# You find yourself in control of a space ship. Where do you land it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 15, 2015, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327 "2015-09-15T04:21:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![slitterst](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecc23a/32.png) [@slitterst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slitterst)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/21 "2015-09-15T16:50:09Z")
Some quiet island in the South Pacific. I might want to escape the planet again so I’m not turning it over to any government. ---
**Author:** ![steronz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steronz/32/11765_2.png) [@steronz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steronz)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/22 "2015-09-15T16:54:04Z")
Scarlett Johansson’s back yard. Having my own frickin’ spaceship is probably the best shot I’ll ever have. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/23 "2015-09-15T16:59:09Z")
Send a message from orbit, perhaps with a really hideous-looking animated image. ‘PEOPLE OF EARTH! You have the extreme honour of becoming the GHRXLTHYNTI’s next source of sustenance! You will be kept very well. You will be healthy and happy. You will be SLAUGHTERED humanely, and roasted over our rivers of lava. Your bones will be savoured!’ Then switch to an actual (disguised) live feed of myself. ‘JUST KIDDING! AHAHAHAHAHA! Geez, you should see your faces! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!’ ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/24 "2015-09-15T17:11:05Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > ‘PEOPLE OF EARTH! You have the extreme honour of becoming the GHRXLTHYNTI’s next source of sustenance! You will be kept very well. You will be healthy and happy. You will be SLAUGHTERED humanely, and roasted over our rivers of lava. Your bones will be savoured!’’ Beginning in five of your Earth minutes! ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/25 "2015-09-15T17:12:57Z")
> [@The\_Angry\_Badger](#): > > This. > > Given control of the most advanced technology the world has ever seen, juvenile trolling and general dickishness is the only reasonable option. 😃 Hell, a frood’s gotta do what a frood’s gotta do, y’know? 🙂 Plenty of time to have some fun before finally opening negotiations with the assorted superpowers, before selling it to the U.S. government for about double Bill Gates’ net worth. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/26 "2015-09-15T17:28:39Z")
One thing, I am not going to Roswell again no matter what they promise, bunch of untrustworthy, spacecraft stealing sons of bi… Um never mind that, back to this. Would perhaps first go to the ISS - not to dock so much to be in a place which is publicly visible, and hang around for negotiations and to gather public support but staying out of weapons range. Would tend to go as public as possible as set up the earth landing zone for the greatest public viewing. ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/27 "2015-09-15T18:34:32Z")
In this scenario it sounds like I’d better get checked out by a proctologist, pronto! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/28 "2015-09-15T19:02:51Z")
> [@Stoneburg](#): > > It’s so obvious. Land outside of Scarlett Johanssons house and ask if she wants to go for a spin in your new space ship. Also tell her that Space Protocol requires she wear her Black Widow uniform onboard. Swing by a deli to get some snacks, and then ask her where she wants to go, and **absolutely stay away from all the Uranus jokes**. You’re a Space Captain now, act like it. **Tonight on SyFy** **[Stoneburg](http://www.quickmeme.com/img/b1/b1d6a39c4a5239c04cb5e6563a1ef3f5bef9e9834c771be1337ae29b35ddad89.jpg)** gets ripping drunk and kidnaps [the most desirable woman in motion pictures](http://www.snakkle.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/scarlett-johansson-horse-whisperer-GC.jpg), for a night of intergalactic love. After knocking over a package goods store for [refreshments](http://images.complex.com/complex/image/upload/t_article_image/fq6rpx5pczdqjxfjuocb.jpg), they might end up like [this](https://uschs.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/earth-vs-flying-saucers.jpg), or [this](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-H3WUmj6LOt8/Ubjh6NqYuSI/AAAAAAAAAP4/fzu5Xk9RUf4/s1600/RayHarryhausen.jpg), or maybe even [this](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/7753/1056/1600/explosion%20in%20space%202.jpg). But definitely [not like this](http://mspot.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/scarlett-johansson-sexy-pose.jpg). Tune in tonight for “_ **Chariots of the Sods?** _” at [del]half-passed Uranus[/del] 9:00PM. **Only on SyFy** > [@The\_Angry\_Badger](#): > > Yessir. Sorry Sir. > > _Gives you the finger as you turn your back_ I saw that. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/29 "2015-09-16T04:36:49Z")
Time for my thoughts on the question. > [@Trinopus](#): > > Area 51! > > Or maybe the East River, right by the United Nations building. Let all the world’s countries fight over it… > > The center of Antarctica: “Come and GET it!” > > Taunt and tease: almost land in Red Square, then almost land in Tienanmen square, then almost land in Times Square. Then boost again and keep playing. This is pretty close to my idea. Highly public appearances with thousands of witnesses. Then set the craft down somewhere quiet long enough to break into a sporting goods store and steal enough gear including a dirt bike and gas cans for an extended run in a desert. Get back on board and hop to some desolate spot in Arizona. Land it to where it will soon be covered in sand, break out the bike and head for civilization. The remaining crew gets clean executions. Cold hearted I know, but their options are slow death when resources run out or some government’s research lab. Basically there’s no government I would trust with that kind of advanced technology. ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/30 "2015-09-16T06:12:18Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > Then set the craft down somewhere quiet long enough to break into a sporting goods store and steal enough gear including a dirt bike and gas cans for an extended run in a desert. Get back on board and hop to some desolate spot in Arizona. Land it to where it will soon be covered in sand, break out the bike and head for civilization. The remaining crew gets clean executions. Cold hearted I know, but their options are slow death when resources run out or some government’s research lab. With a few slight modifications, we could change your plan to combine the plots of _Airwolf_ and _Alf_. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/31 "2015-09-16T09:38:22Z")
Cardiff, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Atomic\_Alex](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atomic_alex/32/175_2.png) [@Atomic\_Alex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomic_Alex)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/32 "2015-09-16T20:44:09Z")
My backyard of course, then just casually stroll into my house as if its the most natural thing in the world. > [@Trinopus](#): > > Taunt and tease: almost land in Red Square, then almost land in Tienanmen square, then almost land in Times Square. Then boost again and keep playing. This made me genuinely laugh out loud, but you probably shouldn’t pull that stunt too many times or the next city will be waiting to shoot you down! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/33 "2015-09-16T20:55:29Z")
Does it have windows, because I’m definitely going to want to moon Skywalker Ranch. Then kidnap a couple of auto guys to paint and pimp my new ride. When I finally land it on the White House lawn (after the Dems win the next election) I want it dazzling. (If the Repubs win I’m landing in Mexico City.) ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/34 "2015-09-16T21:17:11Z")
I’ll park it next to that [house with the huge shark sticking out of the roof](http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2014/11/10/1415637914615/Oxford-shark-house-012.jpg). No one will take notice. It’ll just seem normal for the neighborhood. What, I’m supposed to tell people I have it? Why? Nah, I’ll just leave it there for now. Maybe it’ll come in handy later. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/35 "2015-09-16T21:49:24Z")
I mean, technically, I’d probably just land it wherever NASA told me to. There’s not a big advantage to being put in jail or fined should I choose to disembark on Earth, because I chose to land somewhere not cleared for it. But, in the interest of humor, I do like the idea of trying to pull a Dr Who, picking a chick, landing near her, and asking if she wants to cruise the solar system. If nothing else, I’d be curious what the actual success rate is. Would the ship enable me to, for example, conquer a nation of my choice? ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/36 "2015-09-17T02:43:55Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Does it have windows Not as such. But it does have HD cameras and monitors to die for. > [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > I’ll park it next to that [house with the huge shark sticking out of the roof](http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2014/11/10/1415637914615/Oxford-shark-house-012.jpg). No one will take notice. It’ll just seem normal for the neighborhood. I did consider the hiding it in plain sight option. But that still leaves what to do with the dozen remaining crew. > [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > Would the ship enable me to, for example, conquer a nation of my choice? It is a research vessel so it doesn’t have any offensive weapons. But if you subscribe to the pen is mightier than the sword school and that knowledge is power, remember the onboard computer system that doesn’t even notice firewalls, encryption, or network security. You could likely blackmail, extort, or just create and plant evidence to make it to the top of most modern countries. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/37 "2015-09-17T02:55:11Z")
Land at the [Cadillac Graveyard](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadillac_Ranch) in Amarillo, get out, drop to my knees and yell “You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!” Climb back in and fly away. Land at Burning Man. Blend in. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2015, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/38 "2015-09-18T21:44:05Z")
Mecca. ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2015, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/39 "2015-09-18T23:04:15Z")
Park it off an abandoned highway and disguise it as a retro-future diner. Of course it would have to be open as a real diner to keep its cover. I hope one of the drones is a short order cook. Another good place would be an old amusement park, like Heritage USA. Cover it with rust colored paint and put a sign out front “Rocket to Heaven Ride!” ---
**Author:** ![Marion\_Wormer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d07c76/32.png) [@Marion\_Wormer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marion_Wormer)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2015, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327/40 "2015-09-18T23:34:41Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > Right outside the mansion where the Heaven’s Gate suicide happened. I’d linger there for a couple minutes as if I was waiting for people to come out and board. Then pull away. > > This is horrifically irresponsible. Please forgive me. [![](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0485/8793/files/1-IMG_3893_large.JPG?3269) ](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0485/8793/files/1-IMG_3893_large.JPG?3269) This is tactless, and insensitive and heartless. I’m sorry I posted it. Really, [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-find-yourself-in-control-of-a-space-ship-where-do-you-land-it/731327.md?page=3)