# You Know You're Canadian When: (And other Canadian Jokes) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 12, 2001, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948 "2001-11-12T17:39:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/21 "2001-11-13T02:54:45Z")
You think _SCTV_ is funny. ---
**Author:** ![saucy\_potato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/edb3f5/32.png) [@saucy\_potato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saucy_potato)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/22 "2001-11-13T03:11:15Z")
You buy your pants one size larger in the winter so your longjohns will fit underneath. Err… or is that just me? ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/23 "2001-11-13T03:56:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Aguecheek \* > \*\ ***The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart** > > \ > > 0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C) > New York City landlords finally turn on the heat. > Canadians have the last cookout of the season.\*\* You stop BBQing?? nah - with a gas one, you just brush the snow off, fire it up, and toss the steaks on. If your buddy’s over for supper, he comes out with your beer and stands in the snow with you to keep you company, while your wives chat in the kitchen. ---
**Author:** ![lolagranola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ea5d25/32.png) [@lolagranola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lolagranola)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/24 "2001-11-13T04:58:00Z")
You can hum the theme to _Definition_. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/25 "2001-11-13T05:09:03Z")
Things just haven’t been the same since they cancelled _The Beachcombers_. ---
**Author:** ![Cerowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/26 "2001-11-13T05:29:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* > **Your favorite beer is Brador. > You belong to the Gino Vanelli fan club. > You wear Calvin Klein designer jeans.** > [@](#): > > \*\* > The french-slang term “Wayon-wah” (spelled phonetically here) is a part of your vocabulary. > You end every sentence one of three words: there, me or eh. \*\* See, this is where you show your French-American roots, **Jack**. If you can enjoy drinking Brador while picking gold foil out of your teeth, you have to be from, or influenced by, Quebecois culture. ::shudder:: ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/27 "2001-11-13T05:29:42Z")
So three guys are in a bar. One of them nudges the other two and motions over to the bar where two gorgeous women are seated. One of the guys decides he’s going to try to hit on the two women. So he goes over to them, and nods with a smile. They nod back. “So how are you two lovely ladies this evening?” They just shrug. So he tries again. “Where are you two from.” The first woman says “Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.” With that, the guy goes back to the table. “How did it go?” one of the other guys asked. “Not so well,” he says “Apparently they don’t speak English.” ---
**Author:** ![Cap\_n\_Crude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Cap\_n\_Crude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cap_n_Crude)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/28 "2001-11-13T05:38:44Z")
… when you and your SO do it doggie-style so you can both watch the hockey game on TV. ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/29 "2001-11-13T06:26:56Z")
You know you’re Canadian when… The trunk of your car doubles as extra freezer space in the winter. I just wish I could get Lola interested in watching hockey… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![meyer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@meyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meyer)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/30 "2001-11-13T08:39:47Z")
You use the phrase “do you smell burnt toast?” to imply that somebody is acting weird. 20 year old Americans drive into your city on the weekends, go to the bars, and giggle and high-five each other like they’ve just gotten away with something illegal. You automatically double the price of anything advertized on TV. You have never seen anyone carrying a weapon (gun or knife) in real life. You stayed up half the night on October 30th, 1995, watching CBC, worrying. You know what that last reference means. ---
**Author:** ![D18](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@D18](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D18)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/31 "2001-11-13T12:53:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by meyer \* > **You stayed up half the night on October 30th, 1995, watching CBC, worrying.** And how about the afternoon of [September 28, 1972](http://www.puresportsart.com/warehouse/hendu.htm)? ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/32 "2001-11-13T13:53:50Z")
I regularly feel very Canadian when in Spanish class we’re discussing stuff for which our chileña professor has no translation. She had to invent a word for “ice storm” (“tormenta de hielo”) and find an approximate equivalent for “tuque” (“gorro,” which is apparently Bolivian!) “_¡Esas cosas no existen en nuestra cultura!_” ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/33 "2001-11-13T14:05:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by D18 \* > \*\*And how about the afternoon of [September 28, 1972](http://www.puresportsart.com/warehouse/hendu.htm)? \*\* I was only 13 days old then (And in Scotland). So what was the outcome? Who won? :R&D: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/34 "2001-11-13T18:37:26Z")
Newsitems like [Doughnut Shop Employee Mistakes Vibrator For Pipe-Bomb](http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1005606266217&call_page=TS_GTA&call_pageid=968350130169&call_pagepath=GTA/News&col=969483202845) are part of your daily existence. “They found a bomb in the ladies-room over’t _Horton’s_, eh?” “It was a [dildo](http://www.k12.nf.ca/stgeorgeshigh/Dildo/Dildo.htm).” “Newfies. I knew it.” [http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article\_Type1&c=Article&cid=1005606266217&call\_page=TS\_GTA&call\_pageid=968350130169&call\_pagepath=GTA/News&col=969483202845](http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1005606266217&call_page=TS_GTA&call_pageid=968350130169&call_pagepath=GTA/News&col=969483202845) Argh. I can’t get the damned link to work. Well, if you live in Toronto you probably heard about it. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/35 "2001-11-14T02:54:38Z")
It’s understood that the phrase “Car!” involves moving a hockey net. You can make jokes about the size of someone’s caucas. You watched the movie “Highway 61”. You were sad when Ernie Coombs died. You know the meaning of “Toonie Tuesday”, “Sudbury Saturday Night”, “Timbit”, “Gottle of Bolson Molden” and “Grapes”. You eat your fries with vinegar. Only one person carries the canoe during a portage. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/36 "2001-11-14T04:44:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Phelan \* > \*\*There are only two seasons, winter and July! \*\* \Actually, there are four seasons, winter season, **maple syrup** season, hockey season and July\. ---
**Author:** ![someone\_else](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@someone\_else](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/someone_else)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/37 "2001-11-14T04:54:54Z")
This is definitely two jokes grafted together, but… A guy goes into a grocery store and asks the cashier for half a head of lettuce. The clerk says no way, we can’t just cut it in half and give it to you. The customer asks the clerk to go find his manager, so the clerk goes to the back and says, “Boss? Some asshole just asked for half a head of lettuce.” Then he turned around, saw the customer, who was standing right outside, and said, “And this gentleman would like the other half.” So the deal’s done and the boss asks the kid how he got so smart. The kid says, “I learned that when I was in Canada last year. But apart from that, all they’ve got is whores and hockey players.” The boss says, “Hey! My mother’s from Canada!” “Oh yeah? What team does she play for?” ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/38 "2001-11-14T04:55:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dr\_Paprika \* > **You were sad when Ernie Coombs died.** ☹ ☹ ☹ ☹ ☹ ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948/39 "2001-11-14T06:08:48Z")
> [@](#): > > **Dr. Paprika:** You can make jokes about the size of someone’s caucas. “Let me spread my moolah around your dissipating caucas.” …What’s-her-name, in _Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie’s_ sexy ballad _Tax Me, Brian._ Ah, damn. Now I have to link to the Trolls’ _[Canada Song](http://www.mudd.dhs.org/canada_song.mp3)_. (2.6Mb .mp3 file) > [@](#): > > The hippies and the rednecks live in perfect harmony > Growing wheat and marijuana together, hydroponically > Nobody has pimples and the skies are always clear > And when Jesus Christ comes back to Earth, I know he’ll be born here. [sup][Obligatory link to their CD at MP3.com.](http://artists.mp3s.com/artists/cds/14/14372.html)[/sup] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-canadian-when-and-other-canadian-jokes/92948.md?page=1)