# You sir are DISGUSTING! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 13, 2003, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sir-are-disgusting/148232 "2003-01-13T02:53:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Lilairen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lilairen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilairen)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2003, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sir-are-disgusting/148232/241 "2003-01-16T22:53:21Z")
> [@](#): > > “Poly-ignorant” - That’s a new one. I guess some people will go to any lengths to portray themselves as a downtrodden minority. Are you interested in fighting ignorance or displaying it? If the former, do your research. [http://www.polyamory.org/](http://www.polyamory.org/) might give you a place to start. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2003, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sir-are-disgusting/148232/242 "2003-01-16T23:15:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lilairen \* > \*\*Are you interested in fighting ignorance or displaying it? > > If the former, do your research. [http://www.polyamory.org/](http://www.polyamory.org/) might give you a place to start. \*\* Goodness, they have a web site! That means they _must_ be a legitimate interest group. After all, they were subjected to the same rigorous standards that all claimants face when supplicating the Internet Gods. That’s what convinced me that [voluntary self-amputation for the purposes of sexual gratification](http://www.geocities.com/starstranger_2000/) is a legitimate lifestyle choice, after all . . . ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_of_the_Lake)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2003, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sir-are-disgusting/148232/243 "2003-01-16T23:21:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by blowero \* > \*\*Lady of the Lake: > > No, I didn’t intend any sarcasm. > Yes, you can make an agreement with your bed-buddy that you will have sex all the time and neither of you will sleep with another, and it _might_ work out O.K., but you are risking jealousy, betrayal, and the loss of your friendship. For what? What have you gained by this agreement? How has it helped you become a more fulfilled person? On the other hand, if you risk all that stuff pursuing _love_, in my opinion it’s absolutely worth it. > > I guess some people are going to think I’m being judgmental, but I just don’t feel that I am. YMMV. > > Exactly - it’s MORE risk, for LESS gain. That’s why I think it’s unhealthy. \*\* Yes, it does have much more risk, I actually agree with several statements here…however I still don’t know if I can agree fully. We take a risk by entering into any relationship (Yes, I know we’ve covered this). 🙂 Putting our heart on the line in many cases, and trust in M\_C’s case… Do not both situations deserve some empathy from us when a person is in pain before us, regardless of disagreements about the relationship? As to the worth gained. This is a difficult one for me. Maybe the type of relationship M\_G is in has rewards that are difficult for us to anticipate being that we’re not in the relationship? Truthfully, right now, I can’t think of many, except maybe comfort from the physical side? Maybe sexual relief? A sense of safety with trusted companion? The discussion has moved pretty far past my response, so don’t feel as if you have to repeat your argument for me, I am trying to keep up with the thread and can understand if you’re busy. 🙂 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Doghouse Reilly \* > \*\*It’s a Dominican thing, blowero: you wouldn’t understand. :rolleyes: After all, she doesn’t live in your “social stratosphere” (whatever in God’s name that means) and doesn’t hold your “lifestyle beliefs”. \*\* Hello. The comment you make here seems to be saying that you are more interested in mocking a poor choice of words on my part than the idea the words hopefully conveyed. It seems to be an attempt to antagonize the situation, unless I misunderstand? _shrugs_ ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sir-are-disgusting/148232/244 "2003-01-17T00:50:49Z")
Okay, I’m a bit late in the game here so probably others have brought this up. But I fail to see how this guy having (allegedly) having sex with another girl is “disgusting”. My personal preference is monogamy. But while I would see “my” guy cheating on me as mean, rotten and two-timing, I am not seeing the “disgusting” part of it. ---
**Author:** ![EasyPhil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e47c2d/32.png) [@EasyPhil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EasyPhil)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sir-are-disgusting/148232/245 "2003-01-17T01:04:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CanvasShoes \* > \*\*Okay, I’m a bit late in the game here so probably others have brought this up. > > But I fail to see how this guy having (allegedly) having sex with another girl is “disgusting”. > > My personal preference is monogamy. But while I would see “my” guy cheating on me as mean, rotten and two-timing, I am not seeing the “disgusting” part of it. \*\* Well this wasn’t a relationship, the guy had an exclusive deal with a sex distributorship and he broke(allegedly) the deal by spending the night in a hotel with distributors of a similiar product. It’s assumed that he at least sampled the other goods, thereby voiding his contract. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sir-are-disgusting/148232/246 "2003-01-17T01:15:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by EasyPhil \* > \*\*Well this wasn’t a relationship, the guy had an exclusive deal with a sex distributorship and he broke(allegedly) the deal by spending the night in a hotel with distributors of a similiar product. It’s assumed that he at least sampled the other goods, thereby voiding his contract. 😃 \*\* Okay, let me clarify. I define disgusting as something “lose your cookies” worthy. Garbage is disgusting, re: sex? Doing it with dead people or animals is disgusting. Breaking a sexual contract? Dishonest, but “disgusting”? That was my question. Do you consider people having more than one sexual partner disgusting? Or is it only “disgusting” if it involves one partner breaking a promise to another? ---
**Author:** ![EasyPhil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e47c2d/32.png) [@EasyPhil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EasyPhil)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sir-are-disgusting/148232/247 "2003-01-17T01:21:07Z")
I’m assuming the OP thought it was disgusting because there were prostitute **s** involved. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sir-are-disgusting/148232/248 "2003-01-17T01:29:58Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by EasyPhil \* > **I’m assuming the OP thought it was disgusting because there were prostitute** s_\* involved. \*\* rrrrHHUUH? (ala scooby). I missed that part, I thought she said it was “another girl”. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sir-are-disgusting/148232/249 "2003-01-17T01:53:36Z")
That bit of info _was_ kind of slow to emerge, wasn’t it? In fact, I’m not sure if that’s been 100% established. And we’re just _assuming_ that he sampled a rival contractor’s wares. After all, he may have been trying to rescue these poor fallen women _à la_ [Gladstone](http://65.107.211.206/history/pms/gladwom.html) ---
**Author:** ![Scientologist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f08c70/32.png) [@Scientologist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scientologist)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sir-are-disgusting/148232/250 "2003-01-17T03:43:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by blowero \* > \*\*I think you’re right that a lot of people are just kind of heaping abuse on you for no reason. And I understand your situation perfectly. But I think that _some_ of us who responded to your OP are trying to tell you that maybe you should re-evaluate your lifestyle choices; not just because it’s immoral, but because the outcome of the choice you made is obviously not to your liking. You have every right to ignore people who preach to you about morals. But a lot of times, there’s a very practical reason behind the morality. What you tried to do - having a casual, unprotected sexual relationship with a friend when neither of you had strong feelings for the other - was, in my opinion, a bad idea. And not just because it’s immoral, but because trying to have such an agreement with a friend was BOUND to blow up in your face at some point. I don’t feel like you’re seeing the big picture. You keep railing against your friend for lying to you (and don’t get me wrong - he deserves every bit of it) as if he were the ONLY problem. But the bigger issue is that you settled for this unsatisfactory kind of relationship with him in the first place. \ \*\* I didn’t snip much. Anyway, I think I see your point on this. I had a friend tell me one time about this liquor store job he pulled with a friend of his. His friend took off with all the money and left my friend empty-handed. I asked him where he thought this whole thing went wrong, and he responded that he shouldn’t have brought his friend along for the job. No, says me, you shouldn’t have done the liquor store job! I think that you think you’re looking at the same type of situation here. If that’s the case, I disagree. People have relationships with others on all kinds of different terms. Believe it or not, I know of men who supposedly refrain from sex for their entire lives based on a relationship with someone they’ve never seen, but feel a profound sense that they are connected intimately with. And this is here in the US! I personally would not care to try that arrangement on for size, but it seems to do the job for them. She wants a particular kind of relationship. She stated what she wants. It doesn’t happen to be written into a certain code book that this is OK, but so what? All kinds of relationships that conform to all kinds of code books fail miserably anyway. If every single relationship that was based on the 2.5 kids etc. formula were happy, then I could see how that would make sense and have a certain weight of evidence behind it. We all know the truth about saying that there is a one-size-fits-all, nobody-gets-hurt relationship formula. There isn’t one, as much as we’d like to think it exists. The guy was dishonest about his porking some other chick, she got hurt, that sucks, she vented, you posted, I responded, and here we all are right now looking at a computer monitor instead of outside running around. Nothing is resolved. She still stings, I think I’m right, so do lots of other people. Relationships are tough ships to steer sometimes. And I agree with the OP that good friends are more important than sex. I count few people as really good friends, but they’re very precious to me. There’s more asswipes out there than you can shake a stick at, you know? It sucks that someone you thought was a friend turns out to not quite be what you thought. ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sir-are-disgusting/148232/251 "2003-01-17T08:19:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Doghouse Reilly \* > \*\*Goodness, they have a web site! That means they _must_ be a legitimate interest group. After all, they were subjected to the same rigorous standards that all claimants face when supplicating the Internet Gods. That’s what convinced me that [voluntary self-amputation for the purposes of sexual gratification](http://www.geocities.com/starstranger_2000/) is a legitimate lifestyle choice, after all . . . \*\* Careful, Doghouse. You might be accused of being uni-pedally ignorant.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sir-are-disgusting/148232/252 "2003-01-17T08:50:35Z")
This thread is closed at the request of the OP. And quite frankly, I don’t blame her. I am honestly amazed at how judgmental some of you are towards someone you barely know, and who entered into a mutual agreement with another adult. To those to whom this applies: you ought to be ashamed of yourselves. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sir-are-disgusting/148232.md?page=12)