# You have the power to answer prayer. What criteria do you use? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 26, 2011, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-the-power-to-answer-prayer-what-criteria-do-you-use/579831 "2011-04-26T22:53:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-the-power-to-answer-prayer-what-criteria-do-you-use/579831/61 "2011-04-28T15:18:31Z")
So. New Testament then. Rich folk and bankers are are going to have trouble. (What can I say? Power corrupts – no human should have this kind of power) ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-the-power-to-answer-prayer-what-criteria-do-you-use/579831/62 "2011-04-28T15:20:25Z")
In that case, I’m going to hold off on the obvious prayer granting until the Christmas season. Then a rather large number of children are going to see a fat man in a red suit deliver whatever they asked the store-Santa for. Said fat man will appear on video as well. Lots of evidence of an actual Santa, acting in quasi-mysterious ways. My guess is that there will be competing sects and “religious” wars by March. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-the-power-to-answer-prayer-what-criteria-do-you-use/579831/63 "2011-04-28T15:22:59Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > So. New Testament then. If you’re going to get all Christian on me, then I’m going to have to call it a Gnostic god. I think I wrote [Sophia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sophiology) upthread at some point. But we all know it’s really Athena, who clearly took over Heaven in a hostile, occasionally violent, and very clever scheme that left the previous administration either grateful for her attention, or dismembered by one another. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-the-power-to-answer-prayer-what-criteria-do-you-use/579831/64 "2011-04-28T15:25:56Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > **1. Nothing that removes another person’s Free Will.** > > You can’t pray someone into loving you, or giving you money, or giving you the job when they think you’re an incompetent shit. I’m not above influencing minds, I’m just not going to rewrite them for your benefit. This is key. I think the upper limit for _ethically_ influencing another’s mind would be the equivalent of pointing a finger at something they otherwise might not have noticed. That is, I won’t use my power to make the girl love you - but if noticing that you’re wearing the t-shirt you earned for five consecutive years of volunteering at the pound would improve her opinion of you, I might do the magical equivalent of going “Hey, look at that guy’s shirt!” How she responds is up to her. ---
**Author:** ![Marc\_Xenos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Marc\_Xenos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marc_Xenos)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-the-power-to-answer-prayer-what-criteria-do-you-use/579831/65 "2011-04-29T00:17:31Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > What if someone is verbally expressing a wish without any particular intent to ask a god? What if someone is speaking to another person, or to their cat? Sure does sound like too much chance of wasting a perfectly good wish? Dammit, cat, I sure wish you wouldn’t make so much mess around your litter box. \ Clean floor. Um, God, I appreciate the thought, but you know, there’s larger issues I could have used your freaking help with, instead of just ignoring me! ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-the-power-to-answer-prayer-what-criteria-do-you-use/579831/66 "2011-04-29T16:17:19Z")
No choice in the matter, huh? I’m listening for the first prayer that says something along the lines of, “Grant me knowledge of your nature, God,” and I’m granting it. Then the prayer that grants that knowledge to everyone in the city: granted. God may not like to be worshipped, but if she’s fucking around with humanity, especially through so fallible a vessel as myself, folks have a right to know. Smite me if you want to, Ralphie. Meanwhile, I’m praying that I know the exact parameters of this ability: none of this trial-and-error nonsense. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-the-power-to-answer-prayer-what-criteria-do-you-use/579831/67 "2011-04-29T18:44:00Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > No choice in the matter, huh? I’m listening for the first prayer that says something along the lines of, “Grant me knowledge of your nature, God,” and I’m granting it. Then the prayer that grants that knowledge to everyone in the city: granted. God may not like to be worshipped, but if she’s fucking around with humanity, especially through so fallible a vessel as myself, folks have a right to know. Smite me if you want to, Ralphie. > > Meanwhile, I’m praying that I know the exact parameters of this ability: none of this trial-and-error nonsense. I meant the trial & error bit to be that the only way to really learn the power is to use it. You can’t learn how to swim by reading the Wikipedia article on it, after all, no matter how good the diagrams are. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-the-power-to-answer-prayer-what-criteria-do-you-use/579831/68 "2011-04-29T21:23:10Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I meant the trial & error bit to be that the only way to really learn the power is to use it. You can’t learn how to swim by reading the Wikipedia article on it, after all, no matter how good the diagrams are. That’s fine, but I’m praying for something specific: whenever I consider granting a prayer, I’ll know exactly how long it’d take the power to recharge afterwards. If granting this prayer means I have no power left over for the rest of the year, oh well, Ralphie, you sure got me there! Guess I’m out of a job. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-the-power-to-answer-prayer-what-criteria-do-you-use/579831/69 "2011-04-29T21:26:08Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > That’s fine, but I’m praying for something specific: whenever I consider granting a prayer, I’ll know exactly how long it’d take the power to recharge afterwards. If granting this prayer means I have no power left over for the rest of the year, oh well, Ralphie, you sure got me there! Guess I’m out of a job. I think that’s within the bounds of trial & error. You’re just not getting a 1000-page chart showing you every possible permutation. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-the-power-to-answer-prayer-what-criteria-do-you-use/579831/70 "2011-04-29T23:06:55Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I think that’s within the bounds of trial & error. You’re just not getting a 1000-page chart showing you every possible permutation. Ah, I see. I figured it was because Ralph wanted to say, “Okay, you just cured that dude’s impotence, but now you can’t cure anyone’s cancer for the next six months–ha ha, gotcha!” ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-the-power-to-answer-prayer-what-criteria-do-you-use/579831/71 "2011-04-30T12:18:08Z")
This sounds like Lucifer in disguise, in his role as Tempter. Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. ---
**Author:** ![Docta\_G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Docta\_G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Docta_G)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-the-power-to-answer-prayer-what-criteria-do-you-use/579831/72 "2011-04-30T18:06:32Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Obviously a hypothetical thread from the Rhymer, even though there’s no poll. If you don’t like these, your continuing to read this OP baffles me. > > The archangel Raphael appears to you to announce that you’ve been chosen to hear, assess, and grant (or deny) prayers for persons in the city you live in. You’ll have miraculous power and perception for this purpose for one year while you prove yourself worthy of a permanent gig. Here’s what you need to know: > > 1. As it turns out, Ralph’s boss is not terribly interested in worship or sacrifices. Thus she prefers that, whenever possible, you work wonders in such a fashion that they may be mistaken for natural processes, and also in such a way as to increase rather than decrease the self-reliance of the person praying. It goes without saying that you may not set yourself up to be worshipped; do so and you can expect a major smack-down from the archangel Michael long before the twelve months are up. > > 2. As the above implies, you are not omnipotent, just vastly powerful; it’s posisble to exhaust it and, while it will recharge, that may take days. The limits of your power and the time required tor recharge it are best discovered by trial & error. > > 3. You’re on probation, so you don’t have any mind-reading abilities; this will restrict you to prayers which have been verbalized, either aloud or in writing. It doesn’t matter to what deity the prayers have been aimed, and if you wish you can also treat wishes as prayers so long as they’re uttered or written. > > 4. If you wish, you use your power to support yourself in a reasonable middle-class lifestyle so you may treat the prayer-answering as a full-time job, and to protect yourself from personal harm. Uriel urges caution if you do this; people who have done that in the past have tended to lose the common touch and ultimately don’t get past the probationary period. But that’s your call. Again, though, if you use your powers obnoxiously, you may expect Mike’s mighty fist to wrap itself around your throat. You may, incidentally, craft whatever mechanical aids you wish to help you organize and sort the prayers. > > 5. Your reach is restricted to the city you live in when you were given the power. You may only hear and answer prayers from persons in that city, and your power will only work in that city. Thus you can only turn Moammar Gadhafi into a cockroach and step on him if you already live in Tripoli. > > 6. God is not _offering_ you this job; she _has given it_ to you. You may protest if you wish, but remember that as mighty as you now are, Mike could still take you out out with a toothpick. Also, remember Jonah. > > 7. God would like you to shut up about Jim Carrey movies. > > What will you do in your new position? 1. Ignore requests from humans. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-the-power-to-answer-prayer-what-criteria-do-you-use/579831/73 "2011-04-30T19:58:50Z")
> [@Docta\_G](#): > > 1. Ignore requests from humans. That leads directly to a smiting. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-have-the-power-to-answer-prayer-what-criteria-do-you-use/579831.md?page=3)