# You have eight hours access to Wolfram & Hart's universal library. What do you read? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 8, 2009, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396 "2009-01-08T17:21:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2009, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/1 "2009-01-08T17:21:36Z")
For those not in the know, Wolfram & Hart is the name of a mystical law firm in the television series _Angel_. They possessed virtually every book ever written, which persons in the research department could access by picking up a seemingly blank volume and uttering the name of the book desired; the text of the book named would then magically appear on the pages. If the book in question was not written in a language you speak, you can request it be translated into English or whatnot. Let’s say that you do the W&H Senior partners a service; not a huge service, but one they think worth rewarding. (Further stipulate that you’re not important enough to the coming apocalypse to bother corrupting.) They decide to give you one work day–eight hours–access to their library. You can’t take the book out of the building, nor can you use the photocopier to make copies. Nonetheless, you’ve got a comfortable place to sit and read, the music of your choice playing in the background, and Harmony Kendall bringing your beverage of choice while you read. What do you read, and why? ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/2 "2009-01-09T17:47:44Z")
The “J text”, the “E text”, and the “P text” (the documents from which the Book of Genesis was cobbled together). I’d like to see what their magical translator does with the _Iliad_, the _Odyssey_, the _Divine Comedy_, and various Jules Verne stories. If W&H’s fictional magic allows me to view fictional books, then The Nemedian Chronicles The Chronicle of the Black Sword The Journal of the Whills ---
**Author:** ![kasuo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8c91f0/32.png) [@kasuo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kasuo)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/3 "2009-01-09T17:50:53Z")
Caveman porn. Or if there was a index of the works that used to be in the Library of Alexandria, I’d see what’s on there. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/4 "2009-01-09T18:03:14Z")
The Book of Life ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/5 "2009-01-09T18:07:29Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > The “J text”, the “E text”, and the “P text” (the documents from which the Book of Genesis was cobbled together). > > I’d like to see what their magical translator does with the _Iliad_, the _Odyssey_, the _Divine Comedy_, and various Jules Verne stories. I don’t think it’s a magical translator; they employ humans to do that. The magic is only in the transmission of text from the “stacks,” as it were, to the blank booky you’re holding. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/6 "2009-01-09T18:25:56Z")
Am I restricted to mundane texts? Do I have to know the title of the text myself, or can I ask for assistance or look in a catalogue? Do I have to know the _original_ title, or is the english translation sufficient? ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/7 "2009-01-09T18:37:52Z")
Oh you mean Google. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/8 "2009-01-09T18:49:40Z")
I’d go for a working version of _The Necronomicon_, or something similar, looking to jazz up my innate magical powers. I do have innate magical powers, right? ---
**Author:** ![Telcontar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/9 "2009-01-09T19:06:17Z")
Thoughts: 1.) original copies of the gospels, canonical and otherwise, and certain letters of Paul. I’d compare with modern versions and make notes. I wouldn’t be able to prove that I knew the true texts, but it would certainly be nice to know which scholars are right. 1b.) Various many sources theories of Genesis never really interested me that much, but would be cool if i had time. 2.) Books that would give me a serious edge in terms of magical skill or material wealth (Oh, so THAT’S where they buried that collection of Incan gold, thank you journal-of-dead-guy) are tempting, but I can’t think of any likely suspects. 3.) Shakespeare’s lost works. 4.) There are major omissions from the greco-roman historical and literary records. Not my personal thing (at least not in 8 hours) but it’s an idea. I’d go with 1, with a quick look at 2 if anyone had a good thought. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/10 "2009-01-09T19:08:59Z")
I’d request certain Top Secret govenmental reports on rich and powerful people, whom I could then blackmail for…ONE MILLION DOLLARS! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/11 "2009-01-09T20:12:10Z")
[The Wonders Beyond Thule](http://www.tertullian.org/fathers/photius_copyright/photius_04bibliotheca.htm), an ancient novel much referred to and lost. If they can get future books, I would snag up the Super Bowl scores for a few years ahead, too. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/12 "2009-01-09T20:40:09Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > I’d go for a working version of _The Necronomicon_, or something similar, looking to jazz up my innate magical powers. I do have innate magical powers, right? See, now you’re just being silly. 😉 I look at it this way. If you had magic potential, W & R probably wouldn’t give you access to their mojo unless it was part of an evil plan of theirs that would doubtlessly end with your being turned into a zombie and beheaded by Charlie Gunn. Now, it’d be one thing if this process assured you of the chance to make the beast with two backs with Lilah Morgan, but that’s far from certain. ---
**Author:** ![WormTheRed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/bbe5ce/32.png) [@WormTheRed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WormTheRed)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/13 "2009-01-09T20:43:00Z")
I’d go for the [Voynich Manuscript](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voynich_manuscript) in English. Just to see if it’s real. ---
**Author:** ![infinitii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e8c25b/32.png) [@infinitii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/infinitii)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2009, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/14 "2009-01-10T01:00:47Z")
> [@WormTheRed](#): > > I’d go for the [Voynich Manuscript](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voynich_manuscript) in English. Just to see if it’s real. Dang, you stole mine-- though if all goes well, I should have the thing figured out within the year anyway… ---
**Author:** ![Leiko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Leiko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leiko)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2009, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/15 "2009-01-10T01:29:11Z")
I was going to say the Voynich Manuscript. Can I get the Phaistos Disk? Not technically a book, but then, neither are most of the other things mentioned. If I’ve got eight hours and I can write things down or take cell phone pictures, any lost play of Shakespeare- Love Labour’s Won and Cardenio, for instance. I’d start with LLW, and at least write the character list, plot summary, and scene breakdown. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2009, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/16 "2009-01-10T02:34:37Z")
The dialogs of Aristotle. Heraclitus’ dark book. ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2009, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/17 "2009-01-10T03:49:38Z")
[Q](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Q_document) [Secret Gospel of Mark](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_Gospel_of_Mark) [Gospel of Peter](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gospel_of_Peter) I’d like to find out if the Secret Gospel of Mark is a forgery or not and read the complete work if it is real. I’d like to read the entire Gospel of Peter. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2009, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/18 "2009-01-10T06:26:25Z")
Glinda’s Great Book of Records. ---
**Author:** ![Orual](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/779978/32.png) [@Orual](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orual)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2009, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/19 "2009-01-10T06:38:44Z")
Can I just use the time to formulate a plan to win a death match against the Files & Records chick, so’s I can steal her job? Also I want to read the lost plays of Sophocles, and whatever Etruscan bits and pieces they may have. Oh, and the complete works of Sappho. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2009, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396/20 "2009-01-10T07:02:15Z")
Shakespeare’s play “Thomas More” which is lost. Of course we don’t know if it was ever written down. But if it was, was it as good as “A Man for All Seasons”? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-eight-hours-access-to-wolfram-harts-universal-library-what-do-you-read/480396.md?page=2)