# You got someone a book for Christmas, Ok to read it before giving it to them? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 2, 2013, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315 "2013-12-02T22:39:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Nisslbody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Nisslbody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nisslbody)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2013, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/261 "2013-12-08T17:03:06Z")
I actually think that this topic is one of the most preposterous things to care about in the history of caring about things, and am kind of ashamed of myself for having posting in this thread at all. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2013, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/262 "2013-12-08T21:05:24Z")
> [@Nisslbody](#): > > I actually think that this topic is one of the most preposterous things to care about in the history of caring about things, and am kind of ashamed of myself for having posting in this thread at all. Maybe the internet isn’t the place for you. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2013, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/263 "2013-12-08T23:07:27Z")
> [@Suburban\_Plankton](#): > > For those “less intimate friends”, couldn’t you just go out, buy them a book, and then \*not \*read it first? Is that not an option for you? No. The world must be punished for the outrageous idea of not using gifts before giving them. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2013, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/264 "2013-12-08T23:38:56Z")
This discussion is really interesting. Books mean different things to different people. My favorite job was working in the classifying department at a library. We were the ones who opened the shipments of new books. I can totally tell the difference between books that have never been opened and ones that have been casually leafed through. The only time I’d notice it on a new book is if it came to me from Amazon or a publisher. While I’m firmly in the camp of “if you buy a gift for someone, its churlish to read it first”, I’m also hanging out with the people who gift beloved used books or buy used books as gifts. So conflicted 🆒 > [@AnaMen](#): > > \<\\>When giving a gift, there is no need to say anything at all beyond “Merry Christmas,” “Happy Birthday,” etc. You need and should not explain where you got it, how much you paid, what a pain in the ass it was to get, how difficult they are to shop for, how you’d like to borrow it from them, or anything else. In turn, the receiver may make approving noises and comments about the gift, compliment your choice, and thank you for thinking of them. They may not ask what you paid, whether the item is used, or grill you about whether it was your personal possession which you thoughtlessly decided to pass off to them instead of throwing away. I did want to address this point…because often the story about how a friend/loved one just happened across the perfect gift really makes the gift. A few years ago, my BFF was on a 2 week “explore the country on our Harley” vacation with her husband and stopped somewhere in the middle of nowhere to gas up and stretch their legs. There was someone near by having a yard sale so she wandered over and just happened to find a 1954 Ballentine paperback “More tales of the Cluthlu Mythos”. She knew that I’d love it, so took it to the cash register and asked for a couple of rubber bands because the pages were falling out. The cashier discounted the book to a dime because they didn’t know if there were missing pages. Her husband who wasn’t a reader kept trying to pack the book in the saddle bags because it wasn’t something they would use, and my BFF didn’t want it next to the hot pipes. After about 4 days, she finally thought to send it to their home. When she gave me the brightly wrapped box and told me the whole story of how she found it and the trials and tribulations she went through to give me a 10 cent book, I laughed and laughed. And then I laughed some more because that was the story she was telling me. She wasn’t saying that I was a pain to shop for because I am a special snowflake. She was telling me how much she loved me that she would find something that she knew that I would love and that she would do whatever it took to get it to me. Said book did indeed have all the pages and is a very special part of my collection. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/265 "2013-12-09T00:19:53Z")
> [@MrDurden](#): > > The gift is the thought. THINK ABOUT THIS CLEARLY > > If you read a book before giving it to someone, most times you’re thinking about yourself. That you’d get enjoyment out of this ‘gift’ yourself. Sure there are some exceptions, but mostly it seems to cheap and self serving. Thing is, the “pros” have mostly been saying that, for them, this isn’t true. That is, they are not simply buying books to “gift” themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/266 "2013-12-09T00:50:37Z")
> [@Suburban\_Plankton](#): > > See, from my point of view (as a ‘mild-anti’ 🙂 ), I can’t see how an explanation is required, because the point seems self-evident. > > I was going to try to give one anyway, but I’m having trouble formulating one. I suppose there is no objective reason that it should be that way, but I feel that “ownership” of a gift belongs to the giftee beginning at the moment of purchase; I am simply holding the object in trust, as it were. If I purchased a gift for someone, and it was damaged before I had a chance to give it to them, I would feel obligated to replace it in like kind (as opposed to finding something else to give them); if I was unable to (it was a very expensive item, very rare, etc.) then I would feel as if I had violated some social contract. > > The situation is pretty much the same if I’m giving an item that previously belonged to me (like the 'beloved book" of an earlier example). Once I decided that the book will be a gift, I would remove it from whatever shelf it was sitting on, wrap it up (or put it in a box, or whatever might be appropriate) so that it would be ‘protected’; so that nothing might happen to it…because at that point, I would consider it to be being held in trust for the other person. > > I’ll admit that I can’t come up with an objective reason why I _should_ feel this way; but I do. And to be honest, I hadn’t really given the matter much conscious thought prior to the discussion in this thread, but upon considering it, the answer seemed ‘obvious’ to me. It’s the mark of something that is simply a cultural difference, that it feels “obviously” right to do it one way and not another, but the reason cannot be explained. As Herodotus wrote, culture is king. For me, it would never have occurred to seperate out books on my shelf like that; and as you can see from this thread, for some people it is equally “obvious” that one cannot give a book from one’s library at all … ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2013, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/267 "2013-12-09T02:36:52Z")
> [@Nisslbody](#): > > I actually think that this topic is one of the most preposterous things to care about in the history of caring about things, and am kind of ashamed of myself for having posting in this thread at all. Toilet paper: over the roll…or under it? ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2013, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/268 "2013-12-12T06:15:03Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > This discussion is really interesting. Books mean different things to different people The real thing here is that people have some bizarre separation of books from everyday objects. If I used a shovel before I gave it to someone it would equally not degrade it’s value (unless I was being really reckless). But it’s a pretty general rule APPARENTLY EXCEPT FOR BOOKS you don’t use a gift before you give it. ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2013, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/269 "2013-12-12T19:40:45Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > The real thing here is that people have some bizarre separation of books from everyday objects. If I used a shovel before I gave it to someone it would equally not degrade it’s value (unless I was being really reckless). But it’s a pretty general rule APPARENTLY EXCEPT FOR BOOKS you don’t use a gift before you give it. Exactly. Using ANY gift you buy for someone else before giving it to them is kind of shitty. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2013, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/270 "2013-12-12T19:56:00Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > The real thing here is that people have some bizarre separation of books from everyday objects. If I used a shovel before I gave it to someone it would equally not degrade it’s value (unless I was being really reckless). But it’s a pretty general rule APPARENTLY EXCEPT FOR BOOKS you don’t use a gift before you give it. There’s often a weird vibe on this board about books–that they are not just objects, or even a transmitter of ideas, but something weirdly sacred that cannot be thrown away or otherwise destroyed (even if they are damaged or terrible), that you can’t stop reading once you’ve started, that you must read even if they are awful, that going three minutes without reading is a huge burden, etc. I’m not surprised to see a carve out for books in gift giving. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2013, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/271 "2013-12-12T20:22:14Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > The real thing here is that people have some bizarre separation of books from everyday objects. If I used a shovel before I gave it to someone it would equally not degrade it’s value To be fair, it’s not like there are publicly funded institutions to lend, free of charge, garden implements to anyone who wants one. We do treat books differently than other objects, even though I still find this particular practice tacky. ---
**Author:** ![Waenara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@Waenara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waenara)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2013, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/272 "2013-12-12T21:43:38Z")
I don’t think there’s a separation between books and everyday objects. I think there’s a separation between _gifts_ and everyday objects. If I bought a shovel for someone as a special gift, I wouldn’t use it first unless it was a true emergency and I had no other choice. And if I had an extra used shovel and knew a friend needed one, I’d give it to them - but not as a Christmas or birthday present. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2013, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/273 "2013-12-12T22:01:41Z")
> [@Quimby](#): > > Exactly. Using ANY gift you buy for someone else before giving it to them is kind of shitty. Some people think so. Other people don’t. Making rules for others is also kind of shitty. (The New York Hat Riots come to mind.) How about…mind your own business? ---
**Author:** ![vontsira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/51bf81/32.png) [@vontsira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vontsira)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2013, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/274 "2013-12-12T22:30:35Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > (The New York Hat Riots come to mind.) I just had to Google this – found: violence, involving many arrests and some injuries, and at least one death, in New York in the early 1920s, involving fashion vigilantes getting furious about men continuing to wear straw hats after the (not universally agreed-on) conventional date for ceasing to wear same. A conclusion hard to resist, is that humans are bat-poo crazy, in their propensity for getting incensed “with the white-hot heat of…” – sometimes homicidally so – about people behaving otherwise than in the offence-takers’ perceived standard and correct way; about stuff which is, looked at objectively, highly trivial and harmless. It’s been happening forever: Swift, in “Gulliver’s Travels”, writes about the Lilliputians fighting vicious and devastating civil wars over the question of which is the correct end of a boiled egg, to crack open. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2013, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/275 "2013-12-12T22:32:58Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Making rules for others is also kind of shitty. It really isn’t, that’s how society works. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/276 "2013-12-13T02:37:18Z")
Well, okay. How about, telling other members of the SDMB that they are shitty is… Um… Not cool. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/277 "2013-12-13T02:52:24Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Well, okay. How about, telling other members of the SDMB that they are shitty is… Um… > > Not cool. However, telling them that a certain action taken is considered shitty by society at large, in a thread specifically asking about it, is fine. I wouldn’t go that far myself,but it’s not an inappropriate opinion to share. But, importantly, these customs for society at large don’t have to apply to individual relationships, and if you and yours are happy with gifting pre-read books, there’s no problem - just don’t be surprised if others are less so. As for telling people to mind their own business, it became theirs when you posted it on a public message board. For what it’s worth, I think some of the rhetoric has been over the top, and “shitty” or “immoral” go too far. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/278 "2013-12-13T03:15:37Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > . . . For what it’s worth, I think some of the rhetoric has been over the top, and “shitty” or “immoral” go too far. Dig it. The thread has been nastier than it needs to be, given that what we have here is a perfectly ordinary difference of opinion. Nobody is “shitty” for cutting their sandwiches orthogonally rather than diagonally. Nobody is “shitty” for preferring to back into parking spaces rather than heading into them. ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/279 "2013-12-13T03:51:32Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > How about…mind your own business? Clearly my opinion on whether one should use a gift before giving it away is unwarranted in a thread about whether one should use a gift before giving it away. ETA: I meant the word “shitty” as a general, if crass, term meaning “wrong” and not some kind of personal attack or statement on their character… I apologize if someone took it took it that way. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/280 "2013-12-13T04:07:18Z")
> [@Quimby](#): > > . . . ETA: I meant the word “shitty” as a general, if crass, term meaning “wrong” and not some kind of personal attack or statement on their character… I apologize if someone took it took it that way. Well, yeah, I kinda did… So… Thank you for not having meant it that way. Personally, I don’t even see it as “wrong.” It’s a matter of personal taste. Sandwiches and parking spaces. Heck, a lot of the gift books I give, I got second-hand anyway! Used-book stores are a great place for gifts. In fact, they’re great places all around. I often buy used books from Amazon. To me, it is the “bookness” of a book that matters most, and not the “newness.” So long as some rat hasn’t razored out the last six pages, and there aren’t jam spots or squished spiders all through it…it’s a book. (Our family copy of Alice in Wonderland has jam spots. Ah, children!) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315.md?page=15)