# You might be an Australian if....... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 4, 2006, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364 "2006-06-04T08:07:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/1 "2006-06-04T08:07:22Z")
Following the lead of **Amaranta** in her thread [about Canadian identity](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=374145), I am being a dead-set \*Copy-cat from Ballarat \* and doing the same for Australians. Nyeh, nyeh. šŸ˜ƒ Anyways, hereā€™s how you can call yourself an Aussie: You know there are no such thing as dropbears, but you agree to an unwritten pact that you _will_ perpetuate the myth, especially to US backpackers. You know all the words to Waltzing Matilda, but only one verse of Advance Australia Fair (if that!) You canā€™t remember if Australia Day is the 25th or the 26th of January. Or February. But you donā€™t really care because it is a Public Holiday and it means another day off. You recognise that **our** national ā€˜heroesā€™ are/were probably arseholes in real life. If youā€™re over 40 you will appreciate Armistice Day (11 November) for another reason altogether. Don Bradman, Don Dunstan, Don Burrows, Ken Don(e). (Hey, I tried to keep the Don theme!! ) Cars run on petrol, not gas (unless they run on _gas_ of course). Everyone agrees that Collingwood (FC) sux. Of course, that is assuming that AFL rules in your stateā€¦but if your state does NOT include AFL, it ainā€™t worth considering of course. Hehehehe. You know the backbone of our country is our rural produce sector, but you also know that our primary producers are the BIGGEST WHINGERS of all time. Itā€™s either a good year, in which case the prices drop, or a bad year, in which case the prices drop. You know youā€™re an Aussie if you donā€™t see **any** commentary by farmers in any given 12 month period. šŸ˜ƒ You know youā€™re an Aussie when the brewery workers/drivers call a ā€˜strikeā€™ three weeks before Xmas. You know youā€™re an Aussie even more when they get their _ambit_ claims met four days before the 25th. šŸ˜› ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/2 "2006-06-04T08:37:14Z")
ā€¦_and_ if you know what Fairy Bread is. Double Aussie Points if you relish it. šŸ˜› ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/3 "2006-06-04T08:53:35Z")
I say! Goodness me! Believing myself to be an Englishman, I took a look at your test: - I know all the words to Waltzing Mathilda (and even what they mean!) - I donā€™t know when either Australia Day or St. Georgeā€™s Day is, but I know they are holidays in our respective countries - I know Ned Kelly was a criminal - I appreciate the terrible sacrifices Australia (and many others made) in WW2, especially at Gallipoli - I know who Don Bradman is (and that his Test average was 99.94 šŸ†’ ) - of course cars run on **petrol** - I know you get 6 points for an AFL goal - and that the ref puts both hands up to signal it (however **Collingwood** is currently playing in a Test v Sri Lanka šŸ˜• ) - I thought the backbone of Australia was Elle McPherson šŸ˜ƒ - I have thrown a boomerang Just how Australian am I?! ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/4 "2006-06-04T09:12:32Z")
> [@glee](#): > > - I appreciate the terrible sacrifices Australia (and many others made) in WW2, especially at Gallipoli Slight nitpick ā€“ Gallipoli was 1915, during WWI. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/5 "2006-06-04T09:20:31Z")
You know how to eat Vegemite. You know what happens on the first Tuesday in November. If you are at the beach and someone yells out ā€œbetween the flags dickheadā€ you know what you are doing wrong. Your car has a boot and a bonnet. ---
**Author:** ![cabdude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@cabdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cabdude)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/6 "2006-06-04T21:56:52Z")
Your hamburger has beetroot on it, and you like it that way. You know that woodchopping is a sport, and can name one world champion of it. The words ā€˜dagwood dogā€™ instantly make you think of the show. You know that Molly can be a blokes name. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/7 "2006-06-04T22:02:30Z")
You can sit on a rock-hard chair watching a bunch of blokes standing around doing nothing on a big oval for **five days** , at the end of which the ā€˜gameā€™ is declared a drawā€¦and enjoy it. ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/8 "2006-06-04T22:31:33Z")
> [@cabdude](#): > > Your hamburger has beetroot on it, and you like it that way. > > You know that woodchopping is a sport, and can name one world champion of it. > > The words ā€˜dagwood dogā€™ instantly make you think of the show. > > You know that Molly can be a blokes name. I had to try and help fit David Foster for a Santa Suit once. Big bloke. šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2006, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/9 "2006-06-05T00:00:16Z")
You know the name of the the Nullarbor Nymph. You know about Bazza the Bunyip. Youā€™ve driven the Gunbarrel Highway. The best street race in the world was the Adelaide Grand Prix. You can name ten movie locations for _Shine_, including street names. You know why Cher is not welcome in Australia. You know the the name of the local store where Mel Gibson buys [_name them!_] for his kids when heā€™s in Australia. You even know Melā€™s house. You know why you canā€™t hang your clothes on the Big Coathanger. You know where you can toast Chloe. You know the exact location of the Never, Never. You know the dingo didnā€™t do it. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2006, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/10 "2006-06-05T01:59:10Z")
> [@Duckster](#): > > You know why Cher is not welcome in Australia. I didnā€™t know Cher is not welcome. Why is that then? ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2006, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/11 "2006-06-05T10:47:40Z")
> [@Duckster](#): > > You know the name of the the Nullarbor Nymph. > > You know about Bazza the Bunyip. > > Youā€™ve driven the Gunbarrel Highway. > > You can name ten movie locations for _Shine_, including street names. > > You know why Cher is not welcome in Australia. > > You know the the name of the local store where Mel Gibson buys [_name them!_] for his kids when heā€™s in Australia. You even know Melā€™s house. > > You know why you canā€™t hang your clothes on the Big Coathanger. > > You know where you can toast Chloe. > > You know the exact location of the Never, Never. I fail on all of these and I \*am \* Australian. ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2006, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/12 "2006-06-05T10:50:44Z")
> [@glee](#): > > I donā€™t know when either Australia Day or St. Georgeā€™s Day is, but I know they are holidays in our respective countries? You get a public holiday for 23 April? ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2006, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/13 "2006-06-05T11:00:27Z")
> [@Duckster](#): > > You know the name of the the Nullarbor Nymph. > > You know about Bazza the Bunyip. > > Youā€™ve driven the Gunbarrel Highway. > > The best street race in the world was the Adelaide Grand Prix. > > You can name ten movie locations for _Shine_, including street names. > > You know why Cher is not welcome in Australia. > > You know the the name of the local store where Mel Gibson buys [_name them!_] for his kids when heā€™s in Australia. You even know Melā€™s house. > > You know why you canā€™t hang your clothes on the Big Coathanger. > > You know where you can toast Chloe. > > You know the exact location of the Never, Never. > > You know the dingo didnā€™t do it. I know where **Chloe** hangs out (Young and Jacksonā€™s Pub opposite Flinders St Station in Melbourne) and I know that the **Big Coathanger** is not as described (itā€™s the Sydney Harbour Bridge) and I know that prior to becoming a megasuperstar, Mel Gibson used to live in a sleepy little town called Yackandandah (couple of kā€™s away from my mum and dad acksherly). Donā€™t know anything about the others though. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2006, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/14 "2006-06-05T11:06:06Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > I know where **Chloe** hangs out (Young and Jacksonā€™s Pub opposite Flinders St Station in Melbourne) and I know that the **Big Coathanger** is not as described (itā€™s the Sydney Harbour Bridge) Now that you mention it \*\*kambuckta \*\* I do recall hearing about Chloe and that pub near the station. Iā€™ve never seen it though. I thought the Big Coathanger reference was to one of those ghastly big ā€œthingsā€ in which Australia abounds. Iā€™ve never heard the Bridge referred to as the Big Coathanger. Only the Coathanger. And that only by old people. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2006, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/15 "2006-06-05T11:10:19Z")
> [@cabdude](#): > > You know that woodchopping is a sport, and can name one world champion of it. Of course itā€™s a sport, soā€™s rockliftingā€¦ whaddayamean, weā€™re not talking about being Basque? Dā€™oh! ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2006, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/16 "2006-06-05T11:20:17Z")
> [@Cunctator](#): > > Now that you mention it \*\*kambuckta \*\* I do recall hearing about Chloe and that pub near the station. Iā€™ve never seen it though. > > I thought the Big Coathanger reference was to one of those ghastly big ā€œthingsā€ in which Australia abounds. Iā€™ve never heard the Bridge referred to as the Big Coathanger. Only the Coathanger. And that only by old people. Back in the days when Y & Jā€™s was a trashed-out working-class watering hole, Chloe was the darling of all the pissed punters who bowed before her bountiful buxom beauty every night before last-drinks were called. Apparently the guvā€™ner had to get out with a **whole** bottle of Windex to clean all the, um, _effluvia_ that covered the glass and frame at stumps in time to have her looking pristine and virginal by opening next day. She keeps herself a bit nicer nowadays. šŸ˜ƒ And as far as the Big Coathanger goes, yeah, I only hear the bridge described that way by old farts and unimaginative international travel journos. Ya gotta admit though, it IS big. And it does look a _bit_ like a coathanger. šŸ˜‰ Now, any clues as to where the Never Never is? Dā€™ya reckon it might be just past the Black Stump? ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2006, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/17 "2006-06-05T14:04:56Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > Now, any clues as to where the Never Never is? Dā€™ya reckon it might be just past the Black Stump? Itā€™s out backa beyond. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/18 "2006-06-06T08:19:53Z")
- you go to McDonalds and ask for _chips_, just to be a curmudgeon. - you hate how the very natural term ā€˜gā€™dayā€™ has become ā€˜quaintā€™, and make a point of never using it to American tourists. - youā€™re happy to be called a ā€˜bastardā€™. - you donā€™t fly the flag (but you love it anyway) - the republican debate is academic, because _you just donā€™t care_ about the royals, rather than getting uptight about them. - You have deep internal personal debate over whether to watch the Sydney-Hobart yacht race or the Boxing Day Test (cricket) live. The cricket usually wins. - You love seeing New Zealand humiliated at any sport when theyā€™re playing Australia, but if theyā€™re playing somebody else, you secretly support them. - If you live outside Sydney, you hate Sydney. This is compulsory. If you live in Sydney, you hate Sydney too, but you also donā€™t every even think about anywhere else (they are all beyond the black stump, including the other state capitals). - _Everybody_ hates Canberra. - If you live in Victoria, you hate New South Wales. - If you live in Queensland or the Northern Territory, you hate ā€˜the Southernersā€™. - If you live in Western Australia, you hate ā€˜the Eastern Statesā€™. - If you live in Tasmania, you hate the ā€˜Mainlandersā€™. - You have had a mobile phone since at least 1994, and you are glued to it 24/7. - (checks this is an American board) Despite the OP, you KNOW drop bears are real, and they are responsible for the deaths of several American tourists every year. Arenā€™t they, **kam**? Yes they are. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/19 "2006-06-06T08:30:07Z")
> [@TheLoadedDog](#): > > Despite the OP, you KNOW drop bears are real, and they are responsible for the deaths of several American tourists every year. Arenā€™t they, **kam**? Yes they are. Oh, alright. I was just trying to lull our international friends into a false sense of securityā€¦apparently our tourism dollars have dropped dramatically since the last fatal dropbear attack, and, like, you know, I was trying to be _patriotic_ and stuff. Yes, dropbears are real, and lethal. Sorry for trying to mislead youse. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2006, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364/20 "2006-06-06T08:38:21Z")
Well, the dropbears have been mentioned, but not the spiders and the snakes. The average backyard around Sydney will have several species of [venomous spiders](http://www.amonline.net.au/factsheets/spiders.htm) ā€“ yes, Iā€™ve seen some in my own backyard. However, donā€™t worry about it: although children (and adults) will play barefoot in the backyard, itā€™s quite rare for a pider to bite them, and if they are bitten, there are antivenemes available easily. On the other hand, [venomous snakes](http://www.amonline.net.au/factsheets/snake_fangs.htm) live away from cities and town, so Iā€™ve not seen them outside zoos. And I might add that all monotremes ā€“ echidnas and platypus ā€“ are venomous, too, though I donā€™t think humans ever get poisoned by them. Now someone can tell you lot about sharks and crocodiles. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-might-be-an-australian-if/359364.md?page=2)