# You have God's corpse. What do you do with it? (aka the TOWING JEHOVAH thread) (open spoilers) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 23, 2009, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650 "2009-11-23T16:18:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2009, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/21 "2009-11-23T17:57:42Z")
> [@Grumman](#): > > If I eat his heart, do I gain a portion of his strength? Yeah, that was one of my first thoughts, too. That or his [brain](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbOKiw14Y5I#t=0m16s). ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2009, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/22 "2009-11-23T18:05:36Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > The premise does not make any logical sense to me. How can God have a body or be dead? Okay, _fine_, question the axioms of the story. Some things you just have to take as given, otherwise it’s hard to hold a discussion. > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Honestly, I don’t think I would care what happened to the body. I’d be indifferent. Maybe I’d cut off a thumb for a souvenir. > > Does God have a crank in this story? I bet you get get a lot of money on eBay for God’s crank. God’s Body is _two miles long_. Both Thumb and Crank are probably at least the size of apartment buildings. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2009, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/23 "2009-11-23T18:59:41Z")
My plan focuses on the word “orbit” and possible things you could do from there. All other methods leave too much to chance. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2009, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/24 "2009-11-23T19:37:08Z")
> [@Telcontar](#): > > Hide and hope a 2 mile long corpse disappears? Your plan, it has a problem. No, I’d pull the “That body? That’s not mine.” route. 😃 Look, I never said it was a good plan. But to have that kind of responsibility would genuinely terrify me. And anger me, too. What good is God if he can’t even figure out a way to dispose of his body ahead of time, anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2009, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/25 "2009-11-23T19:46:04Z")
> [@Tengu](#): > > Conversely, carve it up, and try to figure out what made it tick, attempting to apply knowledge gained to bettering humanity. Uh-uh, no way I’m getting dragooned into doing _that_ autopsy. Let Michael Baden or one of those other mad-for-publicity forensic types do it. Two miles long? Man, the Y-shaped incision alone would take _weeks_. And can you imagine the fuss if you did toxicology tests and found high levels of prescription medication? The Michael Jackson case was bad enough. ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/26 "2009-11-23T20:27:52Z")
I haven’t the fogigest about that book, never heard of it or the plot before, but when I saw the title, only one thing came to mind: “Weekend at Bernies!” Yeah, I’d totally do that! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2009, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/27 "2009-11-23T21:00:24Z")
Are whales, seabirds, and other scavengers nibbling on God whilst he bobs in the ocean like a fleshy cork? If so, does having a God-snack turn a seagull into a pterodactyl or at least imbibe it with a soul? There have to be benefits to God-munching beyond the antioxidants, Omega 3 fatty acids, and complete lack of trans fat. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2009, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/28 "2009-11-23T21:06:21Z")
> [@Chopper9760](#): > > Are whales, seabirds, and other scavengers nibbling on God whilst he bobs in the ocean like a fleshy cork? > > If so, does having a God-snack turn a seagull into a pterodactyl or at least imbibe it with a soul? There have to be benefits to God-munching beyond the antioxidants, Omega 3 fatty acids, and complete lack of trans fat. Yes, there were predators eating from the Corpus Dei; the ship’s crew was engaged in anti-predator patrol during much of their journey. The crew also eventually has to eat of God their ownselves. Godflesh has no transmutative properties or ensouling properties, nor does it provide vitamin C and other nutrients founds best gotten from citrus fruit. As **Zsofia** noted, the divine flesh was made into food like that you’d get into McDonald’s, but I think she’s wrong to imply that this was due to any inherent feature of the meat. Rather, the ship’s cook was an expert at simulating fast food menus. It’s more a commentary on the malleability of the idea of God. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2009, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/29 "2009-11-23T21:14:26Z")
God’s corpse is only two miles long? ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2009, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/30 "2009-11-23T21:20:12Z")
I honestly thought the McDonald’s bit was a joke. No transmutative properties? Bummer dude. I’d let God’s creatures satisfy their craving for a Big Mac - this problem solves itself with no help from me. OTOH, the Corpus Dei is like a big predator bait. I’d probably shoot sea creatures from my dinghy until I ran out of ammo, then default to plan A. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2009, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/31 "2009-11-23T22:34:06Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > God’s corpse is only two miles long? Hard to believe the Kids in the Hall [had it wrong](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMyUiajtYlQ). ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2009, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/32 "2009-11-24T00:31:14Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Okay, _fine_, question the axioms of the story. Some things you just have to take as given, otherwise it’s hard to hold a discussion.God’s Body is _two miles long_. Both Thumb and Crank are probably at least the size of apartment buildings. Assuming human-like physiology, a 2-mile high God’s wang would be about the size of a modern aircraft carrier, or 1000 feet long. Of course, maybe all the smiting is over-compensating for something… ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2009, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/33 "2009-11-24T00:53:20Z")
> [@Tengu](#): > > Conversely, carve it up, and try to figure out what made it tick, attempting to apply knowledge gained to bettering humanity. That was my first thought actually. Haul it to the Antarctic to preserve it as long as possible for study. I’d also be tempted to shoot the angels if they show up; going by the Bible they are murderous slimeballs, and we might benefit from studying them too. Also; I think atheists would be a lot less disturbed than the book apparently implies. The non-evidence for God that existed before his body appears wouldn’t retroactively get any better. And he absolutely cannot be the kind of omnimax God most people talk of, corpse or no corpse; such a God contradicts the world and itself. And all the arguments for religion being evil still hold; many atheists are antitheists as well, in my opinion. “OK, God was real. He STILL was a mass murdering egomaniac.” Plus, he’s dead. So now, we’re right. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2009, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/34 "2009-11-24T00:59:16Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > That was my first thought actually. Haul it to the Antarctic to preserve it as long as possible for study. I’d also be tempted to shoot the angels if they show up; going by the Bible they are murderous slimeballs, and we might benefit from studying them too. The angels are already dead, dude. Died of grief, they did, one and all. Mike was the last to go and we mounted his feathers on the hang glider. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2009, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/35 "2009-11-24T01:11:18Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > The angels are already dead, dude. Died of grief, they did, one and all. Mike was the last to go and we mounted his feathers on the hang glider. Wasteful; they should have frozen the corpse for study. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2009, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/36 "2009-11-24T01:16:53Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Wasteful; they should have frozen the corpse for study. If I recall aright (and I may not), the angels’ bodies are less durable than God (who may just be a demiurge, anyway). Save only the feathers, they disintegrate once a given angel dies. Besides, studying the body of a sapient entity after its death, without having first obtained its consent when such consent could reasonably have been sought, is unethical and tacky. My post is my sight. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2009, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/37 "2009-11-24T01:59:51Z")
Bury him in accordance with his wishes. God or no, he’s dead, and I’m not desecrating a corpse. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2009, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/38 "2009-11-24T02:02:16Z")
> [@Chopper9760](#): > > No transmutative properties? Bummer dude. I’d let God’s creatures satisfy their craving for a Big Mac - this problem solves itself with no help from me. If eating him wouldn’t grant any special abilities/powers/wisdom/mojo, then I’d probably at least steal some of his skin. So I could have it made into leather—jackets, boots, armor, book covers, etc. Even if I didn’t sell them, they’d be nice heirlooms. And I could tell the grandkids that I made boots out of God after I killed him in a fight. Crap…if God and angels are real, does that mean Satan’s real, too? If so, we’d better keep some of God’s bones around to make into spearheads and whatnot—they just might come in handy. Better safe than sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2009, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/39 "2009-11-24T03:03:01Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > If I recall aright (and I may not), the angels’ bodies are less durable than God (who may just be a demiurge, anyway). Save only the feathers, they disintegrate once a given angel dies. > > Besides, studying the body of a sapient entity after its death, without having first obtained its consent when such consent could reasonably have been sought, is unethical and tacky. My post is my sight. 😃 As an atheist, I just prayed to every deity I could think of for permission to study their corpse and/or heavenly entourage if they should die ('cept Crom, praying to Crom is a fool’s bet). We’ll see what comes of it. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2009, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-gods-corpse-what-do-you-do-with-it-aka-the-towing-jehovah-thread-open-spoilers/518650/40 "2009-11-25T03:01:51Z")
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