# You got someone a book for Christmas, Ok to read it before giving it to them? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 2, 2013, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315 "2013-12-02T22:39:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/201 "2013-12-06T00:18:24Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Why would it be incumbent upon you to tell someone stuff like that if you know they would disapprove, And there it is. You can be pretty sure it would be disapproved of. Some people think they can “get away with it” by carefully reading the book so as to not look tacky. If you want to read a book, buy it for yourself. If you want to give a book as a gift, buy it and give it. Really not complicated. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/202 "2013-12-06T14:41:10Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > And there it is. You can be pretty sure it would be disapproved of. Some people think they can “get away with it” by carefully reading the book so as to not look tacky. If you want to read a book, buy it for yourself. If you want to give a book as a gift, buy it and give it. Really not complicated. I can’t think of a single person I actually know in real life who would care about it. No doubt I must be wrong in a few cases, but I’m certainly not “sure it would be disapproved of” if I can’t even figure out which people might care. One would carefully read the book to maintain its condition, not as part of a scheme to deceive. Many of us truly do not believe that there is anything wrong with the practice, and are not trying to “get away with” anything. When giving a gift, there is no need to say anything at all beyond “Merry Christmas,” “Happy Birthday,” etc. You need and should not explain where you got it, how much you paid, what a pain in the ass it was to get, how difficult they are to shop for, how you’d like to borrow it from them, or anything else. In turn, the receiver may make approving noises and comments about the gift, compliment your choice, and thank you for thinking of them. They may not ask what you paid, whether the item is used, or grill you about whether it was your personal possession which you thoughtlessly decided to pass off to them instead of throwing away. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/203 "2013-12-06T15:35:50Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > And there it is. You can be pretty sure it would be disapproved of. Some people think they can “get away with it” by carefully reading the book so as to not look tacky. If you want to read a book, buy it for yourself. If you want to give a book as a gift, buy it and give it. Really not complicated. You can? In real life, that is outside of this thread, I’ve never heard a single person express this sentiment. Obviously, this is one of those things - like shoes off/shoes on indoors - on which there is a lot of disagreement, judging by this thread - but it’s certainly not something I’ve ever given a moment’s thought to, _before_ reading it this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/204 "2013-12-06T15:37:24Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > I can’t think of a single person I actually know in real life who would care about it. No doubt I must be wrong in a few cases, but I’m certainly not “sure it would be disapproved of” if I can’t even figure out which people might care. > One would carefully read the book to maintain its condition, not as part of a scheme to deceive. Many of us truly do not believe that there is anything wrong with the practice, and are not trying to “get away with” anything. > When giving a gift, there is no need to say anything at all beyond “Merry Christmas,” “Happy Birthday,” etc. You need and should not explain where you got it, how much you paid, what a pain in the ass it was to get, how difficult they are to shop for, how you’d like to borrow it from them, or anything else. In turn, the receiver may make approving noises and comments about the gift, compliment your choice, and thank you for thinking of them. They may not ask what you paid, whether the item is used, or grill you about whether it was your personal possession which you thoughtlessly decided to pass off to them instead of throwing away. Basically, this. You “antis” are overthinking things. For most people I know, it’s a total non-issue. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/205 "2013-12-06T15:41:27Z")
I would never think of doing such a thing. It is **their** book. If I want to read it I’ll get a copy for myself or borrow that one after they are finished with it. But to read it before gifting it is like a father giving away his daughter in marriage,and saying to the groom “Me and her brothers broke her in fer ya!” Very tacky. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/206 "2013-12-06T15:44:50Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > I would never think of doing such a thing. It is **their** book. If I want to read it I’ll get a copy for myself or borrow that one after they are finished with it. But to read it before gifting it is like a father giving away his daughter in marriage,and saying to the groom “Me and her brothers broke her in fer ya!” > > Very tacky. 😃 I’ll leave that … interesting analogy … to those who have had that experience. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/207 "2013-12-06T15:58:46Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > I can’t think of a single person I actually know in real life who would care about it. No doubt I must be wrong in a few cases, but I’m certainly not “sure it would be disapproved of” if I can’t even figure out which people might care. It’s not about the recipient, it’s about the gift giver. It’s about buying a gift for someone then using it to benefit yourself. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/208 "2013-12-06T16:41:06Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > It’s not about the recipient, it’s about the gift giver. It’s about buying a gift for someone then using it to benefit yourself. Without detracting from its benefit to them, therefore increasing the net benefit–double the win. If someone can benefit from their gift to me, I’m happy about it. They’re giving me a gift, why wouldn’t I wish benefit for them? If I give someone a book I liked (don’t worry, I bought them their own sealed copy) in order to have someone to discuss it with, is that bad somehow? What if I buy them a book I hope they will like instead of the Honey Boo Boo DVD they’d prefer, because I want them to read more? What if I give them fruit instead of candy because I selfishly want them to be healthy? A car so I won’t have to give them rides? Their own chainsaw so I won’t have to lend them mine? Gift-giving is about what the giver wants you to have. Hopefully they want you to have something you also want, so everyone is happy. If you want a brand-new untouched book, get it for yourself, no one is stopping you. ---
**Author:** ![What\_the](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f4b2a3/32.png) [@What\_the](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_the)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/209 "2013-12-06T17:02:51Z")
Wow…5 pages…none of which I read. My opinion… not a big deal as long as you keep it in pristine condition…especially if after having read it you can then give them the gift of your informed opinion on the subject matter. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/210 "2013-12-06T17:07:39Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > It’s not about the recipient, it’s about the gift giver. It’s about buying a gift for someone then using it to benefit yourself. Wait. Upthread, you were arguing this is purely a matter of etiquette, not morality. This sounds more like an argument about morality. How can it be purely a matter of etiquette if there is only one person who knows about it? That’s like getting upset about someone usng the wrong fork when they are dining alone in front of the TV. ---
**Author:** ![nate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nate/32/13085_2.png) [@nate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nate)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/211 "2013-12-06T18:16:59Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > I can’t think of a single person I actually know in real life who would care about it. No doubt I must be wrong in a few cases, but I’m certainly not “sure it would be disapproved of” if I can’t even figure out which people might care. I would care. I would think it was tacky/cheap/selfish and it would lower, albeit just slightly, my opinion of the gift giver. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/212 "2013-12-06T19:05:53Z")
> [@nate](#): > > I would care. I would think it was tacky/cheap/selfish and it would lower, albeit just slightly, my opinion of the gift giver. I don’t know you, but you’re off my gift list regardless! ---
**Author:** ![nate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nate/32/13085_2.png) [@nate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nate)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/213 "2013-12-06T21:55:34Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > I don’t know you, but you’re off my gift list regardless! Well I don’t want your nasty molested second-hand book anyways! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/214 "2013-12-06T21:55:46Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Without detracting from its benefit to them, therefore increasing the net benefit–double the win. . . . Exactly. Books are expensive; let’s try to increase the overall utility of our limited gift-buying budget. A good book, treated with respect, should be good for a couple hundred readings. The sad truth is that most of the books in our personal home libraries never get read more than – what? – ten times? (I have many books I’ve read twenty times or more…and many I’ve read only once.) > [@What\_the](#): > > . . . not a big deal as long as you keep it in pristine condition…especially if after having read it you can then give them the gift of your informed opinion on the subject matter. There you go! You’re enhancing the overall experience, by giving them a good conversation and discussion along with the physical book. One of the gifts I’m giving this year is a used book I got at a library sale. It isn’t “pristine.” For one thing, the previous owner wrote her name on the flyleaf. Also, there’s a food speck (ick!) (I’m working on it with a gum eraser.) But I got this $26.95 tome for 65 cents. The real ratio of value to money is HUGELY in my favor! ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/215 "2013-12-06T22:42:31Z")
> [@nate](#): > > Well I don’t want your nasty molested second-hand book anyways! 😃 Some people put _ex libris_ stickers on books. We believe in a more … biological … way of marking our property. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/216 "2013-12-06T22:51:16Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Exactly. Books are expensive; let’s try to increase the overall utility of our limited gift-buying budget. Fuck it, just illegally download the ebook. They can still read it, right, no actual need to pay anything for the person you supposedly care about :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/217 "2013-12-06T22:57:51Z")
**Steophan** : Poe’s law strikes. I can’t tell if you’re joking, or seriously equating two different people reading a single copy of a book with content theft. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/218 "2013-12-06T23:06:41Z")
> [@Macca26](#): > > I also thought some more about the whole “I will read a book but won’t take the tape off a video game” and the conclusion I came to for my reasoning is that unopened copies are valuable. I assume that the person wants it in order to play it, but how am I to know? They may want it to put on display next to their other collectibles for a specific series. On top of that, there’s things like one-time free DLC and the like that I wouldn’t want to accidentally use up on a brand new copy. Furthermore, if they didn’t actually want that game they couldn’t return it if the tape had already been removed. The last one’s a pretty good reason for not messing with any sort of packaging, period. If I picked up a shrink-wrapped book for someone, I wouldn’t be taking the shrink-wrap off. What if you could replace the tape? Would you open the movie or game then? As a concrete example, I bought this really nice purse for my cousin, and it’s a gorgeous forest green perfect for carrying to Christmas parties. If I carried it for a week or two, being super-careful with it, and then replaced the tag, it would be pristine and she could totally return it. Would that be okay? If not, why not? I’m not trying to be argumentative, I’m just…well, I’m having a hard time understanding this argument in a way that doesn’t translate to “it’s fine so long as nobody ever finds out.” ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/219 "2013-12-06T23:13:34Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > **Steophan** : Poe’s law strikes. I can’t tell if you’re joking, or seriously equating two different people reading a single copy of a book with content theft. I’m exaggerating, but ultimately there’s no difference to the author if you give someone a used copy or if you download it for them. I can’t imagine why, if you like something enough to buy it in the first place, and want someone else to have a copy _as a gift_, you wouldn’t buy them one. You think it’s a joke comparison. So clearly, you think that giving someone a copy of an ebook would be a crappy present. That’s how other people think about giving a book you’ve bought and read as a gift. Sharing books from your collection should be a normal, everyday thing, not a special occurrence like a gift. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2013, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/220 "2013-12-06T23:58:39Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > What if you could replace the tape? Would you open the movie or game then? > > As a concrete example, I bought this really nice purse for my cousin, and it’s a gorgeous forest green perfect for carrying to Christmas parties. If I carried it for a week or two, being super-careful with it, and then replaced the tag, it would be pristine and she could totally return it. Would that be okay? If not, why not? > > I’m not trying to be argumentative, I’m just…well, I’m having a hard time understanding this argument in a way that doesn’t translate to “it’s fine so long as nobody ever finds out.” How about this way of looking at it: either the practice is “wrong” in the sense of “immoral”, or it is “wrong” in the sense of “it’s a breach of gift-giving etiquette”. If it’s “immoral”, then it doesn’t matter if the other person knows about it or not: for example, stealing is ‘wrong’ even if you get away with it. If it is a “breach of etiquette”, then surely it makes all the difference if the other person knows about it or not. Eating with the wrong fork is “wrong” at a formal dinner where there are others to see it, but matters not in the slightest if you are eating a TV dinner by yourself in front of the TV set. Those on the other side of the argument from you view this issue, at most, as a possible breach in gift-giving etiquette that some people (but obviously not everyone) follows. Therefore, it naturally follows that it can only be a “breach” if it is one that others know about; you can’t commit a breach of politeness in private, any more than using the wrong fork in private can be a _faux pas_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315.md?page=12)