# You know you're in trouble when... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 13, 2002, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617 "2002-11-13T20:49:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![fizgig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f04885/32.png) [@fizgig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizgig)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/141 "2002-11-25T06:40:06Z")
You’ve just adopted some sweet, mysteriously orphaned country siblings, and there happens to be a corn field behind your home… ---
**Author:** ![AtomicDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@AtomicDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AtomicDog)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/142 "2002-11-27T12:21:31Z")
…You’re in a department store (or a ticket office, or a service starion, or a grocery store, etc.) and the attendant turns to you and says, “YYYEEESSSSS?!” ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/143 "2002-11-27T12:48:11Z")
I can’t believe you guys have missed this one! . . . You’re the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts. ---
**Author:** ![Achernar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e274bd/32.png) [@Achernar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achernar)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/144 "2002-11-27T13:00:43Z")
[Psst, hey cjhoworth…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&postid=2592039#post2592039) ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/145 "2002-11-27T13:08:30Z")
. . . You don’t re-read the _entire_ several-day-old thread before posting your brilliant new comment. :o Anyone got a rock I can hide under? CJ ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/146 "2002-11-27T13:17:28Z")
…when you’re a coyote and you receive a big shipment from the **Acme** company. ---
**Author:** ![MrMyth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e19b73/32.png) [@MrMyth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrMyth)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/147 "2002-11-27T14:28:32Z")
…you’re a producer and your movie opens December 18th - and it doesn’t have Ian McKellan in it. …the year is 1996, you’re the leading scorer for your team, you’ve just told the local press that Michael Jordan is getting old, and you’re playing him tommorrow on NBC. And on a slightly different note, you know **somebody else** is in trouble when… … you wake up from a fight with your best friend and you’re in a black life-support suit and an oversized German motorcycle helmet… ---
**Author:** ![Fnoonf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f6c823/32.png) [@Fnoonf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fnoonf)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/148 "2002-11-28T16:19:00Z")
…that mannered old gentleman you met at the park invites you home for dinner, curtly instructing you to stop by the store and pick up some Fava beans on your way, if you don’t mind. …you realize that yes, Ned Ryerson actually exists, and yes, he is trying to sell you insurance. …the congenial motel manager inexplicably finds a way to work his mother into the conversation every five minutes. …you kill Tara. ---
**Author:** ![quarx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/50afbb/32.png) [@quarx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quarx)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/149 "2002-11-28T20:40:44Z")
You know you’re in trouble when … …Glenn Close thinks you’re kind of cute. …Your co-worker at the lab in Antarctica leaves you in the pantry with the thawing alien, 'cause hey, what could go wrong? …You honor your friend’s dying wish by buying a drink for his girlfriend, who turns out to be pretty hot, except for that huge adam’s apple. …Ann Coulter thinks you’re the funniest person alive. …You look in the mirror and find that you’re covered with tattoos offering advice that you probably shouldn’t take. …You’re hangin’ in the “Badda-Bing” with your buds, Tony, Chris, Paulie and Junior, when out of the blue, someone says, “Hey, let’s go fishing!” … || || / …and everyone but you suddenly seems to think that this is a great idea. ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/150 "2002-11-29T01:17:56Z")
… you marry James Bond. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/151 "2002-11-29T02:06:06Z")
While on a road trip through a southern state, you and your friends are pulled over on a deserted road by the local sheriff. Your car breaks down in a small southern rural town and the local mechanic says it’ll take a couple of days to order new parts. You ask the locals about your friend/ relative/ co-worker who disappeared after calling you from this town. You’re met with sullen stares and denials that any such person was ever here. You’re told that you “shouldn’t be pokin’ your nose in where it ain’t wanted”. You’re an out of towner and you go into the local bar full of rednecks and good ol’ boys. You’re deep in the woods miles from the nearest road or habitation, yet you keep glimpsing movement out of the corner of your eye. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/152 "2002-11-29T03:15:56Z")
Your name is Charles Dexter Ward. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/153 "2002-11-29T03:31:17Z")
Somebody complements you on yore purty little mouth. ---
**Author:** ![WortMeWorry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@WortMeWorry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WortMeWorry)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/154 "2002-11-29T03:59:06Z")
You’ve just made an Alaspinian mini dragon angry. ---
**Author:** ![Berkut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e57/32.png) [@Berkut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Berkut)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/155 "2002-11-29T05:18:37Z")
You wake up, and your copilot is asleep. ---
**Author:** ![alex\_arg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@alex\_arg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alex_arg)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/156 "2002-11-29T06:59:28Z")
You’re being chased by a sex crazed serial killer in an old hockey mask. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/157 "2002-11-29T09:04:18Z")
You own a fruit cart, drive a truck carrying bottled water, or are carrying a large pane of glass with your partner… and you see a chase scene approaching. ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/158 "2002-11-29T11:59:57Z")
Let’s get a little esoteric, shall we? You and your beau Ned are going out for an evening of fun, but along the way you get separated from Bess & George and their dates. You expect to have a long and successful career as a district attorney. And your name is Hamilton Burger. As your neighbors are handed the keys to your home, you hear Paige say “…Hildi Santo-Tomas!” You’re a scientist and the unrequited love interest and the suit that you’re wearing to protect yourself from a deadly airborne virus has just developed a small rip. You plan to marry the nanny, knowing that you already have a wife, up in the attic. Dylan is your first or last name, and you’ve just gotten a great role as a law enforcement officer. Some guy has a proposal that can’t lose: all you have to do is just lip synch! The other two members of your musical trio start sleeping together. The other two members of your musical trio stop sleeping together. You get what you think will be a long-term job as a recurring character on NBC’s #1 drama but remain listed in the secondary, non-photo credits after more than two appearances. ---
**Author:** ![Alatariel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Alatariel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alatariel)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/159 "2002-11-30T04:52:36Z")
…when you swear that’s the third time you’ve passed that hitchhiker since your cross country drive started. ---
**Author:** ![Blackeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f6c823/32.png) [@Blackeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackeyes)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617/160 "2002-11-30T05:04:59Z")
> [@](#): > > You’re the only one who can see your friend Harvey. A burly guy in a white lab coat asks you, “What’s a pooka?” Why, that happens to be one of my favorite movies. And no, I _can’t_ remember when Carter was in office. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-know-youre-in-trouble-when/136617.md?page=9)