# You find Saddam, what do you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [April 4, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559 "2003-04-04T21:42:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Labor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Labor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labor)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/1 "2003-04-04T21:42:11Z")
Imagine you are a soldier/marine in Iraq… You are on routine patrol when you stop a car. The car for some unexplained reason stops and is cooperative. You get all the passengers out and on the ground. Then, while searching one of them you discover that it is Saddam. What do you do? The obvious answers… 1. Shoot him, tell your superiors that he resisted. 2. Detain him, make a call to your superior, big “atta boy”, appearances on Leno, Letterman, visit W at the White House, etc. etc. All right creative dopers, what do you do? ---
**Author:** ![WillSantini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ed8c4c/32.png) [@WillSantini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WillSantini)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/2 "2003-04-04T22:50:40Z")
Detain him, tell seniors, big “atta boy”, only give interview to Laurie Dhue over dinner. ---
**Author:** ![Akuma\_No\_Jikan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d26b3c/32.png) [@Akuma\_No\_Jikan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Akuma_No_Jikan)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/3 "2003-04-05T00:00:50Z")
I’d detaine him, but not because I want attention…but because I wouldn’t kill someone. It’s just something I wouldn’t do ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/4 "2003-04-05T00:14:31Z")
The temptation to kill the son-of-a-sow would be great, especially if you could get his two spawn with him. But really? . . . I’d lock him in a room with Geraldo Rivera. After all, Geraldo promised! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![hermann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b487fb/32.png) [@hermann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hermann)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/5 "2003-04-05T00:28:16Z")
WillSantini, that’s almost too hard of a decision to make, but I think the dinner would win out, too ---
**Author:** ![Dick\_Brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Dick\_Brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dick_Brown)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/6 "2003-04-05T01:01:22Z")
I would offer him a nice cup of hot cocoa, and tell him “Dude, the yankees are getting near… USE THE NUKES, DAMMIT!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/7 "2003-04-05T01:04:37Z")
I’d shoot him, tell my superiors that he resisted, and get a big “atta boy”, appearances on Leno, Letterman, visit W at the White House, etc. etc. The Laurie Dhue thing sound good, though… ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/8 "2003-04-05T01:19:46Z")
How the hell would you know it was him? I’ve seen probably 3 or 4 people on TV recently that could pass for Saddam. Unless you know him personally, I doubt you could identify him for sure. ---
**Author:** ![Matsky1981](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@Matsky1981](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Matsky1981)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/9 "2003-04-05T01:28:25Z")
I’d tell Saddam to “relax guy” and then pass wind, expiring ol’ Saddam /South Park ---
**Author:** ![Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boo_Boo_Foo)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/10 "2003-04-05T01:34:07Z")
I’d lock him up, and get one of San Francisco’s most outlandish drag queen clothes designers to fly on over, and give him complete makeover - totally over top like the maid played by Hank Azaria in the Bird Cage. Then, I’d pump him chock a block full of ecstasy and a truckload of other designer drugs - and then interview him about serious subjects while he was in a gay nightclub somewhere. Then, I’d release the tape to Al Jazeera. That should pretty well ruin his standing in the Arab World I rather think. ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/11 "2003-04-05T01:37:55Z")
Boo: I gotta hand it to you, that was one damn funny post! ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/12 "2003-04-05T01:54:01Z")
It depends: Do I have a gun, or a golf club? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![butter\_pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/13 "2003-04-05T02:25:06Z")
If I was absolutely, without a doubt sure it was him? I’d kill him. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/14 "2003-04-05T03:22:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Labor \* > You are on routine patrol when you stop a car. The car for some unexplained reason stops and is cooperative. You get all the passengers out and on the ground. Then, while searching one of them you discover that it is Saddam. > > What do you do? If you meet Saddam on the road, treat him as if he was the Buddha. 😃 [sub]Can’t believe nobody beat me to it![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Alcibiades](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/cab0a1/32.png) [@Alcibiades](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alcibiades)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/15 "2003-04-05T06:47:59Z")
Give him to the British, so he gets tried at the ICC. ---
**Author:** ![Gaijin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/838e76/32.png) [@Gaijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaijin)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/16 "2003-04-05T14:13:06Z")
I wouldn’t kill him, wouldn’t torture him- nothing nasty and painful. But there is one thing I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from doing- I’d shave off his mustache. Then I’d detain him and call my superiors. If anyone asks, well, he was like that when I found him. ---
**Author:** ![Sqube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@Sqube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sqube)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/17 "2003-04-07T01:08:43Z")
I’d kick him in the shins. Hard. Then detain him. ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/18 "2003-04-07T01:26:31Z")
I’d find a mob of average Iraqis, who would then overpower me and take my prisoner. Honest, cap’n, I tried to stop them. I think a Mussolini scene, created by the Iraqis, would look quite nice on Al-Jazeera’s “Good Morning, Damascus” show. ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/19 "2003-04-07T14:09:08Z")
If he offered his surrender, I would accept it. You have to do that. Can I substitute Daran Kagan for Laurie Dhue? (And really, wouldn’t you be able to go on all those shows as the guy who KILLED Saddam?) ---
**Author:** ![Alcibiades](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/cab0a1/32.png) [@Alcibiades](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alcibiades)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2003, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559/20 "2003-04-07T14:43:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by watsonwil \* > \*\*If he offered his surrender, I would accept it. You have to do that. > \*\* Wil again demonstrates his fundamental and true Texan-ness. 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-saddam-what-do-you-do/166559.md?page=2)