# "You must pay the rent!" "But I can't pay the rent!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 18, 1999, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869 "1999-11-18T02:46:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![mr\_john](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@mr\_john](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr_john)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 1999, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/21 "1999-11-21T00:53:00Z")
As Tess Trueheart is about to go over the falls our hero punches the villain right thru his Sussquehanna hat. The way I understand it is you gotta be at east a month behind in rent , unless the lease specifies some shorter rental time period, then the landlord files eviction, then the tenant has a month to come up with all rent due , then the sheriff shows up and stands guard as the landlord moves your furniture out. he can’t take it for payment or lock it up in the house. he doesn’t have to store or even cover it he can leave it on the side walk. but he has to take ‘due care’ in moving it out. Hole in the bucket, that’s from Sesame street right? Vhy a duck? Vhy a no chicken? Who’s on first? Does any body else feel sorry for Larry Fine? All he ever got to do was say " AH, leave him alone." * * * “Pardon me while I have a strange interlude.”-Marx ---
**Author:** ![Ennius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Ennius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ennius)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 1999, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/22 "1999-11-22T03:44:00Z")
Well, I guess the simple, boring, Zoom-style, moustache thing is the original. BUT. I remember a distinclty different version of this from my days as a Boy Scout in central Massachusetts (that would be something like two or three years ago…). We had a 2 gentlemen and a lady (at camp there were a few young ladies whom we were always trying to get to do something with us, so a stupid campfire skit was a darn good idea) standing around. They each bounced up and down on their knees so they looked like uniformed trolls with whirling disease. Then one of the guys would say, “Who’s got the money for the mortgage on the farm?” And the next guy would say, “She’s got the money for the mortgage on the farm.” And the pretty young lass would conclude, “The cow ate the money for the mortgage on the farm.” Then the three would join together for the tear-jerking refrain of “Sob, sob, sobsobsob.” And then they would start again, only talking in slow-mo or as if they were under water or something. Big laffs, especially the 957th time you’ve seen it. But regardless, at least it is a tad more entertaining than “I’ll pay the rent.” ---
**Author:** ![amenkes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dbc845/32.png) [@amenkes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amenkes)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/23 "2023-03-03T21:35:36Z")
Dudley Do-Right, [![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a86f582-a85d-4fe3-ad7b-1b90c42c2797_900x540.png) ](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a86f582-a85d-4fe3-ad7b-1b90c42c2797_900x540.png) Bullwinkle & Rocky [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/8DXm-kIB2vo/hqdefault.jpg "Bullwinkle's Clubhouse - She Can't Pay the Rent") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DXm-kIB2vo) ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/24 "2023-03-03T21:43:32Z")
Threads were different in the 20th century. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/25 "2023-03-03T21:49:29Z")
The Zoom show reference: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/Gn5jtRkbJ8E/maxresdefault.jpg "Zoom Season 1 “The Cat Came Back” Version 2 Full Episode.") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gn5jtRkbJ8E) ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/26 "2023-03-03T21:53:57Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > Threads were different in the 20th century. Now the punchline is “Smash the patriarchy!” ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/27 "2023-03-03T21:56:10Z")
One of the earliest known versions is supposedly in the 1867 play _Under the Gaslight_. The text is very hard to read, though, so I’m unable to confirm. > **[Under the Gaslight](https://books.google.com/books?id=DV06AQAAMAAJ&newbks=0&printsec=frontcover&hl=en)** ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/28 "2023-03-03T22:04:40Z")
Moved from FQ to Cafe Society (which did not exist when this thread was created). ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/29 "2023-03-03T22:58:09Z")
When I was in high school (1971), we did a silent melodrama using a strobe light and dialogue cards, along with live piano music. Every imaginable cliche was used, from “Marry me and I’ll tear up the mortgage!” to “No, no, a thousand times no!” It ended with the lumberjack-type hero beating the crap out of the Snidely Whiplash–type villain and jumping into the arms of the heroine. It was fun! ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/30 "2023-03-03T23:15:08Z")
Not only do I remember seeing this on _Zoom_, I still remember the show’s mailing address: Box 350 Boston, Mass 02134 _Send it to Zoom!_ ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/31 "2023-03-03T23:32:09Z")
🎵 And then along came Jones Tall, thin Jones Slow-walkin’ Jones Slow-talkin’ Jones Along came long, lean, lanky Jones 🎶 ---
**Author:** ![JohnGalt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johngalt/32/184_2.png) [@JohnGalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnGalt)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2023, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/32 "2023-03-04T02:43:08Z")
And you have to sing the zip code: Oh - two one - three four ---
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2023, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/33 "2023-03-04T02:46:08Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > Threads were different in the 20th century. This is a good time to point out that “Woman has to pay the rent” is an entire category of porn. Except the hero never shows up so… ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2023, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/34 "2023-03-04T12:25:02Z")
Here’s another YouTube version of it: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/8lKeGU_weY8/hqdefault.jpg "ZOOM Playhouse: You Must Pay The Rent (2000)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lKeGU_weY8) ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2023, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/35 "2023-03-04T12:28:56Z")
There’s a piece of this dialogue missing in the version in the OP, since this is what I remember: Villain (with moustache): You must pay the rent! Damsel in distress (with bow in her hair): But I can’t pay the rent! Villain: You must pay the rent! Damsel: But I can’t pay the rent! Villain: Then marry me! Damsel: Never! Hero (wearing bow tie): Wait, I’ll pay the rent! Damsel: My hero! Villain: Curses! Foiled again! ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2023, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/36 "2023-03-04T16:27:58Z")
I learned this at a Mother/Daughter dinner at my church when I was growing up. Each person performed all the parts, using a napkin as a bow, mustache, and bow tie. ---
**Author:** ![Die\_Capacitrix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/die_capacitrix/32/9_2.png) [@Die\_Capacitrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Die_Capacitrix)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2023, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/37 "2023-03-04T17:04:36Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > Each person performed all the parts, using a napkin as a bow, mustache, and bow tie. I think this was almost a tradition any time we had cloth napkins, so mainly Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I remember my babysitter going through the entire routine. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2023, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/38 "2023-03-04T17:23:56Z")
Dudley Do-Right and Snidely Whiplash were a parody of those old-time melodramas, but they also had a more specific precursor, the newspaper comic strip [Hairbreadth Harry](https://www.lambiek.net/artists/k/kahles_cw.htm) by Charles Kahles. All-American boy Harry (Harold Hollingsworth) contstantly had to rescue Beautiful Belinda (Belinda Blinks, beautiful boilermaker) at the last moment from Relentless Rudolph (Rudolph Ruddigore Rassendale). He went on to all the other media of the day. At a co-ed writer’s workshop in 1972 we played a slightly different version of the scenario, which we knew we didn’t invent. > Villain: You must pay the rent! > > Damsel : But I can’t pay the rent! > > Villain: You must pay the rent! > > Damsel: But I can’t pay the rent! > > Villain: You must pay the rent! > > Damsel: I’ll do anything to pay the rent! > > Villain, with a leer: ANYTHING? > > Damsel: I’ll pay the rent! This being 1972 amongst college-aged kids, sometimes the rent did not get paid and ANYTHING ensued. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2023, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/39 "2023-03-04T19:00:01Z")
> [@Wendell\_Wagner](#): > > Villain: Curses! Foiled again! High school sophomore year Drama Club put on an “ecology” musical, presented as a, “Perils of Pauline” pastiche. I, of course, played The Villain (slick back hair, cape, handle-bar mustache, top hat) because villains have all the fun – heck, I had two henchmen, one of whom just stared off into space when he wasn’t pulling the wings off flies. At the climax, The Hero bounded onto the stage with a roll of Reynolds Wrap and (this had not been rehearsed) proceeded to cocoon the three of us in shiny aluminum, after which I got to holler You-know-what. Amazedly, it brought down the house! ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2023, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869/40 "2023-03-04T19:33:10Z")
I was the villain in a similar melodrama in ninth grade English class. No strobe light, dialogue cards, or live music. But we did videotape it, which must have been something of a first. I had a painted-on handlebar mustache, slicked-down hair, and a vinyl raincoat (the darkest garment I owned). I also had a dimwitted sidekick named “Baby Face,” which described him perfectly. The only lines I remember are: “Come with me, and we’ll live in my villa-ha in Mexico!” “Oh, Baby Face! Are _you_ going to Mexico?” “Nah, the Boss wants me to stay here.” Or words to that effect. In the end, Baby Face got the girl. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-pay-the-rent-but-i-cant-pay-the-rent/4869.md?page=3)