# You sneaky little Jehovah's Witness bastard! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 2, 2004, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042 "2004-03-02T03:53:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/61 "2004-03-02T20:23:28Z")
> [@](#): > > He’s right behind all of the members of the Academy for denying Bill Murray his well-deserved Oscar. We definitely agree on that! > [@](#): > > However, you seem a little on edge lately, so I’ll gracefully bow out with my apologies. None necessary. You were kind to be concerned. I’m fine. With my new duties at PhilosophyForums, I don’t have time to be long-winded. Peace. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/62 "2004-03-02T21:13:19Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > You truly ARE the Master! Although, I did find one portion of your response that I would have changed… > > You should have chased them with the double-ended dildo. Well, I did mention that I wasn’t exactly thinking straight. Plus, I was in the mood to make war, not love. As to Libertarian, I’m not surprised that it looks familiar. I’ve posted this story on the SDMB at least twice, and on other boards as well. When Libertarian actually ACCUSES me of something, well, maybe THEN I’ll be a dick about it… ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/63 "2004-03-02T23:03:39Z")
I have a couple of good friends who grew up as JWs and have since abandoned the faith. They don’t know each other and I knew them at different times in my life. They both told me the same thing. After a few weeks of the door to door stuff, they’ve pretty much seen it all. People answering the door in drag, underwear, naked or whatever, people pretending to be devil worshipers or otherwise trying to be scarey, people thinking that they’re clever with the usual tired old chestuts (can God make a rock so heavy the he can’t lift it?) and so on. They had a list at the church of one of those friends. If you told them to go away and not come back, they wouldn’t for two years. It was two years because they figured that there was a reasonable chance they you could have moved. Clearly the list isn’t foolproof and people might not have checked it so carefully when there was assigned to a neighborhood. They’re trying to save souls. They don’t want to waste their time with someone who isn’t going to listen to them. As for why do they come to your house when you have stuff out front that clearly indicates that you’re a Catholic. Well, duh, they want you to be a JW instead of a Catholic. It wouldn’t make sense for them to knock on the doors of other JWs. I’m not saying that they’re not a pain in the ass and the cable guy in the OP was way out of line. Still, they’re generally pretty decent and it’s a theology that really tries hard to be self-consistent. They’ve admitted that they were wrong about things many times over their history. Hell, they’ve had to seeing as the world didn’t end in 1975, 1925, and a couple other times. They spend a lot of time and money on scholorship. Their Bible is one of the best and most accurate (English) translations available. There’s way worse things one could be than a JW. They have one hell of a lot less to apologize for than most other religions too. Haj ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/64 "2004-03-02T23:07:53Z")
> [@Libertarian](#): > > I swear, some atheists have no balls. Why all the coy games and demure hints? Why not just come out and say, “I don’t want to discuss this. Do you understand what I am saying to you? If you raise the topic again, I’ll call your employer.” I’m trying to set a polite example of religious tolerance for my daughter. I’m an atheist and she knows that, but I don’t want to give her the impression that she needs to avoid a religion of her own in the future if she so decides. I did have a nice talk with her and explained some people are just a bit over the top with their religion (I think I used the term “excited”) and you need to just give them space. When she’s older and has a better handle on religion and religious fanatics, I’ll let her see me rip one of these fucks a new ass. But, as she’s only 12, I keep it calm and polite. ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/65 "2004-03-02T23:41:22Z")
> [@Libertarian](#): > > Coward. Every atheist worth his salt should have a pen firmly gripped in hand. I find Nietzsche-based quotes work well, “You do realize God is dead, right?” Except with my family, I hate to see my mom cry. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2004, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/66 "2004-03-03T00:40:47Z")
> [@Libertarian](#): > > I swear, some atheists have no balls. Why all the coy games and demure hints? Why not just come out and say, “I don’t want to discuss this. Do you understand what I am saying to you? If you raise the topic again, I’ll call your employer.” I haven’t had the opportunity in a while, but that’s very similar to my standard response. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to pursue this conversation with me.” _“But-- why? I just want to tell you about the glory of Jesus Christ our Lord–”_ “I know you mean well. But I’m telling you the discussion will not go the way you want it to go, and that we should change the subject.” _“Do you hate God or something?”_ “Nothing so simple. Look, I’m a live-and-let-live sort of guy. But if you insist on continuing this conversation, and finding out what I believe and why, I guarantee you’ll be questioning your faith at the end of it. Is that really what you want?” All of this in a polite but firm tone of voice. Not inviting argument; rather, saying clearly but without hostility that we’re about to get into a Bad Area, and that it’ll be a lot worse for them than it will be for me. Their choice to continue or not. That’s if I’m confronted in a can’t-get-away situation, getting cornered at a party or something. (Luckily for me, I’ve never had someone witness on the job like in the OP. Haven’t had to consider that possibility.) When they ring the doorbell, I just wave 'em off and close the door. No sense getting in an unnecessary fight. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2004, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/67 "2004-03-03T00:43:18Z")
Oh, and I meant to second what **lno** was saying. You seem quite a bit more short-tempered and uneven lately, **Lib.** You say everything’s okay, but **lno** isn’t the only one who’s noticed a difference. Just thought it was worth mentioning in case there is something going on that you haven’t thought about. ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2004, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/68 "2004-03-03T02:37:03Z")
I had a woman and her frightened looking little girl of about 7 years or so turn up at my door to witness to me on Saturday. I really wish these people would leave the little kids at home. The girl looked absolutely miserable. I longed to send the woman packing, but I couldn’t bear to make that little urchin look any sadder than she already did, so I just thanked them for the Watchtower and said I was too busy to talk. I gave the kid a BIG thank you, and finally got a smile back. I know the Witnesses don’t actually drag the kids along to give them cover, but it has that effect on me. ---
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2004, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/69 "2004-03-03T03:50:56Z")
I have never had a bad experience with a Mormon or a Jehovah’s Witness before. Yes, I’ve been approached by both. Someone earlier said that they have heard telling a JW that you are a Mormon will get them to go away. I found that telling them the truth (in my case)…that my family is Pentecostal and very religious usually gets them to leave… without even offering one of their little books. It’s rather interesting. I wonder if there are some religions that they will not interfere with, it seems that way in my case. (My friend tried devil worshipping, that worked too…in her case though, it wasn’t true. She’s not a devil worshiper, she’s just mean.) ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2004, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/70 "2004-03-03T07:53:16Z")
> [@Seven](#): > > I’m trying to set a polite example of religious tolerance for my daughter. I’m an atheist and she knows that, but I don’t want to give her the impression that she needs to avoid a religion of her own in the future if she so decides. > > I did have a nice talk with her and explained some people are just a bit over the top with their religion (I think I used the term “excited”) and you need to just give them space. > > When she’s older and has a better handle on religion and religious fanatics, I’ll let her see me rip one of these fucks a new ass. But, as she’s only 12, I keep it calm and polite. I know this happens, but not sure how it’s handled. How would you reconcile this possible outcome? Your daughter grows up to eventually have faith in a Christian faith. As such, she believes in ever-lasting life, etc. She knows you’re atheist, and depending on the faith, she sees that you won’t be saved and she won’t see you in Heaven. I’ve never actually thought about this before your post. Any ideas? BTW, sorry for the hijack, but can’t see starting a whole thread over it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Morrigoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/858c86/32.png) [@Morrigoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrigoon)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2004, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/71 "2004-03-03T08:05:59Z")
I am now going to arm you, my friends, against JW and Mormon doorknockers. No need to thank me (though tips are appreciated). When they want to talk about “the word” with you, tell them to wait there, go in and grab your bible (if you don’t own one, consider picking up a cheap copy), open it to the very end, Revelations 22:18-19. Read it aloud. Tell them their other books are a load of crap, thank them for their time, and shut the door. And to truly understand what I’m talking about, go look it up you lazy fucks 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2004, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/72 "2004-03-03T08:20:08Z")
> [@Morrigoon](#): > > open it to the very end, Revelations 22:18-19. Read it aloud Holy crap! I’ll have to try that one: > [@](#): > > For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If men shall go about in pairs wearing white shirts and black ties, and riding upon ten speed bicycles, God shall add unto them the plagues that are written in this book. ---
**Author:** ![Morrigoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/858c86/32.png) [@Morrigoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrigoon)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2004, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/73 "2004-03-03T08:41:14Z")
Okay, that had me ROTFL! Thank you for that 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2004, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/74 "2004-03-03T10:57:20Z")
**Master Wang Ka** , that was beautiful! A work of art if ever there was one! I, too worked with a Jehovah’s Witness once. Since we both spoke some Japanese, and there weren’t many people around who did, he asked if he could call me at home and we could both get in some practice. Since this was while I was making the transition from Japanese translator to progammer, I agreed, with the understanding that I had no interest in becoming a Jehovah’s Witness and he would make no attempt to convert me. He didn’t uphold his side of the bargain, and a budding friendship withered. I have to like the way an old boyfriend of mine dealt with a door-to-door proselytizer, although he swore part of it was inadvertant. You see, he’s well over 6 feet tall, 3 feet wide of the shoulder, and the hairiest person I have ever seen! He was also working as a security guard in those days, so he had a reason to have handcuffs around. The man can be scary-looking when he chooses, and he has a warped and twisted sense of humor. One day when his then-girlfriend was visiting him (one of my predecessors), a JW came to the door. The lad came down stairs in black shorts, a black t-shirt, and far too much hair, rather annoyed at the interuption. He lowered his voice down to a good, evil half-whisper and said, _ **Fools! Don’t you know you’ve interupted a very important ritual?!** _" That much was planned. What he did not plan on was his girlfriend coming downstairs, hands in the handcuffs, saying, “Can you get me out of these?” They left him alone for a _long_ time after that! 😃 CJ ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2004, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/75 "2004-03-03T12:35:12Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > Oh, and I meant to second what **lno** was saying. You seem quite a bit more short-tempered and uneven lately, **Lib.** You say everything’s okay, but **lno** isn’t the only one who’s noticed a difference. Just thought it was worth mentioning in case there is something going on that you haven’t thought about. Inasmuch as it’s hard to be objective about oneself, I’ll take your word for it. But all I’m saying here is that I would appreciate honesty from both the atheist and the faithful. Just like believers, nonbelievers are not the Borg. There are nonbelievers who don’t make such a big deal out of believers expressing themselves. On the other hand, there are nonbelievers (and believers) who are so insulted by the mere introduction of testimony into conversation — especially from strangers — that they take it as a monumental afront of such proportions that they find it necessary to spend an hour venting about it. If it is _that_ horrifying, then it just seems disingenuous to play along with coy games and then come back here and basically brag about it. In other words, if it was worth a rant here, then it was worth a rant there. ---
**Author:** ![SentientMeat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SentientMeat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SentientMeat)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2004, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/76 "2004-03-03T12:42:09Z")
But, **Lib** we’re not talking about those who do just “drop it into conversation” but those who actively seek to proselytise while you are paying them to work, or indeed knock on your very door solely to do so. Such behaviour is utterly unacceptable. They deserve to be jerked around any which way. The ones who take their children with them ought to be reported to social services. ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2004, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/77 "2004-03-03T12:48:02Z")
So tell us, **Lib** , what do _you_ say to the JWs? ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2004, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/78 "2004-03-03T12:50:20Z")
Nitpick: Jehovah Witnesses are not Christian. The basic tenet of Christianity is belief in the divinity of Jesus, which JWs reject. ---
**Author:** ![Achilles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dc4da7/32.png) [@Achilles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achilles)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2004, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/79 "2004-03-03T13:13:21Z")
Reminds me of the joke: A gentleman goes into a barber’s and the barber says, ‘How would you like your hair cut, sir?’ The gentleman replies, ‘In silence’. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2004, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042/80 "2004-03-03T13:43:53Z")
I’ve seen libs pictures, he probably mumbles and talks about setting fire to buildings, like that fat guy with glasses in office space. They look pretty similar too. About as interesting too. Hopefully Lib’s new duties at the NerdForums will draw him away from this board forever and entirely. It would be a good riddance that is for sure. Asshat. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-sneaky-little-jehovahs-witness-bastard/232042.md?page=5)