# You seldom get a set-up like this IRL **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 8, 2015, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095 "2015-02-08T04:05:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/21 "2015-02-09T19:14:14Z")
Let me preface this by saying I am not one for bawdy humor. In my group of friends, I will crack jokes like crazy, but sex related/bodily function type jokes do nothing for me. My best friend’s husband calls me a stick-in-the-mud often. A group of us were at a bar and, as usual, we women were at a table yakking while the men were standing around near us. I had my friends at the table cracking up, relating the issues with bathing one of my cats. The shampoo had glitter in it, the cat was pissed off, I was sopping wet and pissed off - we were all laughing. My best friend’s husband - the one mentioned above - came to the table and asked what was so funny? I responded “My glittery pussy.” His jaw dropped, he sputtered, and for once in his life, had nothing to say. It was priceless. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/22 "2015-02-09T19:30:25Z")
spoiling my debbie downer comments to not dampen this fun thread! [spoiler] > [@Baker](#): > > Of course he did sire the kids while he was a cardinal, before he became Pope. If he was a cardinal, how could he have kids? > [@phouka](#): > > Having breakfast with my brother a few years ago, and I noticed he was occasionally frowning and rubbing his temples. So I asked him what was wrong, and he said, “Oh, I have a headache.” > > Gleefully, I said in the creepiest kid voice I could muster, “it might be tumor.” I tried that on a co-worker a split second before remembering her husband had had a brain tumor years before (it recurred and he died).[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/23 "2015-02-09T21:12:19Z")
We were doing a version of **The Music Man** when there’s a scene where the ladies are doing tableaux to the line “One Grecian Urn, two Grecian urns, three Grecian urns.” The director stopped the scene and one of the ladies suddenly asked, “What’s a Grecian urn?” I stepped in and said, “About a buck and a half an hour.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/24 "2015-02-09T23:35:29Z")
I was once at a busy restaurant with a lot of friends and my dinner was the last brought, and as the waitress approached from behind, she dropped my food with an enormous clatter. Everyone had horrified looks, I hadn’t moved or turned around, and dead-panned “I’m not eating that.” “Hi!” “I’m not, but thanks for asking? You?” ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/25 "2015-02-09T23:49:02Z")
I don’t know if I’m supposed to jump in here somewhere or not, but these are GREAT! And about 24 times the response I was expecting. Keep up the good work! Tell your friends! ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/26 "2015-02-09T23:51:45Z")
I was at a bus stop in the 70’s reallllly early, waiting on the first bus of the day. It was cold and I was just sitting with my hands under my arms. An older guy came up and said, “You don’t look like you like being up this early. I get up early everyday and think nothing of it.” me: “I don’t think much of it either.” No, he did not laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Haunted\_Pasta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/94ad74/32.png) [@Haunted\_Pasta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Haunted_Pasta)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/27 "2015-02-10T00:06:56Z")
Also a story we’ve heard here before. I do environmental consulting, and once upon a time got to survey for bald eagles on a military post. I spent the first few days accompanied by an actual ornithologist who had started the survey and was training me to take it over. At one point he was looking through his binoculars at a very far-off shape in the sky, trying to make out what it was. He was telling me what he was seeing. “It’s a bird.” (brief pause) “No, it’s a plane.” Of course I nailed the response, but really, how could you miss with a set-up like that? ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Girlfriend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.girlfriend/32/193_2.png) [@Dr.Girlfriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Girlfriend)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/28 "2015-02-10T01:16:46Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Aw, that’s great! > Once, as a teenager, I was consuming a large amount of alcohol with a new boyfriend. We were both beyond schnockered when he looked at me all pie-eyed and slurred, “Will ya love me forever?” I was forced to reply, “Well lemme sleep on it, baby baby, lemme sleep on it!” This just happened today… I asked a co-worker to check licensing requirements for three agents who wrote a life insurance policy. She sits right across from me and she popped up over the half-wall between our desks and said, “Two out of three are good”. I said, “Meat Loaf says that ain’t bad!” She blinked at me for a second and then cracked up. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/29 "2015-02-10T01:35:49Z")
I was in my summer bungalow, and in bungalow colonies, usually people keep their front doors open, with just a screen door closed, so knocking with a fist isn’t all that effective. Someone who wants to enter generally calls attention to themselves verbally. With this background: out neighbor comes to our door and yells, “Knock, knock!” Naturally, I respond, “Who’s there?” She says, “Naomi.” Naturally (again) I respond, “Naomi who?” Cluelessly, my neighbor answers, “Naomi (last name).” I tell her, “You call that a punch line?” After a bit more back and forth, she gives the reason for her visit: “How do I get to (location)?” I answer, “Practice, Naomi, practice! Now, THAT’S a punch line!” ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/30 "2015-02-10T04:31:24Z")
A huge supply truck had come in, so they levied 2 Pvts from each squad in the company that wasn’t otherwise engaged offload and sort the stuff. Pvt Newmeat was holding a case and asked quite loudly “What do I do with these suppositories?”. Almost in unison, we told him. Some time later, we had overnighted in the bush. It was the next morning and I had made a cuppa using a C-4 and perforated C-ration can stove to boil some water purification tableted plastic canteen water. I had just finished grimacing after taking the first sip when the new 2nd LT came up and in an attempt to make friendly conversation, said “There’s nothing like a good cup of coffee, Sergeant.” and I said “You’re right, sir. That’s nothing like a good cup of coffee.” ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/31 "2015-02-10T05:49:28Z")
Tonight my daughter came home in tears (she’s 11). She locked the front door behind her. And she was carrying a rather large stick. A branch really. 6 feet long or more. She starts explaining that, while at the park she threatened her younger brother with said “stick”, and a spooky voice. He objected to being taunted with the branch. She continued. He smacked her. She ran home and… And then the banging starts on the door. “Eek. I wasn’t expecting that!” “No one expects the Spanish Inquisition.” Blank look while I go let her brother in. I try to share the classics with my children. I really do, but somehow we’ve missed that episode. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/32 "2015-02-10T06:29:40Z")
Background: My roommate does a bit of writing in his spare time. Today, he was eating cereal and, in response to a smartass remark about the nutritional content, began reading off the ingredient list. When he got to the fourth one that involved corn in some way, he stopped and said, “You know, I don’t have really anything against corn…” I replied, “Yes, I know–I read your last script.” ---
**Author:** ![Barking\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Barking\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barking_Dog)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/33 "2015-02-10T07:44:17Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > If he was a cardinal, how could he have kids? Well, when a mommy cardinal and a daddy cardinal love each other very much… ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/34 "2015-02-10T08:45:28Z")
My mother-in-law was visiting for the first time in our new house. She was in the kitchen with my wife, boiling the jug for a hot drink. As I walked in MIL asks my wife - “where are the mugs?” My response - “I can see two in the kitchen already” ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/35 "2015-02-10T09:26:23Z")
One of my pet chickens had some kind of convulsion and dropped dead at my feet. As I lamented her passing on Facebook, my brother chimed in to say “So, what’s for dinner tonight? Chicken seizure salad?”. I laughed and groaned, and I haven’t yet eaten a Caesar salad. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/36 "2015-02-10T11:43:05Z")
I acknowledge that I am cheating 'cause I basically set myself up… We were at a soccer game. The goalie’s name was Yost. I remarked that I wonder if his dad and grandpa were in attendance. Blank stares. “Because then we’d have the father, the son, and the goalie Yost”. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ac8455/32.png) [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Great_Darsh_Face)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/37 "2015-02-10T12:01:36Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Me: Hi, this is me, from Headquarters. > TRL: Headquarters? What is it? > Me: It’s a big building with a lot of computers, but that’s not important right now. > > The TRL didn’t get it. I’ve managed something similar when Reception rang our office… Once, in my teaching assistant days, when the science class were making bottle rockets, one of the kids complained “Sir, it’s leaking all over my hand!”, and I said, just loud enough for the teacher but not the kids to hear, “That’s what _she_ said.” All highly unprofessional, but Sir just about bust a gut. ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/38 "2015-02-10T14:11:42Z")
The huge bottle on our water cooler at work was empty. One of the older ladies came around the corner with her water glass and was dismayed. She was a sweet old bird, so I decided to suck it up and replace the damn heavy thing. She said to me “Surely you’re not going to do that alone!” You know the rest. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/39 "2015-02-10T16:47:31Z")
I was working at a company once where our email addresses were our first names, last initial, and numbers to pad it out to 8 characters. One of the people we spoke with from time time had the email address of AmandaH37, and my co-worker, a big Simpsons fan, was trying to find her name on a list sorted by last name so he could send her an email. Him: Hey, anybody know Amanda H’s last name? Me: Hugenkiss. Why don’t you go down there and say you’re looking for her? Him: NO. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2015, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095/40 "2015-02-10T17:05:05Z")
I once had a dog named What and a cat named Huh, just so I could have interesting Abbott and Costello like conversations. —Cat walks in the room---- **Visitor:** What’s your cat’s name? **Me:** No, that’s the dog. **Visitor:** Huh? **Me:** The cat \*\*Visitor: \*\*What? **Me:** Dog **Visitor:** What are talking about? \*\*Me: \*\*Yes! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-seldom-get-a-set-up-like-this-irl/712095.md?page=3)