# "You just need to speak up" isn't always helpful advice. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 21, 2020, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-just-need-to-speak-up-isnt-always-helpful-advice/848327 "2020-02-21T21:58:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2020, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-just-need-to-speak-up-isnt-always-helpful-advice/848327/41 "2020-02-25T16:13:18Z")
> [@tricoteuse](#): > > The people who do the “well, I would simply have…” are full of bullshit. You don’t know how you will react to a situation until it happens to you. I don’t blame you for being confused and upset. > > Both times I was pregnant my belly got huge so of course I got all the touching and rubbing in the world. Of course I had visions of slapping hands away and lecturing strangers about personal space. The best i could usually do was a weak little “Please don’t do that.” > > The worst was some nutcase woman who tried to lift up my shirt in the middle of the grocery store! I was so shocked that all I could do was yank my shirt back down and run right out of the store leaving my cart! Ooh, neat, a pregnant lady. I think I’ll assault her - that’ll show her how I respect the miracle of birth! ---
**Author:** ![tricoteuse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tricoteuse/32/4334_2.png) [@tricoteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tricoteuse)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2020, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-just-need-to-speak-up-isnt-always-helpful-advice/848327/42 "2020-02-25T16:27:31Z")
The problems didn’t stop once they were born because then you get the people who think it is their right to touch or pick up or make loud noises at a total stranger’s baby, without first asking if the parents are OK with it, and without stopping to think that the baby might not like strangers or loud noises. I didn’t have a problem with the ones who just wanted to peek or make faces or make cutesy sounds at a normal level. It was the OHHH MYYY GOOOOOOOOD YOU’RE SUCH A CUTE BABY COME HERE GIVE ME SNUGGLES!!! people I wanted to hit with a dirty diaper. My daughter did spit up all over a nosy parker once. I was so proud of her! ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2020, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-just-need-to-speak-up-isnt-always-helpful-advice/848327/43 "2020-02-25T17:33:10Z")
> [@tricoteuse](#): > > The people who do the “well, I would simply have…” are full of bullshit. You don’t know how you will react to a situation until it happens to you… Uh, I used to be an attractive young woman. I know what I’d do if someone I know touched me in an inappropriate social setting because I know what I’ve done. And yeah, pulling myself away without actually saying anything out loud is what I usually did. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2020, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-just-need-to-speak-up-isnt-always-helpful-advice/848327/44 "2020-02-25T18:01:45Z")
About once a month I get some joker touching/yanking my braid, which is currently waist-length. It pisses me off. Look, admire my hair all you want but do it at a distance. WTF, people? General rule for everyone should be no touching without explicit permission unless you’re about to perform CFR or snatch them out of the path of a fiery dragon’s breath or similar life-saving/emergency maneuver. Which almost never happens in real life so back the F off. Sometimes I get loud, but all too often it’s a situation were I can’t do that without risking negatives on myself. Assholes. ---
**Author:** ![tricoteuse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tricoteuse/32/4334_2.png) [@tricoteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tricoteuse)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2020, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-just-need-to-speak-up-isnt-always-helpful-advice/848327/45 "2020-02-25T18:46:08Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Uh, I used to be an attractive young woman. I know what I’d do if someone I know touched me in an inappropriate social setting because I know what I’ve done. And yeah, pulling myself away without actually saying anything out loud is what I usually did. Right. You know because you’ve done it. Therefore you’re not the kind of person I was talking about. I doubt the people who were telling Ace they’d have rocked it/ gone all Miss Manners on Tipsy Bridezilla have ever been in that situation and they’d be just as confused and awkward as he was. ---
**Author:** ![tricoteuse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tricoteuse/32/4334_2.png) [@tricoteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tricoteuse)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2020, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-just-need-to-speak-up-isnt-always-helpful-advice/848327/46 "2020-02-25T18:57:24Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > About once a month I get some joker touching/yanking my braid, which is currently waist-length. It pisses me off. Look, admire my hair all you want but do it at a distance. WTF, people? > > General rule for everyone should be no touching without explicit permission unless you’re about to perform CFR or snatch them out of the path of a fiery dragon’s breath or similar life-saving/emergency maneuver. Which almost never happens in real life so back the F off. > > Sometimes I get loud, but all too often it’s a situation were I can’t do that without risking negatives on myself. Assholes. They probably wonder if it’s your own hair, not that it makes pulling somebody’s hair any less rude and stupid. I have a friend whose hair is very tight corkscrew curls and she gets her share of people trying to pet her, as she puts it. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2020, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-just-need-to-speak-up-isnt-always-helpful-advice/848327/47 "2020-02-25T19:07:17Z")
Yeah, I do get people asking me if it’s all my own real hair or extensions. I’m OK with that. I’m totally cool with them using their words. It’s _touching without permission_ that pisses me off, even more when they do it from behind which is, at best, startling and under some circumstances downright frightening. I’m sure some do it from ignorance, I’m equally sure some do it because they get off on the reaction, particularly on the reaction of someone who’s working in retail and thus has very limited options for telling them off or saying NO and making it stick. Ditto for touching pregnant women, molesting wedding guests, and so on. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2020, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-just-need-to-speak-up-isnt-always-helpful-advice/848327/48 "2020-02-25T20:46:09Z")
> [@tricoteuse](#): > > Right. You know because you’ve done it. Therefore you’re not the kind of person I was talking about. I doubt the people who were telling Ace they’d have rocked it/ gone all Miss Manners on Tipsy Bridezilla have ever been in that situation and they’d be just as confused and awkward as he was. I have never been groped, because I’m a big fat homely dude, but I’m pretty confident that I would have ‘rocked it’ exactly as I described above. If somebody tried to grab my beard, on the other hand, I would fucking _recoil_. Prod my torso, okay, that’s creepy. Go for my _face_ and you’re gonna see me jerk away. Fortunately nobody has gone for it, likely due to the lack of visual appeal mentioned above. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-just-need-to-speak-up-isnt-always-helpful-advice/848327.md?page=2)