# You fucking, jerk-offs.... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 12, 2000, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620 "2000-10-12T01:29:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![sk8rixtx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@sk8rixtx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sk8rixtx)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/1 "2000-10-12T01:29:20Z")
Out of all of my real-life friends (Yeah,I have plenty. Probably more than you, fuckhead) only two remembered my birthday. During lunch today, everyone got up and sang happy birthday… no, not to me. To my dumbass neighbor, whose birthday isn’t for another week. Screw you assholes. ``` So you're saying "Dude, it's just a birthday, it's no big deal." Fuck you "No big deal"!! Do you know how shitty and uncared for you feel, when your own friends don't care enough to say "Hey man, Happy Birthday"? I always remember theirs. There is never a birthday that goes by with out me walking up to one of my friends, atleast three times a day to say happy birthday. I let them know I care. "Oh, Sk8, you're doing this for pity..." Fuck pity! I'm pissed.... ``` ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/2 "2000-10-12T01:36:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sk8rixtx \* > > **Out of all of my real-life friends (Yeah,I have plenty. Probably more than you, fuckhead) only two remembered my birthday.** Maybe it was that winning personality… Tell you what, “fuckhead” - when you’re done blowing out those candles, you can blow me. * * * Yer pal, Satan - Commissioner, [The Teeming Minions](http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/full/show?lid=39428&page=leaguehome) _TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING: Six months, two days, 23 hours, 36 minutes and 59 seconds. 7439 cigarettes not smoked, saving $929.92. Extra time with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 4 days, 19 hours, 55 minutes._ ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/3 "2000-10-12T01:36:53Z")
I hate mentioning it’s my birthday because I normally get the “you’re that old? I thought you were older/younger than that!” line. In school, it’s always the “you’re so old” line. Outside of school, it’s the other one. Makes me feel stupid. Stupid fuckheads for making me feel dumb on my birthday. ---
**Author:** ![sk8rixtx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@sk8rixtx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sk8rixtx)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/4 "2000-10-12T01:46:52Z")
> [@](#): > > Satan posted: Tell you what, “fuckhead” - when you’re done blowing out those candles, you can blow me. That actually made me laugh. I think I have a new sig. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/5 "2000-10-12T02:00:18Z")
> [@](#): > > You fucking, jerk-offs… Make up your mind, pal… are they fucking, or jerking off? ---
**Author:** ![xThea\_Logica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/6bbea6/32.png) [@xThea\_Logica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xThea_Logica)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/6 "2000-10-12T02:45:48Z")
I can top it, Sk8. I forgot my **own** birthday once. No shit. I was at work and a bouquet arrived for me from my mother, whose birthday is two days before mine (I remembered hers, btw). I looked at the calender… ---
**Author:** ![sk8rixtx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@sk8rixtx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sk8rixtx)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/7 "2000-10-12T03:00:20Z")
> [@](#): > > SPOOFE posted: Make up your mind, pal… are they fucking, or jerking off? I guess it’s open to interperetation. ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/8 "2000-10-12T07:29:33Z")
> [@](#): > > I guess it’s open to interperetation. seems like it should be pretty clear-cut one or the other to me, but hey, whaddo I know? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/9 "2000-10-12T07:56:57Z")
> [@](#): > > seems like it should be pretty clear-cut one or the other to me, but hey, whaddo I know? Apparently, not enough. Remember: “Jerking off” is when you’re doing it solo, “Fucking” is what guys like me never get to do. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/10 "2000-10-12T08:19:19Z")
My friends know that mentioning my natal birthday is _forbidden_. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/11 "2000-10-12T16:04:48Z")
Rant on! Hell, I _am_ popular, and everybody forgot _my_ birthday as well. The rest of 'em either still don’t know, or only know now because I _told_ them. And what did I get? Well, my folks got me a gift, and my friend Rod got me a birthday card, but then we were in the same hotel room on my birthday. Other than that, I got two late e-mails, one late thread here on the SDMB (and again after I _said_ something about my birthday having _passed_), and one late e-card - _that’s it_. Thiry-fucking-two years old and I’m already a has-been. Blah. I hate my friends. I’m moving to San Diego, you fuck-ups! 😃 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/12 "2000-10-12T20:12:03Z")
Happy Birthday!!! ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/13 "2000-10-12T21:15:13Z")
Money’s tight, Times are hard, Here’s your fucking birthday card. ---
**Author:** ![RosieWolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bc79bd/32.png) [@RosieWolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RosieWolf)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/14 "2000-10-12T21:19:27Z")
thirty dirty two???.. hahahhhhahaha you young slutpuppy… aint tellin ya how old i am… u figure it out… on ur little color coded pocket calculator… rofl ---
**Author:** ![sk8rixtx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@sk8rixtx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sk8rixtx)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/15 "2000-10-12T23:49:59Z")
> [@](#): > > Esprix posted: Rant on! Hell, I am popular, and everybody forgot my birthday as well. Are you telling me that I’m not popular? I’ll pretend like you didn’t type that first sentince. Anyways, I think we should start our own “Neglected Friend Club.” You in, Esprix? ---
**Author:** ![Gollum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gollum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gollum)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2000, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/16 "2000-10-13T03:28:35Z")
Why are you all so keen to proclaim how popular you are? Deep seated insecurities anyone? ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2000, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/17 "2000-10-13T07:51:38Z")
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me. But they do remember my birthday. ---
**Author:** ![Commander\_Fortune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Commander\_Fortune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Commander_Fortune)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2000, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/18 "2000-10-13T11:09:41Z")
> [@](#): > > aint tellin ya how old i am… u figure it out… on ur little color coded pocket calculator… rofl You multiply by seven to get dog years, right? ---
**Author:** ![Gravity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gravity/32/14322_2.png) [@Gravity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gravity)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2000, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/19 "2000-10-13T13:59:49Z")
Well, hon… Years and years ago, this was… Everyone forgot my 16th birthday. Parents, grandparents, friends…everyone. I guess it was a busy year. Being an introverted little gal, I decided not to mention it. About two months later, my mom remembered. She was pretty upset with herself for forgetting. Never did get me a gift, though. I don’t put much store in birthdays, myself. But if it will make you feel better, Happy late birthday. K. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2000, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620/20 "2000-10-13T15:52:30Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **sk8rixtx** _ > > Are you telling me that I’m not popular? I’ll pretend like you didn’t type that first sentince. {hee hee} Well, you kind of _implied_… never mind! 😉 > [@](#): > > Anyways, I think we should start our own “Neglected Friend Club.” You in, Esprix? I’m with ya, paisan. Let’s go outside and eat worms… Esprix [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-fucking-jerk-offs/36620.md?page=2)