# You got bitten where?!!!! warning poisoned penis ensues
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-bitten-where-warning-poisoned-penis-ensues/539368
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [May 14, 2010, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-bitten-where-warning-poisoned-penis-ensues/539368 "2010-05-14T00:36:28Z")
**Posts on this page:** 10
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@madrabbitwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madrabbitwoman)
#### Post date: [May 14, 2010, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-bitten-where-warning-poisoned-penis-ensues/539368/1 "2010-05-14T00:36:28Z")
> **[Australian News Headlines | Yahoo News Australia](https://au.news.yahoo.com/)**
>
> Breaking news and stories that really matter to Australians. From cost of living and politics, to weather and the environment - get all the latest updates.
> [@](#):
>
> A tourist having a snooze after a skinny-dip woke up with a nasty surprise - a bite on his penis from a venomous Kiwi spider.
I’m crossing my legs and I’m not even male:eek:
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### Author:  [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)
#### Post date: [May 14, 2010, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-bitten-where-warning-poisoned-penis-ensues/539368/2 "2010-05-14T03:40:35Z")
I like the Front-Page headline: “Skinny-dipping tourist bitten down under”.
Oh, and eek.
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### Author:  [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)
#### Post date: [May 14, 2010, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-bitten-where-warning-poisoned-penis-ensues/539368/3 "2010-05-14T03:44:19Z")
> [@](#):
>
> “He woke to find his penis swollen and painful…”
‘Say, doc. Can you get rid of the pain and keep the swelling?’
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### Author:  [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)
#### Post date: [May 14, 2010, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-bitten-where-warning-poisoned-penis-ensues/539368/4 "2010-05-14T06:36:00Z")
When I was in Girl Scouts (in Kentucky) there were rumors that black widows and big scary wolf spiders were hiding in the camp latrines. The result was that no one ever wanted to sit on the seat so the latrines became rather messy and some girls just held it until the daily hike, when they could run and hide behind a bush.
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### Author:  [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)
#### Post date: [May 14, 2010, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-bitten-where-warning-poisoned-penis-ensues/539368/5 "2010-05-14T08:23:49Z")
I can imagine his mate on the phone to the Emergency services.
Mate: my friend, he has been bitten by a spider, it’s all swollen and …
EMT: _you need to get the poison out - suck and spit_
Mate: but, it is his … - whats going to happen to him if I don’t
EMT: _it will be real bad_
Bitee: what did they say, what do we need to do
Mate: \ it’s gonna be real bad…
Si
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### Author:  [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)
#### Post date: [May 14, 2010, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-bitten-where-warning-poisoned-penis-ensues/539368/6 "2010-05-14T09:05:33Z")
I lived in NZ for thirty years, right smack dab in the middle of Katipo Spider country (sandy beach coast), and I never even saw one.
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### Author:  [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)
#### Post date: [May 14, 2010, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-bitten-where-warning-poisoned-penis-ensues/539368/7 "2010-05-14T20:41:48Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Katipo spiders … bite only rarely, and in defense.
Maybe the spider imagined himself in a sword fight?
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### Author:  [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)
#### Post date: [May 14, 2010, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-bitten-where-warning-poisoned-penis-ensues/539368/8 "2010-05-14T21:00:29Z")
My Australian neighbor always said Kiwis were a bunch of dick munchers. Guess he was right.
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### Author:  [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2010, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-bitten-where-warning-poisoned-penis-ensues/539368/9 "2010-05-15T01:27:06Z")
> [@si\_blakely](#):
>
> I can imagine his mate on the phone to the Emergency services.
>
> Mate: my friend, he has been bitten by a spider, it’s all swollen and ..
> EMT: _you need to get the poison out - suck and spit_
> Mate: but, it is his … - whats going to happen to him if I don’t
> EMT: _it will be real bad_
> Bitee: what did they say, what do we need to do
> Mate: \ it’s gonna be real bad…
>
> Si
A timeless classic among my circle of friends. As I heard it, the punchline was “Doctor said you gonna die.”
And, from the linked article:
\*
he was treated at Whangarei Hospital \*
😃
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### Author:  [@nachtmusick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nachtmusick)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2010, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-bitten-where-warning-poisoned-penis-ensues/539368/10 "2010-05-16T10:06:35Z")
My brother is a soldier. While on practice maneuvers in the south of the US, one of his squad-mates woke up with a tick thoroughly attached to his “gun”.
The poor bastard deserved a lot of sympathy at that moment, but the Sergeant instead used him as a training exercise. He explained to the rest of the squad that only female ticks sought blood, and that the young Private should be thrilled that he had finally found a woman that was willing to suck his dick. Furthermore, congratulations were in order, because his new girlfriend was almost certainly pregnant.
The squad then heaped praise and well-wishes upon the unhappy couple.