# You know about an affair. What do you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 30, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480 "2003-10-30T17:22:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![diku](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4af34b/32.png) [@diku](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/diku)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/1 "2003-10-30T17:22:47Z")
Through certain channels, two people that I know of are having an affair. Both have families. I don’t know the people personally, I know who they are. I’m being circumspect about the details, cause it could cause problems. Let’s just say I know about it, not through rumor. Even though I don’t really know these people, this really bugs me. What would you dopers do? Just ignore it, or what? Let them know that other people know about it, and they should be more discreet? Or go further, letting spouses know? I’m leaning towards ignoring it, but it still bothers me. ---
**Author:** ![Marconi\_Schmeese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ea666f/32.png) [@Marconi\_Schmeese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marconi_Schmeese)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/2 "2003-10-30T17:32:12Z")
Ignore it. It’s not your place. If you were friends with them, maybe it would be different, but you are not, so let it go. Sorry, I know it must weigh heavily on your mind. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/3 "2003-10-30T17:34:03Z")
Since you don’t know them personally, let it slide. Look the other way. Ignore it. If you knew at least one of them personally, things might be different. It would depend on how well you knew them. As it is, it’s best all around to have nothing to do with it. ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/4 "2003-10-30T18:36:47Z")
Definitely ignore it. It’s none of your business. ---
**Author:** ![DaToad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@DaToad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaToad)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/5 "2003-10-30T18:39:07Z")
Your not related and you don’t know them or their families, so there is no reason to get involved. I think the only thing that would come of you saying anything is that you will have people pissed off at you for butting into their lives. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/6 "2003-10-30T19:13:49Z")
Mind your own damn business. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/7 "2003-10-30T19:19:52Z")
The voice of dissent: If I found out my husband had been having an affair, and other people knew about it, I’d be pissed off that no one had told me. It depends on how well you know the person being cheated on. ---
**Author:** ![CakeOrDeath666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@CakeOrDeath666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CakeOrDeath666)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/8 "2003-10-30T19:33:11Z")
don’t let ANYONE know that you know about it, and don’t tell anyone. It’s their problem, not yours. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/9 "2003-10-30T19:36:40Z")
It seems to me that if the parties involved are not being descreet enough and you know for certain that they are having an affair, you would not want to start broadcasting it to everyone (SO’s family, etc.) but you may want to warn the involved parties that a little more discretion would be advised. ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/10 "2003-10-30T20:11:25Z")
If you just have to do something, I’d let the adulterous parties know that someone knows about them. Personally, I would stay out of it altogether. If their families are going to find out, they’ll find out some other way that doesn’t involve you. If, say, one of their spouses finds a suspicious credit card receipt, they’ll have a lot more trouble explaining that away than brushing off something you told someone with an “Oh, that Diku, it was all just a misunderstanding.” ---
**Author:** ![mipiace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@mipiace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mipiace)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/11 "2003-10-30T21:14:46Z")
I don’t think it is your business. You might not like it but it isn’t your place to intervene, warn, or butt in. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/12 "2003-10-30T21:30:14Z")
Ditto. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/13 "2003-10-30T21:32:32Z")
Might just blow up in your face. Best ignore it. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/14 "2003-10-30T22:04:25Z")
Call Cheaters? I love that program. Otherwise as said before you keep your nose out of it. What if it was you diku, would you want to know? ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/15 "2003-10-30T22:39:14Z")
Bad business for everyone, just stay out of it. Unless they were family or your best friend in the known universe, then maybe you should get involved. They are not… keep out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Violin\_D\_Ingrate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/898d66/32.png) [@Violin\_D\_Ingrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Violin_D_Ingrate)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/16 "2003-10-30T23:40:54Z")
If my SO was cheating on me, and exposing me to potentially fatal diseases, I would want to know about it. If a friend, family member or acquaintance knew about it and didn’t tell me, I’d be pretty upset right around the time of the first herpes outbreak. Would YOU rather find out from a friend, anonymous tip, or to walk in on someone, or have your kid find someone’s panties in her daddy’s truck? ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/17 "2003-10-30T23:45:31Z")
What the fuck? How do you people think the families will think when they learn that everyone knew about it, but noone told them? IMO: Do it, but discreetly. An anonymous tip. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/18 "2003-10-31T00:09:37Z")
I’m curious- how are you 100% certain that they’re having an affair? Did you see them having sex? How do you know they don’t have an arrangement with their spouse that allows them exterior activities? MYOB. ---
**Author:** ![typhoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ed8c4c/32.png) [@typhoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typhoon)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/19 "2003-10-31T01:10:02Z")
For your own sake, ignore it. ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480/20 "2003-10-31T01:21:20Z")
Blackmail one of them into having sex with you too ! or… keep it to yourself. One day you might be having an affair as well and you won’t like it if they rat on you. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-about-an-affair-what-do-you-do/210480.md?page=2)