# You say "to-MAY-to," I say "Satan's hellspawn fruit." **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 16, 2003, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778 "2003-05-16T22:01:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![butter\_pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/61 "2003-05-17T19:55:09Z")
Love mushrooms, love mayo, hate tomatoes. Nasty little slimey buggers. I only like them if they are completely destroyed such as in ketchup or salsa. However, I do not particularly like spaghetti sauce or other tomato-based dishes, which means I do not really care for Italian food all that much. Plus it’s too heavy for my stomach. I eat mayo on my burgers though. Well, I did, when I used to eat burgers. ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/62 "2003-05-17T20:40:26Z")
Does anyone else hate apple pie? she asks plaintively. I love raw apples. I love apple juice, apple sauce, apple crisp, apple butter, apples cooked in any other shape or form. I loathe apple pie. \ ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_The\_Diver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Buck\_The\_Diver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_The_Diver)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/63 "2003-05-17T20:43:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ivylass \* > \*\*How do you guys feel about _green_ tomatos? > > Firmly green. > > Picked off the vine of the plant growing outside my house. > > Sliced into slabs. > > Dipped in salted cornmeal and fried. > > Served hot. > > ::drool:: > > Put me in **Ex** ’s and **FCM** ’s camp. You guys don’t know what you’re missing. All the more for us! \*\* **Ivylass** speaks the truth. But here in Texas, most folks dip 'em in egg batter prior to the cornmeal. And then there is the culinary heaven that is _green tomato relish_. YOWZA! ---
**Author:** ![Greyson3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/258eb7/32.png) [@Greyson3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greyson3)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/64 "2003-05-17T21:05:19Z")
I like tomatoes! They are fun. But not sun-dried tomatoes. They are terrible! They have a very strong, unpleasant taste. I like mayonnaise! It is very tasty. But not Miracle Whip. More like Catastrophe Whip if you ask me. It tastes like the world died in my mouth. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/65 "2003-05-17T23:23:17Z")
How so many people can consistently misspell the word “watermelon” is beyond me. But I agree, it’s vile stuff. ---
**Author:** ![lilbtagna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@lilbtagna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lilbtagna)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/66 "2003-05-17T23:29:19Z")
Mmmmmmmmmm…to-may-toes… Mmmmmmmmmm…mushrooms… Mmmmmmmmmm…mayo… **drool** ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/67 "2003-05-18T01:07:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by StarvingButStrong \* > Does anyone else hate apple pie? she asks plaintively. :: raises hand :: I hate apple pie! I don’t like anything with cooked apples. ---
**Author:** ![Flowerchild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/858c86/32.png) [@Flowerchild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flowerchild)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/68 "2003-05-18T01:54:28Z")
I Dont think I have ever aggreed with a post more. Tomatoes are the devils “Fruit” simple as that. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2003, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/69 "2003-05-19T13:25:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ukulele Ike \* > \*\*He doesn’t like tomatoes _or_ The Band? > > That’s it, **Sauron** …you are officially off my Party List. \*\* What the hell kind of party do you throw, anyway? Sittin’ around, eatin’ tomatoes and listenin’ to The Band … that’s not a party, that’s one of Dante’s descriptions of the Inferno. For the record, I actually did try to eat tomatoes. When I was around 13 or 14, I made a New Year’s resolution to like the things. (My parents had brainwashed me.) I made it through three meals before my common sense and instinctive good taste made me realize I had crossed over to the Dark Side. I’ve never eaten a raw tomato since. Okay, all you tomato lovers: Explain to me why the word “tomato” and the phrase “Satan’s seed” contain the same number of syllables. Coincidence? I think not. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/70 "2003-05-20T01:06:01Z")
“Sauron’s wang” has the same number of syllables. Who eats that? I loves me a fresh-tomato-n-grilled-cheese sandwich. Nice crusty bread, butter sides out, thick slice of Tillamook sharp cheddar, thick juicy slice of jewel-red tomato picked off the vine in the back yard under the high heat of the July sun, pop 'er in the oven for twenty minutes: orgasm on the tongue. All o’ y’all who get the skeevies imagining you’re getting a mouthful of seedy eyeball juice: I got no problem with you. Just means more for me. 😃 'Course, I prefer the ones I grow myself, so I don’t know who wants those nasty spongy things in the grocer’s pile… ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/71 "2003-05-20T03:00:20Z")
Yummy. Tomatoes. I love tomatoes. I think I _was_ a tomato in a former life. Tomato sauce, raw tomatoes with garlic salt, Ugli tomatoes cut up and mixed in mac and cheese, roma tomatoes on a sandwich, grape tomatoes for a snack, fresh tomatoes sliced and eating on a hot afternoon…_drool_. I think I need a tomato:). Ava ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/72 "2003-05-20T04:01:39Z")
You know what really pisses me off about tomatos? They sound a lot like “potato.” Clearly, this is a Satanic plot to confuse innocent, god-fearing consumers. Everyone knows that the potato is the most perfect of all God’s creations. They can be used to make everything from french fries to vodka. They’re a wonder tuber. They’re tasty, healthy (except when converted into alcohol or pure fat, as above), they are considered an acceptable form of currency world wide, and they can cure the heartbreak of psoriosis. Plus, they look just like little cherubs. That’s assuming, of course, that cherubs are quadruple amputees with a terrible skin condition and an abnormal number and placement of eyes. And who’s to say they aren’t? Have _you_ ever seen a cherub? I rest my case. Although they do have this much in common: raw potatos aren’t very good, either. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/73 "2003-05-20T13:34:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cervaise \* > \*\*“Sauron’s wang” has the same number of syllables. Who eats that? \*\* Do you _really_ want me to answer that question? ---
**Author:** ![Mort\_Furd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Mort\_Furd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mort_Furd)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/74 "2003-05-20T16:02:44Z")
You know, Coldfire is conspicuously missing from this discussion. A good many of the tomatoes you get in Germany are imported from Holland - and let me tell you, that place must be Satan’s home base. All of the horror stories I’ve heard here are true of tomatos from Holland. Squishy, runny, pink, vile. They are so bad, the Germans wanted to nominate the developer of the Holland tomato for a Nobel prize in science for the development of sliceable water. They couldn’t get the cheeseheads to cough up a name, though. I guess it wouldn’t have looked good to have to admit to being dupes of the great Satan. That said, I love a GOOD tomato. Pick right off the vine at that delicious stage of “ripe and just half a second away from begining to be over ripe” and eat 'em in chunks. Ahhh, yummy. Umm. Fried green tomatoes - for those times when you can’t wait for the goodness that is a properly riped tomato and must have so delicious fresh tomatoness - right now. I see, though, that someone has already mentioned Satan’s toe-jam - black licorice. The most horrid stuff ever concocted, worse than anise in its native form. Lord help me, the Germans think this is a good flavor for toothpaste. I shit you not, one of the better (from the medical stand point) toothpastes overhere is available ONLY with anise flavor. Why didn’t they just go ahead and make it turd colored, too. The vileness would be complete, then. They even make the stuff as a children’s toothpaste - corrupting the youth of a nation, I tell you! ---
**Author:** ![athene1765](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/67e7ee/32.png) [@athene1765](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/athene1765)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/75 "2003-05-20T18:49:10Z")
Raw tomatoes, yechh. I can tolerate them, vaguely, and my tolerance has slowly improved over the years, but I can’t understand the point of bruschetta. The olive oil and toast is fine, but why would you pile it up with little squishy red things? Now mushrooms, those are God’s own chosen non-plant. Sliced real thin and sauteed with garlic in butter…there is no better smell. Battered with flour and deep-fried for a crispy outer coating and hot, juicy fungus-meat inside, yum. Fried tomatoes, surprisingly good. Licorice, the devil’s own feces. Mayo…In moderation, splendid. The best thing for a Spicy Chicken Sandwich at Wendy’s…thin layer of mayo, lettuce, and none of that godless Devil-apple. ---
**Author:** ![5-HT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/f19dbf/32.png) [@5-HT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5-HT)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/76 "2003-05-20T20:44:54Z")
I have never heard my own feelings about tomatoes put into words so eloquently before. They truly are the vilest of all the dirty things that grow from the earth. and yet I share your feelings about their usefullness in Salsa, tomato sauce, and ketchup. Someday people will learn and the foul tomato will be banished from the realm of man forever. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/77 "2003-05-20T20:48:34Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by porcupine_The anger in this thread over tomatoes will result in a splitting of the SDMB. People will be leaving the boards over this. That was your plan all along, wasn’t it, Sauron? Well, I **do** try to sow discord and maliciousness wherever I go. It’s sort of my _raison d’etre_. For those who have dragged licorice into this discussion … it will come as absolutely no surprise that my loving wife adores black licorice. Naturally, of course, I do not like it. To make matters worse, whenever she eats it, our dog always has terrible gas. Paint-peeling, fish-choking, make-you-want-to-shove-cherry-tomatoes-in-your-nostrils-to-block-the-stench gas. Why do I love her, you ask? Well, part of the answer to that question also answers the question posed by **Cervaise** earlier. If you catch my drift. Heh-heh-heh. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/78 "2003-05-20T23:08:36Z")
Yeah, the “dog has gas”. You’re not buyin’ that shit, are you, **Sauron**? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/79 "2003-05-20T23:46:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\*Why do I love her, you ask? Well, part of the answer to that question also answers the question posed by **Cervaise** earlier. If you catch my drift. Heh-heh-heh. \*\* Well, then, _you’re_ one to complain about the goopy filling. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778/80 "2003-05-21T09:50:12Z")
A home-grown tomato **that has never been refrigerated** , that is thinly sliced and placed lovingly between two pieces of Merita bread, each slathered with Duke’s mayonnaise and lightly peppered — it is to die for. All other tomato variants are abominations. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-say-to-may-to-i-say-satans-hellspawn-fruit/175778.md?page=5)