# You, John Q Doper have been sentenced to death! (what do you choose?) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 12, 2015, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311 "2015-06-12T02:48:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/1 "2015-06-12T02:48:51Z")
I’m reading a book right now set in space. A character in the book has been found guilty, beyond a shadow of a doubt, and the sentence carries the death penalty. You, John Q Doper, reading this thread ARE that person. There is no appeal. There is no debate. You WILL die. Your only choice is in how you will die. You can be hung by the neck until dead. You can be given a lethal injection that will kill you in minutes. You can be electrocuted. You can be spaced. Hell, the captain will allow you to be put into an escape pod and fired into the sun or left in that same escape pod until you run out of air and suffocate. The choice is yours and may the gods have mercy on your soul (or whatever). What do you choose? ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/2 "2015-06-12T02:51:38Z")
Just give me a pill to sleep and throw me into space. I will be dead in minutes. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/3 "2015-06-12T03:07:49Z")
Hand me a piece of antimatter. ---
**Author:** ![PlaceboTarget](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/placebotarget/32/1073_2.png) [@PlaceboTarget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlaceboTarget)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/4 "2015-06-12T03:27:44Z")
> [@XT](#): > > You, John Q Doper, reading this thread ARE that person. Apparently I, the real John Q Doper, enjoy more choices than the OP would like me to. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/5 "2015-06-12T03:30:35Z")
> [@PlaceboTarget](#): > > Apparently I, the real John Q Doper, enjoy more choices than the OP would like me to. 😃 It’s the [chrusher](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqVqxWU-Itg) for you, lad…and no sequence. Totally random… ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/6 "2015-06-12T03:34:15Z")
From an old joke about the guy captured by cannibals and about to be burned alive: **Chi chi** ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/7 "2015-06-12T03:34:47Z")
If I had a choice among traditional methods, I’d choose a firing squad. But of the choices given, I’d pick lethal injection. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/8 "2015-06-12T03:40:11Z")
Nitrous oxide. Not that I’ve ever tried it before. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/9 "2015-06-12T04:00:28Z")
Death by Snu-snu. ---
**Author:** ![PlaceboTarget](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/placebotarget/32/1073_2.png) [@PlaceboTarget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlaceboTarget)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/10 "2015-06-12T04:00:44Z")
> [@XT](#): > > It’s the [chrusher](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqVqxWU-Itg) for you, lad… Not really. 😃 Edward de Bono is my Deus Ex Machina. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/11 "2015-06-12T04:09:29Z")
Are my choices limited to those in your OP, or can we request a different method? If we can, I’d prefer asphyxiation via helium (with nitrogen as a backup option). ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/12 "2015-06-12T04:11:03Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > If I had a choice among traditional methods, I’d choose a firing squad. But of the choices given, I’d pick lethal injection. Ditto. And, were firing squad permitted, I’d ask, please, that they aim for my head, not my heart. That way, my brain will be destroyed faster than the nerve impulses moving within that brain. “Dead before you know it.” (But I’m told that the shock-wave of blood pressure from the heart up to the brain knocks the subject out instantly anyway, so even with a heart-shot, there’s no pain.) ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/13 "2015-06-12T05:39:50Z")
Hanging. I insist upon scientific accuracy, and this precludes artificial gravity. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/14 "2015-06-12T05:41:48Z")
Does a centrifuge chamber count as artificial gravity? Or they could just tie the other end of the noose to a rocket… (Einstein’s equivalency principle turns deadly!) ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/15 "2015-06-12T05:49:01Z")
I choose death by Old Age. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/16 "2015-06-12T06:47:40Z")
I want to be hung (they was right!). Seriously, firing squad. No blindfold. The rumor is that the blindfold is for the benefit of the squad, so I’d want to creep them out with my death stare. There’s also the Schrödinger box from _Endymion_. (IIRC) Poisonous gas is released as a result of random decay; you could be killed in mere minutes or it could go off decades later long after you died of old age, therefore the state isn’t technically culpable. The hitch is that it’s basically solitary confinement until then. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/17 "2015-06-12T07:00:25Z")
Energize, Scotty, wide dispersal. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/18 "2015-06-12T07:21:05Z")
Having been slain quite a few times, I can recommend anything that causes you to bleed out in short order. Yes, the injury will hurt, but it’s not so bad, really. Not nearly as unpleasant as suffocation or starvation or a sword to the gut. I don’t recommend anything that destroys the brain outright; hypoxia gives you a, ah, “smoother shutdown”. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Angry\_Badger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b38774/32.png) [@The\_Angry\_Badger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Angry_Badger)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/19 "2015-06-12T08:54:21Z")
Hanging - as long as it’s done properly. If it’s done right, by someone that knows what they’re doing, it’s over in a couple of seconds. Old timey hangmen used to take pride in dispatching the condemned within less than a minute of them walking onto the scaffold. If it’s done wrong though, it can be a horrible slow death by choking. So yeah - given a decent, experienced hangman, then hanging. If not, guillotine maybe? Or if I’m allowed total creativity, then there’s always something like this: [Warning - NSFW link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLctf4o6feQ) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Obnoxious\_Hood\_Ornament](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3be4f8/32.png) [@Obnoxious\_Hood\_Ornament](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obnoxious_Hood_Ornament)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311/20 "2015-06-12T13:24:57Z")
> [@susan](#): > > Death by Snu-snu. I second this 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-john-q-doper-have-been-sentenced-to-death-what-do-you-choose/722311.md?page=2)