# You....fucking.....ASSHOLE!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 15, 2003, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402 "2003-05-15T10:18:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![pilot141](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e0b2c6/32.png) [@pilot141](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pilot141)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/1 "2003-05-15T10:18:21Z")
You do not deserve to live! You are the worst example of mouth-breathing dim-witted easily influenced fuckwads that I have ever seen! OK, based on personal experience backed up by [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=170894&highlight=speaker+sales) I know that the speaker sales out of the white van are a scam. So today I’m finishing up my errands with a stop at the supermarket (Albertson’s, for those who care). As I walk from my truck into the store I notice one of these vans, complete with the back doors open and some cheesehead working over some unsuspecting mark. As I walk by I hear “No, I said $200, that’s $200 apiece, not $200 for the pair.” The Mark: “I can’t afford $400.” The shithead: “Well how high can you go? These speakers are top quality.” As I walk by the mark, I tap him on the shoulder and say “Don’t buy it. It’s a scam. The speakers are shitty.” The shithead gets offended and says something about hooking these speakers up in my house. I say “Trust me, the speakers are junk, you’ll be wasting your money.” and I walk into the store. Less than a minute after I enter the store I see the mark come in…good, he didn’t buy the speakers. I feel good about saving some guy from getting burned by this scam. Ten minutes later I’m done shopping and I go out to the parking lot…only to find that my truck now has TWO FLAT TIRES because these FUCKHEADS have SLASHED MY TIRES!!! Yes, because I scared this one guy off, they have decided that I must be punished. TWO flat tires, both of which CANNOT be repaired because they punctured the sidewall. I (amazingly) calmly put my groceries in the truck, and begin walking back into the store while I call the cops. Before I even get to the entrance a cop pulls into the parking lot. I flag him down and ask him if he is looking for a white Ford van. He says “yes” and I tell him to take a look at what they did. He has already been called by other people concerned about the shitheads selling speakers. Unfortunately he did not arrive in time to see said shitheads slashing my tires. He took my complaint but said that they could not prove that the dickbreaths did it since I didn’t see them. I filed a report with the cop, just in case. I then drove my crippled truck a block to the nearest tire place where I almost got a standing ovation. After I told them my story I got a $40 discount and some advice: maybe the Albertson’s has a security camera watching the lot. After paying $260 for two new tires I go back to the Albertson’s and talk to the manager. Lo and behold, they have a security camera, but it looks straight out and they don’t know if my parking space will be covered. I give them my phone number and go home. Less than an hour later, Albertson’s calls me. They have video of a white van circling my truck twice, then stopping on the driver’s side while one guy gets out and jabs two things into my tires. The van then drives off. After they told me this I called the cops and let them know that there is evidence of the shitheads slashing my tires. They are sending an investigator to the supermarket tomorrow. Of course, I doubt that anything will come of this. Even with the video, I doubt that they can nail the asshat who actually did it. But just like terrorists, their actions did not have the desired effect. Did they expect to scare me away from calling them on their scam in the future? Well, they fucked up. If I ever see one of these white vans again I’m going to walk up, start writing down their license plate and tell the “mark” that this deal is a scam. If the dickface seller starts giving me shit I’ll tell him that I’m calling the cops because his stellar company has a criminal complaint against it from me. What happens after that remains to be seen…but I can tell you that I will now be the biggest crusader imaginable against these assholes!! Oh, you lost a sale on your shitty speakers? Please, vandalize my vehicle you fucking dickless wonder!! I’m sure that if people knew that you slashed tires they’d be MUCH more likely to buy your product!! ASSHOLE!!! ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/2 "2003-05-15T10:38:06Z")
You had the courage to save someone some money and you got pissed on for it by the assholes you screwed out of a mark. Tell me you expected different. I’m agreeing with your actions and your premise, and I do hope those fucktards end up in prison with Bubba the Assrammer, but you should feel lucky that your tires got it and not your face. Wolves have been known to bite. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/3 "2003-05-15T14:43:30Z")
Pilot Rocks! Really! ---
**Author:** ![sperfur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9adbd/32.png) [@sperfur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sperfur)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/4 "2003-05-15T15:07:38Z")
Congrats for having the guts to be the good guy. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/5 "2003-05-15T15:14:49Z")
You may at least have a civil case against these ass-pimples. The video would probably be good enough in small claims court to make them pay for your tires. Give it a shot. Oh, and good on you for scaring off the mark. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/6 "2003-05-15T15:31:31Z")
God, I read that other thread, I thought it was just here. They started telling me how I needed the surround sound speakers for my TV. The looks on their faces when I said, “I don’t have a TV, why would I need speakers?”… Assclowns. ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/7 "2003-05-15T15:36:40Z")
Good for you, man. Get those bastards! On a humerous (?) side note, a guy I know who’s always been a bit of a weasel got taken by this scam, then brought the speakers to a party and started trying to pawn them off on the rest of us! -everyone- knew exactly what happened, and we all had a good laugh at how he’d been ‘taken’. ---
**Author:** ![Rhum\_Runner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rhum\_Runner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhum_Runner)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/8 "2003-05-15T16:07:46Z")
Good for you. I hope the police nail 'em. Life is too short to listen to shity speakers! ---
**Author:** ![byter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e480ec/32.png) [@byter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/byter)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/9 "2003-05-16T12:17:01Z")
Excellent job!! Let us know if the cops follow through? ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/10 "2003-05-16T17:52:00Z")
Well done! No good deed goes unpunished, but well done anyway! 🙂 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/11 "2003-05-16T21:05:17Z")
Next time, make a show of noting the guy’s liscence plate. Even if you don’t remember it, it might scare them off from trying anything. And good for you for warning the mark off. If there were more people like you in the world, there’d be less people like the jerkoffs in the van. ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/12 "2003-05-16T21:55:35Z")
Applaudable, foolish. You pretty much got what you deserved for not watching your back after screwing up some crackheads meal. I don’t mean to be so blunt, but what the fuck were you thinking? Sam ---
**Author:** ![pilot141](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e0b2c6/32.png) [@pilot141](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pilot141)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/13 "2003-05-17T00:10:20Z")
Update as of Friday, 16 May. The Albertson’s has agreed to release the videotape (some legal hurdles to clear, apparently). The cop who took my complaint has had the past two days off, but I expect to hear from him when he comes back on duty. Thanks to everyone for letting me know that there is still SOME hope left for humanity! As for those who question what I was thinking, I thought I made that pretty clear in the OP. I was trying to prevent someone from getting screwed by a scam. Now, I was not ratting out a narc in some crackhouse - I was letting someone know about a scam in a supermarket parking lot! I admit that I was pissed off when the assholes slashed my tires, because I did NOT expect that to happen. But like I said in the OP, I would do it again, even knowing the consequences. And if I see these asshats again, I will call them out again - but I will be paying attention to their license plates, and I will wait around until they leave. Was it a pain in my ass and expensive? Yes. Would I do it again? Emphatically YES! I think it’s just being a decent person - trying to help your fellow man not get screwed. That I got a violent reaction does not reflect on ME, it reflects on the knuckle-dragging shitheads who slashed my tires. ---
**Author:** ![shep\_proudfoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90db22/32.png) [@shep\_proudfoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shep_proudfoot)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/14 "2003-05-17T00:22:02Z")
Well, you should of minded your own business and not have gotten into his. If I am trying to sell something and someone like you messes up my sale and my money, I am going to be really pissed. Think about minding your own business when you get those tires fixed. SP ---
**Author:** ![SylverOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@SylverOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SylverOne)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/15 "2003-05-17T00:32:12Z")
Originally posted by **shep proudfoot** > [@](#): > > I am going to be really pissed. Getting pissed isn’t illegal. Slashing someones tires is. Looks to me like the OP’s perpetrator isn’t the only asshole in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/16 "2003-05-17T00:52:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SylverOne \* > \*\*Originally posted by **shep proudfoot** > Getting pissed isn’t illegal. Slashing someones tires is. > > Looks to me like the OP’s perpetrator isn’t the only asshole in this thread. \*\* What do you expect from a guy who names himself after a _third-rate_ villain from **Fargo**? Dude, if you’re going to be all “In your face, 'cause I’m a super badguy” on a message board, at least pick a decent villain like Castor Troy, or Magneto, or someone else with street cred. Shep Proudfoot isn’t even on the fucking [first billed](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0116282) list. Why don’t you just name yourself **CHIEF LITTLE-WIENER**? Oh yeah, and you’re a major fuckazoid for taking the tire-slasher’s side. Justifying thug-dom is the sign of small wien- oops, I mean minds. ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/17 "2003-05-17T00:57:22Z")
Whoops, my bad. He _is_ on the first-billed list, but he’s listed way under Steve Buscemi. How badly does your villain suck when he’s listed underneath Steve Buscemi? ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Joe\_Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Random)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/18 "2003-05-17T01:19:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by shep proudfoot \* > **If I am trying to sell something and someone like you messes up my sale and my money, I am going to be really pissed.** And if you’re trying to rip people off, then you _deserve_ losing the sale and not getting the money. But, really, who in their right mind would buy something as expensive as speakers _out of the back of a van_? I mean, isn’t that just _asking_ to get ripped off. ---
**Author:** ![Ooner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/c67d28/32.png) [@Ooner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ooner)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/19 "2003-05-17T01:33:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by shep proudfoot \* > \*\*Well, you should of minded your own business and not have gotten into his. > > If I am trying to sell something and someone like you messes up my sale and my money, I am going to be really pissed. > > Think about minding your own business when you get those tires fixed. > > SP \*\* Next time I see you about to accidentally step in front of a bus, I’ll make sure not to say “watch out” Would hate to be thought a busybody, you know… ---
**Author:** ![Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wonko_The_Sane)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402/20 "2003-05-17T05:26:06Z")
Chilluns- Don’t feed the Troll-ey Woley. Though I must say, Shep Proudfoot is such a cutesey-wutesey namey-wamey! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-asshole/175402.md?page=2)