# You might be a bad driver if… **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 2, 2000, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391 "2000-10-02T20:43:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![mrblue92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@mrblue92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrblue92)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2000, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/21 "2000-10-03T18:40:53Z")
You replace your bumpers more often than your oil. (95%) You enter your car in a demolition derby and everybody mistakes it for the same car you used in the last one. (98%) The police have pre-printed tickets with your name on them. (100%) ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2000, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/22 "2000-10-03T19:27:50Z")
“Good on ya” everybody. Keep 'em coming. 😃 **Olentzero:** Thanks, and glad to meet you. I grew up reading Walt Kelly. He was the **best.** ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Lord\_Davidson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bc8723/32.png) [@Dark\_Lord\_Davidson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Lord_Davidson)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2000, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/23 "2000-10-03T20:02:38Z")
_You might be a bad driver if…_ You see STOP signs as SLOW DOWN, IF YOU WANT signs. (60%) The light changes from yellow to red five seconds after it does for everyone else. (67%) You pull a U-turn in a 4-way intersection with cars coming from every direction. (80%) You take the U-turn too wide and then have to back your car up to make it onto the road. (85%) Your cell phone causes you to go 20 mph below the speed limit while on an entrance ramp, causing the person behind you to ram you by coming around a blind corner at the POSTED speed limit. (95%) You merge into the fast lane straight off the entrance ramp before the white line even begins to break. (New England…) (100%) You use a cell phone while driving, period. (9000%) I hope all the morons who talk on a cell phone while driving get brain cancer from the damned thing. ---
**Author:** ![Havoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Havoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Havoc)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2000, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/24 "2000-10-03T20:15:50Z")
Merge, Yield… What’s the difference? (95%) You know that the lane you’re currently in is closed; but if you can just _speed up_ and get past those last ten cars, you might be able to make it out of this lane and not even need to touch the brake. (99%) ---
**Author:** ![Starbury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Starbury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starbury)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2000, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/25 "2000-10-04T16:25:39Z")
…your car is featured [here](http://www.riceboypage.com). ---
**Author:** ![sharper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7cd45c/32.png) [@sharper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sharper)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2000, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/26 "2000-10-24T23:17:55Z")
Hey! If you don’t like the way I drive stay off the sidewalk. ---
**Author:** ![deb2world](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@deb2world](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deb2world)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/27 "2000-10-25T00:18:45Z")
You answer a cell phone (80%) You make a call on a cell phone (90%) You use a lap top (100%) (I was almost side-swiped by an SUV driver using a laptop while driving 75mph on a busy freeway, and he was tailgating the car in front of him. I moved away from him quickly.) ---
**Author:** ![ibrahim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/43a26b/32.png) [@ibrahim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ibrahim)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/28 "2000-10-25T01:39:39Z")
You might be a bad driver if …You drive the speed limit in the leftmost lane of the highway (50%) …And there are no cars in front of you slowing you down (99%) …And there are no cops nearby (99.9%) …And your left turn signal is on (99.99%) …And you’re talking on your cell phone (99.999%) …While your dog is in your lap (99.9999%) …And you’re driving a 17’ Uhaul (99.99999%) …Pulling a car (99.999999%) …Or a motorhome (99.9999999%) This is barely–BARELY–exaggerating what I’ve seen. You might be a bad driver if …You slow down near an accident (10%) …To 1/10 of the speed that you were going before (99%) …And turn your head either 90 degrees left or 90 degrees right (99.999%) …And start going 10 mph above the speed limit about 20 feet past the accident (99.999999%) …And then complain about the rubberneckers (100%) …And then look in the paper or watch the news to find out if anybody was hurt (you demented sicko) Nabeel ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/29 "2000-10-25T02:13:57Z")
…if you accelerate when I’m passing you (100%) …if you drive a SUV (75%) …if you drive on people’s bumpers constantly (100%) …if you drive in the fast lane slower than the flow of traffic in the right lane (100%) …if you think the road = a Nascar track (99.9%) …if you don’t look when you back up (100%) …if you change lanes too quickly (85%) …if you drive around with your turn signal on (95%) …if you don’t bother to take care of your car, truck, van etc… (90%) ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/30 "2000-10-25T02:57:43Z")
Starbury! PLEASE submit your Rice Boy car link to Tubadiva! It’s gotta be a Weird Earl! Those cars were F\*#@ING FUNNY! Patty ---
**Author:** ![Emperor\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@Emperor\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emperor_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/31 "2000-10-25T05:20:15Z")
… A garbage bag is used as a substitute for a window (50%) … It’s your rear window (75%) … It’s your front window (100%) … When your stereo is turned to the minimum setting and you’re still shattering windows (95%) (with apologies to Duke) … Your idea of cruise control involves bungee cords and a cinder block (99%) … you wash your car more than yourself (60%) ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/32 "2000-10-25T05:39:58Z")
…You flip me off because you nearly sideswiped me (1000%) …You pull a u-turn by driving straight across three lanes of traffic and doing a 90-degree turn into the far right lane at 10 mph less than 30 feet in front of a full-size GMC pickup moving at 45 mph (infinite % - I should’a just plowed into him instead of swerving to save his life and damaging the truck in what turned out to be a “one vehicle accident” because I missed him…) …You slow to 5 mph BEFORE moving over into the left hand turn lane (98%) …You think stop signs in parking lots are optional (90%) BTW - my car is about 15% grey primer. Doesn’t mean I’m a bad driver, it just means GM paint jobs from the early '90s sucked. Can’t afford to re-paint it right now. 'Course, it makes it easier to spot my car in a parking lot… ---
**Author:** ![TerraeFilius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d6d6ee/32.png) [@TerraeFilius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TerraeFilius)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/33 "2000-10-25T14:14:07Z")
… you let a child sit on your lap and pretend to drive (100%) … you put on your left turn signal at a light AFTER the car behind you arrives and cannot change lanes (60% - not deadly, just annoying) … you think your car is a toy to use for joyriding, racing or chasing your friends’ cars (100%) … you check for cross traffic from the left but not pedestrians or bicyclists from the right when making a right turn (85%) ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/34 "2000-10-25T15:17:03Z")
Anyone who drives a minivan - 90% Anyone who drives a freakin’ Volvo - 90% Anyone who thinks that any car listed on the Rice Boy page is faster than my Cobra - 60% (hey, you’re entitled to your own opinion, no matter how wrong you actually are) 😛 Or, anyone who drives a car on this page - 100%(kinda like the Rice Boy pages). [http://members.home.net/timer1/hilhonda.htm](http://members.home.net/timer1/hilhonda.htm) ---
**Author:** ![mk9kahr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@mk9kahr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mk9kahr)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/35 "2000-10-25T16:19:16Z")
You might be a Bad Driver if… You stop for no reason… In the Rain… On a bridge… With no licence… Or insurance… With a 20’ length of 2"x4" hanging out the back of the pickup. ---
**Author:** ![Ambumax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Ambumax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambumax)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/36 "2000-10-25T17:02:31Z")
You drive the wrong way on a one-way street…(100%) You then turn across traffic onto the highway…(150%) In front of oncoming traffic…(200%) By fifteen feet…(250%) Then driving over the concrete divider…(300%) Narrowly avoiding the accident you just caused…(400%) Then speeding up the highway approximately 20mph over the limit…(500%) I totalled the first car I ever owned on that one… I was the car behind the one he shot out in front of. You handle your car exactly the same whether its sunny or raining…(50%) …Or snowing…(90%) …Or hailing…(99%) You tailgate someone who is going 10-15 mph over the limit…(80%) You then pass that person (98%) to the right…(99%) only to get back behind someone going the same speed as the car you just passed…(100%) ---
**Author:** ![Peta\_Tzunami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b487fb/32.png) [@Peta\_Tzunami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peta_Tzunami)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/37 "2000-10-25T17:37:37Z")
You might be a bad driver if… - you don’t know what that stick thing on the side of your steering column does (wipers 80%; turn signal 100%) - you are of the opinion that a line is a line “Solid, dashed, what’s the difference?!” - you have to follow the dashed lines when you turn to know you’re turning into the proper lane (90%) - you ignore the dashed lines when you turn and turn into whatever lane you wish regardless of other turn lanes/drivers (100%) - you get in the right curb lane so you can turn right on red only to cut in front of everyone else to the far left lane - you have a CD hanging from your rearview mirror (unique from other objects hanging on from the mirror, which are also no-no’s in my book, a CD reflects light into the eyes of other drivers) - you change lanes two inches off my bumper and then get back over when the lane you WERE in starts going 3 MPH faster than mine - your vehicle is at a 45-degree (or more) angle when you change lanes on the highway - you use the exit lanes (or merge from on-ramp lanes) to get just a few more cars up in the lane - you consider a wave after merging the same as a turn signal before - you ignore all the “Right Lane MUST turn Right” signs until you reach the intersection and block an entire lane waiting to get back over - regardless of your speed, you feel the need to slow down by at least 10 MPH when you see a police officer who is: …in traffic 80% …taking readings on your side of the highway 95% …taking readings on the opposite side of the highway 97.5% …taking readings on the opposite side of the highway with a large concrete wall between them 100% - you feel a need to travel in the Emergency Vehicle’s wake - you consistently excellerate more than 5 MPH (and thus cut-off) the instant someone’s turn-signal indicates they want to merge into your lane - you turn into a lane of traffic behind someone and cut them off (cutting across behind them 90%; cutting across in front of them 100%) Wow, I feel better… ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/38 "2000-10-25T17:55:21Z")
_You may be a bad driver if…_ a) You drive a used, 1960’s era pickup truck or station wagon. _50%_ b) If the pickup or station wagon is painted white. _55%_ c) If the paint used is latex house paint from Dutchboy. _79%_ d) If mor than 15% of the visible surface of the vehicle is not paint, but rust… _99%_ If all of the above are correct, then there will **inevitably** be true that: 1. You will have a Confedrate flag displayed prominently, somewhere on your vehicle. And… 1. You will be missing at least 3 teeth. There is also a _50%_ chance that you think that your sister is: > [@](#): > > The best gosh-dang kisser in the county! HEE-YUCK! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/39 "2000-10-25T17:59:53Z")
_You might be a bad driver if . . ._ . . . you are driving in front of me (95%) . . . you are driving behind me (85%) . . . you are driving in my blind spot (99%) ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391/40 "2000-10-25T19:20:42Z")
You _might_ be a bad driver if… you’re from Massachusetts… (“New England” is too broad a term…let’s call a Masshole a Masshole…) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-bad-driver-if/35391.md?page=3)