell asleep watching Breaking Bad last night and had a stress dream about needing to launder my drug money. I didn’t think of the angle where I tell people I’m being kept by a wealthy man. I certainly don’t know enough about anything to start a business legitimate or not. It would definitely have to look like a series of cash gifts. Or Jewelry. Diamonds are the currency of the underworld. I learned that from Law and Order so it must be right. Cooking meth is so stressful. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/123 "2010-06-15T01:08:53Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Why not just get money orders here and there, $150 or so at a time, using 7/11 stores and check cashing sites? I’ve seen people buying boatloads of them in line - even making them out to the electric company and other utilities. I guess they make you do that if you bounce a check? > > I think you could make a monthly trip to several different stores, and get 3-4 of the same money orders each time with no trouble at all. You don’t have to put down who it’s made out to. > > Or purchase traveler’s checks at different banks each month? _Structuring_, and they’d detect you either buying or using them, and you’d be in deep trouble. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/124 "2010-06-15T01:10:47Z")
> [@Smitty](#): > > Instead of STARTING a cash business, I would contact someone who already HAS a cash business. He puts me on the payroll, and every two weeks I give him, say $3000 in cash and he gives me a check for $2500. I can show legitimate income and he mixes in the cash with the rest. Well, don’t you think the drug dealers haven’t thought of this, and also the Feds? Next, you’re just laundering $60K a year, which amount you could just spend in cash by bumping up your lifestyle in a non-showy way. ---
**Author:** ![glowacks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/glowacks/32/5548_2.png) [@glowacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glowacks)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/125 "2010-06-15T01:44:01Z")
> [@cardinal\_fang](#): > > Why not just deposit the money in the bank, fill out the forms, declare the income to the IRS, pay the taxes, and go about your business? I definitely would like a good answer to this. I know a few reasons why you might consider trying to launder or otherwise hide the money, but doing what is legal and straightforward seems to be the best answer to me. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/126 "2010-06-15T01:54:58Z")
> [@glowacks](#): > > I definitely would like a good answer to this. I know a few reasons why you might consider trying to launder or otherwise hide the money, but doing what is legal and straightforward seems to be the best answer to me. And the answer is: see my post #106. Short- i\*t’d work. \* ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/127 "2010-06-15T03:06:09Z")
> [@drachillix](#): > > My .02 cents worth, open a pawn shop. Lots of opportunites to filter your cash through the mix. Hey, chip in your 2 cents 49,999,999 more times, then you can legally account for the entire million. Oh .02 cents? Better make it 5 billion times total 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/128 "2010-06-15T03:24:58Z")
> [@glowacks](#): > > I definitely would like a good answer to this. I know a few reasons why you might consider trying to launder or otherwise hide the money, but doing what is legal and straightforward seems to be the best answer to me. Because whoever lost it would find you and take it back. And probably do very bad things to you. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/129 "2010-06-15T03:47:51Z")
> [@Justin\_Credible](#): > > Because whoever lost it would find you and take it back. And probably do very bad things to you. We have posted ways to prevent this, for example putting $100K in each of ten not very local banks, getting a CTR from each that totals $1M. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/130 "2010-06-15T04:31:03Z")
I doubt that will stop the very rich and connected individual(s) who lost a million dollars in a bag. They’ll be at your front door in a number of days. ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/131 "2010-06-15T04:50:01Z")
I’d leave it alone. Seriously. Reason being, T. Boone Pickens and Bill Gates don’t drop bags of cash on their way to the bank. If you “found” a million bucks, someone left it someplace and is going to come looking for it. They’re highly unlikely to be nice people and will probably make life very difficult for the person who disrupted their plans. In fact, when you move that bag of money, someone is probably going to get hurt or die because of your interference. I have full use of my limbs and all of my senses, and AFAIK I’m relatively healthy. Not going to sacrifice that for just a million bucks! But okay… I’ll play along. So I have found a cool million and nobody’s after me. I agree with the approach that this is the day I stop going to ATMs. Instead, everything I buy day-to-day is for cash. Groceries, gas, consumer durables. And no-one’s mentioned this, but I have good credit. Can I just use my credit card, charge ridiculous amounts and get cash advances, but pay it off via money order at the end of the month? Really, a million bucks ain’t that much. The problem is you can’t buy anything that is wealth-generating with cash without capturing someone’s attention. Bad guys or good guys, and neither group is one you want to screw with. Essentially, I’d get used to looking for stuff I’d want on Craigslist etc. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/132 "2010-06-15T14:25:28Z")
> [@jtgain](#): > > Or a strip club. at least long enough for the auditions. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/133 "2010-06-15T14:28:41Z")
> [@Smitty](#): > > Instead of STARTING a cash business, I would contact someone who already HAS a cash business. He puts me on the payroll, and every two weeks I give him, say $3000 in cash and he gives me a check for $2500. I can show legitimate income and he mixes in the cash with the rest. Hey. THat’s interesting. Of course now you are paying $500 on every 3 grand plus you’ll pay taxes but still, it’s a lot of money for a little work. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/134 "2010-06-15T14:33:10Z")
> [@cardinal\_fang](#): > > Why not just deposit the money in the bank, fill out the forms, declare the income to the IRS, pay the taxes, and go about your business? I wonder how that would work. Didn’t someone mention that many states have laws concerning lost money. I’d be concerned that whomever lost the money would find out and want it back and that it might be something illegal. I don’t want to deal with a drug dealer who lost a million. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/135 "2010-06-15T14:39:48Z")
Okay, how 'bout this. I take the bag, and I put it in a safe deposit box for a year. Then I move. I live in the new place, at least 1000 miles from the other place, for a year. I put the money, and some idiosyncratic identifiers, like Jar-Jar Binks action figure and a Patric Roy hockey card into a used, but different duffelbag. I tell the cops - in my new locale - I’ve found this money. No one comes forward that can identify the stash. I’m two years and 1000 miles from the original loss, and everything identifying has been changed, except the bills. I pay my taxes and enjoy my windfall. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/136 "2010-06-15T14:41:17Z")
> [@Hippy\_Hollow](#): > > I’d leave it alone. Seriously. > > Reason being, T. Boone Pickens and Bill Gates don’t drop bags of cash on their way to the bank. If you “found” a million bucks, someone left it someplace and is going to come looking for it. They’re highly unlikely to be nice people and will probably make life very difficult for the person who disrupted their plans. > > In fact, when you move that bag of money, someone is probably going to get hurt or die because of your interference. > > I have full use of my limbs and all of my senses, and AFAIK I’m relatively healthy. Not going to sacrifice that for just a million bucks! > > But okay… I’ll play along. So I have found a cool million and nobody’s after me. > > I agree with the approach that this is the day I stop going to ATMs. Instead, everything I buy day-to-day is for cash. Groceries, gas, consumer durables. > > And no-one’s mentioned this, but I have good credit. Can I just use my credit card, charge ridiculous amounts and get cash advances, but pay it off via money order at the end of the month? > > Really, a million bucks ain’t that much. The problem is you can’t buy anything that is wealth-generating with cash without capturing someone’s attention. Bad guys or good guys, and neither group is one you want to screw with. > > Essentially, I’d get used to looking for stuff I’d want on Craigslist etc. Here’s another laundering idea. Find crap to sell on Craig’s list and inflate the prices. HAve yeard sales, Start a flea market business. Over a period of years it could explain extra income. In the meantime you can still pay for groceries, gas, nights out etc, in cash. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/137 "2010-06-15T14:44:30Z")
Or you could buy expensive things for cash and then tell authorities you got them at a flea market or garage sale, or even that you found it. “I picked it up cause I thought it was pretty. What, it’s very rare and worth $5K. I had no idea…” ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/138 "2010-06-15T14:46:25Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Okay, how 'bout this. I take the bag, and I put it in a safe deposit box for a year. Then I move. I live in the new place, at least 1000 miles from the other place, for a year. I put the money, and some idiosyncratic identifiers, like Jar-Jar Binks action figure and a Patric Roy hockey card into a used, but different duffelbag. I tell the cops - in my new locale - I’ve found this money. > > No one comes forward that can identify the stash. I’m two years and 1000 miles from the original loss, and everything identifying has been changed, except the bills. > > I pay my taxes and enjoy my windfall. pretty good. Patient too. Sounds like it would work unless thee serial numbers match something. I’d be hard pressed to be that patient unless the money looked trackable. I also would be cynical enouugh to believe if I actually gave it up I’d never see it again. Another thought. Would the police fingerprint an amount like that to try and find the source? ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/139 "2010-06-15T14:48:20Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Or you could buy expensive things for cash and then tell authorities you got them at a flea market or garage sale, or even that you found it. “I picked it up cause I thought it was pretty. What, it’s very rare and worth $5K. I had no idea…” Antigues might work as well. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788/140 "2010-06-15T14:54:06Z")
> [@Justin\_Credible](#): > > I doubt that will stop the very rich and connected individual(s) who lost a million dollars in a bag. They’ll be at your front door in a number of days. That would be my fear. Excited at the thought of finding it and scared to death about bad guys tracking me down. Laying low for a long time and nusing cash for incidentals makes sense. Laundering the money in small amounts over a long period. I suppose if the money wasn’t in sequntial serial numbers you’d also have to do a little research to see if it was marked in some other way before spending any of it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-a-million-dollars-in-a-bag-you-are-keeping-it-how/542788.md?page=8)