# You got someone a book for Christmas, Ok to read it before giving it to them? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 2, 2013, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315 "2013-12-02T22:39:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/161 "2013-12-04T19:32:41Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Fair enough. > > The difference is, I can articulate my position, and provide a justification for it. Apparently, you can’t, or won’t. Which makes your judgment, in my opinion, unreliable. I’ve already articulated my position. To repeat: > [@](#): > > This is my take, too. The gift is my choice for them, something I think will suit them. I’m not buying it to suit myself. > > For me, it has nothing to do with whether I can use it without damaging it. If I were giving someone a car, I might drive it home from the dealership (because there’s no other way to get it home), but I wouldn’t take a road trip in it. Yes, even a used car. > > The gift is in my possession, but it isn’t mine. As soon as I bought it with the idea that it was for someone else, in my mind it became that person’s. They don’t know they have it, but I do. Maybe they wouldn’t know I read it, but I would. A gift is something purchased or acquired for another person for their use, not for my use. You called that mystical, which is weird, but fine. Call it mystical. But saying I am refusing to talk about what I believe is pretty goofy. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/162 "2013-12-04T19:53:41Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > But are you going to gift-wrap them? Are we all talking about the same thing? We all give books away after reading them, but do we wrap them up and present them for birthdays and Christmas? Certainly - depending on the circumstances. What’s important, in some cases, is selecting something appropriate, not that the thing be bought new and particularly as a gift when bought. Many’s the time I’ve found a rare or out of print book in a used bookstore, bought it, read it, and then later thought “this would be perfect for my friend Ben, who is into this very thing” - say, 19th century ‘lost race’ fiction - and saved it for his birthday. Why would I not give it to him as a gift? I know he’d like it, more than (say) the latest best-seller, which is easy to get new off of Amazon with one click of a mouse. Don’t see why that would be somehow offensive to propriety. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/163 "2013-12-04T19:56:26Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I’ve already articulated my position. To repeat: > A gift is something purchased or acquired for another person for their use, not for my use. You called that mystical, which is weird, but fine. Call it mystical. But saying I am refusing to talk about what I believe is pretty goofy. You’ve talked about it by defining it. “A gift is X”. That’s not really an argument, since it isn’t subject to disproof. The only counter-argument is “no, a gift is not necessarily X”. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/164 "2013-12-04T19:58:08Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > You’ve talked about it by defining it. “A gift is X”. > > That’s not really an argument, since it isn’t subject to disproof. The only counter-argument is “no, a gift is not necessarily X”. I have no idea what you expect me to do. Words are defined by use. I can’t disprove the definition of any word. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/165 "2013-12-04T21:13:46Z")
The closest thing to an already read book that hasn’t changed physically in any way in my mind would be a DVD or video game. Sure the outer wrapper would be gone but you could still keep the item in pristine condition while you used it before gifting it to someone. Those on the side of “okay” with reading a book before giving it to someone as a gift, would you also be okay viewing a DVD or playing a video game before giving it to someone? If I started getting birthday or Christmas gifts from a friend that were open and when I asked why they said “Well, I watched/played it first. No biggie. It’s like brand new” I don’t think I’d remain friends with them much longer. ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/166 "2013-12-04T21:31:54Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > The closest thing to an already read book that hasn’t changed physically in any way in my mind would be a DVD or video game. > Sure the outer wrapper would be gone but you could still keep the item in pristine condition while you used it before gifting it to someone. > Those on the side of “okay” with reading a book before giving it to someone as a gift, would you also be okay viewing a DVD or playing a video game before giving it to someone? > If I started getting birthday or Christmas gifts from a friend that were open and when I asked why they said “Well, I watched/played it first. No biggie. It’s like brand new” I don’t think I’d remain friends with them much longer. I wouldn’t mind. I wouldn’t personally do it with a new item because a new DVD or Video game has tape on the edges, so it’s impossible to keep them perfectly the same as you bought them in that respect. If new games/DVDs didn’t come with tape on the edges I’d open and play it if I felt like it, just like a book. It harms the media in no way. I, my friends, family, and my husband have all bought used games for one another without a qualm in the world and gifted old games from our libraries as well. We were all happy for the gifts. I wouldn’t even think to ask “Why is this open?” if I received an open box of some kind. I’d just be happy to get a gift I enjoyed, regardless of whether it was used or not. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/167 "2013-12-04T21:40:58Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > The closest thing to an already read book that hasn’t changed physically in any way in my mind would be a DVD or video game. > Sure the outer wrapper would be gone but you could still keep the item in pristine condition while you used it before gifting it to someone. > Those on the side of “okay” with reading a book before giving it to someone as a gift, would you also be okay viewing a DVD or playing a video game before giving it to someone? > If I started getting birthday or Christmas gifts from a friend that were open and when I asked why they said “Well, I watched/played it first. No biggie. It’s like brand new” I don’t think I’d remain friends with them much longer. You’d seriously break up a friendship over that? I can imagine disagreeing on the point, and being annoyed by it, but that’s … a trifle harsh. I’d put up with any amount of etiquette failures from my friends, as long as there was no actual malice involved. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/168 "2013-12-04T21:42:35Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > The closest thing to an already read book that hasn’t changed physically in any way in my mind would be a DVD or video game. > Sure the outer wrapper would be gone but you could still keep the item in pristine condition while you used it before gifting it to someone. > Those on the side of “okay” with reading a book before giving it to someone as a gift, would you also be okay viewing a DVD or playing a video game before giving it to someone? > If I started getting birthday or Christmas gifts from a friend that were open and when I asked why they said “Well, I watched/played it first. No biggie. It’s like brand new” I don’t think I’d remain friends with them much longer. If you’d stop being friends with someone for such a trivial and petty reason, it’s probably not much of a loss for them. At some point you’d have been at their house for dinner and thrown a snit-fit because they hadn’t decanted the bottled salad dressing into a proper unmarked cruet or some other nonsense. I would probably not watch a movie before giving it to someone, unless it was a child and I wanted to make sure it was appropriate, in which case it would be more of a chore than a pleasure. Perhaps they will want to watch the movie WITH me, so I’d rather not ruin that in advance. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/169 "2013-12-04T21:45:05Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I have no idea what you expect me to do. Words are defined by use. I can’t disprove the definition of any word. You are claiming a gift is X and always and only X - in this case, “something purchased or acquired for another person for their use, not for my use”. That’s an assertion. An argument, on the other hand, is some sort of reasoning as to why your assertion is correct. > **[Argument by assertion](https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Argument_by_assertion)** > > Argument by assertion is the logical fallacy where someone tries to argue a point by merely asserting that it is true, regardless of contradiction. While this may seem stupid, it's actually an easy trap to fall into and is very common. > [@](#): > > It is also well known as rhetoric, because an assertion itself isn’t really a proof of anything, or even a real argument - assertion only demonstrates that the person making the statement believes in it. An inability to provide anything other than an argument by assertion may be the result of brainwashing, basing ones belief on blind faith or ignorance as to what forms a proper argument. Those who argue by assertion often do think that they’re making a real argument. They might simply not realise where they haven’t provided a full argument. The point of constructive debate or discourse is to draw attention to this sort of thing, and for people to further develop and evolve their arguments in response. A truly fallacious argument by assertion is when someone continues to assert without advancing their argument, even after it has been pointed out. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/170 "2013-12-04T23:11:04Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > If you’d stop being friends with someone for such a trivial and petty reason, it’s probably not much of a loss for them. I might like them a lot less cuz they’ve shown themselves to be chintzy selfish goofs. “ooh, I know the perfect gift for you. A book I want to read.” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Nisslbody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Nisslbody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nisslbody)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/171 "2013-12-04T23:51:48Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > Yes, the recipient may not even notice. That’s not the point. The way I was taught about gifts does not allow me to give, as a gift, a book from my personal library. And a book that was purchased and read by me is part of my personal library. It is acceptable to be given or loaned on a “hey, I know you like stories about X and this was a great X story” basis, but it cannot be a birthday or christmas present. It would make me feel as though I didn’t value the relationship enough to go to an effort for them. If it’s getting wrapped, I don’t use it myself, first. > > However, it’s totally cool to give someone a book as a gift, wait for them to have read it and then borrow it back to read yourself. Wow, to me a book from someone’s personal library is a lot more meaningful than one they bought on Amazon and had shipped to my house. I mean, it’s much more personal; it’s something that they bought for themselves and read and cared about enough to keep. I feel the same way about handmade items; they mean more, they’re more valuable. But I also get attached to my books and when I want someone to read something I am more likely to buy them a new copy than lend out my own. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/172 "2013-12-04T23:55:00Z")
> [@Nisslbody](#): > > Wow, to me a book from someone’s personal library is a lot more meaningful than one they bought on Amazon and had shipped to my house. I mean, it’s much more personal; it’s something that they bought for themselves and read and cared about enough to keep. If they are giving it away, they cared about it enough to keep? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nisslbody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Nisslbody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nisslbody)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/173 "2013-12-04T23:55:51Z")
My mind is actually just boggling at the fact that anybody gives a crap about this, let alone that four pages of giving a crap exists in the world. I give up on humanity. ---
**Author:** ![Nisslbody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Nisslbody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nisslbody)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2013, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/174 "2013-12-04T23:57:42Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > If they are giving it away, they cared about it enough to keep? 😃 For a while, anyway. If I add a book to my personal library, it’s with the intention of keeping it. If it didn’t move or enlighten me in some way, I just check it out from the library or give it to Goodwill. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/175 "2013-12-05T00:07:53Z")
> [@Nisslbody](#): > > My mind is actually just boggling at the fact that anybody gives a crap about this, let alone that four pages of giving a crap exists in the world. I give up on humanity. That’s OK. I have a feeling you never knew humanity in the first place so your “giving up” is mostly meaningless. There are grand dreams and petty peculiarities - if you thought it was all one or the other you don’t really have a very mature or thoughtful handle on it. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/176 "2013-12-05T00:40:58Z")
> [@Nisslbody](#): > > My mind is actually just boggling at the fact that anybody gives a crap about this, let alone that four pages of giving a crap exists in the world. I give up on humanity. The sheer randomness of the “offense” of giving a read book to someone just shows me that no matter what and how much care one takes to avoid it, one will surely annoy the hell out of someone with no idea what has happened or why. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/177 "2013-12-05T00:57:05Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > The sheer randomness of the “offense” of giving a read book to someone just shows me that no matter what and how much care one takes to avoid it, one will surely annoy the hell out of someone with no idea what has happened or why. It’s not giving someone a book that’s already been read that’s the issue, it’s reading a book that you bought to give to someone else. That’s the point, the intention. If you bought a book with the intention of reading it then giving it to them, no problem. Well, apart from the fact that it’s a bit cheap, basically, if that’s the main gift to them. A gift is supposed to be a sacrifice on your part, that’s what gives it meaning - that them getting something they want is worth you parting with your time or money. That, to me is what distinguishes a gift from simply sharing a book or film or whatever with someone. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/178 "2013-12-05T01:05:27Z")
Exactly Steophan. I will “lend” a book I’ve read to someone and not be worried if I get it back but i hardly consider that a gift… Buying something expressly for the use of someone else is what buying a gift means. Even if it’s a used book, the next person using it after you bought it should be the person you bought it for. ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/179 "2013-12-05T01:09:39Z")
> [@Nisslbody](#): > > My mind is actually just boggling at the fact that anybody gives a crap about this, let alone that four pages of giving a crap exists in the world. So… this is your first time on the Internet, then? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2013, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315/180 "2013-12-05T01:16:52Z")
> [@Nisslbody](#): > > My mind is actually just boggling at the fact that anybody gives a crap about this, let alone that four pages of giving a crap exists in the world. I give up on humanity. Start a thread on ordering milk to drink in a bar. I dare you. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-got-someone-a-book-for-christmas-ok-to-read-it-before-giving-it-to-them/675315.md?page=10)