# You may retrieve a lost historical artifact. What do you chose?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [November 21, 2008, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879 "2008-11-21T18:25:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 5
### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2008, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/81 "2008-11-23T20:17:28Z")
> [@What\_Exit](#):
>
> All good ideas but to that last part who else on even the dope knows the “Number of the Beast”, has a Loglan book or even remembered that was the programming language used and is a strong programmer? It is a fairly odd combination I think.
My point is that you’re sort of wasting your effort, since I would obviously approve a trip to Arda on general principles so long as I was assured you had the common sense not to annoy the Valar.
But Loglan won’t help. Just because Gay Deceiver spoke Loglan doesn’t mean my continua device does. It’s a BURROUGHS-LIBBY continua devie; obviously I [del]stole[/del] [del]liberated[/del] purcahsed it after Hilda & Company took up with the Longs, and I don’t believe Loglan was still in use on Tertius.
I’m nuts enough I just searched and found my Loglan to English book 4 &5 from 1975. I haven’t looked at it in about 15 years.
[/QUOTE]
---
### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2008, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/82 "2008-11-23T20:21:16Z")
> [@Chimera](#):
>
> [Admiral Ackbar]
> _It’s a trap!_
> [/aa]
>
> Sure enough, you go back in time to Alexandria, traipsing around in modern garb, unable to speak the language, carrying odd technological devices and attempting to loot the Library, you’re going to end up with a spear in your belly.
>
> You likewise can’t just stroll up Calvary and pick up the cross after it’s been used without very probably being it’s next victim. (But at least you’d have that going for you - being crucified on the same cross as Christ!)
>
> The machine only sends you back and gives you a way forward again. It does not offer success in the middle.
>
> _'ware the Skald. He offers tempting fruit that shall be your undoing._
Rage, vengeance, exploding hamsters, blah blah blah.
---
### Author:  [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2008, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/83 "2008-11-23T20:27:19Z")
I want J.S. Bach’s _St. Mark Passion_ and Jean Sibelius’s Eighth Symphony.
---
### Author:  [@Mrs.Cake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Cake)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2008, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/84 "2008-11-23T21:16:11Z")
Dinosaurs and dodos made me think of this - back 150 years to raid passenger pigeon nests - get a couple dozen eggs from various nests to guarantee genetic diversity. Bring them back and pop them into an incubator. Get hold of someone who can raise baby birds, and voila - a viable breeding colony within a handful of years!
Could maybe do this with a couple clutches of dinosaur eggs as well, but that sounds very risky, both for me and the baby dinos, although a smart paleobiologist could probably work out some of the details of building a controlled envirornment.
---
### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2008, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/85 "2008-11-23T21:37:51Z")
> [@Mrs.Cake](#):
>
> Dinosaurs and dodos made me think of this - back 150 years to raid passenger pigeon nests - get a couple dozen eggs from various nests to guarantee genetic diversity. Bring them back and pop them into an incubator. Get hold of someone who can raise baby birds, and voila - a viable breeding colony within a handful of years!
>
> Could maybe do this with a couple clutches of dinosaur eggs as well, but that sounds very risky, both for me and the baby dinos, although a smart paleobiologist could probably work out some of the details of building a controlled envirornment.
I wonder how much planning that will take? I mean, how many clutches must you raid for acceptable genetic diversity? Will you have to keep the pigeons you raise in a controlled era, or will you be able eventually be able to release them into the broader environment. Hasn’t their niche in their former habitat been taken by now?
I don’t mean to nitpick; when I’m not in Evil Overlord mode, I’m interested in these sorts of things.
(And I think that the dinosaur idea is doomed to futility. No Jurassic Park rampages; just specimens who cannot adopt and paleobiologists who swear that they’re not going to get emotionally attached, proceed to get emotionally attached anyway, and then weep a lot.)
---
### Author:  [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2008, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/86 "2008-11-23T21:45:32Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#):
>
> Rage, vengeance, exploding hamsters, blah blah blah.
_sheesh_
Giant Mutant Exploding Dragonflies with frickin’ laser beams on their heads.
That’s _real_ terror!
---
### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2008, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/87 "2008-11-23T21:52:48Z")
> [@Chimera](#):
>
> _sheesh_
>
> Giant Mutant Exploding Dragonflies with frickin’ laser beams on their heads.
>
> That’s _real_ terror!
Dude, re-read the OP; I’m not being evil in this thread. The Vow of Improprobable Vengeance was just in case the Legion of Doom netbots are watching; I don’t want to lose face in front of Sinestro again.
---
### Author:  [@Mrs.Cake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Cake)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2008, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/88 "2008-11-23T21:58:21Z")
Regarding passenger pigeons and dinosaurs: Actually, I think I’d need the help and advice of people who know a lot more than I do. My level of knowldege stops shortly after the “wouldn’t it be cool if” stage. I would assume the passenger pigeons would be stocking zoos and be kept domestically for a long time. It would be great if there were a way to reintroduce them without screwing up existing ecosystems at some point, the way condors were. Condors, however, were never in danger of reproducing like rats.
As for the dinosaurs, they would have to be kept in controlled enviroments forever as an oddity. They’d be extremely vulnerable to disease and deformity over time, due to limited genetic diversity. Thinking about it, I probably wouldn’t bring them back becuase they’d almost certainly be doomed to an existence of being poked, prodded, and bled by every scientist who could get a chance. Not a good life for them, although they could probably make me fabulously rich, bless their little hearts.
---
### Author:  [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2008, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/89 "2008-11-23T22:33:35Z")
> [@Szlater](#):
>
> Can I also suggest that you add some hieroglyphics of your own to the tomb’s decorations. Y’know, fuck with the conspiracy theorists a little.
That would be awesome.
Maybe one that said, “I can has cheezburger?”
---
### Author:  [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)
#### Post date: [November 23, 2008, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/90 "2008-11-23T23:17:57Z")
> [@Mrs.Cake](#):
>
> Dinosaurs and dodos made me think of this - back 150 years to raid passenger pigeon nests - get a couple dozen eggs from various nests to guarantee genetic diversity. Bring them back and pop them into an incubator. Get hold of someone who can raise baby birds, and voila - a viable breeding colony within a handful of years! t.
\*\*Colibri \*\*could likely come up with a better answer, but the PP did ot go extinct as the last few were hunted down. True there was massive hunting pressure, but it seems like the PP needed huge milllion bird flocks to be happy and surivie. Not to mention large hardwood forests which are mostly gone. Not to mention the PP is pretty much like a regular pidgie.
I’d like to see a few Carolina Parakeets and a breeding colony of Great Auks, but being as the last are big birds you’d have to raise them from eggs.
---
### Author:  [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2008, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/91 "2008-11-24T03:03:53Z")
I’d go for the giant digital camera as well, and get pictures of
The Titanic at the point of impact
Caesar’s parade through Rome
One of the artists at work in Lascaux
OJ committing the murders
among others. And I would recover the original version of “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” before Stevenson burned it.
---
### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2008, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/92 "2008-11-24T16:06:16Z")
> [@Clothahump](#):
>
> I’d go for the giant digital camera as well, and get pictures of
>
> The Titanic at the point of impact
> Caesar’s parade through Rome
> One of the artists at work in Lascaux
> OJ committing the murders
>
> among others. And I would recover the original version of “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” before Stevenson burned it.
I’d be too chicken for the Titanic; the temptation to intervene (i.e., to not watch hundreds of people die without saving any) would be very strong, and the self-consistency principle (along with the general chaos) probably leads to that getting you killed. Caesar would work, done carfully; so would Lascaux.
I don’t see the point of Simpson. You can’t save the victims. You can’t avert his acquittal. No one seriously believes he’s innocent, and he’s pretty much in jail for life at this point.
I approve of stealing a manuscript of J & H.
---
### Author:  [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2008, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/93 "2008-11-24T16:47:55Z")
Hmm, I wasn’t exactly planning on breeding dinos, though that would be cool and all. More along the lines of settling questions like “were they warm/cold-blooded”, “what color was their skin”, etc., and if we’re lucky and we can figure out how to keep them alive, then more extended questions like “what are their growth rates”, “what is a typical adult size”, etc.
Basically, yes, to have something to poke, prod and bleed for a couple of years. Sorry if that’s not a very empathetic answer from the dino’s POV.
---
### Author:  [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2008, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/94 "2008-11-24T18:32:26Z")
I’m heading to the Foster ranch in Roswell, New Mexico. Drop me off around June 1, 1947, and I’ll call for pickup. I’m bringing digital cameras, and _something_ is coming back in that backpack.
---
### Author:  [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2008, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/95 "2008-11-24T18:58:17Z")
It sounds like the Library of Alexandria is gonna be a crowded place with all of us recovering items. We really should coordinate our efforts for maximum salvaging capability.
---
### Author:  [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2008, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/96 "2008-11-24T19:06:40Z")
> [@jackdavinci](#):
>
> Whatever original Egyptian document Plato based his Atlantis legend on.
Good luck with that one.
I’d go for a full copy of Sallust’s Histories, the lost books of Livy, probably Callisthenes’ and Ptolemy’s Alexander histories, the earlier Roman annalists, and Stesichorus’ Palinode. I’m sure I’ll think of more I’d like to add to the list soon.
---
### Author:  [@Szlater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Szlater)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2008, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/97 "2008-11-24T19:10:02Z")
> [@Antinor01](#):
>
> It sounds like the Library of Alexandria is gonna be a crowded place with all of us recovering items.
I’m going to go back after you’ve all started your trips to Alexandria to a point just before the first of you arrive and start the burning early. Don’t try and stop me, I have the Baby Jesus!
---
### Author:  [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2008, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/98 "2008-11-24T19:33:11Z")
> [@Szlater](#):
>
> I’m going to go back after you’ve all started your trips to Alexandria to a point just before the first of you arrive and start the burning early. Don’t try and stop me, I have the Baby Jesus!
The early burning is now a matter of historical record! And that’s not Jesus, that’s Brian!
…run rings around you logically…
---
### Author:  [@Szlater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Szlater)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2008, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/99 "2008-11-24T19:40:19Z")
> [@Dante](#):
>
> The early burning is now a matter of historical record! And that’s not Jesus, that’s Brian!
>
> …run rings around you logically…
Foiled again!
But this IS Baby Jesus… I have the bathtub full of wine to prove it!
---
### Author:  [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2008, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879/100 "2008-11-24T19:44:31Z")
I’m not sure how many of Peking Man’s bones you could fit in a backpack, but I’'m sure it would be enough to be significant.
[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879.md?page=4)
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-may-retrieve-a-lost-historical-artifact-what-do-you-chose/473879.md?page=6)