# You Stole Our Package? Joke's on You! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 19, 2005, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563 "2005-01-19T16:54:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2005, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/21 "2005-01-20T16:24:36Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > You can’t call UPS and find out who signed for them? Or maybe track the package on their website? All they will be able to give is the information already stated in the OP. The machines that UPS gives you to sign your name on are horrible to make any type of legible signature on. They will ask you to spell your last name, seems that this person said “Redus” was their last name… Tracking the package online will give the same result. She could call 1-800-742-5877 (PICK-UPS) and they can forward a note to the neighborhood station that the driver works for. They could, potentially, find out who signed for the package. All very time consuming, I’d consider having the company that shipped it go through all of that trouble, but I doubt it’s really worth all the work, depending on the price she paid for the wipes. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2005, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/22 "2005-01-20T16:42:11Z")
It should be simple to track the thief down - see who suddenly starts smelling baby fresh! Let’s hope it’s the 15 year old who does not bathe. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2005, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/23 "2005-01-20T17:28:27Z")
> [@Jaade](#): > > All they will be able to give is the information already stated in the OP. The machines that UPS gives you to sign your name on are horrible to make any type of legible signature on. They will ask you to spell your last name, seems that this person said “Redus” was their last name… > > Tracking the package online will give the same result. She could call 1-800-742-5877 (PICK-UPS) and they can forward a note to the neighborhood station that the driver works for. They could, potentially, find out who signed for the package. All very time consuming, I’d consider having the company that shipped it go through all of that trouble, but I doubt it’s really worth all the work, depending on the price she paid for the wipes. First, I can’t believe I’m the only one who sees this, but I believe the signature of REDUS actually stands for Red U.S. I couldn’t guess as to _why_ someone would wish to flaunt their politics in such an odd manner, but at least that’s how it looks to me. Any known Republicans in your building, **Inkleberry**? Second, I find it hard not to fault the UPS driver for failing to post a notice on the OP’s door, indicating exactly where his package was left. I have never, ever had a package left with a neighbor (either at home or at the office), without them leaving a post-it-style note on my door explaining precisely which neighbor, in which apartment or suite number, was holding my package. Perhaps they did leave a notice and the thief stole that, too, but if it were me, I would definitely complain to UPS and file a claim with them if they can’t identify where it was left. Glad to hear the baby’s doing better! ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2005, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/24 "2005-01-20T17:53:24Z")
Reminds me of one of those little human-interest squibs in a long-ago Reader’s Digest. Scenario: lady gets her purse snatched. Not nice. But. The purse was the oldest, rattiest one the lady could find in her closet. Which she chose because… She needed something to hold a filled stool sample container, which she was taking to her doctor. Guess crime don’t pay for shit these days. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Crunchy\_Crunch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Captain\_Crunchy\_Crunch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Crunchy_Crunch)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2005, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/25 "2005-01-20T18:54:57Z")
Ugh! Can you track down the driver and ask for a description of the person who signed it? Based on this description, and other suspictions you have, you could probably be pretty certain as to who the cuprit is. I know it’s a stab in the dark; The driver probably won’t remember. But hey, you never know! If you did know, just think of the things you could do to get back at him/her! Things that involve dirty diapers! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![LordVor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90ced4/32.png) [@LordVor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LordVor)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2005, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/26 "2005-01-20T19:08:23Z")
> [@Captain Crunchy Crunch](#): > > The driver probably won’t remember Did you **read** the description of the other occupents of the apartment building? How could the driver forget? ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2005, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/27 "2005-01-20T19:15:31Z")
> [@Shayna](#): > > I have never, ever had a package left with a neighbor (either at home or at the office), without them leaving a post-it-style note on my door explaining precisely which neighbor, in which apartment or suite number, was holding my package I have. I didn’t even know I had a package until one of my neighbors knocked on my door and asked “Are you John?”. Since that’s my first name and I go by my middle, I was a bit taken aback but when I said “Uhhh, yeah…”, she handed me my surge protector that I’d ordered for my computer. ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2005, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/28 "2005-01-20T19:46:34Z")
> [@Ghanima](#): > > Ah, Hayward, I can almost smell it from here. (Oakland) > > Your building sounds like my neighborhood. Aah, Hayweird. Almost makes sense… Sam ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2005, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/29 "2005-01-20T20:12:52Z")
> [@Shayna](#): > > First, I can’t believe I’m the only one who sees this, but I believe the signature of REDUS actually stands for Red U.S. I couldn’t guess as to _why_ someone would wish to flaunt their politics in such an odd manner, but at least that’s how it looks to me. Any known Republicans in your building, **Inkleberry**? Hmm… I thought they said they were the super, then tried to spell it backwards…badly… ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bob\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/30 "2005-01-21T00:32:29Z")
You know, if I were some drugged-up elevator-pissing scumbag (I never piss in elevators) and I stole your package and it turned out to be baby wipes, I think I’d just take them and leave them outside your door in the middle of the night. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/31 "2005-01-21T00:54:10Z")
> [@Bob Scene](#): > > You know, if I were some drugged-up elevator-pissing scumbag (I never piss in elevators) and I stole your package and it turned out to be baby wipes, I think I’d just take them and leave them outside your door in the middle of the night. This is the sort of amateur thinking that separates the elevator-pissers from the non-elevator-pissers. A true elevator-pisser might leave the baby wipes outside **inkleberry** ’s door in the middle of the night, but _only_ after first pissing all over them. It’s just common sense. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/32 "2005-01-21T03:05:11Z")
I think we need to back up a bit here. I’m still interested in the wipes by mail. Did you find them at some surplus place at like, $.50 or did you do it for convenience sake? Or are you using some super Hippie organic brand (hemp wipes?) A mondo bag of wipes runs about 7-8 bucks at Target. I can only imagine that shipping would double that price. ---
**Author:** ![LordVor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90ced4/32.png) [@LordVor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LordVor)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/33 "2005-01-21T04:20:39Z")
Before I forget, **inkleberry** , when you have an infant on antibiotics, he’s at an increased risk of thrush (yeast infection of the mouth). Be on the lookout for white pasty stuff on the inside of his cheeks/gums/tongue. -lv ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/34 "2005-01-21T13:42:48Z")
> [@Bad News Baboon](#): > > I think we need to back up a bit here. > I’m still interested in the wipes by mail. > > Did you find them at some surplus place at like, $.50 or did you do it for convenience sake? Or are you using some super Hippie organic brand (hemp wipes?) > > A mondo bag of wipes runs about 7-8 bucks at Target. > > I can only imagine that shipping would double that price. If amazon is running a deal and you get free super saver shipping, you can save yourself the trouble of fighting the maurading crowds at your mega store. The other options are the small paper towels and boggled momspit or cloth wipes and boggled momspit. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/35 "2005-01-21T13:48:15Z")
> [@Mynn](#): > > The other options are the small paper towels and boggled momspit or cloth wipes and boggled momspit. For cleaning a bit of chocolate off of a young one’s face, but for an apres’ diaper cleanup? Wow, how much spit does the average mom HAVE? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/36 "2005-01-21T14:32:11Z")
Since he now has 500+ diaper wipes, I think you ought to leave him 500 (used) diapers to use them with. All at once. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/37 "2005-01-21T16:08:10Z")
> [@inkleberry](#): > > I expect it’s the same asshat that pees in the elevator. Your asshat lives in my building?? ::checks **inkleberry’s** location:: OK, probably not. WTF is _with_ people who pee in elevators? ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/38 "2005-01-21T16:37:37Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > For cleaning a bit of chocolate off of a young one’s face, but for an apres’ diaper cleanup? Wow, how much spit does the average mom HAVE? > > 😃 boggled momspit is water, teatree oil, and a couple other things. ---
**Author:** ![inkleberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f17d59/32.png) [@inkleberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inkleberry)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/39 "2005-01-21T23:43:30Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > OK, probably not. WTF is _with_ people who pee in elevators? I’m not sure. The first time it happened, we assumed it was one of the myriad of small children who lived in our building. Accidents happen when you are little. But then more urine appeared. On the walls. At man height. We concluded this was no accident. Our lazy landlord refuses to redo the carpet on the walls of the elevator. Sometimes he sprays scented crap in there, but it doesn’t help. ---
**Author:** ![SpectBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@SpectBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpectBrain)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563/40 "2005-01-22T01:47:15Z")
> [@](#): > > Sometimes he sprays scented crap in there, but it doesn’t help. “scented crap” to cover up the odor of stale piss, gosh, what will they think of next? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/you-stole-our-package-jokes-on-you/285563.md?page=1)