# You must save your loved ones from grisly death one at a time. Do you know who's first? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 26, 2011, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243 "2011-08-26T23:41:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/41 "2011-08-29T02:02:34Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > You’re a sick, sick man, **Skald** , but we love you anyway. Does that mean \*\*Skald \*\*is staring down at the sharks? If we don’t put him at the top of the list, does that mean we get more..or fewer..pies? -D/a ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/42 "2011-08-29T03:53:04Z")
I’ll be the first to chime in on the order of children: youngest to oldest, because the smallest are least able to defend themselves. (Ages 1.5, 11, 14, 19, and 20.) Then my niece, age 20, because she is my late sister’s only child. Then my husband, my brother, mom, and then friends and extended family. Except for my mother, the old folks come last: the grandmothers and aunts are all pretty long in the tooth, and wouldn’t thank me for risking someone else to save them. I’d feel guilty later, but I’m a chronically guilty person, so that would just be business as usual for me. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_I\_Am](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@Sam\_I\_Am](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_I_Am)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/43 "2011-08-29T05:24:14Z")
My 2 year old because she’s most vulnerable. Then my 8 year old. Then my spouse. Then whoever was closest. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/44 "2011-08-29T07:28:12Z")
Youngest first, on account of being the ones who have the longest left to live. Niece, Nephew, Littlebro, SiL, Middlebro, with friends inserted as appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/45 "2011-08-29T09:07:56Z")
> [@antonio107](#): > > AFAIK, no one has yet to order multiple children in the order they’d save them, have they…? > > Now THAT’S a truth telling moment right there! Yeah, they have, mostly giving practical reasons for their choice. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/46 "2011-08-29T11:05:40Z")
**Skald** , you idiot, you left out the ‘other’ category in your poll. Having been in the rescue biz, the correct answer in this type of situation is you start saving whoever is the easiest to rescue first. If you have 2 in the shark tank identically impaired, I guess it’s whoever is closest to the side. Starting with the more difficult one(s) ties up resources, and endangers the easier ones needlessly. Of course, you have to separate yourself from your emotions to pull this strategy off. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/47 "2011-08-29T13:36:28Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > **Skald** , you idiot, you left out the ‘other’ category in your poll. > > Having been in the rescue biz, the correct answer in this type of situation is you start saving whoever is the easiest to rescue first. If you have 2 in the shark tank identically impaired, I guess it’s whoever is closest to the side. > > Starting with the more difficult one(s) ties up resources, and endangers the easier ones needlessly. > > Of course, you have to separate yourself from your emotions to pull this strategy off. Except it’s a teleporter. Each victim is as easily reachable as the others. I would have a hard time with this - both my kids are adults so there is no weakest first choice. I suspect I would rescue my daughter first, only because she’s the one most likely to panic and drive the whole tank into a feeding frenzy. I must say however that after this ordeal there will be no pie to the Skald face. I’m eating both. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/48 "2011-08-29T14:06:07Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > **Skald** , you idiot, you left out the ‘other’ category in your poll. > > Having been in the rescue biz, the correct answer in this type of situation is you start saving whoever is the easiest to rescue first. If you have 2 in the shark tank identically impaired, I guess it’s whoever is closest to the side. That would be relevant in a real-life scenario, but this is a _magic_ scenario. That is, since you’re using the transporter and clearly everyone is within range, that bit of practicality is not an issue. It had to be eliminated for the scenario to present a true [del]dilemma[/del] quandary. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/49 "2011-08-29T16:05:03Z")
Spouse first, no question. I’d hesitate and feel guilty over which parent I saved second and third. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/50 "2011-08-29T16:08:45Z")
> [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](#): > > Spouse first, no question. I’d hesitate and feel guilty over which parent I saved second and third. Which brings up something I’ve been meaning to ask. Those of you who believe you’d not hesitate or feel guilty: is it just the _first_ choice that’s easy for you? Because as I said upthread, I have no problem saving my wife above all others, and my baby sister next, but the third one is a genuine quandary. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/51 "2011-08-29T16:31:19Z")
Easy-peasy. My wife is first, as she is the biggest part of my day-to-day life at this time and would therefore leave the gapingest hole if she were gone. (We don’t have kids, so I’d be spared that dilemma.) Mom is next, before my brothers, because, hell, she’s my _Mom_. Sorry bros, that’s just how it is. I’d expect you guys to make the same choice. Then it’d be younger bro and older bro. If my best friend were in the mix, even though I’m closer to him that either of my brothers, he’d have to be last. Sorry, pal. Blood is thicker than shark-infested water, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/52 "2011-08-29T17:00:55Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > Mom is next, before my brothers, because, hell, she’s my _Mom_. Sorry bros, that’s just how it is. I’d expect you guys to make the same choice. If our mother were living, and I dared save my older brother before her, he would kick the crap out of me at first opportunity. I suspect he’d do the same if I dared save him before our younger sisters. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/53 "2011-08-29T17:07:06Z")
I know who I’d choose first and in what order. I _probably_ wouldn’t feel bad about it after but you never know. The real question is would I have time to axe a few questions? This seems an opportune time to crack their unified front and get some straight answers about a couple of things. \< insert evil grin and laughter /\> ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/54 "2011-08-29T19:14:15Z")
Rescue whoever is closest to the transporter, or closest to me. All equidistant? OK - my daughter first, since she is the smallest and lightest, therefore easiest to handle. Then my son the medic, in case anyone needs medical attention after rescue. Then my wife, then the various siblings. Sorry, mom and dad - you go last, since you are both eighty-one. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/55 "2011-08-29T19:32:02Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Which brings up something I’ve been meaning to ask. Those of you who believe you’d not hesitate or feel guilty: is it just the _first_ choice that’s easy for you? Because as I said upthread, I have no problem saving my wife above all others, and my baby sister next, but the third one is a genuine quandary. Saves #4 - end are the hardest for me. Much would depend on who the Evil Madman thinks my loved ones are. I might save several of my friends before I saved my elder brother and his family. And the ass-kicking I’d get from my dear old mother about that would be _legendary_ and deserved. But I don’t love them, I don’t hardly even know them. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/56 "2011-08-30T15:58:39Z")
I’d save my daughter over my son even though I would feel bad afterwards. Simply because he is an adult and she’s more vulnerable. Can I just push in my husband to distract the sharks and save both my kids? ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/57 "2011-08-30T16:37:44Z")
Wife Sister Mother Father \*who would insist on being last) ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/58 "2011-08-30T17:33:04Z")
I’m going to make the assumption that my cats aren’t part of this scenario, since the OP specifically defined “loved ones” in his copious footnotes. Which is good, because I have 7 of them and I love them all. Easy choice: spouse, followed by my dad. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/59 "2011-08-30T18:08:47Z")
My sister would be first. Then my mom. After that I would probably prioritize the female cousins and aunts with young kids. I wouldn’t save my dad even if he was the only one in the tank, unless he offered me a massive bribe. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243/60 "2011-08-30T19:49:45Z")
What a revealing moment; my first though was “Save my wife first, we can have more kids.” (Does that make me evil?) My kid are 2.5 yrs and 3 months so they would be 2 & 3 in that order. Then the parents; they’ve had good long lives, right? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-must-save-your-loved-ones-from-grisly-death-one-at-a-time-do-you-know-whos-first/594243.md?page=4)