# You receive bad news in a context where you can't react. Better or worse? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 26, 2014, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-receive-bad-news-in-a-context-where-you-cant-react-better-or-worse/684647 "2014-03-26T23:53:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-receive-bad-news-in-a-context-where-you-cant-react-better-or-worse/684647/21 "2014-03-27T19:35:19Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > I somehow doubt they radio in: “Yo man, your wife just died. Over and out!” :dubious: To me, no. One time TUL east side approach told me I needed to get on the ground right now for a personal emergency. A sibling had been hurt & my family called work which knew I was working local so they called the tower facility. One time I was the only pilot in a small plane without an autopilot making an instrument approach to near minimums when my daughter started choking horribly behind me. Her Mom was back there also but that was not at all comforting. Did not even consider falling Apart or being distracted. Was taken to a room and waited for an hour with one person, no explanation. Then four more people entered and I was told my daughter, same one from the aircraft, just years later, had been murdered. No breakdown. I asked if they were sure it was my daughter? One of my sisters & myself were holding my Dad’s hands when he died. We knew it was happening. We did not break down & we three were the only ones in the room. But your right, generally don’t do that in the air. They aren’t that uncaring to airline pilots. There was a wide call out from the ATC center I was working with when the “Challenger” blew up. One time on Braniff’s “Fat Albert” during a trip to Hawaii, the pilots wife, who was a stewardess on that same flight, hard an heart attack or aneurism or something and died. They did not tell him until after he had landed the plane in Hawaii some 4 hours later. He did not fall apart. The most personal of bad news for a pilot, “We have a fire back here.” Does not just happen on airliners. All my life, shit has been happening, I am one who does not freak, but thinks. That is how I became an old pilot. 🆒 ::: shrug :::: ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-receive-bad-news-in-a-context-where-you-cant-react-better-or-worse/684647/22 "2014-03-27T19:36:24Z")
Worse. Once I lost my job, but had to keep it secret over the weekend (it was my daughter’s dance recital and my mother had driven up just as I was about to tell my wife). One of the worst few days of my life, though my wife appreciated that I held off telling her so she could enjoy the recital. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-receive-bad-news-in-a-context-where-you-cant-react-better-or-worse/684647/23 "2014-03-27T22:08:42Z")
Worse. When 9/11 happened we couldn’t react to the head teacher’s boyfriend calling to tell us the news because it would’ve scared the wits out the 3 and 4 year olds in our care. It was a long awful day of holding everything in. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-receive-bad-news-in-a-context-where-you-cant-react-better-or-worse/684647/24 "2014-03-29T00:52:22Z")
> [@Calatin](#): > > Also, are you receiving the bad news in a public place for the specific reason that the bearer knows that you can’t really react? Because, that’d make it much worse, once I had some privacy. That shows a certain level of malevolence, with them knowing I’d have to hold in whatever it was I was feeling. What might normally just result in grieving would then be accompanied by anger and rage towards whoever gave me the news. In my case, it wasn’t malevolence, but indifference. He didn’t even consider my feelings enough to hurt them. ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-receive-bad-news-in-a-context-where-you-cant-react-better-or-worse/684647/25 "2014-03-29T02:07:50Z")
I don’t get too emotional but if someone pulls a douchebag move like this the longer I have to sit there the more I’m going to feel like knocking their fool head off. Then later I’ll feel bad about the real thing. But I’ll always be mad at the manipulative douchebag. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-receive-bad-news-in-a-context-where-you-cant-react-better-or-worse/684647.md?page=1)