# You Read It Here First **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [February 11, 2022, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327 "2022-02-11T18:35:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2022, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/1 "2022-02-11T18:35:40Z")
I could have sworn there was once a thread where folks took turns writing sentences that had (almost certainly) never been typed before in human history. I can’t find it, but it’s time for one now in any case. Whenever Mr. Aardvark filed his tax returns and that day fell on a Tuesday, he always made it a point to lick the postage stamp an even number of licks somewhere between one hundred thirty eight and three hundred fourteen times. ---
**Author:** ![Dropo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Dropo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dropo)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2022, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/2 "2022-02-11T18:42:22Z")
Years ago, when this scene was repeated, I could have told them all to eat a book, but now, things were different and green all over: my sandwich was no longer tasty. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2022, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/3 "2022-02-12T00:11:06Z")
This morning I fell out of bed but I never hit the floor – I’m floating eighteen inches in the air. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2022, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/4 "2022-02-12T01:11:25Z")
On alternate Thursdays I’ve been typing with my hands crossed, which is especially difficult with the keys I hit with my elbows. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2022, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/5 "2022-02-12T01:32:23Z")
A million million cats walking across a million million keyboards would eventually write the complete works of James Joyce in the original Klingon. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2022, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/6 "2022-02-12T02:34:59Z")
In a speckled avocado she waits, convulsing. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2022, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/7 "2022-02-12T02:48:24Z")
The corpulent Zimbabwean curler swallowed the pilsner with a feistiness heretofore unseen by anyone in human history. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2022, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/8 "2022-02-12T04:11:37Z")
I would so read a book that had all these lines. Lemme give it a go-They tried to change the color of his knees, but went past the expiration date. ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2022, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/9 "2022-02-12T04:57:26Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > I would so read a book that had all these lines. That gave me an idea: I took all the above sentences, threw them at NovelAI’s latest engine, Euterpe V2, and it spat out this as its next sentence, which I think qualifies for this thread, or so Google says. It takes a lot of courage to turn down a job offer from God. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2022, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/10 "2022-02-12T05:28:19Z")
As he gazed upon her beauty, the perfect moment was ruined as his seeing-parts fell out. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2022, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/11 "2022-02-12T08:20:20Z")
**Kaylasdad99** aspires to do one hundred sit-ups during his lifetime. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2022, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/12 "2022-02-12T16:52:20Z")
I had just acquired the most ridiculous and useless super-power you could possibly have – super-olfaction – when my Golden Retriever padded into the room, looked me square in the eye and, in perfect English, said, “Knock it off, _I’m_ the one with the fabulous sniffer, putz!” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2022, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/13 "2022-02-13T19:00:37Z")
There was asparagus on the balcony, then, and asparagus on the veranda as well. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2022, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/14 "2022-02-13T19:01:39Z")
[Also: **Kaylasdad99** aspires to do **99** sit-ups during his lifetime.] ---
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2022, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/15 "2022-02-14T19:06:27Z")
I’d like a Big Mac with no cheese, a regular fries and a large Sprite, unless you’ve got hasenpfeffer on the menu, in which case I’ll have two orders of that both with Spirit Monkey cashews on the side and a dry red shiraz. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2022, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/16 "2022-02-15T22:39:07Z")
This sainted isle, this nomadic titwillow of a demagogue, this chainsmoking paradigm for wrestling iquanas: this Indiana. ---
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/17 "2022-02-16T13:11:25Z")
This sainted isle, this nomadic titwillow of a demagogue, this chainsmoking paradigm for wrestling iquanas: this Indiana. EDIT: damn, got ninja’ed by a mere 15 hours; I was so waiting to post this, but great minds and all. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/18 "2022-02-16T13:43:36Z")
Cardigan is a manque plagiarist, a revolving pedant, and a be-sweatered miracle of perspicacity. ---
**Author:** ![boson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boson/32/11407_2.png) [@boson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boson)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2022, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/19 "2022-02-17T04:26:15Z")
“Boogers for breakfast again, Jeeves,” ordered King Randykins VI. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2022, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327/20 "2022-02-17T04:32:31Z")
“That’s the last time I try fucking an electrical socket” I said to myself, knowing full well that it was a lie. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-read-it-here-first/959327.md?page=2)