# You miserable fuck. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 25, 2012, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324 "2012-07-25T08:59:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/41 "2012-07-26T06:41:13Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > Man, I can’t \*wait \*to read that in British! 😃 Well, I don’t know anything about British but just for giggles I ran it through an [Elmer Fudd dialectizer](http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectt.cgi): So my dishwashew died. Actuawwy, it wowked pewfectwy, but the handwe watch bwoke and sometimes my cwean dishes wouwd get twapped in thewe. Unfowtunatewy, the fwy-by-night tiwe guy instawwed my fwoow tiwes wight up next to the damn thing, so I put off wepwacing the dishwashew because I was concewned I’d have to smash a few tiwes to get the owd one out and the new one in, uh-hah-hah-hah. No wowwies, said my fwiend, who is mawwied to an Engwish guy. We’we wedoing ouw kitchen and we don’t use the dishwashew, so we’ww give you ouws. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I’ww send the husband ovew to youw house wif it. Engwish guy shows up wif the dishwashew. He’s got things to do, he tewws me, but he’ww come back watew to instaww it fow me and hewp me hauw off the owd one, which he nevew does. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I finawwy hiwe a handyman to puww out the owd one and instaww the new one. Suwe enough, he has to smash thwee tiwes and jack up my countewtop to get the owd one out and the new one in, uh-hah-hah-hah. Wuckiwy, I kept spawe tiwes, mowtaw, and gwout fow just such an occasion, so in no time at aww, I had a new wowking dishwashew, suwwounded by shiny new tiwes. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! Gweat! Aww is weww! Den one day, the dishwashew just wandomwy tuwned itsewf on, uh-hah-hah-hah. Anothew day, it wouwd wandomwy tuwn itsewf off. One day, it just wan the “cwystaws” cycwe ovew and ovew and ovew and ovew, untiw I opened the doow. Dewe is no “off” button that I’m awawe of. It won’t dwain anymowe, so evewy now and then I have to go in thewe wif a tuwkey bastew to dwain the damn thing. I want to wepwace it wif a new dishwashew, but I wiww have to go thwough the whowe “smash up my tiwes and we-tiwe” thing again, uh-hah-hah-hah. De mowaw to my stowy is: nevew, evew, evew accept ow puwchase a used appwiance. You don’t know how owd it is ow what is wwong wif it. You may be stuck wif wepwacing the exact same appwiance just a few weeks ow months aftew youw initiaw wepwacement. Suck it up and buy new so you know what you’we getting. De end. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/42 "2012-07-26T10:04:47Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > So I trekked all the way across the city (which is about a 1 hour trip, one way) picked the damn thing up and took it home. I set it on the counter and plugged it in resulting in a huge flurry of sparks and smoke coming from the stupid thing. I looked inside and the entire inner top was melted into a big gooey mess, with obvious burn/scorch marks. See? When you get something for nothing you just don’t look after it, do you..? ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/43 "2012-07-26T10:38:06Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > “Oy, it’s fucked.” Maybe a British Jew. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/44 "2012-07-26T12:47:39Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > So you’re complaining about something your EX got for FREE? He didn’t pick it up off the curb on garbage day. It was offered to him by a relation, who presumably would like to continue having good relations with kambukta. Offering a “gift” of an appliance someone needs as a way to avoid disposal fees, is NOT how one goes about maintaining good relations with family. Not only have you failed to provide the promised assistance, you have saddled someone with work and costs that are rightfully yours. ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/45 "2012-07-26T13:53:37Z")
let’s see … > [@](#): > > So me dishwashers bugged. Well it worked fine for yonks, but now the bloody door is rooted. Don’t it just give ya the screamin heebbies, got a beaut steak and veg all ready for the tooth and all the porcelain’s locked in the washbox. > > So just fix it ya goose, you sez. Well it ain’t that easy sport. Can’t do it on me Todd Malone. Yusee the tiler may have been as cheap as chips, but he’s just trousered the readies and left a shit of a job. > > No worries, said this old sheila I know, a goodsort even if she’s hitched to a Pommie bastard. "We’re doin’ up our kitchen, yucan have the old one. I’ll send the old man over to your digs with it in the ute. > > Sure enough the Pommie shows up with the dishwasher. Looks wizzbang, just the right mucker for the job. Good as gold he sez and we knocked off a quick slab to recover from our exertions. Nice guy for a Pom. > > Now as a dunny diver I make a bloody good chippie, so I get in this other cove I know from the footy club to rip out the old bastard and bung in the newbie. Sure as eggs, he’s got to go the crowbar and makes one bloody hell of mess getting the prick of a thing out. But after a slab to recover from our exertions he toodles off and I had a new working dishwasher going just like a bought one. Looks real good. Bewdy bonzer! > > Then it all goes pear shaped. The bloody machine goes on the blink. Bastard. The bloody thing has a bloody mind of its own. Spews fat & shit over the glasses. Tries to spit & polish the pans. Mad as a cut snake. > > Word of advice, son. Never trust a second hand scrubber and never pay full price for a new one. Those thieving bastard sparkies will rip you off any chance they get. Bastards. ---
**Author:** ![doorhinge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a5b964/32.png) [@doorhinge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doorhinge)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/46 "2012-07-26T14:56:27Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > He didn’t pick it up off the curb on garbage day. It was offered to him by a relation, who presumably would like to continue having good relations with kambukta. Offering a “gift” of an appliance someone needs as a way to avoid disposal fees, is NOT how one goes about maintaining good relations with family. Not only have you failed to provide the promised assistance, you have saddled someone with work and costs that are rightfully yours. Did the washing machine work when **kambukta** picked it up? Did the washing machine work when her mum and stepdad left it behind? (Abandoned it?) Did a wire come loose during the move? Is a switch jammed? Did the timer unit break? And who used the washing machine? Only the stepdad? Who would know if the washing machine didn’t work? ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/47 "2012-07-26T16:24:36Z")
> [@penultima\_thule](#): > > let’s see …So me dishwashers bugged. Well it worked fine for yonks, but now the bloody door is rooted. Don’t it just give ya the screamin heebbies, got a beaut steak and veg all ready for the tooth and all the porcelain’s locked in the washbox. > > So just fix it ya goose, you sez. Well it ain’t that easy sport. Can’t do it on me Todd Malone. Yusee the tiler may have been as cheap as chips, but he’s just trousered the readies and left a shit of a job. > > No worries, said this old sheila I know, a goodsort even if she’s hitched to a Pommie bastard. "We’re doin’ up our kitchen, yucan have the old one. I’ll send the old man over to your digs with it in the ute. > > Sure enough the Pommie shows up with the dishwasher. Looks wizzbang, just the right mucker for the job. Good as gold he sez and we knocked off a quick slab to recover from our exertions. Nice guy for a Pom. > > Now as a dunny diver I make a bloody good chippie, so I get in this other cove I know from the footy club to rip out the old bastard and bung in the newbie. Sure as eggs, he’s got to go the crowbar and makes one bloody hell of mess getting the prick of a thing out. But after a slab to recover from our exertions he toodles off and I had a new working dishwasher going just like a bought one. Looks real good. Bewdy bonzer! > > Then it all goes pear shaped. The bloody machine goes on the blink. Bastard. The bloody thing has a bloody mind of its own. Spews fat & shit over the glasses. Tries to spit & polish the pans. Mad as a cut snake. > > Word of advice, son. Never trust a second hand scrubber and never pay full price for a new one. Those thieving bastard sparkies will rip you off any chance they get. Bastards. OMG. That was epic! Thank you! BTW, I like my own story much better, told that way. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/48 "2012-07-29T18:37:18Z")
I’ll agree it sounds like the switch that gets depressed when the lid closes (and allows the spin cycle to start) is simply broken. If you get the make / model of your washing machine you can almost certainly find a replacement part at a store or on the internet. It’s really a safety feature, if you’ve ever noticed you can with most model washing machines leave the lid open for a lot of the washing process…but it won’t start a spin cycle with the lid open. This is because in theory if you were supremely stupid you could hurt yourself if you put your hand into a spinning washing machine. So that being said, if you at the top of your machine, look at the areas where the lid closes down onto…there should be on the left or right side of the drum a tiny hole. In normal operation when the lid is closed it pushes a piece of metal or plastic into the hole which depresses a switch which allows a circuit to close which allows the spin cycle to start. Once you find that hole, if you reach down through the side you should be able to actually pull the wires out so you can look at them, and you can actually snip the switch off and then directly attach the wires to one another and bind them with electrical tape. You’ve now bypassed the safety switch and can use the spin cycle for basically free ( the cost of a few inches of electrical tape.) It’s not ideal or technically the safest thing, but in leaner times in my life I actually ran a washing machine with the switch bypassed for several years and nothing bad ever happened. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/49 "2012-07-29T19:02:56Z")
> [@manila](#): > > Not feeling it, > > Even if it had worked perfectly and somehow managed to iron the clothes and folded them up and put them in your wardrobe with fabric fresheners attached. Why the feck would you have taken more than a couple of hours out of your life ( which you will never get back, by the way) for a second hand washer that would prolly cost no more than a few hundred bucks in the downtown mall? Its 120km away, so say it takes five hours to get there, load the machine, drive back and unload at the other end. Median Australian worker income is 54k a year\*, so 27 an hour. Five hours works out to 135. The washers on appliancesonline.au are 400 and up. So that’s why \*if you google “average australian…” the top suggestion from Googles autofill thing is “average Australian Shepard weight?” Apparently its a breed of dog, but when I saw it I was picturing millions of weight concious Australian sheep herders googling to see how fat their co-workers were. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/50 "2012-07-30T01:17:23Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > Its 120km away, so say it takes five hours to get there, load the machine, drive back and unload at the other end. Median Australian worker income is 54k a year\*, so 27 an hour. Five hours works out to 135. The washers on appliancesonline.au are 400 and up. Why on Earth would it take 5 hours? It’d be an hour each way, tops, and maybe another half hour of load/unload time. Even if you needed an hour for that, which is very generous, that’s still only three hours. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/51 "2012-07-30T01:54:44Z")
You’d have to be on some really shit backwoods roads to take 5 hours to go 120 km…I think Australia isn’t like the UK in that it generally has decent roadways for long distance travel, no? (I only mention the UK because despite being a small country, it can take a lot longer to travel as a lot of the roads are narrower and windier than you’d maybe first think if you hadn’t driven them.) ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/52 "2012-07-30T02:10:56Z")
> [@Cheshire\_Human](#): > > People getting shit for free. Then complaining when they find out it’s shit. > > I am amused. People getting screwed over by family. Then venting when they find out they’ve been screwed over. I am sympathetic. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/53 "2012-07-30T04:41:04Z")
And in other news, our dishwasher went toes up this weekend, probably in sympathy of this thread (I left it running while we went out for a little while, and when I came back, it was making a strange noise, it smelled funny, and the dishes weren’t clean, but they were very, very hot - we won’t be turning it on again!). ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/54 "2012-07-30T05:07:15Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > And in other news, our dishwasher went toes up this weekend, probably in sympathy of this thread (I left it running while we went out for a little while, and when I came back, it was making a strange noise, it smelled funny, and the dishes weren’t clean, but they were very, very hot - we won’t be turning it on again!). Oh, that reminds me-- your cousin Douglas called. He’s got a dishwasher that he’s tossing. It’s sitting out by the curb – if you want to drive six hours in a borrowed truck, it’s yours. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324/55 "2012-07-30T08:51:05Z")
Funny fuckers aren’t ya?? 😃 The washing machine is still somewhat dead, and unfixable according to the local washing-machine fella. It’s one of those computer-run machines, but being of the older vintage, the ‘board’ isn’t available anymore. I don’t speak ‘technology’ but I got the general gist of what’s happening. \* However,\* that being said, the Miserable Fuck helped out (unrequested) in an emergency we had over the weekend. And for that I say a big THANKS. In my move back to suburbia we had a MVA (nobody hurt thank OG) but incurred a shitload of expenses, and the Miserable Fuck offered financial assistance to ease our burden. I hereby absolve him of the Washing Machine Sin. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-miserable-fuck/629324.md?page=2)