# You might be a Doper if you... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 12, 2005, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694 "2005-02-12T02:43:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/21 "2005-02-12T23:13:17Z")
When you want the answer to a question, your first instinct is to start a new thread in the general questions sections of this board. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/22 "2005-02-12T23:32:36Z")
> [@lavenderlemon](#): > > When you want the answer to a question, your first instinct is to start a new thread in the general questions sections of this board. I have almost given up all other forms of research. There is NOTHING these people don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_On\_My\_Sleeve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/77aa72/32.png) [@Heart\_On\_My\_Sleeve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_On_My_Sleeve)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/23 "2005-02-12T23:52:40Z")
You say “Og forbid” in conversation, or to avoid taking the Lord’s name in vain, “Og sometimes you just don’t come through” when singing along with Tori Amos. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Orzabal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/24 "2005-02-13T00:07:55Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > I have almost given up all other forms of research. There is NOTHING these people don’t know. Agreed. My current information retrieval process is as follows: 1. Brain - contains enough to surprise me on occasion 2. Google - Mr. Google knows all, and I’m pretty decent at getting him to reveal it to me 3. GQ - if Mr. Google doesn’t know it, or if he won’t tell it to me, somebody here either knows it or can make the G-man talk. If that particular triad ever fails me, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. As for “You might be a Doper if…”, whenever I see a smiley face, I am sorely tempted to add some eyebrows and a sideways T: :dubious: If nothing else, it’s cut down on the number of “inspirational messages” on the whiteboard at work, because HAVE A GREAT NIGHT! 🙂 sends an altogether different message when it becomes HAVE A GREAT NIGHT! :dubious: Personally, I vastly prefer the second, but oddly, management seems to disagree. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/25 "2005-02-13T00:21:03Z")
…when faced with a tough decision, you think, WWTD (What Would Tuba Do?). Or, maybe not. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/26 "2005-02-13T00:23:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*1. You know the author, play and SDMB incident to which the Winter of Missed Content refers to without looking it up. > > 1. You’ve posted to the Are Scalar Weapons Real? thread. > > 2. Hi, Opal! [color=purple]… You’ve ever had the misfortune of being graped by a grapist\*\*.[/color] ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/27 "2005-02-13T04:12:50Z")
You made a bracelet that says “OG SMASH!” ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/28 "2005-02-13T04:22:22Z")
… know how shocking the Goatse and Tubgirl images are… Even if you have never ever seen them! (and I’m not lying here!!) ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/29 "2005-02-13T04:26:59Z")
Put vBulletin code in emails and IM. See a mention of a Doper event long in the past and spend the next three days reading about it. File “SDMB subscription” under Essential (or some equivalent) in your household budget. Use GQ instead of Google for questions that are more complicated than simple facts, such as the difference between a wood and an iron (which I was wondering about today). Detest, loathe, and abhor animated smilies and avatars. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/30 "2005-02-13T09:02:29Z")
> [@GIGObuster](#): > > … know how shocking the Goatse and Tubgirl images are… > > Even if you have never ever seen them! > > (and I’m not lying here!!) Guilty as charged. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/31 "2005-02-13T18:24:25Z")
You have memorized complete lists of 1. the offspring of animals (kangaroo = joey) 2. collective nouns (a crash of rhinoceros) 3. collateral adjectives (snowlike = nival) ---
**Author:** ![Scruloose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@Scruloose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruloose)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/32 "2005-02-13T18:50:00Z")
… if you have several ideas on how to kill evil nazi groundhogs. … if you know what happens to semen when it’s pan fried. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/33 "2005-02-13T21:18:48Z")
> [@Scruloose\\](#): > > … if you know what happens to semen when it’s pan fried. Or fed to a fish. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/34 "2005-02-13T21:29:04Z")
You’ve ever yelled out “Gotcha ya!” or “Now I burning your dog!” in real life. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/35 "2005-02-13T21:42:04Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > … You’ve ever had the misfortune of being graped by a grapist. Misfortune? I consider my graping by **The Grapist** to have been an honor. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/36 "2005-02-13T22:01:27Z")
If you… …have discaussions about 1920’s style death rays in real life. …notice your friend scominginto you’re room and saying “Ugh. The Dope again.” …consider it a part of any good night to post at least 3 times. …feel the need to end a list with “Hi Opal!” ---
**Author:** ![gfloyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d2c977/32.png) [@gfloyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gfloyd)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/37 "2005-02-13T23:14:26Z")
If you: -got all excited when quick replies came in -you tell people you know IRL about threads you read as part of ordinary conversation -you have heated arguments at the computer about how stupid some random doper is -you sign your roommate up for an account as a birthday gift -you spend hours talking to someone you’ve never met, but who got your screen name off the boards (Hi **ZebraShaSha** ) -you ponder whether or not to change your screen name for hours -you are more excited about what Secret Santa got for you than what anyone you actually know got you -you look said when no one gets your death ray allusions. -you wonder if anyone you see on a daily basis is a doper ---
**Author:** ![Othersider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/cab0a1/32.png) [@Othersider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Othersider)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2005, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/38 "2005-02-13T23:28:57Z")
> [@GIGObuster](#): > > … know how shocking the Goatse and Tubgirl images are… > > Even if you have never ever seen them! > > (and I’m not lying here!!) …and there are quite a few other similarly shocking images out there (this is what I get for also hanging out at forums frequented by SomethingAwful junkies) :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2005, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/39 "2005-02-14T02:54:12Z")
> [@gfloyd](#): > > -you wonder if anyone you see on a daily basis is a doper Yeah. That. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2005, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694/40 "2005-02-14T04:18:23Z")
Realize that the more embarrassing and personally humiliating public or private act of stupidity that you have just done can some how be turned into a SDMB spectacle for everyone’s amusement. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-a-doper-if-you/289694.md?page=3)