# You Gotta Date the Sexy **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 21, 2018, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251 "2018-02-21T06:30:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![MonkeyCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@MonkeyCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyCat)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2018, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/21 "2018-02-22T16:25:17Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > Dear OP, > > It sounds like you may personally fall into some top percentile of sexiness. This would mean you can successfully attract partners who are also in some top percentile of sexiness. Good for you! Congratulations! > > For those of use who do not personally fall into some top percentile of sexiness, we are not as successful at attracting partners who are in some top percentile of sexiness. We take what we can get. (I know that sounds really depressing, and the truth is that it is not really depressing for many / most people, but there is a kernel of truth to it.) > > For us, as much as we would like to make sexiness primary as a quality, we don’t always have that luxury. > > So, anyway, thanks for the suggestion! I’ll keep it in mind. You are hilarious. I like this. ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@MonkeyCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyCat)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2018, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/22 "2018-02-22T16:28:12Z")
> [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](#): > > I agree and THE major reason my marriage is dead (and always has been, really) is that we did the reverse. She was sexually attracted to me and I really wasn’t. I gave her a chance based on traits I guess you would normally say a woman looks for in a man, though financial stuff really didn’t enter it. More “character” makeup type stuff and not attraction. Eventually she did become sexually frustrated, not because I was impotent or something (if anything my libido is way too high and has negatively affected my life), but because I really didn’t want it with her. I wasn’t trying to be a jerk or anything, but I was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused as a child, depressed and lonely/anxious, and I think had the wrong outlook on how this stuff is supposed to work. A lot of social programming says shit like “marry your best friend,” but I don’t want to fuck my friends. And then the less attractive partner ends up being the one cheating. > > Anyway, I am going off-topic here. Sorry for that, but I know I could never enter any kind of romantic relationship in the future that’s not based on sexual attraction. If that’s not enough to sustain a long-term relationship (and it probably isn’t), I just wouldn’t do any long-term relationships. Going off what you wrote, I began the topic because I myself have actually “married the best friend” too. Luckily I did it at an early age and ran fast. Abusive childhoods might have a lot to do with it, we have that much in common at least. ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@MonkeyCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyCat)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2018, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/23 "2018-02-22T16:29:18Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > Not at all. I’m saying that IF you are attracted to the top sexy, and IF you are not yourself top sexy you will have less success. So, as a strategy suggested by the OP, going for the top sexy will be a losing strategy. I could have so much fun with this, but I’m not an asshole. …Or am I? No. I’m not. Not today! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2018, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/24 "2018-02-22T19:31:56Z")
> [@tvaetbjorn](#): > > My fiancé and I Damn, Shags moves fast!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@MonkeyCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyCat)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2018, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/25 "2018-02-22T19:54:21Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Damn, Shags moves fast!! 😃 It’s the vagina-scented underarms, yo. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2018, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/26 "2018-02-22T20:06:46Z")
> [@tvaetbjorn](#): > > It’s the vagina-scented underarms, yo. Ha! You’ve been lurking well. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2018, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/27 "2018-02-22T20:31:16Z")
In my experience, the sexy knows it’s sexy and has options when the going gets tough. As such, they tend not to learn how to be a good partner and are worse than useless when the going gets tough. I’ll take homely and loyal ANY day over a hot coward. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2018, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/28 "2018-02-22T20:39:25Z")
I’m so damn old, I’m pretty sure I pre-date the sexy. By years. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2018, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/29 "2018-02-22T20:46:19Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > ::Looks at driver’s license":: Why, yes - yes it is. What a coincidence! Well, not to burst your bubble, I’ve been told sexy was born Nov.6th. Of course there may be more than 1 sexy day. . ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2018, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/30 "2018-02-24T14:07:47Z")
Why are we all going along with the OP’s assumption that stability isn’t sexy? If that’s what women are looking for in a partner, then it is by definition sexy. The premise of the OP boils down to “you should be attracted to what you’re attracted to”. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2018, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/31 "2018-02-24T16:15:18Z")
> [@tvaetbjorn](#): > > My argument is that women, in general, are ending up with emotionally and financially stable men at the expense of their own level of sexual attraction to that man. This is a huge problem. Okay, so this didn’t go _CLANG_ for anyone else? Most people during their 20s do exactly the opposite - they **do** date the sexy, at least the sexiest they can manage. There are vast societal tropes (movies, books, songs, reality tv shows) about people dating rotten but sexy people (abusive cheating jerks for the girls, hot but crazy/mean/unfaithful for the guys) when they could have loyal, faithful so-and-so down the hall/at the office/etc. It seems that on average the first 10-15 years or so of sexual activity is learning that sexual attraction alone makes a poor selection system for a life partner. As far as female fantasies - they’re typically about _financially_ stable men, but those men are _always_ emotionally problematic (or some sort of were-creature); the character arc of the male lead is that he’s healed by the protagonist’s Magic Vagina and sex with her average Jane self is more satisfying than the gold-digging supermodels/actresses he was having threesomes with in his penthouse, allowing him to get over the trust/daddy/mommy/sibling/esteem issues that drove him to success but left him a wounded puppy inside. So no, I don’t see a trend of young women choosing accountants and actuaries in their 20s and sighing about what could have been. Penny typically goes for Leonard after a long streak of sexy hunks who aren’t thinking of settling down. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2018, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/32 "2018-02-24T16:33:25Z")
When one of my brothers were newly ‘singled’ after a contentious divorce was dating around, he continually brought these blond bombshells to family outings. He was lamentlng to me after another nasty break up, as to "why can’t I find a decent girl?. I tried to tell him what to look for. I explained that a girl who may be a bit plainer, and not so flashy might be a better choice. All that glitters is not gold.He flopped around for another 2 years, dating bad girls and cheating, lying bitches. It was so obvious to everyone where he was going wrong, except to himself. Finally he accidently ran into an ex classmate, they dated for several months. Now they are married, it seems to be a perfect match. She not ugly, but lets just say she has unfortunate challenges. And is a bit overweight. But we love her like a sister. He is very happy with her. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2018, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/33 "2018-02-24T17:01:00Z")
It’s deep thought gibberish like in the OP that makes me glad to be a faux-sexual. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2018, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/34 "2018-02-24T18:47:07Z")
^^Girl, what is faux-sexual? I have been laughing ever since I read that. I am trying to think it out logically, but it comes up, nada, zilch. Cannot come up with a scenario. I need to know. That just tickles me! (Please excuse me if it’s a real gender thing, I am woefully un-schooled on these things) ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2018, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/35 "2018-02-25T00:04:59Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > ^^Girl, what is faux-sexual? I have been laughing ever since I read that. > I am trying to think it out logically, but it comes up, nada, zilch. Cannot come up with a scenario. > I need to know. > That just tickles me! > > (Please excuse me if it’s a real gender thing, I am woefully un-schooled on these things) It means my lovers are invisible. Imaginary friends with benefits if you will. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2018, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/36 "2018-02-25T01:01:54Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > This is often true, but I’ve been very surprised lately at how many startlingly attractive people I’ve met who are legitimately congenial and easy to be around. Just goes to show, I guess. Anybody can be congenial if you don’t have to live with them 24/7. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2018, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/37 "2018-02-26T21:32:38Z")
> [@gnoitall](#): > > I’m so damn old, I’m pretty sure I pre-date the sexy. By years. This is gold. 😁 > [@Chronos](#): > > Why are we all going along with the OP’s assumption that stability isn’t sexy? If that’s what women are looking for in a partner, then it is by definition sexy. > > The premise of the OP boils down to “you should be attracted to what you’re attracted to”. This OP brings to mind the stereotype of women having different standards for sex partners than they do for relationship partners. Like most stereotypes, I believe at least a grain of truth is buried somewhere within it. > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > ^^Girl, what is faux-sexual? I have been laughing ever since I read that. > I am trying to think it out logically, but it comes up, nada, zilch. Cannot come up with a scenario. > I need to know. > That just tickles me! > > (Please excuse me if it’s a real gender thing, I am woefully un-schooled on these things) She fakes her orgasms, prolly. 😁😁 ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2018, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/38 "2018-03-08T23:11:12Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > It means my lovers are invisible. Imaginary friends with benefits if you will. Wait… It’s not faux (fake) sex. You are really having sex with an imaginary friend. So it’s faux partners. You have mis-named the thing. Have you ever tried having an internet relationship? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2018, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/39 "2018-03-08T23:38:06Z")
I imagine she’d be a hot commodity. Most people don’t _want_ to be catfished… ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2018, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251/40 "2018-03-08T23:57:51Z")
Exactly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-gotta-date-the-sexy/809251.md?page=1)