# You miserable fuck. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 25, 2012, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324 "2012-07-25T08:59:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/21 "2012-07-25T15:15:53Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > I think you meant Aussie: > > \*The Bloke and I are calling it quits…he’s staying and I’m pissing off somewhere not within cooee of here. Over a slab, he won the rights to a whole lotta shit…and for the sake of two stubbies, I got the washing machine and the dryer. > > Mum and stepdad have flipped their digs and the old homestead after the relies picked over the carcass had some shit left over, including a washing machine. ‘Can The Bloke have it then?’ says me…‘No worries, luv, it’s his!’ is the answer me ring-in dad slings. > > So turns out the fucking Whirlpool doesn’t work. It’ll pool orright, but the whirl is fucked. It’s probably been like this for as long as a dead dog stinks: the old man is a tightarse cunt and me poor old mum has prob’ly been twisting sheets on the fence post since Gough was a toddler. > > What’s pissed me off more than prozzy at a church picnic is that the fucker said fuck all about the fucken thing being fucked first. We fucken floored the Kingswood 120 clicks to pick the fucking thing up, and NOW instead of getting a good machine for a piece of piss, it’s too fucked to fix: it would have been cheaper to buy the local Chinese laundry. > > And of course, that arsehole who sticks to me mum like shit to a blanket managed to save the moolah by acting like virgin with her first dick and going nowhere near the fucking tip with it…fuck knows that as fucking usual, no skin off his fucking nose!! > > Cuntface. > > Jesus H Christ get me a fucking beer. > > Machine grease monkey laughed at it, and said that for a blue swimmer and lobster, he knows a bloke who’ll make the drum into a planter. > \* Apparently, I don’t speak Australian. ☹ > [@Bob Ducca](#): > > \Don’t look a wallaby in the didgeridoo or something. How does that manage to sound so awesomely _filthy_? I’m going to have to agree with the others - you got something for free from a known cheap bastard - I’d have been surprised if it _did_ work properly. Sorry to hear about your marriage breaking down, though. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/22 "2012-07-25T18:00:47Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Sorry to hear about your marriage breaking down, though. I got the impression it was just her boyfriend. Not that that’s not painful enough. I could be wrong, though, because my Australian is rusty. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/23 "2012-07-25T18:17:00Z")
I wonder if Babelfish has an Aussie to American translator. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/24 "2012-07-25T18:23:42Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > I wonder if Babelfish has an Aussie to American translator. I can help. Foster’s is Australian for Beer. And 120km = around 75mi ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/25 "2012-07-25T18:56:55Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > I can help. Foster’s is Australian for Beer. God, I hope not!! ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/26 "2012-07-25T18:58:56Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > I can help. Foster’s is Australian for Beer. That’s what they want you to think but I have it on good authority that Foster’s is Australian for Piss. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/27 "2012-07-25T19:21:32Z")
Oh, I wanna play. Anyone want to translate this into British or Aussie slang? Be my guest. So my dishwasher died. Actually, it worked perfectly, but the handle latch broke and sometimes my clean dishes would get trapped in there. Unfortunately, the fly-by-night tile guy installed my floor tiles right up next to the damn thing, so I put off replacing the dishwasher because I was concerned I’d have to smash a few tiles to get the old one out and the new one in. No worries, said my friend, who is married to an English guy. We’re redoing our kitchen and we don’t use the dishwasher, so we’ll give you ours. I’ll send the husband over to your house with it. English guy shows up with the dishwasher. He’s got things to do, he tells me, but he’ll come back later to install it for me and help me haul off the old one, which he never does. I finally hire a handyman to pull out the old one and install the new one. Sure enough, he has to smash three tiles and jack up my countertop to get the old one out and the new one in. Luckily, I kept spare tiles, mortar, and grout for just such an occasion, so in no time at all, I had a new working dishwasher, surrounded by shiny new tiles. Great! All is well! Then one day, the dishwasher just randomly turned itself on. Another day, it would randomly turn itself off. One day, it just ran the “crystals” cycle over and over and over and over, until I opened the door. There is no “off” button that I’m aware of. It won’t drain anymore, so every now and then I have to go in there with a turkey baster to drain the damn thing. I want to replace it with a new dishwasher, but I will have to go through the whole “smash up my tiles and re-tile” thing again. The moral to my story is: never, ever, ever accept or purchase a used appliance. You don’t know how old it is or what is wrong with it. You may be stuck with replacing the exact same appliance just a few weeks or months after your initial replacement. Suck it up and buy new so you know what you’re getting. The end. Man, I can’t \*wait \*to read that in British! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SecretaryofEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/28 "2012-07-25T19:30:13Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > So you’re complaining about something your EX got for FREE? Regardless of whether it works great or not, you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth - or whatever your Aussie slang version of that would be… Don’t look a wallaby in the didgeridoo or something. Funny ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/29 "2012-07-25T19:33:08Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Don’t look a wallaby in the didgeridoo or something. Don’t look a kangaroo in the pouch? ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/30 "2012-07-25T19:52:09Z")
Don’t chunder swedes in 'er map of Tassie. Probably not, but I wanted to play along and only know a little Aussie slang. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/31 "2012-07-25T20:18:46Z")
For a really fun time, imagine the OP being [read by Jacko](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2RSu9Gw61U). ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/32 "2012-07-25T20:35:28Z")
Sounds to me like a broken mercury switch: the one that toggles when the lid is closed. In fact I can almost guarantee that’s what the problem is. See if you can have someone take the top off and either remount, or replace the switch. I fixed our washing machine just like this when I was 16 years old. Piece of cake. The part (if required) is probably like 10 bucks. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/33 "2012-07-25T21:05:42Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > Oh, I wanna play. Anyone want to translate this into British or Aussie slang? Be my guest. > So my dishwasher died. Actually, it worked perfectly, but the handle latch broke and sometimes my clean dishes would get trapped in there. Unfortunately, the fly-by-night tile guy installed my floor tiles right up next to the damn thing, so I put off replacing the dishwasher because I was concerned I’d have to smash a few tiles to get the old one out and the new one in. No worries, said my friend, who is married to an English guy. We’re redoing our kitchen and we don’t use the dishwasher, so we’ll give you ours. I’ll send the husband over to your house with it. > > English guy shows up with the dishwasher. He’s got things to do, he tells me, but he’ll come back later to install it for me and help me haul off the old one, which he never does. I finally hire a handyman to pull out the old one and install the new one. Sure enough, he has to smash three tiles and jack up my countertop to get the old one out and the new one in. Luckily, I kept spare tiles, mortar, and grout for just such an occasion, so in no time at all, I had a new working dishwasher, surrounded by shiny new tiles. Great! All is well! > > Then one day, the dishwasher just randomly turned itself on. Another day, it would randomly turn itself off. One day, it just ran the “crystals” cycle over and over and over and over, until I opened the door. There is no “off” button that I’m aware of. It won’t drain anymore, so every now and then I have to go in there with a turkey baster to drain the damn thing. I want to replace it with a new dishwasher, but I will have to go through the whole “smash up my tiles and re-tile” thing again. > > The moral to my story is: never, ever, ever accept or purchase a used appliance. You don’t know how old it is or what is wrong with it. You may be stuck with replacing the exact same appliance just a few weeks or months after your initial replacement. Suck it up and buy new so you know what you’re getting. The end. > Man, I can’t \*wait \*to read that in British! 😃 “Oy, it’s fucked.”\* _I am not a British Person_\* or an Aussie person. \*\*[http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/103993/a-dickens-classic](http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/103993/a-dickens-classic) ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/34 "2012-07-25T21:10:52Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Sounds to me like a broken mercury switch: the one that toggles when the lid is closed. > > In fact I can almost guarantee that’s what the problem is. See if you can have someone take the top off and either remount, or replace the switch. I fixed our washing machine just like this when I was 16 years old. Piece of cake. The part (if required) is probably like 10 bucks. It’s easier to complain. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/35 "2012-07-25T22:28:13Z")
Yah - I had a friend give me a microwave once - not because I wasn’t happy to buy a new one (seriously, a new microwave is like $50), but because she said she had a spare and if I came and collected it, it was mine for free. So I trekked all the way across the city (which is about a 1 hour trip, one way) picked the damn thing up and took it home. I set it on the counter and plugged it in resulting in a huge flurry of sparks and smoke coming from the stupid thing. I looked inside and the entire inner top was melted into a big gooey mess, with obvious burn/scorch marks. When I mentioned it to her she said ‘Oh, I guess the ex damaged it - sorry.’ The $25 disposal fee I had to pay to get rid of the f-ing thing was not mentioned. :rolleyes: Anyway - I feel you OP. If you want to make yourself feel good by giving items away to friends and family members, at least make sure they are in reasonable working order. And before anyone starts, yes, apparently I should have inspected the stupid POS before I brought it home; however, honestly when your best friend says 'Oh no! Don’t buy a new microwave - I have a great one for free I’ll give you!" you sort of assume the mother-fucker actually works. ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/36 "2012-07-26T03:47:28Z")
People getting shit for free. Then complaining when they find out it’s shit. I am amused. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/37 "2012-07-26T04:09:37Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#): > > That’s what they want you to think but I have it on good authority that Foster’s is Australian for Piss. _Cat_ piss in fact. Or, like having sex on the beach. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/38 "2012-07-26T04:25:29Z")
> [@Cheshire\_Human](#): > > People getting shit for free. Then complaining when they find out it’s shit. > > I am amused. Well, there is the part where they went out of their way to pick up the free shit, which they wouldn’t have done if they had known it was broken shit. It’s not free to get rid of appliances, either - either you have to haul it to the dump and pay the price for dumping it there, or you have to pay someone else to haul it away. It starts to look like the person you got the stuff from is just using you as a free way to get rid of their broken stuff. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/39 "2012-07-26T04:30:55Z")
No offense Kambuckta but it sounds like you’re a few 'roos short in the upper paddock for even listening to that bastard stepdad of yours.\* \*Seppo attempt to wind you up. It’s not like I called you a dag or shitbum or something…🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/40 "2012-07-26T05:45:59Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > It starts to look like the person you got the stuff from is just using you as a free way to get rid of their broken stuff. Well, DUH! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324.md?page=3)