# You shouldn't have to tell someone this is a bad idea. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 14, 2020, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913 "2020-02-14T00:58:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/41 "2020-02-14T11:40:58Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Awwww! Bean is a cute name for it. You’ve never heard of “flicking your bean” as an expression for female self-pleasure? There’s even a beer out there called "[“Bean Flicker”;](https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/22564/97432/) it’s made with coffee flavors, but the name is of course a reference to the slang term. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/42 "2020-02-14T11:42:54Z")
In the style of Cormac McCarthy ([hat tip AV Club](https://news.avclub.com/cormac-mccarthys-ex-wife-had-a-fight-about-aliens-and-t-1798265273)): "Cormac McCarthy’s ex-wife Jennifer squatted in the cracked terracotta terrain of New Mexico and dug her heels into the carpet and holstered the Smith & Wesson in the capacious hollow of her vagina. The gun flashed silver before it disappeared inside her as she had disappeared inside the bedroom she shared with her boyfriend on Aventura Road. Jennifer thought of space aliens and squared the gun in her vagina. … The police report paid no mind to what the argument was about besides “space aliens” and that she had left home because of it. When Jennifer had returned to Aventura Road the auric moonlight had cast long shadows on the crags and lava scree of the surrounding floodplain and then on her figure as she put the gun deep inside her concavity. The floodplain out there broad and quiet. The heft of the Smith & Wesson cold and steely in her vagina. … The police report would say Jennifer was arrested on a felony charge of aggravated assault and handcuffed and taken away. Cormac McCarthy would say nothing. There werent nothing to say against the crushing black void of the universe or of your ex-wife’s vagina. There werent nothing to say about a thing like that except that the world continued its cold and relentless circling and that maybe he had known already that women do strange things with their vaginas and that if you asked him he was glad to be rid of it. Who is crazy, you or me? she had asked. The gun in her vagina did the talking on that." ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/43 "2020-02-14T13:31:30Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > One of my first calls I got sent to alone as a new Deputy in the early 80’s was a medical incident. > > A womans boyfriend drank himself limp. So he started giving it to her with an empty glass beer bottle. But the pumping motion caused a vacuum along with some kind of involuntary muscle spasm and the bottle got stuck in her 'gina with only about 1 inch of the bottle sticking out, the rest up inside her. > There were marks on her inner thigh from his knee, indicating he braced himself as he tried furiously to pull it out. When I and paramedics arrived she was on her back on the floor screaming at him that he didn’t even make her cum. Massive doses of muscle relaxers and sedatives didn’t help. She had to go into surgery and they had to get air into the bottle to get it out. > > Then there are the numerous choke and stroke (auto erotic asphyxiation) deaths I’ve responded to. People have really messed themselves up trying to get off. But I’ve yet to be at one where a lady shot her bean off. :eek: > > Why Pete Beitz retired from the Sheriffs Office early Maybe after an anecdote like that, you omit the .sig line… ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/44 "2020-02-14T13:46:17Z")
Is this what they mean by a “vaginal discharge”? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/45 "2020-02-14T14:57:35Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > You’ve never heard of “flicking your bean” as an expression for female self-pleasure? > > There’s even a beer out there called "[“Bean Flicker”;](https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/22564/97432/) it’s made with coffee flavors, but the name is of course a reference to the slang term. I’ve led a sheltered life, what can I say? (:)) ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/46 "2020-02-14T19:43:44Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Awwww! Bean is a cute name for it. I’ve always liked “little man in a boat.” :o ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/47 "2020-02-14T21:50:13Z")
“Ammosexual” should be an internet meme, not an actual sexual practice. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/48 "2020-02-14T22:25:48Z")
After her last boyfriend failed to satisfy her, she decided she needed a lover of a higher caliber. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/49 "2020-02-14T22:46:04Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > After her last boyfriend failed to satisfy her, she decided she needed a lover of a higher caliber. Her next relationship was a real blast, but unfortunately a one-shot affair. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2020, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/50 "2020-02-14T22:52:07Z")
> [@LH75](#): > > Gun Safety: > Rule 1 - All guns are always loaded. I know what you mean, but I think this needs to be phrased a little less ambiguously. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2020, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/51 "2020-02-15T00:35:09Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > One of my first calls I got sent to alone as a new Deputy in the early 80’s was a medical incident. > > A womans boyfriend drank himself limp. So he started giving it to her with an empty glass beer bottle. But the pumping motion caused a vacuum along with some kind of involuntary muscle spasm and the bottle got stuck in her 'gina with only about 1 inch of the bottle sticking out, the rest up inside her. > There were marks on her inner thigh from his knee, indicating he braced himself as he tried furiously to pull it out. When I and paramedics arrived she was on her back on the floor screaming at him that he didn’t even make her cum. Massive doses of muscle relaxers and sedatives didn’t help. She had to go into surgery and they had to get air into the bottle to get it out. > > Then there are the numerous choke and stroke (auto erotic asphyxiation) deaths I’ve responded to. People have really messed themselves up trying to get off. But I’ve yet to be at one where a lady shot her bean off. :eek: My favorite story from this medical history classic was the one where a guy picked up a girl in a bar, but he couldn’t get it up because he was so drunk, so she stuck a swizzle stick into his urethra, and not only did that not work, they came to the ER because they couldn’t remove it. > **[The Making of a Surgeon: William A. Nolen: 9780922811465: Amazon.com: Books](https://www.amazon.com/Making-Surgeon-William-Nolen/dp/0922811466)** > > The Making of a Surgeon \[William A. Nolen\] on Amazon.com. \*FREE\* shipping on qualifying offers. The Making of a Surgeon ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2020, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/52 "2020-02-15T14:58:02Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Dynamite stick. 😉 Instead of a prick. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2020, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/53 "2020-02-17T06:01:16Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Maybe after an anecdote like that, you omit the .sig line… 😕 ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2020, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/54 "2020-02-18T01:05:56Z")
I think there is still room for improvement in the limerick department. Here’s my best shot (heh): There once was a girl named Alice Who tried out a gun as a phallus And when she got hot She heard a loud shot Now Alice is sadly canal-less ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2020, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/55 "2020-02-18T01:57:56Z")
A friend of mine once sold insurance. One of his clients filed a claim thusly (or there abouts…) The woman broke her arm. When filling out the claim form she explained she was having problems with her hemorrhoids. So as a way of self examination, she stood on top of her dresser with her butt facing the mirror. She then bent over and spread her cheeks and looked between her legs to check out the situation. She lost her balance, fell and broke her arm. All true of course and I applaud her honesty but I think if it would have been me I’d have just said I slipped in the tub. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2020, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/56 "2020-02-18T03:59:48Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > I wonder if she’s claiming self infliction to protect somebody. > > It doesn’t sound like something a woman would normally be into. This. It seems very odd. I wonder if she was doing it for money or because she had no choice. BTW, don’t suggest latex. A number of us are allergic to it. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2020, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913/57 "2020-04-25T01:25:11Z")
New and improved version, submitted for your approval: _A gal from El Paso named Alice tried using a Glock as a phallus. But when things got hot there was a loud shot, and her clitoris landed in Dallas._ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-shouldnt-have-to-tell-someone-this-is-a-bad-idea/847913.md?page=2)